Unless you stay at the same church your entire life, you will leave one ministry or church and go to another, perhaps several times. In fact, the average pastor in the U.S. stays at one place about four years.

I’ve served at five different churches in my 33 years in ministry and have always sought to leave well. I’ve learned that leaving is more of an art and is often difficult. Here are 7 insights I’ve learned that have helped me make a graceful exit.

• Deal with your baggage.Leave with a clear conscience that relationships have been made right, as much as is possible.
  • Acts 24:16   So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.
  • Rom. 12:18   If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone
• Don’t leave angry. Process your pain. If you struggle with anger after you leave, get coaching or counseling to avoid bitterness.
  • Hebr. 12:15   See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
• Leave on top.That is, leave your ministry as healthy and as strong as possible.
  • Col. 3:23   Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men….
• Speak well of the former leaders, both lay and paid. Don't leave a trail of gossip. Don’t undermine the leaders or anyone else who may have hurt you. Don’t burn bridges. Leave in such a way that your and Christ’s reputation remain intact.
  • Prov. 22:1 A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.
• Let go of ownership. You are no longer in charge. You may be tempted to still influence it from afar. Guard against that.
• Pray that God would bless the ministryeven more with the new leader who replaces you.
  • 1Kings 1:37 "May the Lord be with Solomon as he has been with you, and may God make Solomon’s reign even greater than yours!”
• Grieve well.Change brings loss. You will lose familiarity, relationships, and influence even as you gain those in your new ministry. Don’t be surprised if you grieve. The Apostle Paul grieved when he left the church at Ephesus for the last time.
  • Acts 20: 35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: `It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"   36 When he had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed.   37 They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.   38 What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.

Years ago I heard a talk by Ellen Goodman about leaving well. This quote captures the spirit of a leader who makes a graceful exit.

There is a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over-and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on, rather than out.

What insights would you add to this list?

"I just learned some good insight about how to gracefully leave a ministry." (tweet this quote).

Related Posts:

• Rejection: How it Affects Leaders. 
• When Ministry Knocks You Down, How to Get Back Up 

Here’s a quick list of the top 5 posts my blog readers read during the last 30 days.

• 4 Spiritual Disciplines Pastors Miss the Most
• 5 Brain Friendly Tips to Enhance Your Presentations
• 6 Soul Care Essentials for Pastors
• Top 10 Issues Facing the Church Today
• Are you a Transactional or a Transformational Leader: Take this Quiz and Find Out

What bloggers are you reading that I should know about?

I’m half-way through an incredible book called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Dr. Brene Brown. I highly recommend it. Her TED talk on this subject has garnered almost 10,000,000 views. She strikes a chord for leaders about risking vulnerability. 

As a pastor vulnerability is scary, carries risks, and we must practice care with whom we get deeply vulnerable. Check out my post here on what to look for in safe people. 

As risky as it is, Dr. Brown says it’s a key to what she calls wholehearted living, what I’d called a Spirit-filled life. She says we live in a culture of scarcity and poses 14 questions in her book (p. 27) in three categories that caused me to reflect deeply about my family, my ministry, and my world.

 I’ve quoted and paraphrased them here.

As you read them, what is God saying to you about your family, your life, and your ministry?

SHAME

• Do I use the threat of belittling or ridicule to keep people in line?
• Is my self worth tied to achievement, productivity, or compliance?
• Are blaming and finger pointing norms?
• Are put-downs and name-calling rampant?
• Am I guilty of favoritism?
• Am I a perfectionist?

COMPARISON

• Do I constantly compare and rank myself or others?
• Has my creativity been suffocated?
• Are people in my family or church held to one narrow standard rather than acknowledged for their unique gifts and contributions?
• Is there an ideal way of being or one form of talent that is used to measure everyone else’s worth?

DISENGAGEMENT

• Are people afraid to take risks or try new things?
• Is it easier to stay quiet than share stories, experiences, and ideas?
• Does it feel as if no one is really paying attention or listening?
• Is everyone struggling to be seen and heard?

As you read these, what question really resonated with you? What question would you add to this list?

___

“I just read 14 penetrating questions that made me evaluate my life and ministry.”  (click to tweet this quote)

Related posts:

• A Counter-intuitive Way to Manage Ministry Pain 

The board meetings have begun to sour. Increasingly the pastor and his board have heated conversations about the church’s direction. The conflict has bled into every meeting for months. Emotions are running high. Conflict reaches a flash point. There is no written plan on how to deal with it. 

What happens? The board either sends the pastor packing or he quits out of frustration.

A rarity? No. Over 1500 pastors are forced from the ministry each month and many more pastors simply quit because they’re broken. Many are pondering leaving right now.

When emotions run rampant among pastors and boards, thoughtfulness seldom prevails. Our emotional brain hijacks our thinking brain.

So what is the solution to this problem? A written, clear, agreed-upon conflict resolution process. Here are 5 reasons your church needs one.

1. Simply quoting Matthew 18:15-17 on dealing with conflict often doesn’t cut it. Although it’s the basis for conflict resolution, it’s seldom practiced without specific written guidelines.
2. When we’re emotional, we don’t think clearly. When that happens we need something objective that is not open to interpretation, something that specifically explains the process whereby board-staff or staff-staff conflict can be resolved.
3. Such a policy can often result in a more redemptive resolution to conflict than knee-jerk reactions, instead of firing or quitting.
4. We are called to model to the world love for each other (John 13.34-35). How we respond to conflict often conveys just the opposite.
5. When we solve conflict in a God honoring way we embody unity, what the Scriptures often command us to seek. Eph. 4.3 (NIV) Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

I highly recommend the organization called Peacemakers to help you craft such a policy. Ken Sande, author of The Peacemaker, founded and leads this organization. Every pastor should read his book.   

They also offer training and have produced some excellent materials you can use to teach your church and leaders. Check out this link for their resources. 

Does your church have a conflict resolution policy? I’d love to see it if you do.

I just learned 5 reasons why churches should have a conflict resolution policy. http://ow.ly/kVX5W (click to tweet this).

Related posts:

• What do toilet repairs and composure have in common? 
• Lessons learned from angry emails

Discouragement comes with the territory for ministry leaders. Unmet goals, putting out fires, staff issues, displeasing people, and general tiredness all contribute to discouragement. When it weighs us down, how can we dig out?

The life of the prophet Elijah gives us hope.

I Kings 18-19 tells the story of his amazing confrontation with the prophets of Baal. The people of Israel had gathered on Mount Carmel along with 450 prophets of Asherah. They set up a sacrifice and the 450 pagan prophets summoned their gods to provide rain. Nothing happened. Then Elijah summoned the one, true God who showed His power by not only consuming the sacrifice but also ending the drought.

You’d think that after God showed up in such a powerful way, twice, that Elijah would be on a spiritual and emotional high. Not so. After these great victories, he ran for his life, thinking he was the only true prophet left.  He literally wanted to die. But God did not leave him alone. I Kings 19 explains how he cared for him.

Three lessons stand out about how we can defeat leadership discouragement.

• First, prepare for an emotional dip after spiritual success. I’ve found that discouragement often follows a spiritual high. Among other reasons, it’s the body’s response to stress. Mondays are often the most discouraging days for pastors after an intense Sunday. Prepare for this inevitability.
• Second, physically rejuvenate. After Elijah wanted to die, God provided food for him through an angel and had him take two long naps. After a spiritual high, take care of your body to give it time to re-energize. Extra sleep, healthy food, exercise, and doing something fun can help you recover.
• Third, still your soul to hear God’s gentle voice. After Elijah fled, God spoke to him in a “whisper.” Often Satan will attack us most after spiritual victories with condemning and tempting thoughts. When he does, turn your heart to the Lord and listen to His quiet, yet encouraging voice.

What has helped you defeat discouragement?

Related posts:

• 6 Ways to Encourage Your Pastor 
• When Ministry Knocks You Down, How to Get Back Up 

Patrick Lencioni brought the concept of silos into the leadership conversation with this great book, Silos, Politics, and Turf Wars. Silos occur in organizations and churches when leaders act like their ministry or team is the only one that matters. A silo attitude results in that leader or team only supporting, giving, or attending functions that pertain to them. It can be kill a ministry and result in these problems.

• Unhealthy competition
• Jealousy
• Hurt feelings
• Pride
• Lack of trust
• Fighting over limited resources
• Foot dragging
• Politics

So how can a leader minimize ministry silos? Below I suggest a key foundation and then 5 pillars to build on that foundation to rid your ministry of silos.

If you want to change your culture to minimize and remove silos, build from the bottom up. Build a solid foundation on the Biblical concept of unity. Teach and train your leaders often about unity remembering that unity does not mean uniformity. God gives each of us unique gifts and abilities which creates a healthy church. Keep these and other Scriptures in front of your leaders.

• Psa. 133.1 (NIV) How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
• Rom. 15.5 (NIV) May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus,
• Eph. 4.3 (NIV) Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
• 1Cor. 1.10 (NLT) I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.

Next, place these five pillars on that unity foundation.

1. Make sure you have a clear, shared vision. Keep your church’s mission/vision/values before your leaders. If you’re fuzzy on mission/vision/values, I recommend Will Mancini’s book, Church Unique. 
2. Build trust between all your leaders. When leaders trust each other it increases the trust neurotransmitter, oxytocin, which builds camaraderie. The more people trust each other, studies show that they will co-operate more. (De Dreu, 2012).
3. Encourage your leaders to talk to each other. Schedule consistent leadership meetings so that leaders can hear each other’s stories and needs. Start a leadership e-letter and send it to every leader. The more in common leaders share with other leaders, the more productive and motivated they’ll be.
4. Remind leaders that it’s not all about them. Remind them that they are part of a larger purpose and that great teams look out for each other. Foster this attitude among your leaders. “How can I help my fellow leaders, even though it’s not my ministry?”
5. Teach leaders to step inside each other’s shoes. When we see life from another’s perspective, we are more giving and more likely to help. It’s a concept mentalizing (Waytz et al., 2012).

Are silos an issue in your ministry? How do you deal with them?

Related posts:

• Strategic Planning for Dummies 
• Get a free strategic planning tool here

References:

De Dreu, C.K.W. (2012) Oxytocin modulates cooperation within and competition between groups: An integrative review and research agenda. Hormones and Behavior, 61 (3), pp.419–428.

Waytz, A., Zaki, J. & Mitchell, J.P. (2012) Response of Dorsomedial Prefrontal Cortex Predicts Altruistic Behavior. Journal of Neuroscience, 32 (22), pp.7646–7650.

After 32 years working in a church, I stepped down last year after a fulfilling 7½ year run as a senior pastor in Aurora, IL. This past year I’ve accomplished several things.

• Completed a book for Inter-Varsity Press called People-Pleasing Pastors: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Approval Motivate Leadership. It releases in February of 2014.
• Almost completed another book on the subject of neuroleadership for Christian leaders (intersects brain-based insights with the Bible).
• Created the foundation for my consulting/coaching ministry for pastors.
• Formed an animation company called BullsEye Animations.  
• Traveled to Canada, Haiti, and Mexico to train pastor-leaders.
• Preached in several churches.
• Almost completed an Executive Masters in the Science of Neuroleadership.

I’ve been busy accomplishing many things, but I’m at a transition point in my life. I want to go back into church ministry as a lead pastor. To help me in this transition, I’ve hired a wonderful Christian coach, Kim Avery, to guide me through the process. I’ve scheduled several phone coaching sessions with her. Here are the five reasons I'm getting a coach this year.

1. Perspective. Although I’m an intelligent guy, sometimes I lose perspective. Someone totally objective can often see things I can’t and I need that in my life right now.
2. Questions. I learn well when others ask me good questions. It puts the thinking into my court. Good coaches know how to ask good questions.
3. Push-back. Sometimes my thinking can get so one-tracked that I don’t consider other possibilities. A coach can help me think “outside-the-box” by pushing back on my assumptions.
4. Blind spots. This relates to #1 and #3 above. We all have blind spots. As I enter into this transition, I don’t want to make decisions that might be prompted by blind spots. A coach can help reveal blind spots that can skew decision-making.
5. Affirmation. As I move into my next phase of life, whatever that looks like, I appreciate affirmation from those I respect. A respected coach can affirm good decision-making and through affirmation can prompt me take that final step necessary to make the right decisions.

If you have been coached, what benefits have you seen from your coaching experience?

Related posts:

• Do Pastors Need a Personal Coach? 
• I provide pastoral coaching. If you’d like to learn more, click here. 

The terms spiritual disciplines and spiritual formation practices have taken center stage in many churches and pastor conversations today. Essentially they refer to what we do to build healthy souls. And we all want that. They serve as means to an end, to become more like Jesus, not as ends in themselves. And the most common ones include Bible reading, fasting, and prayer.

While I believe that most pastors somewhat regularly practice the main ones, I have a hunch that we may often unintentionally miss these four. As you read each one, ask yourself when you last practiced it.

