I just read A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman. This is one of the best books I’ve ever read on leadership. It’s a slow read, but worth it.

The author was a Jewish counselor who wrote extensively on a counseling philosophy called Bowen Family Systems. The more I read about this way of looking at church leadership through ’systems’ eyes, the more I wish I had understood these principles 25 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of angst.

Friedman lists these 8 principles that leaders should practice when facing a crisis. I’ve paraphrased them here.

1. Don’t let the crisis become the axis around which your world revolves.
2. Develop a support system outside of your church such as counselors or other pastors.
3. Stay focused on long-term goals.
4. Practice spiritual disciplines.
5. Listen to your body.
6. Work out the balance between being responsible for yourself and being seen as difficult and self-centered.
7. Use humor.
8. It’s time to make decisions when the same question brings no new informati0n.

In the book First, Break all the Rules, by Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman, they list 12 core questions Gallup discovered that, when asked, give organizations the information they need to attract, focus, and keep the most talented employees.

Pastors and church leaders would do well to regularly ask their employees to answer them.

For more Leadership Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

Leaders need healthy feedback to lead well. An excellent process, a 360 assessment, has helped me grow in several areas.

Simply put, as the diagram pictures, a 360 assessment seeks input from your peers, your supervisor, your subordinates, and a few others.

I've had two 360's done on me, one very extensive, and one very simple that I recommend to other pastors and spiritual leaders.

Recently, the simple assessment gave each of our staff pastors 1 to 3 growth areas on which to focus. One of mine was to make sure that when I talked to other leaders, I would put myself in their shoes and ask, "Would I feel loved at this moment." I'm a task guy, and this simple learning has helped me focus more on building relationships.

Here's the process we used in the simple 360 assessment.

1. I asked each pastor to give me the names of a few of their leaders who they'd want to receive constructive input.
2. I compiled this list and added a few more.
3. We sent three questions to each of these people and asked them to honesty answer the questions.
4. We kept them anonymous by sending the responses to one leader not on staff who compiled the responses.
5. I and one of our elders (a psychologist) compiled themes out of the responses. We also culled any hurtful comments or those that had no true bearing on leadership growth.
6. I met with each pastor and shared the themes we discovered (usually 1-3 areas on which to focus).
7. Each pastor then selected 2 people in his ministry orbit with whom he would share his growth areas and ask for regular accountability.

The end result? A way to address growth areas in a positive and proactive way.

Below you'll find the email we sent to those we asked to evaluate.

Dear name,

As part of our annual review process we are collecting information about the potential and performance of our staff pastors. You are one of several chosen either by the pastor being evaluated or by me.

Would you please help by giving us your candid feedback, with truth and love, to the questions below?

The answers you give will not be presented verbatim to the pastor, nor will the pastor know who made any specific comment. The responses will be kept anonymous.  After the responses are received (around six respondents per pastor) name (the psychologist) and I will group them into themes.  Then I and one of the other elders will perform the annual review with that pastor along with a self-review each pastor will do on himself.

We want to serve our church with our best.  I will also participate by having the pastors, elders, and deacons anonymously answer the same questions about me.

Here are the questions:

1. What’s going well under name's leadership?

2. What’s not going well under name's leadership?

3. What’s missing under name's leadership?

Please respond with your answers to the email address below within the next five days. Name (the objective leader) will receive them and remove your name to keep them totally anonymous.

Healthy evaluation and feedback can become a tremendous tool to lift our leadership game. I encourage you to use a 360 assessment with your staff. It may feel a bit scary before it's done. But if done well, you and your leaders will profit from the experience.

Related posts:

• When Someone Screws Up: reprimand or look for the proper moment
• Making the most of the next 10 years: a simple evaluation

For more Help and Resources for Discouraged Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

Sometimes we can view leadership as simply big-picture, long-term, and strategic, especially if we lead organizations such as a church or a non-profit.

