If you’re a pastor, a missionary, or serve in a church, you can’t avoid discouragement, disappointment, and hurt from ministry. The bible even uses the not-so-complimentary metaphor “sheep” to describe those we serve. And sheep get dirty and smelly and often kick and bite. Sometimes those sheep in the church do the same to their shepherds.

So when you  get kicked, forgotten, disrespected, ignored, mistreated, gossiped about, or misunderstood, how do you move forward?

The story recorded in 1 Samuel 30 gives great insight. David had just begun his career to fight the bad guys. Early on he faced a huge defeat. While he and his army were in battle far from home, the bad guys, the Amalekites, attacked the city where his family and the families of his army lived. They burned the city and kidnapped their wives and children. When David’s men discovered this, they considered removing him from his position, not by a vote of a board or a congregation, but with big rocks to the head by stoning.

The Scriptures then record one of the most beautiful verses every written. The old King James Version captures it well.

David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.  (1 Sam. 30.6)

It worked because his guys didn’t stone him but marshaled their energy and once again pursued the bad guys under his leadership.

As I’ve faced discouragement in ministry, these simple choices have helped me encourage myself in the Lord.

1. Acknowledge your pain and emotion to the Lord but don’t wallow in it.
2. Journal your thoughts. Writing them down helps me stop the tendency to incessantly mull over the hurtful situation.
3. Read God’s word, especially those verses that speak of hope and victory.
4. Do something pro-active. Take action to move forward. In David’s case he took specific action to resolve the problem. He rallied his troops to chase down the Amalekites.
5. Stop condemning yourself and remind yourself that you are a child of God, loved by Him with great intrinsic value regardless of whether  your church is growing or whether people treat you with respect.
6. Pray for those who have hurt you. I’m amazed how God defuses looming bitterness in my heart when I pray for the sheep that bite me.

Yesterday I began a series of blogs to unpack this issue: what should pastors do when people in our churches compare us to other more “successful” pastors.

In that blog, I shared an email a pastor received from someone in his church who boasted about another super-successful pastor and his church. He was tempted to respond with sarcasm.

I don’t recommend sarcasm.

So, how should we respond when we feel compared to others?

Here are my thoughts.

1. Recognize that comparison comes with the territory. As the old adage goes, “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”
2. Ask yourself when you feel compared, “Is God trying to teach me something?”…about my confidence in where God has me…about what I can learn from this other pastors…about how I receive unpleasant messages.
3. Respond with a gracious spirit to the person who compares.
4. Don’t read in ill motives. Perhaps someone in your church simply wanted to share how God used another spiritual leader in his or her life.
5. Thank God for blessing the other pastor.

One well-worn adage reads, “The two things you can’t avoid in life are death and taxes.”

I’d like to suggest one more, for those in ministry.

The two things pastors can’t avoid are…

people late to the service and…

critics.

Having served in full-time ministry for 30 years, I’ve experienced my share of critics. I’ve responded well to some and not-so-well to others. When I’ve sensed a good heart from the critic, I tend to respond with more grace.

As Abe Lincoln said, “He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.”

Here are 10 ways I’ve learned to respond to my critics (actually 9, I’d love to hear your 10th).

1. Give them your ear, but within reason. Don’t allow someone to destroy you with caustic criticism.
2. Let your body language communicate that you are truly trying to understand.
3. Avoid an immediate retort such as “Yea but,” or “You’re wrong,” or some other defensive response.
4. Breath this silent prayer, “Lord, give me grace to respond and not react.”
5. Before responding take a few moments to check what you’re about to say. Abe used to suggest counting to 100 when you get angry. That may a bit of overkill, but he is on to something.
6. Look for the proverbial ‘grain of truth’ in the criticism.
7. If you see more than a grain of truth and you can’t process it alone, seek feedback from the safe person in your life. (see my blog post on What to Look for in a Safe Person).
8. Ask God to keep you approachable to your critics (within reason). You probably don’t want to vacation with them.
9. Learn from your critics on how best to deliver criticism to others. When someone delivers criticism that you received well, ask yourself what about how they did it made it easer to receive. For those who botched it, remember to avoid their tactics.
10. …… tell me how you’ve responded to your critics. I’d love for you to give me a 10th.