• Not having to have the last word. 
• Keith Meyer, pastor and author, tells a story about a student in one of Dallas Willard’s classes (he’s one of today’s leading voice on spiritual disciplines). At the end of one class a student rudely challenged him with a question. With Dallas’ keen mind he could have crushed him with an answer. Yet, he gently responded with, “Well, that’s a great question and a good time to end class.” After the class several angry and supportive students came up to him asked why he didn’t answer. He said, “I was practicing the discipline of not having to have the last word.”

• Solitude for the extrovert and community for the introvert.
• Introverts usually practice solitude easily yet may find it difficult to intentionally break their alone time to be with others. The opposite holds true for the extrovert. Silence and solitude can feel excruciating for an extrovert. Yet, often we need to do the opposite of what comes easy for the greatest impact on our souls.

• Submission for a Type-A, high-D personality. 
• Both those descriptions reflect my personality. I like to be in charge and lead the way. It’s hard for me to take a back seat. Yet when I do so with a right heart, it counters the temptation to become prideful.

• Confession. 
• No one likes to be wrong. Yet, when we do wrong, when we sin, Scripture tells us to confess it. It easier to confess it to God in private. It’s hard to confess it to others against whom we’ve sinned. Yet when we appropriately confess our sin to others, God gives us a deep sense of cleansing and peace in our souls.

What other disciplines do you see that pastors often miss?

Related Posts:

• Brokenness in a Pastor’s Life: a blessing or a curse?
• When pastors get too busy for people: a true story

It’s all about the brain.

When you preach a sermon or make a presentation and want to maximize your impact with your presentation, keep the brain in mind.

More than anyone else, Cognitive psychologist Richard Mayer has studied the link between learning and multimedia. In his experiments, those exposed to his learning concepts recalled details more accurately and problem solved better, what we hope happens when we preach, teach, or present. Here’s a summary of his findings with practical tips you can easily apply in your next Powerpoint or Keynote presentation.

• People learn better when you use words and pictures versus words alone.
• Application: include applicable pictures in your slides, not just filler type pictures.

• People learn better when you simultaneously use words and corresponding pictures rather than using them successively.
• Application: include words AND pictures on the same slide.

• People learn better when you place the words and pictures close to each other rather far from each other on the slide.
• Application: make sure you keep your words and related picture close to each other on every slide.

• People learn better when you exclude extraneous material.
• Application: keep your slides simple, the fewer words and pictures the better.

• People learn better when you use animation and narration rather than animation andon-screen text.
  • Application: when appropriate, sprinkle animations into your presentations to illustrate key concepts. SermonSpice is a great resource for churches.  

What have you discovered that has helped make your presentations more sticky? 

Related posts:

• Cotton Candy Preaching: why pastors should preach that way. 
• 5 Ways to Get People to Listen to Your Sermons 

I must confess upfront that I don’t play golf. I’ve only played it once, unless you count dinosaur carpet golf our family often played while on vacation. However, several years ago my father-in-law tried to interest me in the sport. He gave me a set of nice used clubs. But, I never used them. Three years later he asked me how my game was going. Chagrined, I had to admit that I never played with them. He asked me to give them back to him (he really did).

Although I don’t play the game, I know a few key terms such as birdie, bogey, and par. A golfer scores a birdie when he sinks the ball in one less stroke than par. He scores a bogie when he sinks it one stroke over par.

So what do birdies and bogies have to do with leadership?

They provide a compelling visual metaphor for how some leaders miss great opportunities (birdies) because they act like bogey leaders. Researchers at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania analyzed over 2.5 million putts from the top 20 golfers on the PGA tour in 2007 and made a surprising discovery.[1] Prompted by fear of a ‘bogey,’ these golfers often played it safe in tournaments. Their fear resulted in an average one-stroke loss per 72-hole tournament with a combined annual loss of $1.2 million in potential prize money. “The agony of a bogey seem(ed) to outweigh the thrill of a birdie.”[2]

This dynamic, called loss or risk aversion, occurs when fear of loss stifles our attempts at gain. As a result, that fear can cause us to miss opportunities because we lead (or golf) too conservatively. In fact, our brains seem to be wired this way. Two thirds of the cells in the fight-flight structures of our brain (the amygdala) are wired to look for potential bad news. Personal experience tells us that we tend to more easily remember bad things than good. And we more quickly form bad impressions of others than good ones. Unfortunately, some leaders give in to this tendency too easily and make leadership decisions to avoid loss instead of achieving gain.

So what can a leader do to minimize risk aversion?

I suggest what I call the 3-C approach to minimize it: counsel, certainty, and confidence.

• Counsel: seek it. When you feel you’re about to play it safe when faced with an important decision, seek counsel from wise people. You might choose your staff, your board, a close friend, or a coach. Often input from an objective person can give us what we need to pull the trigger, or not. The writer of Proverbs encourages us to do this. Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success. (Prov 15.22, NLT)

• Certainty: get it. Our brains love certainty.[3] We want to know what lies just around the corner. But often we have no control over the future. Every decision brings with it some uncertainty because we can’t guarantee most outcomes. In response to uncertainty, the flight-fight part of our brain secretes chemicals that prompt the fear emotion, a big de-motivator. That’s where faith must come in. Faith is essentially confidence in the One who is most certain, God Himself. To overcome this fear prompted by the uncertainty of decision-making, we must place our confidence in the one thing we can be sure of, God’s faithfulness. He’ll give us that extra boost of certainty we need to make the decision.

• Courage: live it. Courage counters fear. It doesn’t remove it. When fear rises before a decision, perhaps it’s a sign that we’re on the right track. Mark Twain said it well when he wrote, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. John Wayne, the venerable cowboy of cowboys offers great advice when fear prompts us to avoid a reasonable risk, “Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.”

So the next time you face a leadership decision and fear attempts to derail you, consider what you could lose if you don’t move forward and saddle up anyway. Don’t bogey your decision. Birdie it instead.

How would you describe most of the leaders you know, bogie or birdie leaders?

Related Posts:

• What do Toilet Repairs and Leadership Have in Common 
• Three Probing Questions Every Leader should Ask Every Year 

You’ve been wrestling with a ministry challenge and you believe you’ve found the right answer. At the next elder meeting you share your idea and one elder begins to voice opposition. Because you feel so strongly that you’re right you begin to raise your voice, talk faster, and talk over others who want to engage in the conversation. Tension escalates. Anger rises. You think, “How dare they think I’m wrong. I know I’m right.”

What happened?

And what should a leader do?

If this has ever happened to you, a small almond shaped structure called the amygdala has hijacked your brain. Located deep inside our brains, it (there are actually two of them) causes our fight-fight-freeze-appease response to danger.

So when you felt threatened from the elder’s pushback, your emotional side took over. And when that happened, the part of our brain that helps you think clearly, respond wisely, and listen carefully, the prefrontal cortex right behind your forehead, got shut down. You reacted emotionally rather than thoughtfully. And when you got too pushy, you probably put the other elder’s brains in the same fight-fight-freeze-appease mode which increased their resistance to your idea.

Unfortunately, many pastors and leaders get stuck in this unhealthy mode. They are driven to be right, to avoid appearing wrong, or to appease others. As a result, too much of the stress hormone, cortisol, courses through their bodies and brains and puts them in a state of chronic stress. Too much cortisol over long periods of time harms our hearts, decreases our creativity and memory, and actually kills brain cells.

When that happens, what can we do?

• Evaluate whether or not you are under chronic stress. If you often feel anxious, react easily, people-please too much, or have difficulty concentrating, your amygdala may be controlling you instead of the Holy Spirit. Your body may be telling you that you need a cortisol break. Ask a close friend or a counselor to help you determine if you’re under chronic stress. Even better, ask him if he feels like always need to be right. Of course, you may not even need anyone to tell you that. You may already know it. A good dose of self-honesty will go a long way toward healing. If you are under chronic stress, create a plan to lessen your stress.

• Remind yourself that God is in control. When the brain experiences uncertainty, (i.e., Will the elders approve my idea?) it feels threatened. When we feel threatened, our emotional side driven by the amygdala tends to take over. Yet, God is the most certain reality in the universe and He tells us to have faith in Him. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Heb. 11.1, NIV) Even with the uncertainty that comes with leadership, we can rely on God’s steadfastness certainty and His Spirit can override our human tendency to become fearful when things seem uncertain.

• Learn to listen more empathetically (i.e., when you present your idea to your board). Empathy, being able to step inside another’s shoes, is a key competency for successful pastors and leaders. One study even showed that empathetic doctors got sued less than non-empathetic ones (Ambady, 2002). It doesn’t mean that you don’t hold to your convictions. It does mean, however, that you try to listen with your heart. Empathy, kindness, and caring can actually help activate the trust hormone, oxytocin. When that happens, when others feel that you care and that you really listen, they will endear themselves more to you and to your leadership.

So, if you have to get hooked on something, don’t get hooked on being right about your ideas, but about being right with others and with the Lord.

What do you think? Am I on target with my thoughts?

Here's another great blog posting on the subject by Judith Glasser.

Related Posts:

• Motivate your Teams with These 4 Neuroscience Keys 
• 7 Rules of Conversations that Make for Great Meetings  

References:

Ambady, N. (2002) Surgeons’ tone of voice: A clue to malpractice history. Available from: [Accessed 27 March 2013].

I’m in a 5-part blog series that gives a brain-friendly tip that you can use to make your organizational changes brain-friendly so that they stick. Today’s is Sticky Tip 5: Seed your culture with a change mentality

Seed your culture with a change mentality

Change evokes fear in our emotional centers because it implies threat and the brain is wired to avoid threat and danger. However, the more familiar something becomes to us, the less threatened it will appear to us. So the more you familiarize you team with change, especially before you initiate a major one, the more likely they will receive it. How can you do that?

• First, begin with your leadership. Incorporate a change mentality into your leadership culture so that your core team or influencers don’t see it as a threat. Regularly include conversations about change into staff meetings, retreats, and leadership training. Encourage your leaders to think about it. Make change management a core competency you expect from your staff. Hire staff and recruit key volunteers who aren’t averse to change. Seek to make the concept less foreign.
• Second, include some aspect of change into your annual plans. Make it a core component in every planning cycle, not just when you face significant changes. Keep the conversation about change on the front burner. Help leaders think about ways to stay ahead of change rather than reacting to it when it becomes necessary.
• Finally, if you lead a church or ministry, regularly teach about the Biblical basis of change. Share stories of great heroes of the faith who embraced change and furthered the Kingdom as a result. Abraham obeyed God and moved to a foreign land. God blessed him with a new nation. Ruth left her home, family, and nation to follow Naomi into a strange land. As a result, she became part of the lineage of Jesus. And the disciples gave up their livelihoods to follow Jesus into uncharted waters as the Apostles. They were responsible for spreading the Gospel after Jesus ascended to heaven. Stories move and motivate others to embrace change.

To summarize my last 5 posts, I’ve included the 5 brain-friendly sticky change tips below.

1. Step into their shoes
2. Envision the benefits
3. Manage expectations
4. Invite input
5. Seed your culture with a change mentality

What would you add to this list?

What are you currently doing or what can you do to seed a change mentality into your organization’s culture?

Related Posts:

• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 1
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 2
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 3
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 4

I’m in a 5-part blog series that gives a brain-friendly tip you can use to make your organizational changes brain-friendly so that they stick. Today’s is Sticky Tip 4: Invite input

Invite input

Creating a change buy-in plan infers that you want to help people own the change. Why should they own it? Because people don’t like being told what to do (i.e. “you need to change”). They would rather come up with their own ideas. 

Within reason, provide your team significant opportunities to give input into how the change will look. Give away small components of change to those lower on the leadership org chart. Although upper management and leadership must decide the what of change, providing options and opportunity for your team to fashion the how because the brain loves freedom and autonomy. Allowing others to create components of that change helps create a feeling of autonomy.

Also, give your team real, tangible, and easy channels through which they can give you feedback about the change. Simply knowing that you are serious about listening will decrease your team’s threat response and fear about the change.

What mechanism can you set up to solicit input from your team?

Related Posts:

• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 1
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 2
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 3

I’m in a 5-part blog series that gives a brain-friendly tip that you can use to make your organizational changes brain-friendly so that they stick. Today’s is Sticky Tip 3.

Manage expectations

As you create a change buy-in plan, consider the power of expectations. The brain likes to know what to expect so it can prepare for and anticipate what’s coming. If you team feels uncertain about the future, their anxiety will rise because they get into an away state (a feeling of fear). One way to help moderate this anxiety is to plan how you will set expectations.

It’s wise to set realistic ones and to avoid overselling the benefits. Yet, still build in hopeful expectations. When we expect something good, we get boost of dopamine, the neurotransmitter involved in reward and motivation. 

This process is much like the placebo effect when somebody thinks he’s taking a real drug for a health issue, even though it may be a sugar pill. The sugar pill actually helps some people feel better because their positive expectations activate a part of the brain that tempers pain (Fournier et al., 2010). And, positive expectations prime our brains to be even more receptive. 

David Rock, a noted writer on neuroscience insight wrote, “What you expect is what you experience (Rock, 2009, Kindle e-book loc. 140).” So when you implement the change, you want to have met the expectations you communicated. Better yet, exceed them. Our brains love it when we get something unexpected, like exceeded expectations.

