I grew up in the church and by my calculation I’ve heard 10,931 church announcements, or thereabouts. I only remember one of them. What did I only remember that one?

Before I give you the answer, I must confess that for me announcements are the most boring part of a service, yet mostly necessary. I’ve felt more stress from having to give them than when I’ve had to speak. I simply hate giving announcements. I guess I don’t like them because I see most people’s eyes glaze over during announcement time.

So why did I just remember the one I referred to?

It happened when I served in California over ten years ago. I took a staycation and visited a few local churches since I didn’t have to attend my church. One church I visited met in a simple warehouse. About ten minutes into the service a man walked on stage with a microphone in one hand and a hotdog in another. He made a couple of announcements between bites. Then another guy walked up on stage with a mike and a hotdog. They began a dialogue about the church hot-dog cookout that followed. I’ll never forget that creative announcement. Even as I write this post I’m getting hungry for a hotdog.

Although these two guys probably didn’t have the brain in mind when they made that announcement, they exemplified a basic rule of attention. The brain pays attention when expectations get violated. I expected the normal talking head to make announcements. But my brain was made more attentive because what I expected didn’t happen.

That simple brain concept not only applies to announcements, but to our sermons as well.

So, if you believe announcements are important and you want people to remember them, violate your congregation’s expectations. Here are a few simple ideas to incorporate into your announcements.

• Novelty (make them from a different location in your auditorium, use video, etc.)
• Surprise (mix up when during the service you make them, have separate people in the congregation stand up and make them, etc.)
• Humor (the key to humor is surprise)
• Object lessons/show and tell (i.e., the hotdog)

What ideas have helped your announcements become more sticky?

“I just learned some creative ways to make announcements more sticky.” (tweet this quote by clicking here) 

Related posts:

• 6 Brain Barriers to Healthy Church Change. 
• Sticky Tips to Church Change

The board meetings have begun to sour. Increasingly the pastor and his board have heated conversations about the church’s direction. The conflict has bled into every meeting for months. Emotions are running high. Conflict reaches a flash point. There is no written plan on how to deal with it. 

What happens? The board either sends the pastor packing or he quits out of frustration.

A rarity? No. Over 1500 pastors are forced from the ministry each month and many more pastors simply quit because they’re broken. Many are pondering leaving right now.

When emotions run rampant among pastors and boards, thoughtfulness seldom prevails. Our emotional brain hijacks our thinking brain.

So what is the solution to this problem? A written, clear, agreed-upon conflict resolution process. Here are 5 reasons your church needs one.

1. Simply quoting Matthew 18:15-17 on dealing with conflict often doesn’t cut it. Although it’s the basis for conflict resolution, it’s seldom practiced without specific written guidelines.
2. When we’re emotional, we don’t think clearly. When that happens we need something objective that is not open to interpretation, something that specifically explains the process whereby board-staff or staff-staff conflict can be resolved.
3. Such a policy can often result in a more redemptive resolution to conflict than knee-jerk reactions, instead of firing or quitting.
4. We are called to model to the world love for each other (John 13.34-35). How we respond to conflict often conveys just the opposite.
5. When we solve conflict in a God honoring way we embody unity, what the Scriptures often command us to seek. Eph. 4.3 (NIV) Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

I highly recommend the organization called Peacemakers to help you craft such a policy. Ken Sande, author of The Peacemaker, founded and leads this organization. Every pastor should read his book.   

They also offer training and have produced some excellent materials you can use to teach your church and leaders. Check out this link for their resources. 

Does your church have a conflict resolution policy? I’d love to see it if you do.

I just learned 5 reasons why churches should have a conflict resolution policy. http://ow.ly/kVX5W (click to tweet this).

Related posts:

• What do toilet repairs and composure have in common? 
• Lessons learned from angry emails

Healthy change is necessary for any church, ministry, or business to thrive. However, leaders often run into these invisible brain barriers when they attempt change. Ignoring them can slow or stonewall a change. Since neuroscientists are now rapidly learning amazing new insights about the brain, it behooves us to learn about how our brains respond to change.

The next time you plan a change initiative for your church or organization, consider how you might lessen the effects of these brain barriers that can stifle it.

1. Brain Barrier 1: Undoing a bad impression is harder than creating a good one. It’s the “you don’t have a second chance to make a good first impression” adage. Neuroscientists have found that to be true. It’s not just an old wives’ tale (Lount et al., 2008). Poorly introduced change will start your change on the wrong footing.
2. Brain Barrier 2: People initially assume the worst. Your brain is wired to pick up the negative more than the positive. In fact, 2/3 of the brain cells in the flight-fight part of your brain, the amygdala, are wired to pick up on what’s wrong rather than on what’s right (Hanson, 2010). Our brains have a built-in negativity bias. People will initially latch onto potential negatives of your change rather than onto the positives.
3. Brain Barrier 3: The brain can only handle so much change at once. Trying to create too much change too quickly increases the brain’s fear response and will hinder that change (Hemp, 2009).
4. Brain Barrier 4: People will fill in knowledge gaps about your change with fear. Change causes uncertainty about the future which in turn breeds fear. And when the brain senses fear, it doesn’t like it. It will act out of that fear which dampens the brain’s ability to think clearly. The less information you provide about your change initiative, the more others will fill in the knowledge gaps with their negative assumptions. As a result, they’ll be more fearful and more resistant to change.
5. Brain Barrier 5: People underestimate their ability to weather difficult future events (Wilson & Gilbert, 2005). Uncertainty causes us to poorly forecast how well we can face the difficulties that changes might bring. The term is called “affective forecasting.” When you present change, others will often initially assume that life will be worse for them because of your change.
6. Brain Barrier 6: Emotions play a significant role in decision-making and influence how well others will embrace change. Just presenting facts about your change without engaging positive and hopeful emotions about the future will seldom move it forward.

In my next post I give some brain-friendly keys to change.

What barriers have you seen from others when you’ve introduced change?

Related posts:

• 6 Keys to Mastering Church Change 
• How to Respond When Someone Leaves Your Church 

References:

Hanson, R. (2010) Confronting the Negativity Bias [Internet]. Available from: <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-wise-brain/201010/confronting-the-negativity-bias> [Accessed 31 January 2013].

Hemp, P. (2009) Death by Information Overload - Harvard Business Review [Internet]. Available from: <http://hbr.org/2009/09/death-by-information-overload/ar/1> [Accessed 20 March 2013].

Lount, R.B., Zhong, C.-B., Sivanathan, N. & Murnighan, J.K. (2008) Getting Off on the Wrong Foot: The Timing of a Breach and the Restoration of Trust. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34 (12), pp.1601–1612.

Wilson, T.D. & Gilbert, D.T. (2005) Affective Forecasting. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 14 (3), pp.131–134.

For over 25 years I’ve preached our church’s Easter sermon, usually in multiple services. This year I have the privilege of just attending Easter services as I’m now working as a church consultant in my ministry and completing a second book I've written in the past 12 months.   

I remember the excitement that always led up to Easter. The month prior our staff would often log extra hours to plan Easter egg hunts, prepare for extra services, create invitation fliers, and spruce up the building.

Yet, I also recall the post-Easter lull, both in attendance and in my emotions. Easter usually produced the highest attendance for the year. Although we’d always plan a cool follow-up sermon series hoping that visitors would return, most didn’t. The attendance the week following was about average, or even lower if that Sunday fell during spring break week.

Not only did attendance lag, but my emotions did as well. The high attendance would always rev up my adrenalin, but what comes up must come down. After the high wore off, I’d sometimes be in a funk for a few days. If you experience the post-Easter lull, consider some of these suggestions that might help you weather it better.

1. Normalize: Expect that you will probably feel somewhat down for a few days. It’s normal after an emotional high. By bringing your expectations more in line with what you experience, you avoid dumping another emotional weight on top (the one that says you should not be feeling down).
2. Expectations: Set staff and leadership expectations for the week that follows. Remind them to prepare for a potential downer. Although I’ve heard miracle stories about churches that had humongous attendance the Sunday after Easter, I wonder if many of those stories have become simple folklore. If you’ve discovered the secret of how to motivate the once-a-year-attender to disrupt his Sunday routine two weeks in a row to come back to your church, please share your secret with us.
3. Soul and Body Care: Take an extra day off and do something totally refreshing and fun. Get more sleep. Take a nap each day. Eat right and exercise more.
4. Faith: Trust God that He will do His work if you do yours. Diligently prepare for Easter, pray for God to work, and pray for those who attend. Then leave the results to Him. He will bring back those who should return and He will help you emotionally recover. Remember, although the world remembers Jesus’ resurrection once a year, our churches should celebrate his resurrection each week and we should celebrate it each moment.

If you’ve experienced the post-Easter lull, what has helped you through it?

Related Posts:

• Does increased attendance at Easter and Christmas increase conversions? 
• The litmus test for successful ministry: always up and to the right? 

In your church you’re probably trying to bring change in some way or are contemplating it. Unfortunately, change in our churches often doesn’t go so well. In fact, we’re not alone. In the business world some have estimating that the majority of organizational change either fails, underperforms, or makes things worse (Cope, 2003). I imagine that church change doesn't fare much better.

However, we don't have to become a statistic. Consider 8 these insights the next time you try to bring change to your church, ministry, or organization.

1. Incorporate a change mentality into your church culture so that people don’t see it as a threat. The more you talk about, the less scary it becomes when it happens.
2. Include change as a component in the church’s current strategy. When you create your annual goals and strategies, include a clearly defined component of change. Do this every year. Don't make it a sporadic communication.
3. Regularly teach on the Biblical basis of personal change so that change is more easily embraced. When training leaders, always include some component that teaches about change. Try to build change management into key staff and volunteers as a core competency.
4. Help key players (staff, key volunteers, and church boards) embrace a philosophy of healthy change (see above). Seek to hire staff and recruit volunteers who aren’t change averse. When you recruit others, be sure to discuss their view about change and your expectations about it.
5. Build forward thinking into the highest levels of your leadership conversations. Help leaders think about ways they can stay ahead of the change curve in culture rather than reacting to it when it inevitably comes.
6. Involve as many people as reasonably possible into change initiatives. Give away small to medium-sized components of change to those lower on the leadership org chart. Get ownership as much as possible.
7. Celebrate wins, both short and long-term ones. You can’t overdo this one.
8. Reduce internal threat levels through building healthy relationships and a brain friendly working environment. Read this article that talks about what a brain friendly environment looks like. It’s based on the latest neuroscience research. The model is called SCARF an incredibly insightful way to build team collaboration and productivity.