I've learned, however, that how I treat one-on-one encounters with leaders can impact the leader and the organization often in greater ways than my big-picture leadership.

Here are three questions to silently ask ourselves when with another leader.

1. If I were in his/her shoes, would this leader feel loved?
2. What does this leader need from me now and how can I meet it?
3. What is God doing in this person's life and how does He want me to help?

Perhaps these questions are ways to live out the maxim, "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

Do you silently ask yourself any questions that help you one-on-one lead?

For more Leadership Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

Recently Leadership Network asked 40 pastors (including the likes of Wayne Cordeiro and Elmer Towns) to explain in 6 minutes what they wish they had done differently in ministry. They held an online conference called SAGE.

As one of the speakers, I spoke on why I wish I was less like a turtle.

You can read an article that Leadership Journal posted, Animal Instincts, taken from my book 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them that unpacks this concept in more detail.

Do your ever find yourself responding like this to ministry's challenges?

CS Leadership from Ginger Creek Community Church on Vimeo.

For more Resources, Tips and Help for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

I just spent ten days with my family on vacation in the Bahamas in a condo literally steps from the beach. The snorkeling was dazzling, even better than snorkeling in Hawaii two years ago. I saw over two dozen varieties of fish, excluding the nurse sharks, dolphins, and a giant starfish I found.

My experience with three specific fish reminded me that we leaders must keep certain principle in mind when we select other leaders to serve in our ministries or serve on staff.

One day we took a powerboat trip to a private island in the Exumas, a collection of islands in the Bahamas. The experience included feeding grapes to threatened iguanas and fish slivers to giant stingrays. The highlight was when the tour guides fed grouper carcasses to lemon sharks and reef sharks, as we stood a mere ten feet away.

Schools of triangular-shaped silver fish about the size of saucers swam a few feet from the shore. They kept their distance, though. After our broiled grouper lunch, I decided to try an experiment. I put on my goggles, took two hotdog buns, and waded out into the water. I pinched off small bits of the bun and dropped them a foot in front of me while I was under water. A feeding frenzy ensued reminiscent of a piranas' attack.

As long as I gave them hotdog buns, they stuck around. But once I ran out, they scattered. Here's the principle I learned from these fish.

1. Shy away from prospective leaders who just want a piece of you. These people are mostly takers.

I often snorkeled in a reef about two hundred yards east of the beach in front of our condo. One day as I swam there, the reef shelf suddenly dropped from four to over ten feet. It carved the reef into a horseshoe-shaped mini-lagoon. I looked to my left and saw the most beautiful fish I had ever seen, a lion fish about a foot long. Unlike most fish, when I dove down toward it, it wasn't frightened. For ten minutes I snorkeled about two feet from this magnificent fish. I felt like the fish whisperer and that I and the fish were one. :)

When I got back to the condo, I told my daughter what I had seen and she exclaimed, "Dad, I think that fish was a lion fish. It's poisonous!" I responded, "No it's not." I then googled 'lion fish' and the picture in Wikapedia (shown here) included this caption: "The lion fish's attack posture.'" As I read further, I learned that if you touched one of its spines you'd experience severe headaches, vomiting, and difficulty breathing and would require immediate emergency medical attention.

I had been so enthralled with the fish's beauty that I almost put myself in a dangerous situation because I didn't know enough about the species. Here's the second principle I learned from the lion fish.

2. Carefully vet those who dazzle you with the first impression they make on you. First impressions can deceive.

Call me stupid, but the next day I went to the same reef hoping to see the lion fish again. This time I wanted a picture, from a safe distance though. It wasn't there, but as I floated I noticed a piece of seaweed about the size of those large pencils carpenters use to mark wood. For some reason I kept looking at it and as my eyes focused on this floating 'seaweed' I realized it was a fish. From my elementary school days I remember seeing a picture of this species called a 'trumpet fish,' a relative of the seahorse.