When your team experiences the positive benefits of change, their dopamine levels increase which puts them in a better mood. And when our teams are in better moods, it can engender more confidence in your leadership. They then become even more open to new experiences and change. 

One way to engender this confidence is to recognize and celebrate small wins along the way. The Scriptures even tell us to Rejoice with those who rejoice…. (Rom. 12.15, NIV)

How can you manage expections for the change you hope to bring?

Related Posts:

• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 1
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 2

References:

Fournier, J.C., DeRubeis, R.J., Hollon, S.D., Dimidjian, S., Amsterdam, J.D., Shelton, R.C. & Fawcett, J. (2010) Antidepressant drug effects and depression severity: a patient-level meta-analysis. JAMA: The Journal of the American Medical Association, 303 (1), pp.47–53.

Rock, D. (2009) Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long. HarperCollins.

I’m in a 5-part blog series that gives brain-friendly tips you can use to make your organizational changes brain-friendly so that they stick. Today’s is Sticky Tip 2.

Envision the benefits

When we imagine accomplishing something it actually activates the same brain circuits as if we actually performed the task (Munzert et al., 2008). As you create your change plan, include ways to help your team envision the positive benefits the change can bring. 

Let’s say you’re moving your office to another location. Plan ways to help your team see how such a move will benefit them. Help them envision how a day in the new office would help them be more productive. Help them imagine what it would be like with new desks, comfortable chairs, a nice break room, and windows. 

Break into manageable bites their fears and concerns you’ve discerned by stepping into their shoes. Address each one. Fill in their knowledge gaps with information that creates a compelling image of the future.

Fill in the gaps with faith that with God’s help you can make the change. If you lead a faith-based ministry or a church, encourage your people with Hebrews 11.1. Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (NLT)

And, the more you communicate that the change is less about you and your interests and more about their needs, the better your change will stick (Stiff & Mongeau, 2002, p. 111). For example, if you’re trying to create a change in a church, have someone beside the senior leaders share why they believe the change will help the cause of Christ.

Related Post:

• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 1

In my last post, I suggested 6 brain barriers that limit successful change in churches, ministries, and organizations. Often when leaders plan change for their organization, they simply plan the change itself and neglect planning how to communicate the change. I believe, however, that if you want your change to stick and you want to minimize disruption, you must begin by creating a brain-friendly communication plan.

In my next five blogs, I suggest a brain-friendly tip each day that can help make your change sticky, all grounded in recent neuroscience findings. Here's tip 1.

Step into their shoes

Neuroscientists have learned that often what we say we will do we don’t, and what we say we won’t do, we often do. Of course it doesn't take a brain scientist to figure that out. 

But they’ve discovered that when the part of the brain just behind your eyes lights up, the orbitofrontal cortex (Falk et al., 2010), it can accurately predict future behavior. This part of the brain gives us the ability to see another’s perspective by stepping inside their shoes. It’s called mentalizing. As we think about ourselves or think about others, we engage this part of the brain. And what we do in the future is correlated with it lighting up. So when your team takes your perspective and when you take theirs, you can help move the change forward.

So as you begin to create a buy-in plan, think about how you can step into your team’s shoes. Try to discern their perspective of the pending change by asking yourself questions like these.

• What are their concerns?
• How do they feel about this change?
• What do they fear?
• What do they think is going on inside your head?
• What might be their biggest objections?

Better yet, ask a few key people for their perspective about the change. 

Also, ask yourself how can you create an environment so your team will feel safe to discuss the change. Feeling safe can create a toward response (versus an away or resistant response) which will make your team more open to the change (Whiting et al., 2012).

Related Post:

• 6 Brain Barriers to Healthy Church Change

References:

Falk, E.B., Berkman, E.T., Mann, T., Harrison, B. & Lieberman, M.D. (2010) Predicting Persuasion-Induced Behavior Change from the Brain. The Journal of neuroscience?: the official journal of the Society for Neuroscience, 30 (25), pp.8421–8424.

Whiting, J., Jones, E., Rock, D. & Bendit, X. (2012) Lead change with the brain in mind. Neuroleadership Journal, (4), pp.1–15.

Healthy change is necessary for any church, ministry, or business to thrive. However, leaders often run into these invisible brain barriers when they attempt change. Ignoring them can slow or stonewall a change. Since neuroscientists are now rapidly learning amazing new insights about the brain, it behooves us to learn about how our brains respond to change.

The next time you plan a change initiative for your church or organization, consider how you might lessen the effects of these brain barriers that can stifle it.

1. Brain Barrier 1: Undoing a bad impression is harder than creating a good one. It’s the “you don’t have a second chance to make a good first impression” adage. Neuroscientists have found that to be true. It’s not just an old wives’ tale (Lount et al., 2008). Poorly introduced change will start your change on the wrong footing.
2. Brain Barrier 2: People initially assume the worst. Your brain is wired to pick up the negative more than the positive. In fact, 2/3 of the brain cells in the flight-fight part of your brain, the amygdala, are wired to pick up on what’s wrong rather than on what’s right (Hanson, 2010). Our brains have a built-in negativity bias. People will initially latch onto potential negatives of your change rather than onto the positives.
3. Brain Barrier 3: The brain can only handle so much change at once. Trying to create too much change too quickly increases the brain’s fear response and will hinder that change (Hemp, 2009).
4. Brain Barrier 4: People will fill in knowledge gaps about your change with fear. Change causes uncertainty about the future which in turn breeds fear. And when the brain senses fear, it doesn’t like it. It will act out of that fear which dampens the brain’s ability to think clearly. The less information you provide about your change initiative, the more others will fill in the knowledge gaps with their negative assumptions. As a result, they’ll be more fearful and more resistant to change.
5. Brain Barrier 5: People underestimate their ability to weather difficult future events (Wilson & Gilbert, 2005). Uncertainty causes us to poorly forecast how well we can face the difficulties that changes might bring. The term is called “affective forecasting.” When you present change, others will often initially assume that life will be worse for them because of your change.
6. Brain Barrier 6: Emotions play a significant role in decision-making and influence how well others will embrace change. Just presenting facts about your change without engaging positive and hopeful emotions about the future will seldom move it forward.

In my next post I give some brain-friendly keys to change.

What barriers have you seen from others when you’ve introduced change?

Related posts:

• 6 Keys to Mastering Church Change 
• How to Respond When Someone Leaves Your Church 

References:

Hanson, R. (2010) Confronting the Negativity Bias [Internet]. Available from: <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-wise-brain/201010/confronting-the-negativity-bias> [Accessed 31 January 2013].

Hemp, P. (2009) Death by Information Overload - Harvard Business Review [Internet]. Available from: <http://hbr.org/2009/09/death-by-information-overload/ar/1> [Accessed 20 March 2013].

Lount, R.B., Zhong, C.-B., Sivanathan, N. & Murnighan, J.K. (2008) Getting Off on the Wrong Foot: The Timing of a Breach and the Restoration of Trust. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34 (12), pp.1601–1612.

Wilson, T.D. & Gilbert, D.T. (2005) Affective Forecasting. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 14 (3), pp.131–134.

For over 25 years I’ve preached our church’s Easter sermon, usually in multiple services. This year I have the privilege of just attending Easter services as I’m now working as a church consultant in my ministry and completing a second book I've written in the past 12 months.   

I remember the excitement that always led up to Easter. The month prior our staff would often log extra hours to plan Easter egg hunts, prepare for extra services, create invitation fliers, and spruce up the building.

Yet, I also recall the post-Easter lull, both in attendance and in my emotions. Easter usually produced the highest attendance for the year. Although we’d always plan a cool follow-up sermon series hoping that visitors would return, most didn’t. The attendance the week following was about average, or even lower if that Sunday fell during spring break week.

Not only did attendance lag, but my emotions did as well. The high attendance would always rev up my adrenalin, but what comes up must come down. After the high wore off, I’d sometimes be in a funk for a few days. If you experience the post-Easter lull, consider some of these suggestions that might help you weather it better.

1. Normalize: Expect that you will probably feel somewhat down for a few days. It’s normal after an emotional high. By bringing your expectations more in line with what you experience, you avoid dumping another emotional weight on top (the one that says you should not be feeling down).
2. Expectations: Set staff and leadership expectations for the week that follows. Remind them to prepare for a potential downer. Although I’ve heard miracle stories about churches that had humongous attendance the Sunday after Easter, I wonder if many of those stories have become simple folklore. If you’ve discovered the secret of how to motivate the once-a-year-attender to disrupt his Sunday routine two weeks in a row to come back to your church, please share your secret with us.
3. Soul and Body Care: Take an extra day off and do something totally refreshing and fun. Get more sleep. Take a nap each day. Eat right and exercise more.
4. Faith: Trust God that He will do His work if you do yours. Diligently prepare for Easter, pray for God to work, and pray for those who attend. Then leave the results to Him. He will bring back those who should return and He will help you emotionally recover. Remember, although the world remembers Jesus’ resurrection once a year, our churches should celebrate his resurrection each week and we should celebrate it each moment.

If you’ve experienced the post-Easter lull, what has helped you through it?

Related Posts:

• Does increased attendance at Easter and Christmas increase conversions? 
• The litmus test for successful ministry: always up and to the right? 

Loneliness is a deep ache in our soul and it doesn’t necessarily imply that we are physically alone. Some of the loneliest people in the world are surrounded by people. Even so, their deep ache of loneliness persists.

Loneliness can make us feel…

• isolated
• sad
• exhausted
• unmotivated
• unloved
• even useless.

Pastors are no exception. Although our “job” is people and we’re around them all the time, we can be some of the loneliest people in the church. I once read that the man with the fewest male friends in the church is often the senior pastor.

So what can we do when loneliness overwhelms our soul? I don’t offer a neat prescription, but I’ve learned a few things that that have helped me.

1. Admit it. When you feel lonely, tell somebody. First tell yourself. Then tell the Lord. And when appropriate, tell somebody else. Neuroscientists have discovered that admitting our negative emotions (labeling them) can actually lessen the strength of those emotions.
2. Guard against ruminating over it. It’s natural to feel lonely sometimes. But if we mull over it for long periods of time the Enemy can turn it into depression, self-loathing, and self-pity. Rumination over negative experiences more deeply activates the emotional centers of our brains exacerbating the emotion and causing us to lose objectivity.
3. However, the Lord may want to teach you something. Ask Him what lesson He wants you to learn through your loneliness.
4. Read uplifting Scriptures and listen to uplifting music.
5. Go and do something productive. Serve someone that won’t benefit your ministry. Smile at everyone you meet. Compliment the cashier at the grocery store. Take your son or daughter on a date. Invite someone in the church to lunch with you. When we do something productive the neurotransmitter dopamine increases in our brain and dopamine increases motivation and improves mood.
6. Don't do anything dumb. If you are married be careful about close relationships with someone of the opposite sex. Sharing your pain with someone of the opposite sex can lessen your inhibitions and unintentionally draw you into sexual activity that you will regret.

What has helped you move through loneliness?

Related posts:

• Why Pastors Lack Close Friends  
• What to Look for in a Safe Friend 

We’ve all gotten emails that either…

• wasted our time
• took us off task
• or stirred up our emotions because someone just dumped on us.

Email is both a blessing and a curse. One study discovered that we waste over eight hours a week from the distraction caused by emails [1]. Yikes! If you’re a busy pastor, ministry leader, or business professional, we can probably help each other by incorporating these e-mail etiquette pointers.

1. Keep emails brief and to the point. Put the key message you want to convey right up front.
2. Limit emails to one main subject. Try not to mix several subjects into one email.
3. Don’t ‘Cc’ everybody. If you need to copy your email to another, make sure it goes only to the person who needs to get it, not to everybody that may have received the initial email.
4. Don’t email messages that are emotional. If you need to communicate something emotional, criticize someone, or give negative feedback, pick up the phone and speak to the person. Or better yet, talk to them face-to-face. It’s easy to take an emotional email the wrong way.
5. DON’T USE ALL CAPS. IT SOUND LIKE YOU ARE YELLING!
6. Avoid the power play game by copying the email recipient’s boss. Sometimes it’s appropriate to copy the boss for information purposes. But if you’re trying to coerce the recipient by leveraging the boss’s influence, that’s not fair.
7. Include your contact info in your signature.
8. Re-read your email before you press “send.”

Any email tips you’ve discovered that make emails more useful?

Related posts:

• How much time should a pastor spend preparing a sermon 
• Productivity: Multi-Tasking Doesn’t Work 

Diversity in the church is big today. With greater globalization and the desire to melt racial barriers, many pastors want their churches to become ethnically diverse. Many pastors intentionally seek to create such diversity through staffing, who gets on the worship teams, and who becomes the face of the church from the stage or on their web site. 

I laud that desire. I’ve done the same. In the last church I led we included several Latinos on the worship team, and not just for token diversity. They were great worship leaders. And several years ago I hired an African-American to serve as my worship leader. So I believe in diversity. 

However, I many have unintentionally limited my definition of diversity to ethnicity or language and missed one huge area of diversity that already exists in every church: neurodiversity.

What do I mean when I say neurodiversity? Simply this.