What has helped you create change in your ministry or business?

Related posts:

• Is this the hidden factor that hinders change in your church?
• How the Brain Stifles Church Change

References:

Cope, M. (2003) The Seven Cs of Consulting [Internet]. Available from: <http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/355030.The_Seven_Cs_of_Consulting> [Accessed 2 March 2013].

My friend Dr. Aubrey Malphurs is one of the top church leadership experts in the country today. He's written over 20 books and knows his stuff. This week his newest book, Look before you Lead, hits the bookstores and online retailers. I asked him to write this guest post today. Read it with interest and consider adding his new book to your library.

Why don't churches grow? Consider these 6 reasons Dr. Malphurs has discovered that causes many churches to stagnate.

1) You don’t know yourself

Many pastors assume they are gifted for what they are doing. Do you know what you are best at? Pastors should take the time to listen to those who know them and assess how God has designed them.

2) You don’t know your church

Let’s be honest. Many pastors take positions for less than holy reasons (needed a job, hated previous job, wanted to lead, etc). When this happens what gets overlooked is proper analysis of the church they are moving into. If the pastor doesn’t understand the values, belief, and assumptions of the church he is in, it is likely they will never change and the church will never grow.

My recently released book, “Look Before You Lead: How to Discern and Shape Your Church Culture” addresses the importance of pastors assessing the culture of a potential church (and vice-versa) prior to taking the position. This is an alignment issue that affects churches on many levels (see #4 below) and in many situations not only before a new pastor comes but once a new pastor arrives with hopes of making changes.

3) You church doesn’t know its context

Churches are very skilled at providing events, resources, and ministry opportunities for those ALREADY in the church. But what about the surrounding community? When is the last time you did a demographic study? Exegete your culture if you want your biblical exegesis to have any impact.

4) The pastor’s values don’t align with the church

Many pastors wonder why the church doesn’t respond to their leadership. They aren’t perfect, but it isn’t all their fault either. Write down the church’s top five values (actual, not aspirational) and your values as a pastor. Are the lists the same? What does this information tell you?

5) The church assumes the community likes what they like

Inside of church walls, we do an excellent job convincing ourselves that everyone should want the same things we want--this will never happen. Consider the likes, wants, needs, and values of the community and leverage this without violating biblical norms.

6) Your church isn’t honest about its aspirational values

If a church can’t clearly articulate its aspirational values, its head is likely in the sand, avoiding reality. If you don’t identify an issue, you’ll likely never improve it.

What barriers to growth have you seen in your church?

If you'd like to learn more about Aubrey's ministry, check out his web site and be sure to see the book trailer here.

If you want your church to thrive you can’t avoid church change. Yet it is seldom easy, even though we leaders see the benefits of change before others see them. One hidden reason that makes it so difficult comes from how our brains respond to change. I believe that the more we know how the brain works, the more effective change managers we’ll become.

In a prior blog about the brain’s influence on change I wrote… 

Our brains are wired for us to want certainty in our lives. When something feels ambiguous or uncertain, we subconsciously feel threatened. When we feel threatened, it creates an away response, rather than a toward response. In the case of church change, an away response might be negativity, fear, passive resistance, or complaining from people. On the other hand, a toward response would be excitement, support, and good gossip, how we hope the church would respond. The more uncertain and ambiguous church change appears, the less support we’ll get and the more difficult the change will become.

Ambiguity about changes we propose, plus many other brain factors, influence how well people in your church will respond to your leadership. I know of one church in the south that is preparing for significant change by attempting to raise several million dollars for a building renovation. However, several key players and church members have yet to embrace the plan. The resistance to the change rises from these core issues.

• Fear that this fund raising effort will hinder other fundraisers that several ministries depend on.
• Sparse information given to the church before key milestones in the process.
• Resistance by some about going into debt.
• Older church members who feel uncomfortable with the change.

Based on brain insights, I’ve listed five ways that this church or any church should consider to best manage such change.

1. Leaders should first understand that two fundamental brain systems are at play in the people they seek to lead. One process, called the "X-system," got its name from the ‘x’ from the word reflexive. This system is more emotional, reactive, habitual, impulsive, spontaneous, and fast. It’s the non-thinking, automatic process that most people live by day-to-day. It’s what prompts someone to emotionally react to a change. The other process, called the "C-system," comes from the ‘c’ in reflective.  It’s more intentional, controlled, slower, and causes us to think before we speak or act. This system prompts people to reflectively consider the change. Simply knowing how the brains of your people work can help you manage change better. If you want to learn more about these processes, read, Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.
2. Recognize that change can create an away response in our brains and our emotions (see the quote above). If we feel threatened and fearful (caused by an away response), we’re less likely to embrace change. Older church members may feel especially threatened due both to the effects of age on the brain and to their long term ingrained church habits that aren’t easily changed (Williams et al., 2008). Therefore, leadership should publically acknowledge that they understand that change is difficult and scary and that it's scary for them as leaders as well.
3. Bring key players into the conversation. If key players believe they’ve been excluded from the process they can feel that they are in the “out” group. When they do, resistance to change will be higher because it also creates an away response in the brain (Rock, David & Cox, n.d.).
4. Over communicate using all means possible. The more information church people receive, the less ambiguity and more certainty they will feel. As a result, they will be less tempted to fill in the information gaps with worst case scenarios and will become more open to the reasons you give for the change.
5. Finally, seek to minimize something called cognitive dissidence. This term simply describes the inner tension we feel when our belief conflicts with our behavior (i.e., I want to lose weight but I’m eating a bag of Cheetos). Cognitive dissonance creates anxiety that can make us less open to change. One way to help minimize it is to preach and teach to change people’s beliefs about the change you’re proposing. If you can help them agree that the reason for the change is Biblical (i.e., reach more people), you can help them shift their behavior to align more with the change (i.e., their willingness to sacrifice convenient parking during the renovation). Behavior change follows change in belief.

God has given us this incredible thing called the brain. The more we learn how it works, the better leaders and change agents we will become.

What insights about change have helped you in your ministry or job?

Related posts:

• 6 Keys to Mastering Change in the Church  
• Is this the Hidden Factor Hindering Change in your Church 

Sources:

Rock, David & Cox, C. SCARF in 2012: updating the social neuroscience of collaborating with others. Neuroleadership Journal, (four).

Williams, L.M., Gatt, J.M., Hatch, A., Palmer, D.M., Nagy, M., Rennie, C., Cooper, N.J., Morris, C., Grieve, S., Dobson-Stone, C., Schofield, P., Clark, C.R., Gordon, E., Arns, M. & Paul, R.H. (2008) THE INTEGRATE MODEL OF EMOTION, THINKING AND SELF REGULATION: AN APPLICATION TO THE ‘PARADOX OF AGING’. Journal of Integrative Neuroscience, 07 (03), pp.367–404.

Why does it seem so hard to bring change in a church?

In my 30 plus years in ministry, change management has been one of the most challenging tasks I’ve faced. Most pastors would probably agree. Recently I learned an insight about how people’s brains work that helped me see what I may have unintentionally overlooked when I initiated a change.

Our brains are wired for us to want certainty in our lives. When something feels ambiguous or uncertain, we subconsciously feel threatened. When we feel threatened, it creates an away response, rather than a toward response. In the case of church change, an away response might be negativity, fear, passive resistance, or complaining from people. On the other hand, a toward response could be excitement, support, and good gossip, how we hope the church would respond. The more uncertain and ambiguous church change appears, the less support we’ll get and the more difficult the change will become.

So how we can we make church change less ambiguous and easier to bring about? I’ve listed some pointers below based on some recent findings in neuroscience.

1. Stay close to your key influencers during the entire change process. Remember, the more threatened someone feels, the more they will resist change. Learn their unique personalities because some personalities respond better to change than others. (Brin Jr. & Hoff, 1957).
2. Remain sensitive to characteristics that impact a person’s feeling of threat caused by the uncertainty change brings.
   • The more politically conservative they are, the more they may feel threatened by change (Jost et al., 2008).
   • The more personal anxiety they’re experiencing, the more threatened they may feel from change (Bishop, 2007).
   • The lower a person’s self esteem, the more resistant they can be to change (Ford & Collins, 2010).
3. Keep people informed with timely reports on how the change is progressing (helps minimize uncertainty).
4. Cast a compelling vision on how the new change can make things better (a form of reframing current reality).
5. Teach about characters in the bible who created certainty through faith, believing God was in control despite difficult circumstances and uncertain futures.
6. Teach about how to keep a healthy Christ centered self-esteem.
7. Teach on how to biblically manage anxiety—see blog

What are some tips you’ve learned that have helped bring change?

Related Posts:

• 6 Keys to Managing Church Change
• The Brain and Successful Church Change 

References:

Bishop, S. (2007) Neurocognitive Mechanisms of Anxiety: and Integrative Account. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, xxx (x), pp.1–10.

Brin Jr., O. & Hoff, D. (1957) Individual and Situational Differences in Desire for Certainty. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 54(2), pp.225–229.

Ford, M.B. & Collins, N.L. (2010) Self-esteem Moderates Neuroendoctrine and Psychological Responses to Interpersonal Rejection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98 (3), pp.405–419.

Jost, J.T., Nosek, B.A. & Gosling, S.D. (2008) Ideology: Its Resurgence in Social, Personality, and Political Psychology. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3 (2), pp.126–136.

Last Sunday night I attended an old fashioned Gospel sing at a church near our home. It was out of my comfort zone because the last 25 years I’ve served in churches that primarily used contemporary worship music in their services. Yet, from toddler age through college I attended churches that primarily used hymns. When the seeker movement became widespread, I and many other like-minded pastors classified traditional hymns as barriers to church growth. As a result, I seldom used them in the churches I served except for the occasional Amazing Grace.

However, as I sat through the Gospel sing, something stirred deep within me. Had I neglected an important part of my Christian heritage by not incorporating them in the churh services? Should I reconsider them going into the future?

