Each week pastors sit on the hot-seat. We preach sermons in which we invested hours to people who don’t have to be there. We hope what we say helps people grow, helps our churches grow, satisfies our influences, and most of all, honors God.

But what happens when someone, especially an influencer, doesn’t like our performance as a leader or communicator? Or, what if they simply don’t like us?

When that happens, it’s easy to become defensive when those people tell us what they don’t like. When I’ve become defensive, I end up the loser. When I don’t, although I may not change his or her opinion in the conversation, I actually win because the other person feels like I listened. Often, I can take a grain of truth from them and realize a growth area for me.

Below I’ve listed 5 responses that make things worse when someone criticizes us or tells us something about our performance that we’d rather not hear.

1. Cross your arms in the defensive posture.
2. Quickly interrupt them.
3. If they tell you that you are being defensive, disagree with them.
4. Bring up lots of facts that prove your point and disprove theirs.
5. Send them an angry email later.

On the positive side, what has helped you become less defensive?

Related posts. How to Deal with Criticism

Great article on criticism by Tim Keller here.

In the heat of the moment when someone criticizes me, it’s easy to react and make things worse. Too often when I’ve received a critical comment at church I’ve gotten defensive or said something in return that I wish I could take back.

Has that every happened to you?

Recently our church held a leadership retreat that included a session on customer service. Much of what the speaker said applied to how we should respond when someone in our church brings us a complaint. He suggested an easy-to-remember acrostic to help us deal with the critic most redemptively.

It’s the word LEARN below.

• L … listen-simply hear the person out
• E … empathize-acknowledge how they feel
• A … apologize-even if you aren’t responsibility for the problem, an apology for their experience can help ameliorate ill feelings
• R … respond-explain that you will attempt to address the issue if at all possible
• N … notify-let those who can fix the problem know about it

The next time someone in your church brings you a complaint, LEARN from it instead of reacting to it.