Neurodiversity means that people think and process information differently. Not everybody thinks like you or me. I think more linearly, logically, and left brained. As a result, my preaching, leading, staffing, and volunteer selection has tended to reflect my thinking style. I may have unintentionally taught and led without taking into account that God gave us all unique thinking styles. I’m much wiser now and realize that I must take into account neurodiversity when I perform these pastoral functions.

Preaching and teaching: People learn differently and thus process teaching differently depending on their tendency as left-brained or right-brained. Below, I’ve contrasted a few left brained traits on the left with right brained traits on the right (notice how linear I am).

• Process the familiar…process the novel
• Detailed… holistic/big picture
• Sequential…random
• Logical…intuitive

If you want to read a great (and long) book on left brain vs right brain, read The Master and His Emissary by Ian McGilchrist.  Also, here’s a great TED video on the divided brain (over a million views). 

Change management: People respond differently to change. Some people’s brain make-up makes them less fearful of change, and thus able adapt to it more quickly. Others perceive change as a huge threat and they dig their heels in to oppose it. (A great article on the 5 Fears of Change here.) 

Encouraging healthy followership: Some will follow you simply because you present a compelling and logical reason to follow. Others  will follow only when you move them emotionally.

Teams: If everybody on your team thinks like you, you can foster groupthink, when a team gets along so well or agrees so readily that nobody challenges ideas or the status quo. As a result, you can miss opportunities or even make poor choices. Susan Cain, author of one of the best books I’ve read in the past two years, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, talks about groupthink in this great article. 

Every pastor who wants to move his church forward for Kingdom purposes should certainly seek to remove ethnic barriers to allow that church to be as diverse as God intends for it to become. 

However, those in your church are already significantly diverse in one significant domain, neurodiversity. As you lead, teach, and develop others, heed and adapt to their diverse thinking and mental processing styles. You’ll become a more effective Kingdom leader.

Is this a new concept for you? How can you apply it to your church setting? 

Related posts:

• 6 Tips to Help Others Discover Their Spiritual Gifts 
• The Hidden Factor that Hinders Church Change 

BFF: Shorthand for "best friends forever" 

Used mostly by teen girls when texting

You may have never used this texting shorthand, but the concept captures essential human nature. We all want a few best friends. We need them. In fact, the Scriptures speak positively about friends

• A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Prov 17.17, NIV)
• A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Prov 18.24)
• If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Eccl 4.10)

But considering leadership teams, should we fill our upper level teams such as deacons, elders, or key leadership staff with best friends? I share a true story below from a pastor friend, but I’ve changed the details enough to protect anonymity.

My pastor friend’s church in the south was lead by a deacon board of four men plus himself. He was considered the board’s leader and the four other members were very close. Two of the deacons had been roommates in college and stayed close friends. One of those deacons was the best friend of the third member on the board. And the fourth member of the board met each week with the third deacon in a discipleship relationship. You can see that these four were very tight in one way or another. The pastor was friends with all the deacons, but not close to any of them. 

Over the years at his church conflict began to rise between he and the board. It seemed that he was the odd man out each time they discussed a new initiative or direction for the church. The other four seemed to always be in agreement with each other, usually in opposition to how the pastor viewed things. Ultimately, the tension became so great that he left the church after 10 years and began to teach at a seminary.

Although other issues were certainly at play, groupthink seemed to influence the four members of the board. The BFF’s appeared blind to any other perspective except to the views of their four friends on the board.

So, based on this scenario and your experiences, what have been the pros and cons you’ve seen in boards or key leadership teams when most of those in those groups were BFF’s? Did the friendships help or hinder decision making? Did groupthink result or did the Holy Spirit simply use their kinship (like David and Jonathon in the Bible) to help them make good decisions?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Related posts:

• Motivate Your Teams with These 4 Neuroscience Insights 
• How I Do Staff Evaluations 

In my last blog post I suggested that the cure to our noisy, frenzied, busy world lies in practicing silence and solitude. I shared some great quotes and key Scriptures that relate to these spiritual disciplines. You can read Part 1 here. In Part 2 today, I suggest reasons why we should practice silence and solitude and some ways to begin to build that practice into your life.

In essence, silence and solitude are tools God uses to restore our souls by breaking engagements with the world. This discipline is really more of a state of heart than a place. Granted, it does include away-ness from others, but as you mature you can actually be in a huge crowd and experience the rejuvenating power of solitude. It can create the ability to carry around with you your own portable sanctuary, sacred place, place of rest, connection to God even in a loud, distracting world. On the other hand you can become a hermit and never experience the power of solitude. 

Before I give you my suggestions, read this funny story.

A monk newly initiated into his order was told that he'd have to spend the initial 20 years of training in complete silence. He was told that he would only be allowed to say two words every three years. After 3 years of studiously keeping this vow he was summoned before the Abbot and asked if he had anything to say, in two words or less. He replied, "Food bad." Three more years went by when he was again summoned before the Abbot. "Well, do you have anything to say now," the monk was asked. "Bed hard," was the answer. After three more years the Abbot found our friend and asked him if he'd like to speak. "I quit!" said the monk. "Well, I'm not surprised," said his Abbot. "You've done nothing but complain since you arrived.” (source unknown)

Now, the practical benefits of practicing silence and solitude and tips for building it into your life.

Practical benefits of practiing silence and solitude

1. It breaks the power of hurry.

It breaks the adrenalin addiction, the ”have to do” mentality of life. Willard explains it this way.  The person who is capable of doing nothing might be capable of refraining from doing the wrong thing.  And then perhaps he or she would be better able to do the right thing.[1]

2.  It brings spiritual renewal.

Francis de Sales said (1500’s), “There is no clock, no matter how good it may be, that doesn’t need resetting and rewinding twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. In addition, at least once a year it must be taken apart to remove the dirt clogging it, straighten out bent parts, and repair those worn out. In like manner, every morning and evening a man who really takes care of he heart must rewind it for God’s service . . . . Moreover, he must often reflect on his condition in order to reform and improve it. Finally, at least once a year he must take it apart and examine every piece in detail, that is every affection and passion, in order to repair whatever defects there may be.[2]

3.  It reminds us that life will still go on without us

It interrupts the cycle of constantly having to manage things and be in control. It breaks us from a sense of being indispensable.

4.  It clears the storm of life and mind for wise decision making and planning.

Jesus illustrates this in Luke 6:12-13 before he chose his disciples. "And it was at this time that He went off to the mountain to pray, and He spent the whole night in prayer to God. And when day came, He called His disciples to Him; and chose twelve of them, whom He also named as apostles."

5.  It creates inner space to hear the voice of God.

After Elijah’s power encounter on Mt Carmel with the Baal worshippers he fled because he heard that Queen Jezebel had a price on his head. He hid in a cave and whined to God. God told him to step outside the cave and cover his face because he was about to speak to him. A storm and wind and earthquake and fire appeared, but God was not in any of those. Rather, God spoke in a whisper. 1Kings 19.2…And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

6.  It helps us disconnect from the world and deeply connect to our soul.

Henry Nouwen said, “In solitude, I get rid of my scaffolding.” Scaffolding is the stuff we use to keep ourselves propped up, friends, family, TV, radio, books, job, technology, work, achievement, our bank account, etc.[3]

7. It helps us control our tongue

If frees us from the tyranny we hold over others with our words. When we are silent, it is much more difficult to manipulate and control the people and circumstances around us. Words are the weapons we lay down when we practice silence. We give up our insistence of being heard and obeyed.

8. It helps us with the other disciplines

It enhances the other disciplines.

---

Practical tips to incorporate silence and solitude into your life.

1. Plan for it.

2. Find a quiet place.

3. Be considerate of those who will be affected.

4. Zip it

James 1:26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

5.  Expect some apprehension.

Our busy world often hinders us from looking within, so don’t quit if deep things in your soul begin to surface

6.  Length?

Walk before run.

7. Realize that this discipline comes more easily to some.

I recommend a great book to understand your particular spiritual pathway. It’s a book called Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas. 

What do you find most difficult about silence and solitude?

Related posts:

• Is this the #1 reason pastors succeed? Take this quiz and find out. 
• What this busy pastor learned from a homeless woman. 

In your church you’re probably trying to bring change in some way or are contemplating it. Unfortunately, change in our churches often doesn’t go so well. In fact, we’re not alone. In the business world some have estimating that the majority of organizational change either fails, underperforms, or makes things worse (Cope, 2003). I imagine that church change doesn't fare much better.

However, we don't have to become a statistic. Consider 8 these insights the next time you try to bring change to your church, ministry, or organization.

1. Incorporate a change mentality into your church culture so that people don’t see it as a threat. The more you talk about, the less scary it becomes when it happens.
2. Include change as a component in the church’s current strategy. When you create your annual goals and strategies, include a clearly defined component of change. Do this every year. Don't make it a sporadic communication.
3. Regularly teach on the Biblical basis of personal change so that change is more easily embraced. When training leaders, always include some component that teaches about change. Try to build change management into key staff and volunteers as a core competency.
4. Help key players (staff, key volunteers, and church boards) embrace a philosophy of healthy change (see above). Seek to hire staff and recruit volunteers who aren’t change averse. When you recruit others, be sure to discuss their view about change and your expectations about it.
5. Build forward thinking into the highest levels of your leadership conversations. Help leaders think about ways they can stay ahead of the change curve in culture rather than reacting to it when it inevitably comes.
6. Involve as many people as reasonably possible into change initiatives. Give away small to medium-sized components of change to those lower on the leadership org chart. Get ownership as much as possible.
7. Celebrate wins, both short and long-term ones. You can’t overdo this one.
8. Reduce internal threat levels through building healthy relationships and a brain friendly working environment. Read this article that talks about what a brain friendly environment looks like. It’s based on the latest neuroscience research. The model is called SCARF an incredibly insightful way to build team collaboration and productivity.

What has helped you create change in your ministry or business?

Related posts:

• Is this the hidden factor that hinders change in your church?
• How the Brain Stifles Church Change

References:

Cope, M. (2003) The Seven Cs of Consulting [Internet]. Available from: <http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/355030.The_Seven_Cs_of_Consulting> [Accessed 2 March 2013].

I’m a pastor and I’m intrigued with how God created our brains for effective communication and healthy team dynamics.

Recently I started a small side business called BullsEyeAnimations  to create ‘white board’ animations for companies that want to communicate difficult concepts, train employees, or market their products.

I manage the process, create the script, and do the voiceover for the animation (done by an animator). I recently spent a half-day with four members of a company that had hired us to create a three-minute animation to explain a very complicated proprietary brokerage service they offer.

I used several neuroscience techniques in that meeting that you might try the next time you lead a brainstorming session.

• To help set up the day I created a clear agenda and emailed it several days prior to the meeting. This is called pre-encoding. Encoding is the process of learning when our brain lays down new networks of neuronal connections. Pre-encoding, as the word implies, sets up the brain to receive that learning (the actual encoding). The agenda clearly articulated the meeting’s objectives and set us up for greater productivity. When we met, we knew exactly what we wanted the brainstorming session to accomplish. Here’s what it included.
• Who: Clarify the target audience for the animation and the audience’s felt needs
• What: Clarify the call to action the animation should evoke
• How: Create a rough draft of the script and brainstorm potential visual concepts that could illustrate the message

• I began the session by sharing a bit about my life to create a relational connection (two in the group were total strangers). When people feel they relate to you, they will follow your leadership and more readily learn from you. The early church understood this when they met house to house and built strong relational bonds through Biblical community (Acts 2.42). 

• I gave everybody a chocolate bar and explained that chocolate can aid focus and creativity by causing helpful neurotransmitters in our brains to release (Roizman, n.d.). Not only did I provide brain fuel with the candy, but I also heightened expectations that the session would result in lots of ideas. The brain needs both oxygen and glucose (energy) to function well. While too much sugar can certainly cause a brain lag later on, providing chocolate, coffee, or healthy snacks can help the brain function optimally.

• During the meeting we needed to generate personality traits to describe the target audience (the broker), list potential metaphors to use in the animation, and create a basic script. Instead of using the traditional brainstorming technique where everybody shares their ideas out loud, I asked each person to first privately write down their ideas. Then they shared them out loud and I recorded them on the white board after which we eliminated the ones that didn’t fit. Traditional brainstorming, where everybody verbalizes their ideas at the beginning, has been shown to not generate as many ideas as when people are asked to generate them privately (Lehrer, 2012). So, the simple act of having then jot down their ideas privately encouraged more idea generation.

• During our discussion time I subtly encouraged dissent and disagreement about the ideas, contrary to traditional brainstorming (get all the ideas out without criticizing any of them). Neuroscientists have found that dissent, when done in a “non-threatening to status” way, actually increases creativity (Nemeth et al., 2004).

The next time you lead a staff brainstorming session include a few of these five ingredients in your meeting and see what happens.

1. Healthy dissent to prompt creative thinking.
2. Private idea generation before public discussion.
3. Food such as chocolate or coffee to get the brain focused and alert.
4. Relationship building to engender likeability among the team.
5. A clear agenda to pre-encode what you want to accomplish.