The Gospel sing worked like this. The song leader invited those who attended (a couple hundred) to pick a hymn from the hymn book. They then raised their hands and he’d pick someone. They’d call out the hymnal page number. We’d turn to that page. The pianist would start playing. We’d sing. After 30 minutes of suggestions and singing, probably 20 songs, we’d take a short break from singing. The pianist then played a medley of hymns and a duet sung a couple hymns. Then we sung another 30 minute, prayed, and dismissed for ice cream sundaes in the gym.

I thought I’d be bored and planned to surreptitiously follow NFL games on ESPN’s Gametracker on my iPhone. Was I surprised. Here are several lessons I learned that night.

1. The majority who attended were clearly over 65, many in their 70’s and 80’s. As I watched these seniors sing, their faces glowed with a deep love for Jesus. God reminded me that preferred music styles don’t indicate a person’s love for Him. The builder generation, which is quickly declining, has shown incredible commitment and sacrifice to the cause of Christ the last several decades. Just because they prefer a different music style than my preference doesn’t mean I’m any closer to Jesus than they.
2. I was surprised at how well I recalled these songs that I hadn’t sung in over 20 years. I seldom even needed to look at the hymnal for the words. I realized how grateful I was to my parents for the rich Christian heritage they gave me. Those many years they took me to Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night services along with revivals and vacation bible schools had left an indelible imprint on my soul. Those hymns had deeply imbedded the truth of God’s word into my heart that I’d never forgotten.
3. I marveled at the magnificence of how God created our brains. Music increases our ability to recall truth because it enhances long-term memory. Even after decades of not reading the words or singing the hymns, my mind easily recalled them. This thought reminded me how important music should play in our services to imbed theology into the hearts of believers.
4. I felt sad as I watched my youngest daughter who sat next to me. As my wife and I sang, she followed along as best as she could, yet she hardly knew a single hymn. Either my naivety or my pride (or both) had caused me to neglect this powerful medium to teach the essence of the Faith. My kids had become the losers.
5. Finally, I resolved to bring hymns back into the churches I serve. While updating their tempo and style a bit, I want those young and old in the faith to encounter the living Christ through the power of God's word hitched to the medium of hymn music.

What are your thoughts on hymns? Do you believe we have neglected them? If so, how have you incorporated them into your services.

Related posts:

• The Annual Vision Message: an exercise in futility?

Every parent knows a child who has ADHD. My son, Josh, was diagnosed with it when he was in elementary school. He couldn’t pay attention or stay focused. And he couldn’t quit talking in class. Today we joke that he spent more time in the hallway than in the classroom because the teachers kept sending him there to keep him quiet. Neuroscientists believe that an imbalance of brain chemistry in the brain’s pleasure center contributes to the inability to sit still, listen for any length of time, or delay immediate gratification.

Some churches, too, are afflicted with traits similar to someone with ADHD. What does an ADHD church look like? 

I’ve listed 8 qualities that characterize one.

1. Leaders quickly embrace the latest church growth fad they learned at their last church conference.
2. Leaders look for the next church “killer app” they believe will take their church to the next level. A leader once told me he was looking for such a “killer app.”
3. Subtle expectations for each Sunday service to out-shine, out-excite and out-spirit the prior service.
4. A flavor-of-the-month mentality that results in constant change to its vision, focus, and programs; an inability to stay the course for any length of time.
5. People who silently compare their pastor to uber-successful, charismatic pastors in large churches.
6. A church with a history of either short pastorates or a history of pastors terminated for various reasons.
7. The expectation from people is, “what did I get out of today’s service,” versus “what did I add to the service.” In other words, ADHD churches are filled with people who subconsciously believe, “It’s all about me.”
8. Parents who expect a perpetual whiz-bang youth ministry.

I don’t mean to appear cynical, but our consumer-focused society has influenced our church culture. Many expect their churches to immediately entertain and gratify, rather than challenge to holiness and discipleship. Sometimes we leaders have fostered this consumer mentality. Sometimes it’s simply a result of our culture’s influence.

I plan to write a future blog on how we can counter ADHD in our churches. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What have you discovered that has helped your church become less of an ADHD church?

Related posts:

• The 10 Biggest Issues Facing the Church Today
• 10 Ways Not to Grow a Church

Criticism hurts, especially the non-constructive kind. We tend to stay away from such critics. But is that the wisest choice? Should we draw close to them instead of pulling away from them?

Murray Bowen, the father of family systems, coined the phrase "non-anxious presence." He used this term to describe a personal quality that when a leader exhibits it, can keep a family or a group's overall emotional reactivity and anxiety down. He and others suggest that leaders should not cut off from critics, but should actually stay connected to them in a calm way.

What does a non-anxious leader look like?

• can truly listen to another, even if he or she is bearing bad news or criticism

• can hold his emotions in check when in the hot seat

• seldom gets defensive

• can acknowledge the emotions of  his critic

• will calmly and courageously respond instead of reacting

Ernest Shackleton, one of the greatest explorers ever, modeled this non-anxious presence with his Antarctica expedition crew as they were marooned for over a year in 1915-1916 after their ship was crushed by the ice. His calm presence and his drawing to difficult crew members allowed him to lead them all to safety. Not one man perished. Here's what he did.

• His photographer, Frank Hurley would feel slighted if the crew didn’t pay attention to him and would become difficult to work with. Instead of isolating him, Shackleton gave him a place in his tent and often conferred with him.

• His physicist, Reginald Jamer, was an introverted academic. Shackleton feared that his personality might invite ridicule that in turn could escalate into a serious issue. He made him a bunkmate as well.

• When Shackleton selected a crew to take a lifeboat to sail from Elephant Island to South Georgia Island to assemble a rescue party for the entire crew, he selected the carpenter, McNeish. He chose him not only for his skills but also because he was concerned that McNeish could create discontent with the men who were left.

• Finally, Shackleton specifically picked two other crewmen because he felt they might cause trouble in his absence. In total, more than half of the group he chose were potential troublemakers.

So, how can we present a non-anxious presence to those with our critics or to those with whom our personalities rub? I suggest these five ideas.

• When criticized, truly try to understand the critic's perspective. Ask questions. Really listen.

• When someone criticizes, thank them for sharing it.

• Keep a good sense of humor. Don't allow the criticism to suck the life from you.

• Spend some social time with the critic so he can get to know you. Share some of your personal life story.

• Do something thoughtful for your critic, something that he would not expect from you.

As counter-intuitiv as this may seen, staying calmly connected to your critics can actually help you grow as a leader and move your church or organization forward.

At what point should you draw the line with criticism? That is, when should you cut if off before it truly damage you?

Related posts:

• 5 Ways to Turn Criticism into Carnage

• 10 Ways to Handle the Church Critic

I just enjoyed a lunch sponsored by The Aspen Group which featured Darren Whitehead, teaching pastor at Willow Creek Church. Darren listed the top 10 issues facing the church today. He based it on a survey from Lifeway.

Here are the 10, in reverse order.

1. Abortion
2. Homosexuality
3. Relevance in the church
4. Marriage
5. Apathy
6. Doctrine
7. Evangelism
8. Leadership
9. Discipleship
10. Prayer

I loved Darren's description that in the image of the cross we find the essence of our calling. The vertical line reminds us that we are to help people be reconciled to God. The horizontal reminds us that we are to help people be reconciled to each other.

What would you add to this list?

Thanks to Kristin Ruther with the Aspen Group for a delightful meal and great challenge.

Related posts: 10 Ways NOT to Grow a Church

If you are a pastor or lead people in any way, criticism is a fact of life. We can learn from our critics or we can turn criticism into carnage.

Here are five ways to do that.

1. Cut yourself off from everybody who criticizes you. Stay far, far away from them. They are idiots so avoid them at all costs
2. Believe every criticism. It's all true, every juicy morsel of it. Believe every word of it. Make it personal. Think about it all the time.
3. Disregard every criticism. Since your critics are idiots, what comes out of their mouth is infused with globs of "idiotness."  You are a pastor, God's anointed, a 'called out one' who walks with God and talks with God and knows a lot about the bible and stuff.
4. When someone criticizes you, argue them down, theologize, quote the bible, use lofty logic. Make THEM realize they are idiots.
5. Demand that your leaders, staff, and boards tell you only what you want to hear. If they have a criticism, tell then to STUFF IT.

Do you have any criticism to carnage suggestions?

____

Related posts:

• Top 10 ways to handle the church critic
• How to deal with criticism

This is an excerpt from my book 5 Ministry Killers that appeared in the spring, 2010, edition of Leadership Journal.

___

Pastor John was just finishing a long Sunday morning. With a weary "pastor's grin" on his face, he chatted with those who lingered. He was tired, hungry, and ready to go home, when two women approached—one he knew was never happy. Her friend said, "Pastor, Ann here wants to tell you something that happened this past week."

He thought, Wonderful, just what I need, another disgruntled member. But with a practiced caring tone he asked, "What happened?"

The veins in Ann's neck swelled as she blurted, "I want you to know that I left three voice mails with the youth minister to talk to him about a problem I'm having with my son. And he never called me back. That so-called youth minister of yours is not doing his job. My son needed help, and he didn't even care enough to call me back."

John's face flushed, and he slowly responded: "Ann, I'm sure Pastor Jimmy tried to call you back and wasn't able to reach you. I will check with him and have him call you again tomorrow. I'm very sorry the two of you didn't connect."

She retorted, "Well, I've decided I'm going to another church where the pastors care about people." She crossed her arms and stood with a what-do-you-think-about-that stare.

Stifling the urge to give her a karate chop, he cleared his throat and answered, "Okay, Ann, I understand your concern, and you must do what you feel is best for your family. But I will get to the bottom of this."

She spun around and stormed off. Her friend grimaced and followed sheepishly.

For several days John mulled over this encounter and kept his pain to himself, even after discovering that the youth pastor had indeed attempted to contact Ann.

The worst was yet to come. Later that week he received a call from a woman with whom he'd often faced conflict. She was a bit of a drama queen, and her family was the church's biggest giver. She requested a meeting to "discuss an issue."

She and her husband arrived at John's office, and after a few pleasantries she explained that Ann had called her about the recent conversation. Ann was "very upset" because John "hadn't been responsive to her need." John tried to explain what happened from his perspective, but her mind was made up. With dramatic flair, she swept her arms outward, and her voice quivered as she said, "Why didn't you just reach out your arms and give her a big hug?"