I almost missed seeing this unique fish because it blended so well into the reef's background. Here's the third leadership selection principle.

3. Your best leader may be right in front of you. Often they won't stand out in a crowd (much like how David didn't 'look' like a king when God told Samuel to pick him).

So, the next time you face a leadership selection decision, consider these three principles.

What principles have helped you make good leader selections?

Other related posts:

• How to be a Secure Leader
• Are You a Catalytic Leader

For more Pastor Help and Resources, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

Israel’s second king, King David, poses a question about character in Psalm 15.1, “God, what do you look for in those who draw close to You?”

He them summarizes the answer in the first part of verse 2 with the words ‘blameless’ and ‘righteous.’ The NASB version uses the word ‘integrity’ for ‘blameless.’

Psa. 15.1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?  2 He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart 3 and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman,  4 who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the LORD, who keeps his oath even when it hurts,  5 who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken.

The verses that follow verse 1 describe a blameless-integrous-righteous person.

Take a moment and ask yourself if these qualities would accurately describe your leadership character. If not, what needs to change in you?

• I tell the truth. (v 2)
• I avoid gossip. (v 3)
• I protect the reputations of others. (v 3)
• I hate what God hates. (v 4)
• I show honor to the faithful. (v 4)
• I keep my word. (v 4)
• I’m fair with others. (v 5)
• I refuse to be manipulated. (v 5)

I love these this definition of sin from Susanne Wesley, the mother of Charles and John Wesley. We leaders would do well to heed her wisdom as we lead.

Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself.

For more Leadership Help and Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

Do your best and leave the results to God.

That phrase may seem a bit worn, but it’s well worth heeding. In Christ’s parable of the talents, the master, representing God, gave responsibility to the servants, us, based on individual ability.[1] The story implies us that some pastors (and people)  have greater competencies than others. Similarly, Paul teaches that the Holy Spirit gives out gifts as He sees fit.[2] It’s obvious that the Spirit gives some pastors extra preaching or leading gifts, evidenced in the size and impact of their ministries.

It’s easy to become discouraged when we do our best yet don’t see our church grow like others to which we may compare ourselves. When we wrap our identities around numerical results and the numbers don’t increase, the discouragement can overwhelm. This is especially true for older pastors who realize they may never achieve the dreams they had for ministry.

Author David Goetz wrote,

I often sat in the studies of both small-church pastors and mega-church pastors, listening to their stories, their hopes, their plans for significance. I deduced, albeit unscientifically, that often clergymen in midlife had worse crises of limits than did other professionals. Religious professionals went into the ministry for the significance, to make an impact, called by God to make a difference with their lives. But when you’re fifty-three and serving a congregation of 250, you know, finally, you’ll never achieve the large-church immortality symbol, the glory that was promised to you. That can be a dark moment—or a dark couple of years.[3]

However, noted theologian Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers fame recalled an experience he had when attending seminary. He wanted to hear a variety of preachers, so for a time each Sunday he visited different churches. One week he experienced “the most poorly crafted sermon [he] had ever heard.” A friend had accompanied him and when he turned to her, he found her in tears. She said, “It was exactly what I needed to hear.”

Rogers then told his audience, “That's when I realized that the space between someone doing the best he or she can and someone in need is holy ground. The Holy Spirit had transformed that feeble sermon for her—and as it turned out, for me too.”[4] Although the results from our best efforts may look feeble to some, they can touch a heart and change a life when we least expect it. This side of heaven we will never know the people we impacted through our faithful service.

This post was taken from my just released book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them by Bethany House Publishing.

[2] 1 Corinthians 12

[3] David L. Goetz, Death by Suburb (New York: HarperCollins, 2006), 43.

[4] In Victor Parachin, “8 Ways to Encourage Your Pastor,” Today’s Christian, Sept/Oct. 1999. http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/1999/sepoct/9r5035.html?start=1.

For more Help, Resources and Books for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.