What have you found that has helped make brainstorming more productive?

Related Posts:

• 6 Ways to Add Interest to Your Meetings  
• 7 Conversation Rules that Make for Smoother Staff Meetings

Sources:

Lehrer, J. (2012) Groupthink. The New Yorker. Available from: <http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2012/01/30/120130fa_fact_lehrer> [Accessed 25 February 2013].

Nemeth, C.J., Personnaz, B., Personnaz, M. & Goncalo, J.A. (2004) The liberating role of conflict in group creativity. European Journal of Social Psychology, 34, pp.365–374.

Roizman, T. Chocolate & Dopamine [Internet]. Available from: <http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/chocolate-dopamine-3660.html> [Accessed 23 February 2013].

Almost every year in my 32 years in ministry I’ve spent multiple hours preparing and delivering multiple staff performance reviews. I was shocked to recently learn that I may have been wasting my time.

In a meta-study (a study of the studies) researchers discovered that only 30% of feedback and performance reviews actually helped (Kluger & DeNisi,1996). They discovered that 30% have no impact and 40% actually make things worse, not a very good track record.

I wonder how many of us pastoral leaders would agree with those statistics? 

Does that mean we should drop performance reviews? 

No, not at all. Every leader can improve the performance review process through being more intentional with these these 7 C’s. When a review process includes these factors, neuroscience research indicates that real change can occur.

I’ve divided the 7 C's into these two categories.

1. The person: issues that directly relate to the person who’s receiving the review and the reviewer as well.
2. The process: issues that directly relate to the process itself.

The Person

• Community: Make sure that the person receiving the review feels emotionally connected to you as much as possible. Try to build a sense of community with those you review (Ibarra, 1999).
• Coachability: Before the review, help your staff develop a coaching/learner mentality. Help them see the value of feedback and reviews. The more value they see, the more positively they will receive it (Atwater & Brett, 2005).
• Connected: Help the staff person connect the feedback she receives to how she sees herself in the future (Kluger & DeNisi, 1996) and to her larger goals (Ashford et al., 2003).

The Process

• Credible: Make sure you as the supervisor are unbiased and fully informed about the staff person’s job and performance before doing the review (Waldman et al., 1998).
• Coupled: This is key. You must couple the review to follow up, ideally through a coaching process. Build into the process action steps to address areas that need improvement, all with a developmental rather than a punitive tone. Also, couple the process to a teaching session before the review to help staff understand the review process and how to get the best from it.
• Consistent: Make sure that the process elicits consistent feedback from all sources (Ashford et al., 2003).
• Collaborative: The more collaborative the process, the more effective it will be. If possible include peers, reports, and supervisors in the process. (London & Smither, 1995).

Include some of these ideas the next time you do a staff review and see how it helps. 

If you'd like to get a copy of a self-evaluation tool I’ve used, email me here. I give it to the staff person I'm to review and ask them to fill it out first. After they complete it and I’ve reviewed it, then we meet for the review.

What have you discovered that has helped your reviews actually improve performance?

 Related posts

• Staff Performance Reviews: do they help or hinder?
• 360-Degree Performance Assessments, a valuable tool

Sources:

Ashford, S.J., Blatt, R. & VadeWalle, D. (2003) Reflections on the Looking Glass: A Review of Research on Feedback-Seeking Behavior in Organizations. Journal of Management, 29 (6), pp.773–799.

Atwater, L.E. & Brett, J.F. (2005) Antecedents and consequences of reactions to developmental 360° feedback. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 66 (3), pp.532–548.

Ibarra, H. (1999) Provisional Selves: Experimenting with Image and Identity in Professional Adaptation. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44 (4), pp.764–791.

Kluger, A.N. & DeNisi, A. (1996) The Effects of Feedback Interventions on Performance: A Historical Review, a Meta-Analysis, and a Preliminary Feedback Intervention Theory (Kluger & DeNisi, 1996) [Internet]. Available from: [Accessed 2 February 2013].

London, M. & Smither, J.W. (1995) Can Multi-Source Feedback Change Perceptions of Goal Accomplishment, Self-Evaluations, and Performance-Related Outcomes? Theory-Based Applications and Directions for Research. Personnel Psychology, 48 (4), pp.803–839.

Waldman, D.A., Atwater, L.E. & Antonioni, D. (1998) Has 360 Degree Feedback Gone Amok? The Academy of Managaement Executive, 12 (2).

Motivating staff and volunteers in your church is often as elusive as nailing Jell-O to a tree. Yet to move our churches from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ we must motivate those around us. Often pastors use the same ‘carrot-and-stick’ approach the marketplace has used for decades. If you do such-and-such you will receive a reward (salary increase, pat on the back, etc). If you don’t, you’ll get something negative: you won’t receive the reward, you will have to step down, etc. We’re now learning that this approach does not work in the long term.

However, neuroscience is discovering effective ways to motivate others based on how our brains work. Consider putting these four brain-based ideas into your motivation toolbox.

1. Build interpersonal likeability among team members.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but neuroscientists have discovered a brain-based reason to help your team like each other more. Performance increases when co-workers like each other (Shteynberg & Galinsky, 2011).

• Leadership application: regularly use team building and social experiences to build common interests and community among your staff, board, and volunteers. 

2. Encourage sharing of mistakes.

We all learn through our mistakes. However, some church environments discourage sharing them. We don’t want to look like failures. However, brain studies have discovered that when we observe how a friend (see point 1 above about likeability) learned from his mistake, we learn from it, just as if we ourselves made the same mistake. At the same time we are more open to receiving feedback about our mistakes from our friends (Kang et al., 2010). So the greater community you build, the more easily your team will learn from each other and receive feedback. Such relationships foster a “your mistakes are my mistakes” attitude. As Prov. 27.6 says, Wounds from a friend can be trusted….

• Leadership application: set an example by sharing your mistakes and what you are learning from them and create an environment that makes it safe for others to share theirs.

3. Repeat the common "why" often and delegate the "how."

Leaders must constantly seek answers to two key questions: “Why are we doing what we are doing?” and “How do we do it?” A common why (a shared goal: being on the same page), helps churches avoid silos and those same shared goals actually increase personal productivity (Shteynberg & Galinsky, 2011). Pastors should prioritize vision clarity as one of their top three roles, along with leadership development and teaching. When you pair a clear and shared why along with allowing your team to create the how, you will foster an atmosphere of personal freedom and autonomy, a key component for high performing teams (Rock, David & Cox, n.d.).

• Leadership implication: Stay focused on keeping the why clear and allow staff and volunteers to develop the how.

4. Communicate using personality specific language.

Our brains process motivation in different ways. One study about motivating people to floss their teeth discovered that different sides of the brain light up in a scanner depending on how the message was communicated (Sherman et al., 2006). If a person is more motivated to avoid certain negative things (i.e., floss to avoid bad breath), avoidance type messages motivated them to floss more often. For those motivated more by an approach personality, (if I do such-and-such I will get something good: floss to get great breath), approach messages motivated them to floss more often.

• Leadership implication: know your team well enough so you can tailor your messages to match personalities either as avoidance ones or as approach ones.

What has worked well to motivate your team?

Related posts

• 5 Ways to Motivate Others you May have Skipped
• What Motivates People’s Brains to be Generous? It Might Surprise You.
• Not Motivated? Try a Simple Pleasure

Many businesses, and churches as well, are minimizing overt hierarchy arrangements in favor of more equal staff relationships. Open space offices have also become popular while at the same time org charts seem to have largely disappeared.

I believe I understand one reason why: trust in institutions and leaders has dramatically dropped. As a result, leaders have created open space office arrangements, focused more on teamwork through groupthink, and deemphasized staff pecking order.

I know one mega-church where nobody has a private office and a team collaboratively develops every sermon. I know of another church that changed a senior pastor led leadership model to a model where three pastors co-lead: a teaching pastor, a ‘lead’ pastor, and an executive pastor.

But has creating more open space settings, focusing more on ‘we’ versus ‘I’ in productivity, and downplaying reporting relationships by eliminating tools like org charts actually hindered progress? Recent research may indicate that might be the case.

First, some interesting trends. Susan Cain in her excellent book, Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World that Talks too Much notes these facts.[1]  

• 70% of today’s employees work in an open office plan.
• Office space per employee shrank from 500 square feet in the 1970s to 200 square feet in 2010.
• The amount of student cooperative learning (students learning from each other in small groups) versus traditional teacher directed learning is rapidly growing and is preferred by a majority of teachers.
• The growth of collaboration has been seen in such diverse areas as Linux, the open-source operating system, and Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia created by whomever wants to contribute

What has happened from this move toward more open space and collaboration? It might surprise you. Cain provides several facts that indicate the result has not always been positive. [2]

• Reduced productivity.
• Higher staff turnover.
• Higher stress levels among workers.
• Fewer personal and private conversations among colleagues.

And what about minimizing hierarchical relationships? Recently two Stanford School of Business professors studied whether people favor hierarchical relationships over equal (egalitarian) ones.[3] They performed five separate experiments to gain insight into how prevalent and useful hierarchies are in social relationships. They discovered these insights about hierarchies.

• They are easier to remember than equal ones.
• People actually liked them more because they could remember them.
• Attempting to make relationships equal often resulted in those relationships not making sense at all.
• Outsiders had a more positive view of a company with a more pronounced hierarchy.

So, should we re-introduce rigid chains of command in our churches and ministries? Should we give everybody a private office? Probably not. But the proverbial “don't throw the baby out with the bathwater” would certainly apply here. I’ve made a few suggestions below.

1. If you lead a team with an open space format, be sure to provide alone time and private space. Allowing staff to periodically work outside their offices.
2. If you’ve removed the org chart from employee training and manuals, ask your team if re-introducing it for clarity might be helpful.
3. Make sure roles and relationships are clear. Ask your team if they believe they are. Make changes if not.
4. When you use team brainstorming, start by giving your team members alone time to do their private brainstorming before convening as a group. Group brainstorming is not as effective as we think.[4]

What has your church or ministry done with org charts and open space offices?

Related posts:

• Are you a transformational leader or a transactional leader: take this test and find out. 
• 5 Mistakes Pastors Make on Staff Planning Retreats 

In today’s vernacular, the word placebo refers to sugar pills given to patients for various illnesses. Although the pill has no medicinal value, the patient does not know that. The origin of the word I describe below, however, provides a memorable word picture for people pleasing,[1] the theme of my next book due late this year from Inter-Varsity Press. If you’d like advance notice before the book comes out, go to my web site and sign up to my email list. You’ll get a free e-book as well, Maximizing Ministry with your iPad.

In the 13^th and 14^th century the Catholic Church practiced a ritual called the Vespers of the Office of the Dead. As part of the service the priest would lead the people in prayers for the dead. In the first chant, the congregation would respond back to the priest by chanting the Latin translation of Psalm 116.9, I will please the Lord in the land of the living (the correct translation is actually, I will walk before the Lord in the Land of the Living). The Latin translation is Placebo Domino in regione vivorum. You’ll notice that ‘placebo’ is the first word in the chant. It means ‘to please.’

In France it was a custom for the mourning family to provide food to attenders immediately after such a service. Often people unrelated to the family would attend, claim to be a relative, and fake their grief so they could receive food after it was over. Over time these fakes were collectively labeled ‘placebo singers.’ Because they chanted the word ‘placebo’ they were also called ‘choral placaters,’ using their chant only to deceptively flatter in order to get something. They personified all things useless because they simulated grief. It wasn’t genuine. The word continued to convey a negative meaning and appeared as a character in Chaucer’s tales, Placebo, a flattering yes-man. It began to make its way into medicine and Hooper’s Medical Dictionary of 1811 defined a placebo as, “any medicine adapted more to please than benefit the patient.”

From the word’s history, you can see that ‘placebo’ is an apt metaphor and a good mental hook to remember the essence of people pleasing. Pleaser leaders, like placebos, may please others but they seldom truly benefit them.

From my research of over 2,200 pastors, I discovered that over 80% of pastors deal with unhealthy people pleasing at some level. My book address this pervasive problem.

Perhaps the best antidote to people pleasing comes from the Apostle Paul in Galatians 6.14.

For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. (The Message)

What has helped you avoid people pleasing in your ministry?

Related posts

• Critics: Stay Away or Draw Close  
• 10 Ways to Handle the Church Critic 
• 5 Ways to Turn Criticism into Carnage  

A new year offers us leaders a great opportunity to evaluate the prior one and plan what we hope to accomplish in the new one. Each January I complete three exercises that help me prepare for the coming year.

1. I re-read my journal to look for trends that I want to continue or weaknesses I want to address.
2. I evaluate to what degree I accomplished my goals.
3. I re-set my overall goals and objectives.

These are relatively straightforward tasks that many leaders already do. Yet, I think that to best prepare for a new year we should go deeper. Take an hour this week and honestly ask yourself these three questions. I recall reading them somewhere else, yet I don’t have the source.