John's puke level rose to Orange. He didn't know what to say except "I'm sorry she felt the way she did." This ended the conversation.

As John sat in his office chair that night, his emotions roiled. After he breathed a short prayer he went home. His wife asked how his day went, and he replied with a less-than-forthright "Okay. Nothing much out of the ordinary." He didn't want to burden her—she too had often endured the ire of the drama queen. He wished he knew someone with whom he could process his pain.

For the next two weeks, he spent the bulk of his quiet time praying about this disappointment.

John's story illustrates what recent research has discovered to be one of the two most common ways pastors handle these issues—by ourselves and in prayer.

We all unconsciously turn to our default responses when we face ministry tensions. Often those instincts are one-sided. Harboring pain privately can be a ministry killer.

Common responses of pastors

The Barna Group research probed what we pastors do in response to our frustrations and disappointments. They asked: "Think back to the last time you felt disappointed or frustrated with people in your congregation. What did you do—if anything—to address the challenges you faced?" The pastors could mention anything that came to mind.Here are the top ten responses:

• Prayed about the issue (37%)

• Confronted the issue immediately (34%)

• Had someone on ministry team/board/staff deal with the issue (15%)

• Looked for Scripture to address, solve the problem (14%)

• Sought counsel from someone I trusted (10%)

• Talked with the person (9%)

• Confronted the issue eventually (9%)

• Addressed it from the pulpit/in a sermon (4%)

• Had a council meeting/board meeting (2%)

• Self-examination (2%)

Survey research in general shows how people want to be perceived and may not always reflect an objective reality. Nevertheless, this provides a snapshot of how pastors perceive themselves responding to issues.

These and the other responses I've observed can be combined into several helpful categories. Let me use some animal characteristics to highlight the implications of these responses (but please don't press the metaphors too far).

The Sloth: stay detached

Several years ago I took our family to Georgia's Callaway Gardens to visit the Day Butterfly Center. Inside a large, temperature-controlled glass building, visitors walk along paths to enjoy butterflies that fly around freely and even land on people. I enjoyed our excursion, but what interested me most was the challenge given by one of the guides: "Look up in the trees and see if you can find the sloth." After half an hour, I finally spotted him clinging to a branch about twenty feet above my head.

A placard explained that sloths rarely move and only come down to poop. "Passive, detached, and unaware" best describes them.

Some pastors respond similarly to ministry frustration. In the survey, when added together, the categories "did nothing," "no problems/disappointments," and "not sure" equaled 13 percent. Among pastors, more than one in ten defaults to an unhealthy disregard for—or detachment from—a potential ministry killer. If you're in this group, I hope you'll own up to your responses to frustrations, even if you deny you have any.

The Skunk: leave the mess to others

One weekday morning as I arrived at church, I parked my truck about 50 feet from the door and began walking. About ten feet from the building, I noticed something. At first thought it was a cat. Then I saw it actually was a full-grown skunk that noticed me too.

I froze in my tracks, but he slowly lifted his tail as our eyes locked. As I edged away I claimed the promise of Psalm 91:10—"There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling."

I didn't exactly quote that, but I sure was namin', claimin', and prayin'. After the skunk saw I was giving him his space, he sauntered off without incident.

Had God not answered my prayer (or had I not moved back), the skunk scent would have made me a very unpopular pastor for a few days. Again, don't press the image too far, but some pastors respond to their frustrations by handing off their stinky issues to somebody else (see the third-largest category at 15 percent). Certainly in some cases we should delegate problems to others. But other times we delegate to avoid uncomfortable conflict we rightfully should face ourselves. When we do, we truly are missing opportunities God is giving us to grow.

The Hawk: look through a window, not in a mirror

On my way to the gym each day, I drive by a large open field. Often I see a hawk perched on a telephone pole, staring out into that field. I'm no ornithologist, but I know hawks have keen eyesight and love to eat mice. They constantly look for unsuspecting prey.

In the research, one tiny statistic revealed a most disconcerting discovery. Down the list of responses to ministry frustrations, number ten was "self-examination."

Only two out of a hundred pastors responded to their frustrations by looking at themselves as contributing to the problem.

Like the hawk, many of us keenly look outward but don't peer inward to see how we may be complicit in our struggles.

David Kinnaman, writing about the research, said: "Leaders exhibit very limited capacity or willingness to self-examine. This is not entirely unexpected; it's human nature. Yet pastors rarely suggested that they look inward as part of their solution to challenges.

"Virtually none of the 615 leaders we interviewed said that their frustration or disappointment is that they can't lead their people better—or considered that the commitment vacuum displayed by their congregants might somehow be a reflection of inadequate leadership."

This reminded me of an insight taught by Jim Collins, who uses a mirror and a window as metaphors to teach a quality of great leaders.

Superb leaders don't look out the window to blame others. They look in a mirror to take ownership when things don't go well. They look out a window to praise others when things do go well.

Ignoring this could easily become a ministry killer as others begin to see us either as blamers or as shirkers.

The Turtle: hide behind spirituality

I love turtles, especially box turtles. I've probably saved half a dozen from getting pancaked when I've pulled over and jumped out of my car to rescue one ambling across a road. I even kept a pet box turtle in my backyard when I was 40 years old. I used the excuse that it was my son's.

Any kid who's ever had a box turtle knows what it does when you pick it up: It instantly pulls its head and legs into its shell to hide. In similar fashion, sometimes we pastors duck our frustration by retreating into our spiritual shells. At first blush, the 37 percent who prayed about their frustrations look quite spiritual. But at times prayer can become an excuse to avoid dealing with issues at hand. When "pray about the issue" is combined with "look for Scripture to address/solve the problem," the percentage jumps to over 50 percent who choose private spiritual means as their default response.

I laud pastors who do this. However, a deeper look reveals something else. The Barna Group's written analysis noted: "The clear picture that emerges from this is that pastors generally solve problems with one extreme or another—either through 'human' effort to confront the problem, or through 'super-spiritualizing' the issue—but rarely through both. Many pastors 'hide' behind prayer …."

The Lion: comfortable in my own skin

We give lions an honored position: "King of the Jungle." I understand why; I've had a lot of experience with the behavior of lions. (Well, I watch The Discovery Channel, and I saw Lion King twice.) Although I've never personally encountered one, I know lions roar a lot, exude self-confidence, lie around a bunch, and usually get their way. As a leader I hope I exude appropriate self-confidence. And I do like getting my way.

Over a third of the pastors indicated that when faced with frustration, they immediately confront the issue. Although some issues do warrant a quick, self-confident response, many should lead to a more thoughtful and deliberate approach. Unfortunately, we may over-lean on our strength, as the researcher's analysis noted. "Many pastors … are a little too comfortable in their skin, without relying on prayer and self-examination to give spiritual context to their confrontations."

Although I tend to be a turtle by handling my hurt in private and in prayer, I've also roared too quickly at someone who ticked me off. I've verbally fired back in defensiveness at someone who criticized me, or shot back an instant email only to regret it later. Moses, reacting in anger, murdered an Egyptian, and then looked over his shoulder for the next 40 years.

Healthy hybrid of lion and turtle?

Since the research indicates most of us respond to frustration with one of two extremes, can we achieve a healthier balance? Granted, it's tough to respond appropriately in the moment. Sometimes we should just pull away, pray, and believe that love will cover a multitude of sins. If we're too quick to respond, we may miss the gentle voice of God's Spirit tempering our response. But prayer should never become an excuse to shirk conflict, and sometimes we must quickly confront an issue before it gets out of control.

The Barna Group's analysis also observed: "A surprisingly small percentage said they both prayed and confronted the problem right away—a dual-pronged approach that was identified by just 11 percent of pastors. Even if we are generous in our definition and include any pastor who confronted the problem eventually or 'talked with the person,' only 14 percent of all pastors said they did this type of face-to-face interaction along with prayer."

Kinnaman summarized well this tension between the lion and turtle responses: "Prayer is great, but is it a means to hear from the Holy Spirit or a way to delay a decision or a confrontation? I think it's interesting that many pastors are likely to suggest passive or even passive-aggressive methods of dealing with interpersonal problems. And many of those who say they confront something immediately do so without prayer, Scripture guidance, or input from advisors. In other words, few pastors follow a biblical process of dealing with conflict."

I don't want to unduly criticize pastors. I am one! Probably no other vocation places a greater expectation on a leader to balance confrontation and self-confidence with spiritual restraint and humility.

We're under constant scrutiny. Intentionally or unintentionally, people develop higher standards for us than they do for themselves. Often they expect us to be faultless, yet we know we can never perfectly handle our frustrations.

Ministry tension comes with the territory and will never go away this side of heaven. What bothers us and how we respond should clue us in to what saps our joy and energy. If we want to stay healthy and productive for the long haul, we must pay close attention to how we respond, take full responsibility when we err, and seek to always honor Christ.

_____

Relates post: 9 Signs your Hormones may be Hijacking your Leadership

After two seminary degrees and 30 years in ministry, I've gleaned a few insights I wish I'd learned long ago. Although my seminary profs never directly taught me to question the assumptions I've listed below, even if they had I wonder if in my youthful enthusiasm I would have  listened. Unfortunately it often takes the hard knocks in ministry to teach us what we must know.

As you read each assumption below, ask yourself if you agree. I'll comment on each of them after the list.

• What worked before should work again.

• Church people will always respect a pastor's position.

• When leaders stay silent, they are agreeing with you.

• Reason always prevails.

• Everybody perceives the same reality.

It's taken a few years, but each of these has proved grossly false.

What worked before should work again. It just doesn't. Culture changes. Technology changes. Expectations from church people changes. If we as leaders and churches don't change how we do ministry, this proverbial definition of insanity proves true: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Church people will always respect a pastor's position. I do recall one seminary prof quoting Psalm 105.15 (KJV)...  Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm. He used it to elevate the pastor's role to an esteemed position. It's nice when people do that, but many in your church simply won't respect your role. Sometimes the contrary proves true. Your role actually may elicit disrespect from some.