Related posts.: How to Deal with Criticism. In this article I suggest a simple acrostic in responding to critics…LEARN

One well-worn adage reads, “The two things you can’t avoid in life are death and taxes.”

As a Pastor, I’d like to suggest one more, for those in ministry.

The two things pastors can’t avoid are…

people late to the service and…

critics.

Having served in full-time ministry for 30 years, I’ve experienced my share of critics. I’ve responded well to some and not-so-well to others. When I’ve sensed a good heart from the critic, I tend to respond with more grace.

As Abe Lincoln said, “He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.”

Here are 10 ways I’ve learned to respond to my critics (actually 9, I’d love to hear your 10th).

1. Give them your ear, but within reason. Don’t allow someone to destroy you with caustic criticism.
2. Let your body language communicate that you are truly trying to understand.
3. Avoid an immediate retort such as “Yea but,” or “You’re wrong,” or some other defensive response.
4. Breath this silent prayer, “Lord, give me grace to respond and not react.”
5. Before responding take a few moments to check what you’re about to say. Abe used to suggest counting to 100 when you get angry. That may a bit of overkill, but he is on to something.
6. Look for the proverbial ‘grain of truth’ in the criticism.
7. If you see more than a grain of truth and you can’t process it alone, seek feedback from the safe person in your life. (see my blog post on What to Look for in a Safe Person).
8. Ask God to keep you approachable to your critics (within reason). You probably don’t want to vacation with them.
9. Learn from your critics on how best to deliver criticism to others. When someone delivers criticism that you received well, ask yourself what about how they did it made it easier to receive. For those who botched it, remember to avoid their tactics.

10. Fill in the blank. Tell me how you’ve responded to your critics with a comment.

Related posts.: How to Deal with Criticism. In this article I suggest a simple acrostic in responding to critics…LEARN

Somebody once said there are two things in life we can’t avoid, taxes and death. I’d like to add a third, discouragement.

Church leader or not, you will face it. It’s an inevitable part of life. Just this past week I dealt with a bout of it.

It all began Monday even after we had a good day at church the day prior. We had baptized a dozen people, another half dozen indicated they had trusted Christ, and we began Alpha with a bang. Alpha is a great evangelism tool. Check it out at Alpha.org.

But, when I got the stats back from Sunday’s service, I got bummed out. A not-so-good attendance and a very poor offering pushed me into discouragement. I’ve been doing well lately to not allow low Sunday statistics to affect me. This time, however, I didn’t do so well. It didn’t help that Thursday night my alma mater, GA Tech, got plastered by Miami on national TV.

I found, however, that three small choices helped me dig out of my funk. I take great comfort that King David lifted himself out of a serious bout of discouragement when he “encouraged himself in the Lord his God,” (1 Samuel 30.6). I believe that small choices that may not seem overtly spiritual can become ways we can encourage ourselves in the Lord.

Here are the three.

• Break up your routine This past week my wife and my daughter were going to make a run to our local super Wal-Mart and they asked if I wanted to go. My first inclination was, ‘no.’ But after a moment’s reflection, I said, “sure.” Usually I’ll just sit at the man bench at the check-out line. You know, those benches or chairs where guys sit to be very bored while their wives shop … one of those. This time, however, I decided I’d go to the books area and browse. When I did, I picked up the 2009 Guinness Book of World Records and had few laughs. I saw, among other things, a picture of a guy who holds the world record in piercings (yuk) and a picture of another guy in India with the world’s longest ear hairs at 7 inches (gross). This little break, albeit odd, helped get my mind off my discouragement. (more…)