• What are my leadership skills that are my strengths? In other words, God has given you a broad set of leadership skills, competencies, and gifts. If you were to rank them, what would rise to the top of your list? Are you leveraging this strength in your leadership role? Do you continue to hone that ability?
• We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. (Rom 12.6, NIV)

• What is my one fatal flaw? That is, what about your personality or current behavior could do you in? Are you one step away from making a decision that could wreck your life, your ministry, or your family? Do you toy with something that beckons you to indulge, yet know that if you did, it would devastate you and many others?
• … But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master. (Gen 4.7, NLT)

• What one area of improvement will make the most difference in my leadership role? In other words, if you spent just 5 minutes a day or an hour of week developing that area, envision to what degree that improvement could help you accomplish your goals.
  • My friends, I don’t feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. (Phil 3.13, CEV)

2013 could be the greatest year of your life. But it won’t happen by itself. It will take proactivity, prayer, and persistence.

What has helped you prepare for the new year?

Related posts:

• 6 Tips to Keeping a New Year’s Resolution 
• 4 Questions Leaders should Ask Themselves to Avoid Burnout

Here's a list of my top 10 blog posts for 2012.

1. Should Pasors Abstain from Driniking Alcohol
2. What Snorkeling Taught me about Selecting Leaders
3. Are you a Transformational or a Transactional Leader-take this test and ifnd out
4. Are you a Brain Savvy Pastor or Still in Pre-School?

5. Is This the Number 1 Reasons Leaders Fail?
6. Is This the HIdden Factor that Hinders Change in Your Church?
7. 5 Ways to Motivate Others You may Have Skipped.
8. 360 Degree Assessments-an Invaluable Tool for Leadership Growth
9. 6 Tips to Keeping a New Year's Resolution
10. Brain Based Preaching: New Age Voodoo or the Missing Link?

Why does it seem so hard to bring change in a church?

In my 30 plus years in ministry, change management has been one of the most challenging tasks I’ve faced. Most pastors would probably agree. Recently I learned an insight about how people’s brains work that helped me see what I may have unintentionally overlooked when I initiated a change.

Our brains are wired for us to want certainty in our lives. When something feels ambiguous or uncertain, we subconsciously feel threatened. When we feel threatened, it creates an away response, rather than a toward response. In the case of church change, an away response might be negativity, fear, passive resistance, or complaining from people. On the other hand, a toward response could be excitement, support, and good gossip, how we hope the church would respond. The more uncertain and ambiguous church change appears, the less support we’ll get and the more difficult the change will become.

So how we can we make church change less ambiguous and easier to bring about? I’ve listed some pointers below based on some recent findings in neuroscience.

1. Stay close to your key influencers during the entire change process. Remember, the more threatened someone feels, the more they will resist change. Learn their unique personalities because some personalities respond better to change than others. (Brin Jr. & Hoff, 1957).
2. Remain sensitive to characteristics that impact a person’s feeling of threat caused by the uncertainty change brings.
   • The more politically conservative they are, the more they may feel threatened by change (Jost et al., 2008).
   • The more personal anxiety they’re experiencing, the more threatened they may feel from change (Bishop, 2007).
   • The lower a person’s self esteem, the more resistant they can be to change (Ford & Collins, 2010).
3. Keep people informed with timely reports on how the change is progressing (helps minimize uncertainty).
4. Cast a compelling vision on how the new change can make things better (a form of reframing current reality).
5. Teach about characters in the bible who created certainty through faith, believing God was in control despite difficult circumstances and uncertain futures.
6. Teach about how to keep a healthy Christ centered self-esteem.
7. Teach on how to biblically manage anxiety—see blog

What are some tips you’ve learned that have helped bring change?

Related Posts:

• 6 Keys to Managing Church Change
• The Brain and Successful Church Change 

References:

Bishop, S. (2007) Neurocognitive Mechanisms of Anxiety: and Integrative Account. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, xxx (x), pp.1–10.

Brin Jr., O. & Hoff, D. (1957) Individual and Situational Differences in Desire for Certainty. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 54(2), pp.225–229.

Ford, M.B. & Collins, N.L. (2010) Self-esteem Moderates Neuroendoctrine and Psychological Responses to Interpersonal Rejection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98 (3), pp.405–419.

Jost, J.T., Nosek, B.A. & Gosling, S.D. (2008) Ideology: Its Resurgence in Social, Personality, and Political Psychology. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3 (2), pp.126–136.

Wise leaders carefully manage church change. Healthy church management includes not just the bird’s eye view (big picture implications) but also considers the individual view, what’s going on inside the individual church member or leader when you, as the leader, present change. Neuroscience offers helpful insight about unconscious processes that go on inside our brains when people face change. Consider these insights and suggestions the next time you plan change for your church.

People appreciate certainty and autonomy because the brain craves both. David Rock, one of the leader proponents of applying neuroscience to leadership (neuroleadership) suggests an acrostic called SCARF that represents five essential brain processes that influence motivation and change management. See my blog here that explains SCARF. The ‘c’ and the ‘a’ stand for certainty and autonomy. I’ve listed 5 insights below that relate these two components to change management.

1. People naturally assume the worst. Our brain is actually wired to pick up threats and negative possibilities around us more than the positive. 2/3 of our brain cells in the flight-fight part of our brain, the amygdala, are wired to pick up on the negative.
2. People naturally fill in knowledge gaps with fear. Uncertainty about the future (and change) breeds this fear.
3. Ambiguity creates more fear than measured risk. That is, the more people have to fill in the knowledge gaps, the greater the fear about and resistance to change. Measured risk, however, fills in some of those gaps and lessens anxiety.
4. Undoing a wrong impression is harder than creating a good impression. It’s the old adage “you don’t have a second chance to make a good first impression.” That’s not just a quaint saying. Neuroscientists have shown it to be true.
5. People understate their ability to ride out difficult future events. Uncertainty causes us to poorly forecast how well we can face difficulty. The term is “affective forecasting.” When you present change, people will initially assume that the church will come out worse than expected, although the opposite is often true.
6. Emotions play a very important part in decision making. Just presenting the facts is seldom enough to move people forward.

So, in light of these insights, what are some positive steps you can take to most effectively manage church change?

1. Build in small, short-term wins along the way. These wins will give a greater sense of certainty. Remember, people (and their brains) love certainty.
2. Fill in the knowledge gaps with truth. In other words, communicate, communicate, communicate. Keep people in the loop about your progress with the change initiative.
3. Provide a feedback loop. Give people in your church a real, tangible way they can give feedback to you about the process. Simply knowing they have that ability to communicate to you and that you are really listening will decrease their anxiety about the future.
4. Within reason, provide people small ways they can choose about how the change will look. Although the leadership will have decided the big picture change, providing options and opportunity for people to hone what those changes within the big change will look like increases autonomy. Remember, people love autonomy.
5. Fill in knowledge gaps with Faith. Preach and teach on faith. Keep verses like Hebrews 11.1 often before the people.

Heb. 11.1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (NLT)

What have you done that has helped smooth church change?

Related Posts: 

• 6 Keys to Mastering Church Change  
• Etch-a-Sketch Church Planning  

I’m enrolled in a master’s degree program in neuroleadership. Yep, that word’s a mouthful. Click on my home page on "Waht is a neuroleader" to see a cool video that explains the term neuroleadership.

I’m learning some fascinating insights about the brain that can help us pastors lead, speak, and live more effectively. In today’s blog, I’d like you to ask yourself this question: Would most people say my sermons are hard to listen to or easy to? Take a moment and stop reading and answer that question for yourself.

Well, we all hope that people would say easy to listen to, right?

I’ve included below a short checklist, based on neuroscience insight, that might give you a clue.

Before I give you the checklist, I want set the stage with a few facts about the brain.

1. The executive functions that occur like concentration, abstract reasoning, problem solving, and attention occur primarily in the pre-frontal cortex, the area roughly behind your forehead. This is the part of the brain you hope your sermons engage. If your listeners don’t engage this part of the brain, your sermon “went in one ear and out the other.”
2. This part of the brain processes information in a serial fashion (one thing at a time). Think of a conveyer belt with one item on it followed by another followed by another, etc. You may recall Lucille Ball’s famous candy conveyor belt episode. If something happens at the front end of that conveyer belt and all the items get clogged up, then nothing moves forward. The same thing happens in the brain. It will only process one thing at a time and if overloaded, it processes very little information. Multi-tasking is a misnomer. See my blog post on multi-tasking here.
3. The pre-frontal cortex tires easily. If a speaker does not give breaks for the listener’s brain to rest, it will take its own breaks.
4. Five fundamental processes summarize what the brain does: it understands, decides, recalls, memorizes, and inhibits (that is, blocks out distractions).

You can see that many complex processes are going on the brains of our listeners. So, how can we maximally engage their brains so that the Holy Spirit has lots of biblical truth to work with to ultimately bring about life transformation?

I’ve included a few ideas below based on neuroscience.

• Start out telling the people where you’re going with your sermon. Give an outline or a metaphor that points in a specific direction. The term is called pre-encoding. Learning is the encoding part. Pre-encoding sets up the listener to learn.
• Don’t aimlessly ramble. If you constantly chase rabbits, their brains will check out.
• Don’t use complex terms and long sentences. When you do, the listener’s brain will tune you out to try to figure out what you just said. They essentially won’t hear what you say next.
• A close cousin: be careful about using abstract ideas. Again, the brain will try to process abstract ideas and tune out what you say next.
• If you do present a complex idea, stop and give a few seconds to allow people to process it and think about it. In other words, mix up the rate at which you deliver your sermons. Pauses are good.
• Simplify your power points. Use only a few words per slide. Pictures that explain your points are even better.
• Don't get long-winded. You may have the ability to keep people’s attention for more than 30 or so minutes. If you do, you don’t need to read this blog. But, in an age when attention spans are rapidly decreasing, shorter sermons will stick better.

What insights have you discovered that help your listeners absorb more?

Related Posts.

Your Brain’s Leadership X-factor   

5 Ways to get People to Pay Attention to Your Sermons 

http://www.charlesstone.com

Serving as a pastor brings many joys as well as headaches and hurts. One of the biggest hurts comes when others disapprove of us. Neuroscientists have discovered that a disapproving look from a person actually hurts. A disapproving facial expression stirs up the flight-fight part of our brain and heightens anxiety, even more than an angry facial expression does. I’ve experienced those disapproving looks and have learned how to cope a bit better.

When the emotional part of our brain (the limbic system) takes over, we lose the ability to think clearly and lead well. When that happens, these behaviors surface.

• We react and act impulsively
• We assume the worst
• We get defensive
• We lose our creative ability to solve problems
• We grieve the Holy Spirit
• We lose perspective
• We can’t truly listen
• We can’t think as clearly

These kinds of behaviors show their ugly selves when the emotional brain takes over. Constant disapproval, especially from significant people in your church, can evoke these behaviors.

In a previous church several years ago, the most influential lay leader there was once my number one supporter. His words, body language, and facial expression would almost always encourage me. I could count on him to lift my spirits when I was down. However, something happened in our relationship and his demeanor took a 180-degree shift. He now became my greatest disapprover.

His view of me carried significant weight because he held a very high status in the church. When our paths crossed at church and I saw his disapproval, my anxiety level shot up. When I saw those disapproving looks, a brain dynamic kicked in in the flight-fight part of my brain that dampened my ability to think most clearly so I could preach at my best and compassionately relate to others on Sundays. Essentially, I stifled the Holy Spirit’s work in my life. Initially I was not consciously aware of this dynamic.

However, as I began to learn how my brain worked when I saw a disapproving expression, I started to make these choices that helped me cope with disapproval, especially his.

1. I consciously took notice when his physical presence evoked anxiety in me. Instead of stuffing the emotion, I named it. I would breath a prayer under my breath, “Lord, I feel anxious right now after I saw _________. Please help me cope with this tension in my heart.”
2. I sought out a coach/counselor to help me reappraise the situation quicker. Taking a different perspective helps calm the fight-flight part of our brain. Often we need an objective person to help us see the situation clearly.
3. When I would preach, I would look for approving faces instead of his. I purposefully did not lock eyes with him in a sermon because I knew the toll it might take on my focus while preaching.
4. I finally met with him for breakfast, shared my concerns, and asked him how I could regain his confidence. Essentially, his view of me as a leader had changed and I could not change it back. At least I cleared the air with him. However, through this experience the Lord helped me more consistently moderate the painful distraction I often felt when I saw his disapproval.

As painful as this experience was, it became a great learning experience. Now that I know what happens in my brain when I see disapproval in someone’s face, I’ve become quicker to more proactively moderate its negative effects.

How have you managed those who disapprove of you?

Related Posts:

• Rejection: how it affects leaders
• Are your critics really trying to get close to you?

Source: Burklund, L., Eisenberger, N.I. & Lieberman, M.D. The face of rejection: Rejection sensitivity moderates dorsal anterior cingulate activate to disapproving facial expressions. Social Neuroscience, 2, pp.238–253.

Motivating staff and volunteer leaders in the church or in any organization begs the question: How can we do it better? I believe David Rock, author and speaker, offers fresh insight from neuroscience about how we can best motivate others. He developed a paradigm based on five domains that influence behavior that he coined with the acronym SCARF.

The letters in this acronym stand for these domains that affect brain functioning and thus performance in our jobs and ministries.