When leaders stay silent, they are agreeing with you. I've tripped on this one a lot. Too often when I'm jazzed about an idea and share it with key leaders or staff, I've gotten blank stares or simple nods when I first shared it. I've interpreted those nods and stares as resounding support from them. After all, if they objected, they should have said so, right then. In retrospect, however, they were just being polite. Although I had spent sufficient time to process my idea, they hadn't. By not asking questions or providing them more soak time before implementing the idea, I've often found later they never really liked the idea. The result? At best reluctant acquiescence and at worst, active resistance. But, when I've provided sufficient soak time, the idea often evolved into an even better one that the leaders embraced.

Reason always prevails. Unfortunately, emotion often trumps reason, even among mature leaders. I'm learning more about how neuroscience affects church leadership, especially when hormones hijack clear thinking. Check out my blog on how your hormones may be hijacking your leadership here.

Everybody perceives the same reality. In court, lawyers often use conflicting testimony to their advantage. The same holds true in churches. People simply perceive reality differently. Some may see the church as going great. Others may see the opposite. It can become frustrating at times for every leader. When those conflicts arise, seek wise counsel from someone outside of the conflict who can provide objectivity.

What assumptions have you found to be false in your ministry?

Dave Berry, one of the funniest guys on the planet once wrote, “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: meetings.”

I'm not sure if he's 100% right, but he's close. Meetings, and extended ones like retreats, often don't achieve their intended purpose.

My latest church pastor's retreat, however, was probably the best ever in the 40 plus staff retreats I've either held or in which I've participated in 30 years of ministry.

The church where I've served as lead pastor for 7 years employs about 20 staff, including part-timers. Four, including me, make up the pastoral level and we get away once a year for our planning retreat.

As I reviewed this most recent retreat, in contrast to previous ones, I realize I've made some dumb mistakes in the past. My biggest ones include these.

1. Packing too much into the retreat (which has ranged from 1-3 days). I once handed out about 20 different documents for review and study.
2. Talking too much. At times I've talked/taught so much that I left little time for thorough interaction.
3. Going too long. As the adage goes, "The brain will absorb only what the butt can endure."
4. Not including R&R.
5. Including other leaders too late into the planning process. In one church I asked our elders to join us after we had completed our planning. They ended up not being on the same page and the pastors felt like our retreat was a waste of time.

I've served in a senior pastor role over 20 years and each year I've preached an annual vision sermon.

As I look back, though, I wonder how much Kingdom difference those sermons really made.

Pastors from large mega-churches that I've followed from afar encourage us to bring an annual  message. As a result, I've prioritized it as a necessary leadership tour do force upon which I thought the health, vitality, and future of my church depended. I had engrained into my leadership DNA that a vision message must include content (the what), the motivation (the why), and the inspiration (the impetus for everybody in the church to be moved to take on hell with a water pistol after listening to me for 30 minutes).

The kinds of vision messages I've brought have included these general themes.

• the I just got back from this great pastors' conference and this is what we will do next year
• the I just read a great book on church growth and this is what we will do next year
• the I have no clue about what next year holds but I have to bring a vision message or else I'm not a good pastor
• the I have to fire up the church with this message because, well, we need firing up
• the I've come from a Mt. Sinai planning retreat and here is what God told me we're to do next year
• and as I've gotten more mature the I humbly bring this before you as a word from God

The responses to my annual vision sermon have included...

• 100 people leaving the church the following year (after I attended Willow for the first time and decided we would be the Willow Creek of Atlanta; I'm not dissing Willow, I was simply too filled with myself when I brought that vision sermon)
• a phone call from a leader saying he was not motivated at all
• usually lower attendance on those days
• nice, smiling faces in the audience that telegraphed, "You go get 'em Charles. We'll be praying for you."
• yawns
• kind people telling me afterwards, "that was a very cool acronym you used."
• a few (I can count them on my hands and toes) who said, "Pastor, that motivated me to embrace the vision with you."

Vision dripping is more important than vision casting: Great churches produce visionary teams, and visionary people that share (drip) the vision in the course of daily leadership and life. Vision ought to be a team sport and engage an army of everyday story-tellers in the community. Vision should never be relegated to special gifting of a the point leader only.

I'm a pastor. Pastors are supposed to go to church. So I go to church, several times each week. I've done that for decades. I can count on one hand the number of times I've missed church by choice. This past weekend I added to that handful of misses. I skipped church.

My daughter had come to visit us over the Labor Day weekend and I scheduled one of our other pastors to preach at the weekend services. We took a long weekend at a lake house about 50 miles from our home.

The last time we took a long weekend we all went to church, a very boring one. This time however, I simply decided I wouldn't go. To be frank, I felt a tinge of guilt because my wife will tell you I'm always the one pushing us to go to church while on vacation.

But for some odd reason, I didn't push us this time.

So what did I do that Sunday morning? I sat in a swing and read my bible. I cut some dead limbs off a tree. I chatted with a neighbor. I exercised on my treadmill. I practiced the art of 'slowing.' And I really liked it.

Although I'm deeply committed to the local church and won't make skipping a habit, I leaned a few valuable lessons.

1. Skipping Church reminded me that pastors' schedules keep us from normal weekends that most families experience. Sundays (and Saturdays if you hold services) are our biggest work days. But, it's not all about me and I will gladly stay faithful to God's calling.
2. Those not in pastoral leadership roles will never understand this sacrificial part of our profession because when they want to skip church, they easily do with no repercussions. And when they do, most don't even think twice about skipping.
3. An occasional 'break from the Sunday routine' can refresh a soul to avoid pastoral burnout.
4. I now understand how hard it would be for someone who has seldom attended church to give up his Sunday mornings and start attending. I truly enjoyed having Sundays free.
5. Number 3 above reminded me that we pastors must craft compelling, Spirit-led services if we are to entice the unchurched to attend and keep attending. What they experience at church must be worth the price of giving up their relaxing mornings at home, at the lake, or at the ballpark. We may only get one shot.
6. Pastors need  a sabbath too. Since Sunday's aren't ours, we must prioritize another day for rest. I take Monday's off and I was reminded that I must truly rest on that day.

Yesterday I began a series of blogs to unpack this issue: what should pastors do when people in our churches compare us to other more "successful" pastors.

In that blog, I shared an email a pastor received from someone in his church who boasted about another super-successful pastor and his church. He was tempted to respond with sarcasm.

I don't recommend sarcasm.

So, how should we respond when we feel compared to others?

Here are my thoughts.

1. Recognize that comparison comes with the territory. As the old adage goes, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
2. Ask yourself when you feel compared, "Is God trying to teach me something?"...about my confidence in where God has me...about what I can learn from this other pastors...about how I receive unpleasant messages.
3. Respond with a gracious spirit to the person who compares.
4. Don't read in ill motives. Perhaps someone in your church simply wanted to share how God used another spiritual leader in his or her life.
5. Thank God for blessing the other pastor.

I've hired several pastors and admin staff in my ministry of 30 plus years and I've made some great choices and some not so great ones as well.

These mistakes have contributed to my poor selections.

1. Not pursuing the yellow flags that nagged at the back of my mind.
2. Refusing to REALLY ask other key influencers what they REALLY thought.
3. Thinking I could fix the hire's glaring deficiencies over time.
4. Rushing the process.
5. Letting my emotional attachment to the potential hire overshadow thoughtful reflection.
6. Being too nice in the process (that doesn't mean that I didn't treat the potential hires with respect).
7. Not praying enough.
8. Not listening to my gut.

What hiring mistakes have you made?

Related post: The 360 Degree Assessment-an invaluable tool for leadership development

Every pastor faces it.

Most hate it.

You can't avoid it. ... people leaving your church

In my over 20 years as a senior pastor (and a another 10 as an associate), for various reasons I've probably seen hundreds of people leave the churches where I served. In one year over 100 people left the church I planted after I gave my infamous "Willow Creek" talk. I had just attended one of Willow's early conference and within two weeks I delivered a message about all the changes we planned to make. It didn't work. In my immaturity I had failed to wisely manage change.

Except for those blessed subtractions (those who leave who have hurt your church), unless you are an emotionless robot, when someone leaves it hurts.

Here's how I've tried to process my painful emotions when people leave.

1. I don't disparage them to others after they leave.
2. I reach out to those who had significant roles in the church. Often I will meet with them.
3. I NEVER burn bridges. I wish them well and pray for them in person if possible.
4. I don't try to hide their leaving from other leaders, and neither do I broadcast it.
5. Recently we've attempted informal exit interviews to discover why leavers left and if there's anything we can learn.
6. When I see them again, I reach out and show genuine interest in how they're doing.
7. I don't let myself become bitter. God has graciously given me short memories about hurtful church experiences. It's all His grace.
8. I remind myself that Jesus also faced those who left Him. From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. (John 6.66)

How do you process church leavers?

Related posts: When Pastors become Defensive...5 Things NOT to Do.

Never say NO.

Please everybody.

Don't take a vacation.

Strategize first, pray later.

Act like you have it all together.

Try to figure out what others are saying about you.

Secretly criticize churches that are growing faster than yours.

Try to make each service bigger and better than the previous week's service.

Immediately implement the techniques you just learned from a church growth conference.

Disregard, marginalize, or forget the 9 ways above.

Related posts: The Litmus Test for Success? Always up and the the Right?

Each year we teach a 4-5 week series on giving and generosity in Feb/March. This year we titled our series The Treasure Principle, based on Randy Alcorn's book by the same name. We also sent a copy of the book to every giver on record the previous year and encouraged the church to read a chapter each week that matched the upcoming sermon theme.

If you've not read the book, it's a quick read and probably one of the best on the subject. I highly recommend it.

If you're a pastor, you probably feel the same angst I feel when I address the subject. Even though my heart is in the right place, I can't help but think some people feel I'm being self-serving when I teach the subject.

Here's what I do to help mitigate those thoughts in people's minds.

First, I make sure my heart is right.

• Do I faithfully  give?

• Do I tithe and give beyond?

• Do I teach from a desire that others experience the joy of generosity or because we are not making the church budget?

Second, in my talk I acknowledge at the beginning what some people feel. I actually say something like, "I recognize that when a pastor talks on money it can appear self serving. I know that some of you may be thinking, "I really don't want to hear some preacher talk about money.' I would just ask that you lower you guard a bit, listen to what I have to say, and then decide how you want to respond. It's between you and God."

