The leadership lull: every leader faces disappointment about unmet expectations whether in real-time or whether those expectations lie in our minds. We have a down Sunday. A new ministry doesn’t take off. A seasonal program doesn’t bring as many new people as we expected. We can get stuck in a downward spiral.

Our brains actually can contribute to this downward cycle. When we feel disappointed, a brain chemical that helps us feel positive, dopamine, drops which causes us to operate more from an emotional mode rather than from a thoughtful one from the thinking part of our brain (the pre-frontal cortex). This decreases our performance because we enjoy our ministry less which leads to decreased confidence. The spiral continues downward as our decreased confidence dampens our mood which further drops dopamine.

When we face such scenarios, five simple steps can help us move from a downward spiral to an upward spiral. When we apply these steps and appropriately adjust our expectations, God created our brains to give us a dose of dopamine which makes us feel better about our our ministries and life in general. This in turn can improve our performance whcih actually makes us more open to spiritual and leadership insight. As a result we get a confidence boost about the future. Thus, we move more into an upward spiral.

Here are five steps to try the next time you find yourself in a leadership lull.

1. Take a few moments and read a few uplifting portions of Scripture about hope, God’s grace, and joy.
2. Write down the expectation that was unmet. Was it unrealistic given the current circumstances? Can you adjust it down a bit to bring it more in line with current circumstances or with what God is telling you?
3. Think of something unusual or out-side-the box that could apply to this situation. Is there a unique or novel way to frame or modify your expectation? Novelty helps boost those brain chemicals that help us gain perspective and think more clearly.
4. Take a small step to accomplish something related to this goal that was not met or to another goal. Make it anything that you can accomplish easily and quickly. After you do, take another small step. Each successive accomplishment will boost your confidence.
5. Call a friend you trust who can help you think through the situation. Often we need someone else to give us perspective when we lose it.

The next time you face a leadership lull, try one or two of these simple steps.

What have you found that helps pull you out of a leadership lull?

• Related Post:When You Don't Measure Up

I just finished reading You're in Charge--Now What by Thomas Neff and James Citrin. The book targets leaders moving into new positions. Whether or not you find yourself in a new ministry role, read this book. It's a great read.

The last chapter is worth the price. The authors give ten traps for new leaders by playing off the book Why Smart Executives Fail by Sydney Finkelstein where those authors list seven destructive behaviors leaders in failing companies show.

Below, I've tweaked those 10 to make them applicable for ministry leaders.

A pastor can fail if he...

1. sets expectations too high (by never meeting them) or too low (and thus disappointing high performing leaders in the church)
2. makes rash decisions or suffers from analysis paralysis
3. appears to have all the answers
4. ties his or her identity too closely to ministry success
5. fails to see reality (remember the fable 'The Emperor's New Clothes")
6. squashes dissenting opinions
7. doesn't keep his role in context (remember, we are not the savior, Jesus is)
8. misses who really holds the power (just because power roles are written down somewhere does not mean they reflect who really holds the power)
9. tries to win every battle
10. bad-mouths the previous pastor or ministry leader

What would you add to this list?

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Related posts:

• The four steps to moral failure
• 5 bad ways pastors react when compared to those more successful

If you're a pastor, a missionary, or serve in a church, you can't avoid discouragement, disappointment, and hurt from ministry. The bible even uses the not-so-complimentary metaphor "sheep" to describe those we serve. And sheep get dirty and smelly and often kick and bite. Sometimes those sheep in the church do the same to their shepherds.

So when you  get kicked, forgotten, disrespected, ignored, mistreated, gossiped about, or misunderstood, how do you move forward?

The story recorded in 1 Samuel 30 gives great insight. David had just begun his career to fight the bad guys. Early on he faced a huge defeat. While he and his army were in battle far from home, the bad guys, the Amalekites, attacked the city where his family and the families of his army lived. They burned the city and kidnapped their wives and children. When David's men discovered this, they considered removing him from his position, not by a vote of a board or a congregation, but with big rocks to the head by stoning.

The Scriptures then record one of the most beautiful verses every written. The old King James Version captures it well.