• Status: a feeling of importance relative to others around us
• Certainty: a sense of predictability about the future
• Autonomy: a sense of control over events
• Relatedness: a sense of safety with those around you
• Fairness: a perception of being treated fairly

When a staff person, employee, or volunteer experiences SCARF in his or her ministry it actually increases a chemical in their brain called dopamine which has a positive effect on our moods and our thinking. When a leader intentionally tries to meet the SCARF needs of those around him or her the more he will see positive results in these areas. The less these needs are met, the opposite will occur.

• collaboration
• intrinsic motivation
• productivity
• change management
• healthy relationships

So how might a church leader meet some of the SCARF needs in his church or team? Consider these.

Status: Teach that every person has intrinsic worth and value in God’s eyes. Just because a person lacks certain skills does not mean his status in God’s eyes is anything less than someone who seems to be super talented.

Certainty: Keep your people informed about the future. Don’t spring new initiatives on them. Don’t blindside them. Give them sufficient time to process something new. Consistently do this.

Autonomy: Don’t micromanage. Give choices to your staff and volunteers within reasonable parameters. Let them own some decisions.

Relatedness: Provide plenty of time for your teams to do social stuff together. Encourage involvement in a small group. Intentionally build community.

Fairness: Make sure you treat everyone fairly. Don’t ever play favorites.

Motivating others will always test us as leaders. The SCARF model can help us become more intentional and effective in how we motivate them for Kingdom impact.

What have you found that has helped motivate those you work with?

Related posts:

• Not Motivated: Try a Simple Pleasure
• The 4 Reasons People Give to their Church

Rock, D. (2008) SCARF: a brain-based model for collaborating with and influencing others. Neuroleadership Journal, (1), pp.44–52.

Being a pastor is a high calling, yet pastors often face loneliness and discouragement. Surprisingly, some surveys reveal that up to 80% of pastors face regular discouragement in ministry. If that statistic even remotely reflects reality, then your pastor probably needs your encouragement. Yet, it seems so rare. The influential writer Henry Nouwen even wrote these insightful words.

… there is little praise and much criticism in the church today, and who can live for long in such a climate without slipping into some type of depression?^[1]

If your pastor needs encouragement, should you give it to him or should he just suck it up? If you do want to encourage him, what’s the best way to do it?

I’m convinced that we all need encouragement, even the strongest believer and most mature pastor. In fact, the Apostle Paul admitted he needed it and often referred to those who refreshed his and other people’s spirits, Philemon, Onesiphorus, and the Corinthian church. At times he even asked for it. A key character in the bible, Barnabas, was known as the son of encouragement.

Hebrews 13.17 speaks to this need and admonishes followers of Jesus to respond to their leaders in such a way as to make their work a joy. These translations bring out the meaning.

• So don’t make them sad as they do their work. Make them happy. (CEV)
• Let them do this with joy and not with grief … . (NASB)
• Give them reason to do this joyfully and not with sorrow. (NLT)
• Let them do all this with joy and not with groaning. (ESV)

In the research I did for my last book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them, I surveyed hundreds of pastors and asked them how people in their church encouraged them. These were the top six responses.

1. You showed me tangible appreciation (such as small gifts like a gift card to a coffee shop).
2. You let me know that I spiritually impacted your life (such as sending an email to him about a recent message that helped you grow).
3. You prayed for me (such as sending a note telling your pastor that you prayed for him).
4. You accepted and understood me, cared for me, and were there when I needed you (such as communicating in a genuine way that you know how difficult it is being a pastor and that you truly care).
5. You supported my leadership, defended me, and trusted me (such as going out of your way to tell your pastor that you truly believe in him and trust him).
6. You ministered to my spouse and/or my family (such as remembering his or her kids’ birthdays).

The pastors who responded to this survey shared many touching stories and sad ones as well. One pastor even wrote that he wasn’t sure anybody in his church really cared about him. I hope your pastor doesn’t feel that way.

If you’re a pastor, would sharing this statistic with your church in an appropriate way open the door for the encouragement you desperately need in your life right now?

If you aren’t a pastor, what is God prompting you to do this week to encourage your pastor?

Related posts:

• When Ministry Knocks you Down, How to Get Back Up
• Defeating the Demons of Discouragement

Last Sunday night I attended an old fashioned Gospel sing at a church near our home. It was out of my comfort zone because the last 25 years I’ve served in churches that primarily used contemporary worship music in their services. Yet, from toddler age through college I attended churches that primarily used hymns. When the seeker movement became widespread, I and many other like-minded pastors classified traditional hymns as barriers to church growth. As a result, I seldom used them in the churches I served except for the occasional Amazing Grace.

However, as I sat through the Gospel sing, something stirred deep within me. Had I neglected an important part of my Christian heritage by not incorporating them in the churh services? Should I reconsider them going into the future?

The Gospel sing worked like this. The song leader invited those who attended (a couple hundred) to pick a hymn from the hymn book. They then raised their hands and he’d pick someone. They’d call out the hymnal page number. We’d turn to that page. The pianist would start playing. We’d sing. After 30 minutes of suggestions and singing, probably 20 songs, we’d take a short break from singing. The pianist then played a medley of hymns and a duet sung a couple hymns. Then we sung another 30 minute, prayed, and dismissed for ice cream sundaes in the gym.

I thought I’d be bored and planned to surreptitiously follow NFL games on ESPN’s Gametracker on my iPhone. Was I surprised. Here are several lessons I learned that night.

1. The majority who attended were clearly over 65, many in their 70’s and 80’s. As I watched these seniors sing, their faces glowed with a deep love for Jesus. God reminded me that preferred music styles don’t indicate a person’s love for Him. The builder generation, which is quickly declining, has shown incredible commitment and sacrifice to the cause of Christ the last several decades. Just because they prefer a different music style than my preference doesn’t mean I’m any closer to Jesus than they.
2. I was surprised at how well I recalled these songs that I hadn’t sung in over 20 years. I seldom even needed to look at the hymnal for the words. I realized how grateful I was to my parents for the rich Christian heritage they gave me. Those many years they took me to Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night services along with revivals and vacation bible schools had left an indelible imprint on my soul. Those hymns had deeply imbedded the truth of God’s word into my heart that I’d never forgotten.
3. I marveled at the magnificence of how God created our brains. Music increases our ability to recall truth because it enhances long-term memory. Even after decades of not reading the words or singing the hymns, my mind easily recalled them. This thought reminded me how important music should play in our services to imbed theology into the hearts of believers.
4. I felt sad as I watched my youngest daughter who sat next to me. As my wife and I sang, she followed along as best as she could, yet she hardly knew a single hymn. Either my naivety or my pride (or both) had caused me to neglect this powerful medium to teach the essence of the Faith. My kids had become the losers.
5. Finally, I resolved to bring hymns back into the churches I serve. While updating their tempo and style a bit, I want those young and old in the faith to encounter the living Christ through the power of God's word hitched to the medium of hymn music.

What are your thoughts on hymns? Do you believe we have neglected them? If so, how have you incorporated them into your services.

Related posts:

• The Annual Vision Message: an exercise in futility?

Ancient Greek mythology offers an important lesson for anyone in ministry, or in any leadership position for that matter. As one fable goes, Narcissus was a beautiful hunter. As a boy his face looked as if it were chiseled from the purest marble. His beauty attracted others to him but he could never let anyone get close even though they tried to extend their love to him. He resisted because he had found another love.

One day at age 16 as be walked along the mythical river Styx, he stopped to sip water from a calm pool. As he knelt, the image he saw in the pool transfixed him. He immediately discovered his new love, the image of himself. His obsession with his own image kept him from giving or receiving love from others. The story says that because he could not bear to leave his reflection, he lay down by the pool and pined away for himself. Eventually the earth absorbed him and he became the flower narcissus. Thus, the word narcissist came to mean a person who has a fixation with himself.

What are some indicators that a pastor or a leader may be a narcissist? And what are the dangers to his or her ministry and family?

Peter Steinki, a prolific author and church ministry consultant, has working with hundreds of churches and pastors in the last 40 years. He once worked with 65 pastors who had affairs and found that narcissism lay at the root of most of those failures. These pastors’ need for others to value them and their need to feel important led them to sexualize their desires. Their narcissistic tendencies led them to moral failure.

Based on my experience with others and upon the insight of others like Steinki, I believe that if a pastor shows signs of narcissism and doesn’t admit them and seek help, he has doomed himself to failure. The narcissistic pastor lives with an inflated sense of self-importance and an insatiable drive to be liked and to be at the center of attention. Satan will capitalize on these traits and tempt him to compromise his morals and values. A narcissistic pastor will create a false self to cover his fear of humiliation. Exposure to the real person is anathema to him. Steinki says that a narcissistic pastor’s drive to avoid disclosure often results in these kinds of behavior.^[1]

1. Rage if he experiences shame for shame exposes his true self.
2. An inordinate need for praise in order to feel important.
3. The feeling of entitlement to special treatment.
4. The immense need for continual feedback of how important she is.
5. The feeling of superiority and its reinforcement from others.
6. Strong reaction to rejection and disapproval, sometimes with intense rage.
7. The lack of the capacity to mourn, a defense against depression.
8. Calculating and conniving behavior to “maintain” supplies of continuous adulation.
9. An impaired capacity for commitment.
10. No capacity for self-focus or self-examination.

 Unfortunately, ministry can give rise to narcissism. We are often in the limelight and get kudos and compliments from others that feed our egos. In the past two decades it seems that annually some well-known pastor commits adultery or fails in some public moral way, often rooted in narcissistic tendencies. Unfortunately, narcissists often exude qualities we laud: self-confidence, a magnetic personality, strong platform skills, and the ability to motivate others. Narcissism is deadly. Perhaps that’s one reason the bible often speaks against pride and for humility.

I’d like to hear about your experience with a narcissistic leader. Would you add any traits to this list? Have you ever seen a narcissistic pastor change? What helped him change?

Related posts:

• Do Pastors Wield too Much Power?
• Mashed Potatoes, Pride and God's Eyes

As a senior pastor I’ve performed annual staff perormance reviews for years thinking that I was helping those leaders improve their performance. But recent neuroscience has shown that negative feedback (including such feedback given in evaluations) may actually hurt the self-esteem of those we evaluate. If staff evaluations potentially hurt the cause rather than help, should we eliminate the evaluations or make some other changes?

The researchers in this study performed a simple experiment on college students. The students first performed a mock interview. Afterwards as they lay in an MRI, they received evaluation on their performance through 45 separate words given by someone who observed their interview. The words were equally divided into 15 neutral one, 15 positive ones, and 15 negative ones. Even though the positive and neutral words outweighed the negative ones 2 to 1, over 40% experienced lower self esteem. And, the part of the brain that feels rejection from others lit up in the scanner. Negative feedback apparently diminishes our self-esteem.

I understand this insight from personal experience. Years ago a key leader told me numerous times that although I possessed great character, my preaching didn't connect with other people’s hearts nor did I have sufficient leadership skills to bring the church to the next level. After reading about this study, I now understand why I felt so bad after his comments.

In light of this and other similar studies, how should we approach staff reviews to avoid diminishing the esteem or confidence of those we review? I suggest these five ideas can help us maximize reviews while minimizing their potential negative effect.

1. Constantly affirm those who report to you. Catch them doing something good and tell them. Create an environment filled with affirmation.
2. Seek to know the personality of the staff person you are evaluating. The study implied that some personalities ruminate and mull over negative comments more than others. If you know a staffer tends toward introspection, give the feedback with an extra dose of grace. Follow up a few days later to see how they are processing it.
3. Teach your staff to build their self-esteem around their relationship with Christ rather than around their performance. Doing so doesn’t minimizing high performance standards. Rather, it maximizes where we should center our self-esteem and frees us to do our best.
4. Couch your feedback with positive steps the staff person can make. Help him see that positive corrective steps can make him a more fulfilled person and a more effective employee.
5. Discover how well you affirm others. Ask your staff people to tell you how they feel you are affirming them. If you get negative feedback, re-read this article.

What have you discovered that helps moderate negative feelings from staff reviews?

(Source of study: Eisenberger et al, Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, November 2011)

Related Posts:

• 360 Degree Assessments: an invaluable tool for leadership growth
• When Someone Screws Up: reprimand or look for a teachable moment

Recently I scheduled a plumber to fix minor leaks in some toilets in our home as are preparing to sell our house. My wife was to meet the plumber in my absence and give him the instructions I had given her. At about ten minutes after the appointment time she called and told me that he had come and said the fixes were so simple I could do them. I asked her what he charged us to give us that sage advice. Her response? “$125.” I was not a happy camper.

When she told me that he had left without fixing the toilets and then charged us, my emotions took over. I was ticked off. Livid better describes how I felt. I couldn't even think straight. My wife immediately sensed the anger in my voice and assured me that she’d call him back and have him return to complete the repairs.

After we hung up, I felt bad that I had gotten so angry. I tried to regain my composure because I had scheduled a full day to complete a chapter for my next book. We pastors often want to figure out why bad things happen, so I began to ruminate over the situation, thinking that if I figured it out, I could calm my emotions.