Third, I tell my giving story. In my message this past week I explained that my wife and I had faithfully tithed and beyond since we were married. I also shared that my parents taught me to give at an early age and that a comment from my 5th grade Sunday School teacher left an indelible imprint in my life that put me on the path to generosity. When people hear our honest stories, it can help lower their guard and resistance to the message.

When I began in ministry 30 years ago, I'd often shy away from the money subject. However, I now realize that giving is as much a part of discipleship as is Bible reading and prayer. I can't shy away from it, but must approach the subject with tact and grace.

If you'd like a great guide to help you develop a stewardship system, I highly recommend Maximize: How to Develop Extravagant Givers in Your Church by Nelson Searcy.

So, what has helped you get the money message across?

If you are not a pastor, what advice would you give to us about how to effectively encourage people to give?

Related posts:

The 4 Reasons People Give to Their Church

Titherosity: Motivating others to Become More Generous

Recently I've been reading a lot about how to view problems in ministry and leadership through a different lens. A concept developed in the late 50's and 60's by a psychologist, Murray Bowen, has shed some brilliant light on the subject for me; so brilliant, in fact, that I wish I understood this concept 25 years ago. Had I learned it and applied it then, I could have saved myself a lot of grief as a pastor and as a father. The concept is called family systems. Don't let the title fool you, though. It's not all about your immediate family. This concept has profound implications for leadership in the church. I'm planning to write my next book using family systems as the backbone.

One of the best writers on the subject, Peter Steinke, a Christian psychologist, wrote the book How Your Church Family Works. It's a great primer on family systems that directly applies to churches.

At the core of family systems is understanding emotional process and specifically, how we manage our anxiety, a term used for any negative emotion. In one of Steinke's chapters he writes about those who criticize us. When I read his two paragraphs I paused and said to myself, "Wow. I've never heard it put that way before."

Read it below and tell me how it hits you.

Pursuit behavior is any behavior that overfocuses on another person....

By far the most difficult form of pursuit behavior to recognize is criticism. How can those who act adversarially be said to be in pursuit? We feel alienated, not close. But the criticism is characterized by overfocus. The "stinger" and the "stung" are emotionally connected. Whenever a gnawing critic gets inside our brain cells and we can't expunge him, we are connected, even if negatively. Whenever someone gets under our skin, we are infected with anxiety. If we are reactive to a pursuer, the pursuit behavior achieves its goal: connection. Strange as it sounds, the critic wants to be close. After all, if we can't be close through play, ecstasy, touch, and nurture, our only option to accomplish closeness is through angry outbursts, specious charges, or harsh accusations. People feel close to us when they know we are thinking about them. What we think is not as important as that we are thinking of them. We play into the hands of the criticizer when we react to their invasion rather than define ourselves to it. (p 88 of How your Church Family Works).

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Related posts:

10 Ways to Respond to the Church Critic

How to Deal with Criticism

What defines ministry success? How do you know if your ministry or church is really successful?

I've served five churches, three in associate leadership positions and two as the senior pastor. In my first senior pastor position I started a church in a suburb of Atlanta. I envisioned myself as the south's Rick Warren, a future mega-church pastor what would soon lead his own church growth conferences. 51 attended our first service. I was so successful that in six months I was able to bring that number down to 17, which included five members of my own family.

I was devastated. I didn't quit though and after 14 years our church grew to about 500, certainly not a candidate for Outreach Magazine's fastest growing churches.

For probably three quarters of my 30 years in ministry, Monday would be the best day of the week or the worst day. It depended on the attendance report. Good attendance and I felt valued. Low attendance (or attendance less than the previous year's) and my day didn't go so well

Now, 24 years after that heart crushing day when only 17 showed up at my church, I believe God is finally freeing me from the "success in numbers" mentality.

But, we still live in a culture that determines success if the numbers are up and to the right.

As I've dialogued with lay leaders in the churches I've served, I've often felt a not-so-subltle message that our church was doing poorly if the attendance and giving were not significantly up and to the right. I've discovered that often businessmen who have experienced success in their vocations (ie, their numbers went up and to the right) bring that same expectation into the church.

Unfortunately, this view often overshadows other very important ministry success measures such as spiritual health and the percentage of people who serve.

• Have you experienced this pressure from your leaders?
• If so, how have you managed it?

I'd love to hear from you.

Related post: 5 Reasons Churches Should often Celebrate Wins

I just read A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman. This is one of the best books I’ve ever read on leadership. It’s a slow read, but worth it.

The author was a Jewish counselor who wrote extensively on a counseling philosophy called Bowen Family Systems. The more I read about this way of looking at church leadership through ’systems’ eyes, the more I wish I had understood these principles 25 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of angst.

Friedman lists these 8 principles that leaders should practice when facing a crisis. I’ve paraphrased them here.

1. Don’t let the crisis become the axis around which your world revolves.
2. Develop a support system outside of your church such as counselors or other pastors.
3. Stay focused on long-term goals.
4. Practice spiritual disciplines.
5. Listen to your body.
6. Work out the balance between being responsible for yourself and being seen as difficult and self-centered.
7. Use humor.
8. It’s time to make decisions when the same question brings no new informati0n.

Each November I bring an annual "vision" message to explain the big picture for the coming year and hopefully motivate buy-in.

Related posts: Strategic Planning for Dummies

In the book First, Break all the Rules, by Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman, they list 12 core questions Gallup discovered that, when asked, give organizations the information they need to attract, focus, and keep the most talented employees.

Pastors and church leaders would do well to regularly ask their employees to answer them.

For more Leadership Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

Recently our church celebrated our 25th year anniversary. I've been privileged to serve as the lead pastor for six years.

Here's how we celebrated.

Our creative arts team created a fantastic experience that told the story of the last 25 years in all three of our services that weekend. It included several video testimonies, several 'best of' dramas, and some of the church's favorite solos through the years. I spoke for less that five minutes. I made the change 'on the fly' to can my 15 minute prepared message (a first for me) because I felt it would intrude into the moment. We finished the service with some incredible worship, some of the best since I've been here. We also held a picnic on Sunday afternoon that provided lots of fellowship time for former members to mingle with their friends still at the church.

I reflected on this experience and believe these five reasons justify regular celebrations, whether to celebrate major milestones such as a 25th year anniversary, or to celebrate small wins.

1. Scripture often tells us to remember God's blessings. Celebration helps us do that (Ps 77.11)
2. Celebration helps people feel like they are part of a movement that is truly 'winning'.
3. Celebration helps mitigate the message that our 'success' culture often breeds that we don't measure up.
4. Celebration builds confidence in leadership that they are leading the church in the right direction.
5. Celebration taps that 'made in God's image' part of us. God created us to worship and when we celebrate His goodness, we feel most fully alive.

So, our 25th year anniversary reminded me that as a pastor, I must lead our church to often celebrate our wins, even the small ones.

How do you regularly celebrate your church's wins?

For more Ministry Tips and Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

I've been in full-time vocational ministry nearly 30 years and used to  think that the most important use of my time was preaching the message. I still believe that, especially for the masses, but perhaps the second most important time is what I do right before the service and right after the service.

I call it the "ministry of presence." My high visibility as I chat with people, shake their hands, and give them a listening ear provides a tiny "one-on-one" window into their hearts. I believe those brief interactions often affect them more than the sermon itself.

Here are four simple choices to maximize that time.

• Look for the "deer-in-the-headlights" look. This look often telegraphs new people. I look at peoples' eyes and I can usually catch their "I'm new here and have no idea what to do or where to go." I will introduce myself and try to make them feel that I really care. A touch like that from a pastor can make a profound impact on a new person.

• Seek out those in wheelchairs, those with canes, or those with other physical or mental challenges. One guy, Robin, comes to our service in a motorized wheelchair. A mobile ventilator attached to his wheelchair keeps him alive. Another boy, Nicholas, is confined to his wheelchair. He is twelve. One older teen walks with a bent body and slurs her words when she talks. I don't let a service go by without talking, touching, and affirming them.

• Give your full attention to people when you do talk to them. Avoid the, "talking to one person while you are getting ready to talk to the next person" persona. People quickly sense half-hearted listeners.

• Finally, steer clear of the monopolizers. This may sound harsh, but some people will take your entire time before and after a service as they talk about themselves or some problem. I will often walk up a different aisle so as to avoid getting cornered by a monopolizer.

These simple practices have made many powerful spiritual deposits in others as I offer them my "ministry of presence."

Try out these ideas this month and see if you, too, feel God's pleasure.

Related posts:

• What a guy on a ventilator taught me

• What a dying man taught me

For more Help and Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

When I was a kid, one of my favorite toys was an Etch A Sketch. If you've never played with one, it works like this. You turn the two white knobs in different directions to create a line drawing like the one in the picture. That was cool enough for us kids like me who lived in the pre-internet era. But the coolest part came when when you wanted to start a new drawing. A quick jiggle of the screen and the drawing would 'magically' disappear ready for a new picture.

What does an Etch A Sketch have to do with planning? It's a phrase I coined during my recent trip to Nicaragua.

In six days our team held three 1-day training conferences in different locations in the country for over 325 pastors and their wives. Being a meticulous planner, I had created a well-designed schedule for each day. The only problem? My view of time didn't sync with how the pastors and wives viewed it nor did it sync with how the three local pastors who sponsored the events viewed it.

I was literally forced to change our daily schedule every hour, sometimes as often as 5 times in an hour. For a recovering obcessive-compulsive, I was ticked. I had diligently prepared this schedule. We had lots to accomplish to finish at five each day. The speakers had prepared talks to teach. Our worship team had practiced songs to sing. But the people didn't show up until anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and a half late. And they took really long breaks. Early on inside I was yelling, "What's wrong with you Nicaraguans! Don't you wear watches?"

But God graciously moderated my inner voice and attitude and I realized I could learn a lot from how the Nicaraguans treated time.

For me, time has always been a commodity I didn't want to waste. I always felt that I waste time if I'm not always accomplishing some task or goal. I've also believed that people who are perpetually late aren't stewarding their time wisely. Although the two previous statements are often true, the culture I've experienced in my five trips to Nicaragua has helped me become less 'uptight' if sometimes my time passes without any appreciable accomplishment.

I believe these Nicaraguan pastors, as a whole, value relationships over tasks, perhaps more than we do in the United States.