David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.  (1 Sam. 30.6)

It worked because his guys didn't stone him but marshaled their energy and once again pursued the bad guys under his leadership.

As I've faced discouragement in ministry, these simple choices have helped me encourage myself in the Lord.

1. Acknowledge your pain and emotion to the Lord but don't wallow in it.
2. Journal your thoughts. Writing them down helps me stop the tendency to incessantly mull over the hurtful situation.
3. Read God's word, especially those verses that speak of hope and victory.
4. Do something pro-active. Take action to move forward. In David's case he took specific action to resolve the problem. He rallied his troops to chase down the Amalekites.
5. Stop condemning yourself and remind yourself that you are a child of God, loved by Him with great intrinsic value regardless of whether  your church is growing or whether people treat you with respect.
6. Pray for those who have hurt you. I'm amazed how God defuses looming bitterness in my heart when I pray for the sheep that bite me.

I've served in full-time ministry for 30 years in churches in the south, the southwest, the far west and the mid-west. I've noticed that a church's expectations of a pastor vary depending on the region.

When I served a large church in the central valley in California I could easily meet the church's expectations. I currently serve in the mid-west and I've found that meeting others' expectations is extremely challenging, especially among successful church members. I attribute that to both the business environment here that to succeed you must perform at a high level and to the fact my church sits near four well-known mega-churches with world class leaders and preachers. Comparison comes with the territory.

Every ministry leader faces the 'measure up mentality' to some extent. Although we can't avoid it, we can choose how we respond to it.

Some unwise choices include...

1. thinking we can please everybody
2. morphing into someone we are not to try to get everybody's approval
3. using "I can't please everyone" as an excuse to be lazy, not work hard, or avoid difficult problems or people
4. obsessing over those you can't please

Pastors face a common vocational hazard, getting pigeonholed. Labeling is another term to describe this ministry hazard.

It goes something like this. You make a statement in conversation with somebody or in a sermon, you do something as a leader, or you communicate your intentions about an issue. Or you intentionally or unintentionally make known your unique ministry rhythms or daily routine (ie, study in the morning rather than take counseling appointments or take off Mondays and turn off your cell phone so you can take a break from ministry demands).

Inevitably, people in your church or ministry will subconsciously make up a story about you based on their experience with you or based on their met/unmet expectation of you. The stories may be good. The stories may be bad (the usual case). Some stories sound like these.

• He (or she) is never available when you need him.
• He's always available when you need him, 24/7.
• He doesn't listen to feedback.
• He really loves people.
• He's a micro-manager.
• He only does what he wants to do.
• You better not cross him.
• When he preaches, he's all emotion.
• When he preaches, you won't get fed.

This week I'm posting a series of blogs about how pastors respond when people in their church compare their leadership and preaching to others or when they brag about another church by insinuating that we don't measure up

Yesterday I posted 5 ways we should respond when we feel compared to others more 'successful' than us.

Today, we're looking at really bad ways to react when someone in your church compares you to others. I've listed five unhealthy reactions here.

1. Find something about the other 'guy' to criticize, like, "We'll, I've heard he's a real jerk when he's one-on-one with other people."
2. Tell the other person that maybe they need to start attending that church.
3. With a sarcastic tone tell that person, "Thanks, I really needed that!"
4. In your mind, beat yourself up about what a failure you are.
5. Go home and overeat, take your anger out on your spouse and kids, or look at pornography.

Yesterday I began a series of blogs to unpack this issue: what should pastors do when people in our churches compare us to other more "successful" pastors.

In that blog, I shared an email a pastor received from someone in his church who boasted about another super-successful pastor and his church. He was tempted to respond with sarcasm.

I don't recommend sarcasm.

So, how should we respond when we feel compared to others?

Here are my thoughts.

1. Recognize that comparison comes with the territory. As the old adage goes, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
2. Ask yourself when you feel compared, "Is God trying to teach me something?"...about my confidence in where God has me...about what I can learn from this other pastors...about how I receive unpleasant messages.
3. Respond with a gracious spirit to the person who compares.
4. Don't read in ill motives. Perhaps someone in your church simply wanted to share how God used another spiritual leader in his or her life.
5. Thank God for blessing the other pastor.