This week I'm posting a series of blogs about how pastors respond when people in their church compare their leadership and preaching to others or when they brag about another church by insinuating that we don't measure up

Yesterday I posted 5 ways we should respond when we feel compared to others more 'successful' than us.

Today, we're looking at really bad ways to react when someone in your church compares you to others. I've listed five unhealthy reactions here.

1. Find something about the other 'guy' to criticize, like, "We'll, I've heard he's a real jerk when he's one-on-one with other people."
2. Tell the other person that maybe they need to start attending that church.
3. With a sarcastic tone tell that person, "Thanks, I really needed that!"
4. In your mind, beat yourself up about what a failure you are.
5. Go home and overeat, take your anger out on your spouse and kids, or look at pornography.

Yesterday I began a series of blogs to unpack this issue: what should pastors do when people in our churches compare us to other more "successful" pastors.

In that blog, I shared an email a pastor received from someone in his church who boasted about another super-successful pastor and his church. He was tempted to respond with sarcasm.

I don't recommend sarcasm.

So, how should we respond when we feel compared to others?

Here are my thoughts.

1. Recognize that comparison comes with the territory. As the old adage goes, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
2. Ask yourself when you feel compared, "Is God trying to teach me something?"...about my confidence in where God has me...about what I can learn from this other pastors...about how I receive unpleasant messages.
3. Respond with a gracious spirit to the person who compares.
4. Don't read in ill motives. Perhaps someone in your church simply wanted to share how God used another spiritual leader in his or her life.
5. Thank God for blessing the other pastor.

Many pastors secretly struggle with measuring up to the very successful. One pastor I know who has grappled with comparison received this e-mail from someone in his church. The names are changed to protect the innocent :)

Hi Pastor Jim:

Sharon S. here. How are you? I have been meaning to send you a note for quite some time and tell you about a pastor in California that I thought you might be interested in. Yeah, I know. If I were you I'd be rolling my eyes about now. But I must say, this guy is awesome and has challenged me personally in my life over the last year.

He has pastored [God’s Favorite] Church just outside [Utopia] for about three years and has grown it from 150 people to over 3,500. I have never seen a young guy with such a passion and a heart for God, willing to go against the “appropriate” evangelical grain and just teach the scriptures.

He just started a new series a week and a half ago. I am going to attach the first message because I would love for you to listen to him.  I can't tell you how many people I know listen now. His name is [Gabriel, the archangel]. He has some of the best teaching I have ever heard on leadership in the church, justification, and some other tough subjects. He is a lot like [another famous pastor], who is his friend and a “fan” of his. Anyway, I have felt led to connect you with [Gabriel] for a long time. I'm not really sure why. Take it for whatever it is worth. 

Sharon

“Jim” emailed this response back.

Dear Sharon,

Thanks for reminding me that my preaching stinks. It’s great to know that people in my church are making sure they get podcasts from somebody who will never know their name or answer their encouraging emails.

You’ve really made my day. I was studying for this week’s message when I got your note (I’ve already spent twenty hours on my sermon). I immediately stopped to download his magnificent sermon. It’s also wonderful to know that his church has exploded in growth; as you know, our attendance declined by 3% last year because people like you stayed home to watch guys like him on TV!

Gotta go finish my shallow sermon.

God’s blessings on you,

Pastor Jim

“Jim” didn’t really send this e-mail—he only wished he had. Have you ever felt that way when someone compared you to another?

Although we pastors often struggle when we compare ourselves to others, it really stings when those in our church compare us to others more 'successful.'

This week I'm beginning a blog series on this issue, when church people compare their pastors to mega-successful pastors.

I hope you will join the conversation.

What's your story? Have people in your church ever compared you to others?

Related post: The Curse of Comparison

This morning I got a tweet that a large church in the southeast was starting another campus in the county where I started a church over 20 years ago. This church will probably start out with over 2,000 from day one. The church I started finally reached 500 after 14 years.

I must confess that unpleasant feelings crept into my heart when I read this tweet. I can't exactly pinpoint them, but they are probably an amalgamation of sadness (that I never achieved mega-churchdom), jealousy (I'm being honest), and an emotion that circles lack of competency (I probably don't have what it takes to be a mega-church pastor). Although I've been gone from the church I started over 9 years now and I serve a good church of over 1,000, the curse of comparison still sometimes rears its ugly head.

Our fallen human nature naturally tempts us to compare ourselves with the more successful, the prettier, the smarter. I believe we often do so to build ourselves up do we can feel significant. No matter your vocation, position in life, or size of your ministry if you are a pastor,  you probably face this same curse.

I don't have pat answers, but a few choices have helped me avoid the vortex of discouragement that comparison can bring.

1. I must remind myself that my identity comes not from my performance, but from my relationship with Christ.
2. I must do my best with the opportunity God gives me right now and if I do, I will please Jesus. Jesus commended the guy who returned 10 talents back to him the same way he commended the guy who returned 4. They each had different levels of giftedness, yet they both were faithful to the task they were given.
3. I must believe the words of Paul when he said that ultimately, it's not what I think of my performance that counts, but what the Lord thinks.

2Cor. 10.18 (MESSAGE) What you say about yourself means nothing in God’s work. It’s what God says about you that makes the difference.