If you are a pastor, you are a busy guy or gal. I know because I am one. It seems there's always more to do in ministry than time to do it.

But for me, I hope my Etch A Sketch planning experience will help me savor the relational moments that may show no immediate accomplishment. Perhaps Jesus had this thought in mind when he gently admonished Martha with these words.

... only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her. (Luke 10.42)

Related posts: Strategic Planning for Dummies

For more Help and Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

I'm a pastor and I bought an iPad 10 days ago (16 Gig wi-fi version, the cheapest).

If you are a pastor, could an iPad help you become more effective? Maybe. Maybe not.

Although I'm only a little over a week into owning mine, this phrase captures my experience,"It has exceeded all my expectations."

What prompted me to purchase one?

First, it might help to know the technology I currently use. I am a shameless Mac fanatic and have bought probably 15 macs since the first one came out. I am the proud owner of one of the first 50,000 Macs ever sold. I still own it. My current Mac is a MacBook Pro (10.5.8) and I also own an iPhone 3g.

The most used software programs I've put in my Mac dock bar are:

1. Microsoft Office (I primarily use Word and Entourage)
2. Safari browser
3. Accordance Bible software
4. Libronix Logos Bible software (I purchased this after I had used Accordance for several years)
5. Appleworks (I still use the word processor sometimes)

Other software I often use includes: Tweetdeck, Contribute (to edit my website), iTunes (of course), Skype, and Filemagnet (iPhone document sofware). Since I bought my iPad I've added Evernote and Dropbox.

When Apple began to hint about a slate type computer, my imagination went wild hoping I could replace my notebook. When the iPad appeared, I tried to justify a purchase that could replace my notebook. But, I couldn't. I realized I would still need my notebook to manage my bible software.

So, what pushed me over the ledge? My wife said I could buy one. Really. She had to agree before I'd plunk down 500 bucks. In trade, I bought her a new car. Got to keep the marriage intact, you know. :)

A sidenote: my iphone 3g is ......s.......l........o.........w........ Drives me crazy and I wanted to use something FASTER. Wow, has the iPad met that expectation.

Here's how the iPad has benefited me thus far.

1. Lightning fast speed. In every respect, including internet access, the iPad is faster than my MacBook Pro. I've pondered having the, "Honey I really need a new MacBook Pro," talk with my wife, but I need to save that conversation for the new iPhone that comes out in June that I really want.
2. It's much quicker to type emails than typing them on my iPhone.
3. I can create documents in the Pages word processing app with a small bluetooth keyboard almost as fast as I can when I use Word on my MacBook Pro. It works quite well, although it's a stripped down word processor. Watch for developers to design some really good ones. I use Dropbox to keep my documents synced between my Mac and my iPad.
4. I've used Pages as a replacement for paper notes when I teach. I've only done this twice, so the full verdict is not yet out. However, it's so easy to make quick changes and it's really cool to flick your finger to move the page. This may prove to be the biggest benefit to pastors who use notes when they preach.
5. The big full screen is a HUGE improvement over the tiny iPhone screen. I love BibleReader from Olive Tree. It makes bible reading and devotional study very pleasant. Althought Logos is available for the iPad, it's only available via Wi-Fi. When the apps I use on my iPhone are available for the iPad, it will be hard to use the iPhone except in a pinch.
6. Battery life. I've found it lasts 8-10 hours.
7. Weight, light. I took it along with my bluetooth keyboard on my mission trip to Nicaragua last week and it was so easy to carry around and use compared to my laptop.
8. When I use my iPad, I feel very, very hip. As a 55-year-old, I need everything I can to be cool. Right now, I am the coolest person on our church staff, until the other guys get their iPads.

The downsides.

1. I'm still lugging my laptop around in my backpack (as well as the bluetooth keyboard). I still haven't determined my rhythm when I need my MacBook Pro and when I need my iPad.
2. No flash.
3. True multi-tasking is not yet available, but should be with the 4.0 firmware update in June.
4. Although I can post text to my blogs with the iPad, I can't use pictures. Not sure why.

So, that's it for now. In a month or so I'll write a part 2 and tell you what I think.

If you are a pastor and use the iPad, how has it helped you?

Related posts:

• A Great Journaling App for ipad/iphone
• iPad Preaching with a Virtual Whiteboard
• Interactive Preaching with the IPad
• How an iPad Improved my Preaching
• How an iPad Improved my Devotional Life

I learned an odd thing about Nicaragua today. Insomniac roosters live here. At about 3 am this morning a rooster decided to flex his vocal chords, repeatedly for 4 straight hours. He is continuing his display even as I write this blog.

Fried pollo (chicken in Spanish) will be quite tasty for lunch. I recruited the security guard to help. He carries a quick load shot gun. Looking for a quieter night tonight. :)

On the serious side: This morning we will attend an English speaking church and tonight we will show the kid's version of the Jesus film (dubbed in Spanish). We will do a free raffle and give away some soccer balls as well as a gospel bracelet to each child. I'm praying that many kids will clearly understand the gospel and respond.

Tomorrow we begin the first of three 1-day pastors and wives conferences. We expect around 200 for the first. Then, tomorrow night we will show the adult version of the Jesus film.

A final thought: it's amazing how the soul feels cleansed without the incessant bombardment of man-made sounds. If you have a chance to be someplace without man-made sound, please do it. You'll be refreshed at your experience.

PS-as I finished this blog, unbeknownst to me, this rooster had made his way to the entrance of the church building where I was writing and scared the bejeebers out of me when he crowed, 3 feet away from me! I am not making this up. I feel like I'm being stalked.

For more Help and Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

What do you do when your plans get interrupted? Fume...fuss...cuss?

I tend to fume.

Recently two experiences interrupted my well laid-out plans. In the process, I learned a few simple life lessons.

Interruption #1

I'm taking a voice-over class in Chicago and I park in the same building where the class is held. The valet keeps the key and after the class (later that night), I retrieve my key from the security guard and drive home. Except this week. The guard couldn't find my key. She called the boss and while he drove back to the building, I had some time to kill. For the next while, I was able to have a meaningful conversation with Faith about having a relationship with Christ. She didn't trust Christ, but I believe her heart opened a bit. Eventually, the boss found my key and I made it home.

One redeemed interruption.

Interruption #2.

Two days later I prepared for my quarterly overnight planning retreat at a retreat center a few miles west of my home. Just before I left, I opened my MacBook Pro to send out an email. When I opened the lid ... a black screen stared back. This happened two weeks prior and I thought is was a one-time glitch. Apparently not, though. Fortunately, the first time one of my staff guys was able to perform a convoluted fix because my re-booting, removing the battery, and screaming at my Mac didn't work. But, he was now out-of-town. I checked with another staffer and he said he thought  he could fix it. He did. By the time he fixed it, though, I faced losing a half-day of my retreat. Plus, I had lost the file of my current sermon.

On my drive to the retreat center, I faced a choice, I could fume or pray. I choose the latter. Amazingly, that focused prayer time centered me and prepared my heart for the retreat, even though on the way a train stopped me and when I arrived the place was locked.

Another interruption redeemed.

Here are the 3 lessons I learned from those interruptions.

1. Life often seem like a series of interruptions punctuated by a few plans that get accomplished.
2. When interrupted, we all choose how we will respond.
3. When we respond with God's grace, He will redeem even the most frustrating interruptions for His Glory and our benefit.

For more Help and Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

Recently we added a Saturday night service. As a result, I've seen my preaching improve. My staff has even remarked about the positive change they've seen.

First, my previous routine looked like this on Sunday mornings.

• Get up at an insanely early hour
• Spend 20 minutes on my stationary bike trying to wake myself up
• Review my message
• Take a shower and shave
• Rush to eat something
• Arrive at church in a rush for the service run through
• Preach two services feeling stressed
• Go home and take a nap

Now my Saturday routine looks like this.

• Sleep a bit later
• Mess around in the morning
• Eat a leisurely lunch
• Take a nap
• Review my message
• Arrive an hour early for the service run-through
• Preach one sermon with less pressure
• Go home, watch TV and go to bed

And Sunday ...

• Sleep later
• Eat a leisurely breakfast
• Arrive an hour before the service to discuss any tweaks with my staff
• Feel very relaxed
• Preach at 2 services
• Go home and take a nap

As a result of this change, I've seen these benefits.

1. I'm much less stressed with preaching my first message on Saturday and thus less stressed for Sunday.
2. I'm more relaxed on Saturday which carries over into Sunday.
3. Because I'm more relaxed, I'm more able to be truly present with others before and after the services
4. Because I changed my day off to Mondays (vs Saturdays before) I mentally have something to look forward to the next day, that day of rest.

When we decided to start a Saturday service, we took eight months to research, prepare and recruit. We felt very concerned about how it might affect our margins. To our surprise, this change has done wonders for our energy and our margins.

If you are considering a Saturday night service, I don't recommend it unless you do your homework. But if you do take that step, you may find some unexpected positive consequences as did we.

And, by the way, our attendance has jumped over 10% as well.

A nice mailer if you are considering such a service.

Also, Ten Keys to Starting a Saturday Night Service here.

As a pastor, Christmas and Easter tends to pump up my adrenalin because so many new people attend. Our church averages around 1100 each Sunday and when these holidays come, our attendance more than doubles during our special holiday weekend services and performances

This year our worship leader wrote a production that interwove themes of  the movie It's a Wonder Life. It was original, went super well, and evoked lots of great comments. I've included a few pictures here.

From conversations with other pastors, their church's attendance tends to jump on these days as well.

It's cool to see a bunch of new faces, but in my experience, I don't see that many people come to Christ on these holidays. I always clearly share the Gospel, lead people in a discreet prayer to trust Christ, and encourage them to note their decision on our guest card. A few do, but not in proportion to the increased attendance.

I've scratched my head each year wondering why we don't see more conversions. As I've tried to figure out why, I seem to get more questions than answers.

• Since lots of the new people have not been in church in a long time, does the unfamiliarity with church tend to stifle commitments to Christ?
• Are people's minds simply on other things?
• Do seekers need more exposure to the Gospel and more time for it to soak?
• Do seekers feel offended because someone asks for such a personal decision in such a short time?
• Do more people trust Christ than those who indicated  on the guest card that they did?
• Should I re-set my expectation for these holiday services to seed-planting rather than spiritual harvesting?

