Ministry burnout, overload, and destructive stress lead to an abysmal survival rate for pastors today.  For 20 years a friend of mine followed 105 pastors and discovered that only half remained in ministry. Many other statistics bear witness to the high fallout rate for pastors. Burnout, moral collapse, and the weight of ministry has shattered many dreams for Kingdom impact.

No pastor ever begins ministry with a goal to end up as a casualty of it. Unfortunately, unless many make systemic changes to their hearts and ministry pace, they too will end up a statistic. But, if you feel yourself on the road to burnout you can change your trajectory through this simple yet life-transforming exercise.

As I begin my new role from serving as a senior pastor to serving other pastors through coaching them and consulting their churches, I've used a tool that many coaches use to help people regain balance. It's called a "Life Balance Wheel."

It had its origins in the Middle Ages when few could read. Etched on many cathedrals, it visually represented the cycle of daily life: happiness, loss, suffering, and hope. For most people life offered little hope and the carved images instructed the common person about the inevitable change process in life.

Today we use the life balance wheel in a more positive way. It takes many forms, but this example captures its essence.

Each piece of the pie represents an area of life. Within that area the scale rates your satisfaction with that part of your life.

Here's how to use it to help regain balance and deal with life's pressures in a more intentional way.

1. Google "Wheel of  Life" and you'll find many free printable templates.
2. After you print it out, circle your level of satisfaction within in each area of your life.
3. Connect the dots to see how balanced or imbalanced you have described your life.
4. Pick one or two areas in which you feel least satisfied.
5. Describe what life would look like if your satisfaction in those areas increased to an "8"
6. List five specific steps you could take in each area that could help you move to an "8"
7. Give each step a specific date when you will take the step.
8. Make yourself accountable to someone to help you regain balance. A good coach trained in the life balance wheel would be a good investment.

This simple tool could have profound implications for your future, your family, and your ministry. Right now schedule an hour this week to complete the exercise and see how God could use it in your life.

In my most recent book 5 Minister Killers and How to Defeat Them I deal with this issue extensively. You can read a free chapter here.

If you've used the life balance wheel before, what have you found helpful?

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Related post:

• Making the Most of the Next 10 Years: a simple self-evaluation

In my research for my latest book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them, I discovered that pastors are often the loneliest people in the church, second perhaps only to their wives.

I interviewed Dr. Michael Ross, Executive Director of The Pastors Institute, who has worked with several thousand pastors in various capacities. He told me that the number one problem pastors face is isolation.

Gary Kinnaman author and former mega-church pastor and Alfred Ellis, author and founder-director of Leaders that Last, an organization for ministers, wrote, "Most people in full-time ministry do not have close personal friendships and consequently are alarmingly lonely and dangerously vulnerable.”[1]

Well known author, Steve Arterburn has observed that “the men in the church who are least likely to have friend connections are pastors.”[2]

Focus on the Family discovered that nearly 42% do not have any accountability partner with whom they meet.[3]

And the Alban Institute, an ecumenical organization that serves thousands of congregations through research and publishing, has learned that pastors tend to seek help from others only when they are in crisis, “rather than allowing these resources to sustain and nourish them consistently.”[4]

In other words, we don’t seek out safe people to help us process ongoing ministry issues until they escalate into major crises. Even then, many pastors suffer alone.

We’ve probably all preached that God created us for deep relationship with others. But just as anorexia (the word actually means “no appetite”) can cause a person literally to feel no hunger even though he is starving, relational anorexia can keep us from feeling our inner hunger for deep relationships. Henry Cloud and John’s Townsend’s Safe People lists these indicators that we might have relational anorexia.

• I am uncomfortable with people and relaxed when alone.
• I don’t get “lonely,” whatever people mean by that.
• I spend time with people out of obligation, or for functional reasons (tennis partner, commuting to work, etc.).
• My fantasies of vacation always involve my doing something fun by myself.[5]

The authors also posed several questions that may indicate major hindrances to healthy relationships. I’ve paraphrased them here.

1. Do you tend to only be a giver in most of your relationships?
2. Do others usually approach you only when they want something from you rather than to simply spend time with you?
3. Do you find it difficult to open up to others?
4. Do you most often choose to be alone to deal with your problems?
5. Do you feel that only God really knows and loves you?
6. Are intimate, two-way conversations with others rare?[6]

So, what should we do if we suffer from relational anorexia? I recommend that every pastor have at least one safe person in his (or her) life with whom they can be honest and with whom they can process their pain.

In my next blog entry I will suggest qualities to look for in such a safe person.

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[1] Gary Kinnaman and Alfred Ellis, Leaders that Last (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2003), 10.

[2] REV.org, “Steve Arterburn Interview: Open Season,” August 2007. http://rev.org/protected/Article.aspx?ID=2519.

[3] Focus on the Family, “Pastoral Ministries 2009 Survey” (of over two thousand ministers), http://www.parsonage.org/images/pdf/2009PMSurvey.pdf, 8.

[4] Michael Jinkins, The Alban Institute, Congregations, “Great Expectation, Sobering Realities: Findings From a New Study on Clergy Burnout,” Number 3, May/June 2002. http://www.alban.org/conversation.aspx?q=printme&id=3284

[5] Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Safe People (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), 129.

[6] Adapted from ibid.

For more Help and Resources for Depressed Pastors and their wives, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.