This is a brief excerpt from my current book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them-help for frustrated pastors.

Sometime in your ministry, someone  probably has taken an intentional punch at you. I don’t mean they punched you in the face, but they’ve likely taken a swipe at your leadership, preaching, or vision. It hurts. I believe the higher we go in leadership, the more punches we’ll have to absorb. Abraham Lincoln, arguably our country’s greatest president, took many punches, and his words carry a timely message for us.

If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how—the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what’s said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.

I might add to this thought what a close friend once told me. “Even when church problems aren’t your fault, take the high road of grace and integrity as you respond to them.”

Related posts: When Pastors become Defensive, 5 Things NOT to do

In Judson Edwards book, The Leadership Labyrinth, he describes 21 paradoxes in ministry. He defines the ‘relationship paradox’ in this way: the people who like you most will be the ones you try least to please.

He writes that these three kinds of people fill every church.

1. The energizers-their very presence makes us feel better, buoy our spirits, and fill our tanks
2. The regular folks-they may not buoy our spirits, but they don’t demoralize us either. They make up the largest group.
3. The drainers-they sap our joy and can ruin our day

The main difference between the energizers and the drainers are their expectations of us. The energizers don’t place great expectations on us. The drainers do.

We don’t measure up to the drainers expectations. Either our preaching or counseling or leading or availability is not enough. These subtle unmet expectations may not be overt, but when we are around these people, we feel their unspoken disapproval.

Edwards pens these profound words. “When our credo becomes ‘I am as you desire me,’ we have lost the very thing that will enable us to minister effectively: our authenticity.”

Edwards rounds out his chapter with three insights into how Jesus responded to his drainers.

• First, Jesus retreated from this drainers to refresh himself and seek God. He regularly sought renewal.
• Second, Jesus balanced his drainers with his energizers.
• Third, Jesus didn’t allow the drainers deter him from his plan and purpose.

Although Jesus practiced a rhythm of renewal and time away from his drainers, he never got rid of them. He still had to contend with them, just as we pastors must do in our churches.

Not everyone liked Jesus. Not everyone will like us. But God’s grace gives us what we need to serve even the most draining drainers.