If you are a pastor, does your church experience the same thing during these holidays? Why do you think so?

Have you discovered anything that helps others cross the line of faith during these seasonal services?

If you don't consider yourself a follower of Christ, do you have any thoughts?

I was (and still am a geek).

I graduated with an industrial engineering degree from Ga Tech with high honors.  That industrial engineering school has consistently ranked #1 in systems engineering (think efficiency experts).

I also earned two graduate level degrees from two seminaries. My engineering degree was by far my toughest degree.

That degree taught me to think systematically. I've added to my competency tool box many books on church planning plus two churches where I've served have engaged in year-long visioning processes with church consultants. So, I'm well versed and trained in the church visioning/planning process.

Recently, I read Will Mancini's seminal book on the subject, Church Unique-How Missional Leaders Cast Vision, Capture Culture, and Create Movement.

...an outstanding read and a fresh approach to the church planning process. I highly recommend it.

In chapter one in a section called "Lost on the Way to Your Own DNA," he lists subtle thinking patterns that can suffocate vibrant thinking. He coins these patterns, 'thinkholes.'

I've listed them here with brief definitions.

• The ministry treadmill-busyness eliminates time for reflection...leads to just adding more programs
• The competency trap-presumption that past methods will continue to work decreases appetite for learning...leads to just working harder
• The needs based slippery slope-consumerism removes the need for discernment...leads to trying to make people happy
• The cultural whirlpool 1: BuzzChurch-innovation short circuits self-awareness...leads to just trying to be cutting edge
• The cultural whirlpool 2: StuckChurch-change outpaces the discipline for learning...leads to glorifying the past
• The conference maze: success increases the temptation to copycat...leads to just modeling best practices
• The denominational rut: resources disregard local uniqueness...leads to just protecting theology

At times I've been caught up in these thinkholes. How about you?

Do you agree that these issues can hinder effective ministry? What has helped you overcome them?

I like to read, though I don't read as much as I should. I'll probably read 20 or so books a year and after a few days or weeks, much of what I read doesn't do much for me. Not this book, though. Deep Church thoughtfully and gracefully written by Jim Belcher, is one that will stick. The book's subtitle, A Third Way beyond Emerging and Traditional captures its essence.

In his introduction, he aptly describes who should read the book. "The book is written for those who are caught in between. They are unhappy with the present state of the evangelical church but are not sure where to turn for an answer. They like some of what the emerging and traditional camps offer, but they are not completely at ease with either."

In this blog, I'm not giving a formal review nor am I trying to capture all the main points. Rather, I've simply listed in bullet fashion some of the his insights that struck me most. And I don't always quote directly.

I highly recommend this book, so much so that I'm purchasing a copy for each of our deacons, elders, and staff. On the book's web site, www.deepchurch.com, he lists an impressive group of endorsers including Tim Keller, Mark Driscoll, Rob Bell, and Ed Stetzer.

So, here you go.

• The emerging church is protesting these issues: captivity to enlightenment rationalism, a narrow view of salvation, belief before belonging, uncontextualized worship, ineffective preaching, weak ecclesiology, and tribalism.
• Three groups make up the emerging family: relevants (they take the Gospel in the historic form of church and attempt to make it understandable in emerging culture), reconstructionists (they take the same Gospel but question and reconstruct much of the form of the church), revisionists (they question and revise the Gospel and the church). He credits Ed Stetzer for this.
• On unity: "No unity is possible without boundaries of thought and belief around something. There is always a limit to what any group can tolerate without being torn apart."
• "Apart from revelation, there is nothing to hold a particular tradition, community or history accountable. There is no prophetic voice."
• Belonging is great. Just don't shortchange belief.
• Bible+tradition+mission=deep ecclesiology.
• There is a place for critiquing culture but we are called to also create it.
• The church is both institution and organism (Abraham Kuyper).
• Evangelicalism best thrives when it is simultaneously distinct from and engaged with the wider society (Christian Smith).

This snippets only scratch the surface of the insights Jim offers in Deep Church. If you struggle with wanting to embrace some of the emerging church's learnings yet don't want to lose your moorings to Scripture and sound theology, you should have this book in your library and its content in your mind.

As a pastor of a mid-sized church, I try to read broadly enough to understand the current Christian vernacular. My current read, Deep Church, unpacks the terminology of emerging/emergent church and those that think more traditionally and suggests an in-between position. I recommend it.

Through my reading, I've noticed the past few years that the church's vernacular seems to be in constant flux, depending on who you read or listen to. The church growth movement taught me avoid certain words or phrases for fear of turning off the listener. Other recent voices suggest new terminology as well.

• Some replace such terms as justification, sanctification, and atonement with other words with less syllables.
• The term seeker was/is used as a preferred word for  a lost person.
• Salvation is now cross the line of faith.
• The newest replacement phrase is follower of Christ in lieu of Christian or believer.

When I preach and teach, I try to use theological terms that make sense to the listener. If you listen to any of my messages, you'll probably find that my word choice matches the above.

But the last one, follower of Christ, even though I sometimes use it, feels disingenuous to me.

I'm not sure why I feel that way.

Is it because I've used believer and Christian for so long that subconsciously I don't like change?

Is is it because I feel like I'm trying to be theologically hip by using the coolest new words or phrases? (I am not the coolest pastor around. I don't drink beer, smoke cigars, or study at Starbucks while having deep spiritual conversations with the barista. A future blog post.)

Or, is it just too new for me to feel comfortable using it?

I'm still wrestling with this one. I'd welcome your thoughts.

At a recent church leadership conference, I heard an author criticize those who believe in propositional truth.

This speaker built a straw man and then tore it down with arrogance and a dismissive spirit.

He even made a comment something like, "Those who teach and believe this stuff are misguided, misplaced, and downright wrong." He accused those who believe in propositional truth of making propositions and then beating the (heck) out of people. Interestingly, he used propositions to make his point.

On the other hand, I'm reading a refreshing book, Deep Church-a Third Way Beyond Emerging and Traditional, by a guy named Jim Belcher. He graciosly uncovers the weaknesses of both traditional foundationalists and extreme emergents as well as drawing out the best from each.

I look forward to delving deeper into Deep Church. It would be a great book to add to your library.

This morning in my quiet time I reflected over the past two Sunday services in our church. For some reason attendance was down compared to last year. The flu has hit and I'm sure that accounts for some absences. But, I've struggled with discouragement wondering what we could do differently to encourage people to attend. Unfortunately, I'm tempted too often to allow the church numbers game to regulate my inner peace.

As I mulled over my feelings, I read Psalm 27. Verse four goes like this.

One thing (my emphasis) I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

I've read that passage hundreds of times but this time the first two words struck me: ONE THING. As I felt like a not-so-successful pastor because numbers had drooped, I asked myself these questions.

• Charles, what is your ONE THING?
• Is your ONE THING to strive always to feel competent because your efforts brought more people to church?
• Is your ONE THING to always serve a church whose attendance graph is to the right and up?
• Is your ONE THING yourself?

I forced myself to ask these penetrating questions in light of David's ONE THING. He wanted more than anything to know, follow, and be with his Lord. Do I really want what he wanted? I believe I do, but sometimes for a while other things supplant the ONE THING. These uncomfortable feelings make me evaluate if I'm keeping the right ONE THING.

I'm just guessing here, but I bet many if not most pastors face this same temptation.

What is your ONE THING today?

In Judson Edwards book, The Leadership Labyrinth, he describes 21 paradoxes in ministry. He defines the 'relationship paradox' in this way: the people who like you most will be the ones you try least to please.

He writes that these three kinds of people fill every church.

1. The energizers-their very presence makes us feel better, buoy our spirits, and fill our tanks
2. The regular folks-they may not buoy our spirits, but they don't demoralize us either. They make up the largest group.
3. The drainers-they sap our joy and can ruin our day

The main difference between the energizers and the drainers are their expectations of us. The energizers don't place great expectations on us. The drainers do.

We don't measure up to the drainers expectations. Either our preaching or counseling or leading or availability is not enough. These subtle unmet expectations may not be overt, but when we are around these people, we feel their unspoken disapproval.

Edwards pens these profound words. "When our credo becomes 'I am as you desire me,' we have lost the very thing that will enable us to minister effectively: our authenticity."

Edwards rounds out his chapter with three insights into how Jesus responded to his drainers.

• First, Jesus retreated from this drainers to refresh himself and seek God. He regularly sought renewal.
• Second, Jesus balanced his drainers with his energizers.
• Third, Jesus didn't allow the drainers deter him from his plan and purpose.

Although Jesus practiced a rhythm of renewal and time away from his drainers, he never got rid of them. He still had to contend with them, just as we pastors must do in our churches.

Not everyone liked Jesus. Not everyone will like us. But God's grace gives us what we need to serve even the most draining drainers.

This morning I got a tweet that a large church in the southeast was starting another campus in the county where I started a church over 20 years ago. This church will probably start out with over 2,000 from day one. The church I started finally reached 500 after 14 years.

I must confess that unpleasant feelings crept into my heart when I read this tweet. I can't exactly pinpoint them, but they are probably an amalgamation of sadness (that I never achieved mega-churchdom), jealousy (I'm being honest), and an emotion that circles lack of competency (I probably don't have what it takes to be a mega-church pastor). Although I've been gone from the church I started over 9 years now and I serve a good church of over 1,000, the curse of comparison still sometimes rears its ugly head.

Our fallen human nature naturally tempts us to compare ourselves with the more successful, the prettier, the smarter. I believe we often do so to build ourselves up do we can feel significant. No matter your vocation, position in life, or size of your ministry if you are a pastor,  you probably face this same curse.

I don't have pat answers, but a few choices have helped me avoid the vortex of discouragement that comparison can bring.

1. I must remind myself that my identity comes not from my performance, but from my relationship with Christ.
2. I must do my best with the opportunity God gives me right now and if I do, I will please Jesus. Jesus commended the guy who returned 10 talents back to him the same way he commended the guy who returned 4. They each had different levels of giftedness, yet they both were faithful to the task they were given.
3. I must believe the words of Paul when he said that ultimately, it's not what I think of my performance that counts, but what the Lord thinks.

2Cor. 10.18 (MESSAGE) What you say about yourself means nothing in God’s work. It’s what God says about you that makes the difference.