Well, I am anything but a handyman. I can’t drive a nail straight much less fix something as convoluted as a toilet. I imagined myself spending an entire day trying to fix the leaks. I could see myself breaking something worse that would force sewerage back up into the house. And with all the sewerage, we’d never sell the house. And because we couldn’t sell the house, we go into foreclosure and lose the house. And when we lost the house we’d have to live in a van down by the river . . . . Well, maybe I didn’t imagine it that bad. But I did imagine me getting hyper-stressed trying to fix the toilet.

Then I recalled some neuroscience research from Ethan Kross’ on distancing and emotional control. He has discovered a simple technique that helps moderate our anger: take the perspective of a third party observing yourself in the situation that prompted the anger.

When I recalled that research, I now imagined myself physically stepping away from the car, where I got my wife’s call, and watching myself talking to her and getting angry. When I did that, immediately I thought, “How silly to get upset over a leaky toilet.” It was amazing what happened next. That simple mental exercise helped quickly lessen my anger. As a result, I was able to think clearly the rest of the day without any emotional “leaky toilet” intrusions. Kross likens that phenomenon to how a friend can help us calm down by giving us an objective perspective of an emotion causing event.

We pastors often face issues that can make us mad.The next time that happens to you, step back and observe yourself becoming angry. See if the Holy Spirit will give you a fresh perspective and clearer insight to moderate your anger and be a more composed leader.

What has helped moderate your anger in ministry?

Related posts.

• Lessons Learned from Angry Emails
• When Someone Screw up: Reprimand or Look for the Teachable Moment

The leadership lull: every leader faces disappointment about unmet expectations whether in real-time or whether those expectations lie in our minds. We have a down Sunday. A new ministry doesn’t take off. A seasonal program doesn’t bring as many new people as we expected. We can get stuck in a downward spiral.

Our brains actually can contribute to this downward cycle. When we feel disappointed, a brain chemical that helps us feel positive, dopamine, drops which causes us to operate more from an emotional mode rather than from a thoughtful one from the thinking part of our brain (the pre-frontal cortex). This decreases our performance because we enjoy our ministry less which leads to decreased confidence. The spiral continues downward as our decreased confidence dampens our mood which further drops dopamine.

When we face such scenarios, five simple steps can help us move from a downward spiral to an upward spiral. When we apply these steps and appropriately adjust our expectations, God created our brains to give us a dose of dopamine which makes us feel better about our our ministries and life in general. This in turn can improve our performance whcih actually makes us more open to spiritual and leadership insight. As a result we get a confidence boost about the future. Thus, we move more into an upward spiral.

Here are five steps to try the next time you find yourself in a leadership lull.

1. Take a few moments and read a few uplifting portions of Scripture about hope, God’s grace, and joy.
2. Write down the expectation that was unmet. Was it unrealistic given the current circumstances? Can you adjust it down a bit to bring it more in line with current circumstances or with what God is telling you?
3. Think of something unusual or out-side-the box that could apply to this situation. Is there a unique or novel way to frame or modify your expectation? Novelty helps boost those brain chemicals that help us gain perspective and think more clearly.
4. Take a small step to accomplish something related to this goal that was not met or to another goal. Make it anything that you can accomplish easily and quickly. After you do, take another small step. Each successive accomplishment will boost your confidence.
5. Call a friend you trust who can help you think through the situation. Often we need someone else to give us perspective when we lose it.

The next time you face a leadership lull, try one or two of these simple steps.

What have you found that helps pull you out of a leadership lull?

• Related Post:When You Don't Measure Up

Every Sunday something happens over 400,000 times in the US.

 A pastor preaches a sermon. 

If an average sermon lasts about 30 minutes and if roughly 56 million people attend on an average Sunday, then church attenders in America’s churches spend this amount of time listening to our sermons each week.

• 23,000,000 man hours
• which equals 958,000 days
• which equals 136,904 weeks
• which equals 2,632 years

And if the average pastor spends 10 hours preparing a sermon, all told pastors will spend the following amount of time in weekly sermon prep.

• 4,000,000 man hours
• which equals 166,666 days
• which equals 23,800 weeks
• which equals 457 years

Putting it all together, each week sermons gobble up three centuries of  man-hours. If you multiply that over a year’s time . . . well, you do the math.

When I calculated this number, it boggled my mind. That statistic then begged this question.

What spiritual return is our preaching giving us?

I know we can’t measure the eternal impact from our sermons. However, the amount of time we invest in them and the time people invest in listening to them should cause us to pause and evaluate. These numbers caused me to think.

Take a few moments and consider these ten questions. As you read them ask yourself if the Lord is prompting you to make some changes to maximize your sermons’ spiritual impact.

1. Do I spend sufficient time preparing my heart to preach (ie: spiritual disciplines, stillness, character development)?
2. Do I spend sufficient time with people to understand the issues they face that need a word from God?
3. Am I being true to what the biblical writers intended when I preach?
4. Am I willing to get honest feedback from people who can help me improve my preaching?
5. Do I make my preaching more about Him and less about me and what others may think about my preaching?
6. What am I doing to improve my study and presentation skills?
7. Am I willing to preach on unpopular subjects about which the Scripture speaks?
8. Do I spend sufficient time thinking about ways that could maximize the listener’s attention so as to increase their retention of my sermons?
9. Do I always tie my sermons to the overarching redemptive theme of the Gospel?
10. Do I approach preaching as a hallowed trust?

Perhaps the venerable Haddon Robinson captured the essence of preaching when we wrote this in his excellent book, Biblical Preaching.

When you get right down to it, preaching is like farming. I often say, “Lord, here I am. As far as I can tell, I’ve tried to fill my sack with good seed. I’ve done my homework, I think my attitude is right, and it’s the best, most interesting seed I’ve got. I’m going to scatter it now, Lord. So here goes. We’ll see what comes up in the field.” Then, once I’ve sown the seed, I do what farmers do: I go home and rest.

What questions would you add to this list?

In my next post I offer several practical techniques you can build into your sermon to help people pay closer attention. 

Related posts:

• 5 Reasons to Do Sermon Prep Outside the Office
• Sticky Sermons: Neuroscience Insights that Make them Sticky

This morning I'm sitting in a McDonalds writing my next book (free Wi-Fi). I've set my iphone to remind me to pause and be still each day at 10am and 3pm. I don't always stop, but today I did and read this reflection on Jonah's resistace to God's call on him to preach in Ninevah. In Eugene Peterson's inimitable way, he writes these words.

And why Tarshish? For one thing, it is a lot more exciting than Nineveh. Nineveh was an ancient site with layer after layer of ruined and unhappy history. Going to Nineveh to preach was not a coveted assignment for a Hebrew prophet with good references. But Tarshish was something else. Tarshish was exotic. Tarshish was an adventure … Tarshish in the biblical references was a “far off and sometimes idealized port.” It is reported in 1 Kings 10:22 that Solomon’s fleet of Tarshish fetched gold, silver, ivory, monkeys and peacocks … In Tarshish we can have a religious career without having to deal with God.

Did you catch the last line? "In Tarshish we can have a religious career without having to deal with God." As i reflected on my goals and drive in minsitry, I asked myself these questions, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions and ponder your answers.

1. Where do I find my identity, in Christ or in my ministry?
2. Am I driven to bigger and better ministries so I can feel good about myself? Or can I find contentment “that transcends all understanding” even in what appears to be a dead-end ministry?
3. Is my deepest motive to one day hear Jesus say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”? Or, am I driven to hear the people in the church say it?

What did God say to you when you asked yourself these questions?

Whether we lead a church ministry, a para-church organization, or run a business, we Christian leaders want to lead at our best. Books, leadership seminars, coaching, and mentoring can all help us grow our skills. I’ve used all three to develop mine. Recently, though, I’ve realized an emerging and rapidly growing field is filling a gap in spiritual leadership. 

It’s called neuroleadership. Essentially, neuroleadership takes what neuroscience is discovering about the brain and applies it to the art of spiritually leading. You can see a cool animation here by clicking on “What is neuroleadership?” David Rock, author of  a great book, Your Brain at Work, coined the term.

Interestingly, the bible affirms neuroleadership principles. The word 'mind' appears over 120 times in scripture. Solomon writes in Proverbs that as we think so we are. The Gospel writers tell us to love God with all of our hearts and souls and minds and strength. And the Apostle Paul reminds us that we experience true transformation when we renew our minds. Curt Thompson who wrote Anatomy of the Soul writes that neuroscience is much like a magnifying glass to help us see things we may not otherwise have seen. But a magnifying glass is only as good as the light that illuminates the object we are looking at. That light, for a Christian, is God’s Word.

When pastors and Christian leaders learn and apply neuroleadership principles, they will develop into competent leaders who . . .

• stay cool under pressure.
• improve relationships with others.
• consistently make wise ministry decisions.
• strategize and navigate change well.
• learn to inspire others through their teaching.

Over the next several months I plan several blogs on how we can leverage this incredible God-created gift, the brain, for greatest Kingdom impact. To maximize our minds and brains, consider these three essentials.

1. Learn how the brain works. Without trying to become an anatomy expert, take a few minutes to Google “brain” and read a few articles about how the brain works and its anatomy. You’ll also find several good YouTube videos as well. This four-minute video summarizes the techniques scientists are now using to learn more about the brain. This 55-minutes video by David Rock explains how understanding the brain can make a big difference in your leadership.
2. Practice good brain care habits. Adequate sleep, healthy food, and regular exercise all help keep your brain sharp and functioning well. Scientists have also discovered that managing stress also protects the brain.
3. Learn the art of self-awareness. Often our brain focuses on negative thoughts that take up precious brain space we need to think and lead well. When we “think about what we are thinking about” we have begun to win the battle against negative thinking. The Apostle Paul speaks to this issue in Phil. 4.8 when he writes, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.

So, as you grow in your leadership, consider how to use your brain to maximize your life and leadership.

In your education and experience, how have your insights into how the brain works helped your leadership?

Related posts:

1. When Pastors Lead from their Lizard Brains
2. 9 Signs Your Hormones May be Hijacking Your Leadership

I’ve been a committed Christian for over 40 years.

I’ve served in vocational ministry for over 30 years.

I’ve earned a master of divinity and a doctor of ministry.

I’ve preached over 1,000 sermons.

I’ve memorized hundreds of Scriptures.

I practice spiritual disciplines such as prayer, solitude, and fasting on a regular basis.

You’d think that with that spiritual pedigree, I should always experience God’s peace or at least when I lack it, should immediately regain it through prayer, quoting scripture, etc.

Not so in my experience.

One of my all time favorite scriptures is Philippians 4:6-7.

Phil. 4.6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

That verse, as do many others, implies that when we feel anxious and lack peace we if we turn to the Lord, cast our anxiety on him, pray, and yield our wills to His, then emotional peace should readily follow.

When I’ve done these things, sometimes I have regained His peace. At other times I haven’t. Not only have these experiences perplexed me, but when I faced difficult times with our oldest daughter’s rebellion and chronic illness with our youngest daughter, no matter how hard I prayed and quoted scripture, peace would sometimes elude me.

When peace didn’t come, an accusing voice inside me would add to my misery by suggesting that something must be wrong with me.

• Maybe I didn’t have enough faith (so I would try to muster more of it).
• Perhaps unconfessed sin was in the way (so I’d confess any unknown sins that I may have somehow missed).
• Possibly I didn’t pray correctly (so I’d reframe my prayers).

Mostly these techniques failed. So I soldiered on, figuring something was still wrong with me.

My neatly packed theology hit a brick wall. It was like when Neo in the movie The Matrix said, "Something was just not right, something was missing, something was lacking, something bothering me like a splinter in your mind."

My spiritual coping strategies fell short. I don’t mean to imply that we reduce Christianity to pragmatism. We love and obey God simply because He is God and is worthy of our worship and allegiance. Even so, I finally allowed my honest questions to bubble to the surface. Why, if I did the right things, did peace not come?

Then . . . I began to understand how our brain works.

I began reading about the brain and enrolled in a master’s program in neuroleadership (click on What is a neuroleader" here to see a cool animation about neuroleadership). I began to understand that our brain is not simply like a computer, but also like a pharmacy. It’s constantly releasing chemicals into our blood that profoundly affects emotions like peace, anger, fear, and anxiety.

I’m learning that I can be right with God in all respects, and yet not feel emotional peace in the current circumstance. What a relief to learn that lack of peace does not necessarily mean I’m messed up.

As a result of these new insights, I plan to begin blogging extensively on how we can use this incredible gift from God, our brain, for healthy living and productive leadership. I hope you will follow my blogs on this subject. You can follow them here.

Have you ever struggled with this issue? How are you dealing with it?

Related posts: 

1. Your Brain's Leadershp X-factor
2. When Pastors Lead from their Lizard Brain

Recently my son and I and another pastor enjoyed the privilege of training over 100 Haitian pastors in Port au Prince. We held the training at our host pastor’s church, a tin-roofed block building that could seat about 125. It had no air conditioning so the temperature inside rose to over 100 degrees. Five roof-mounted fans blew, but only moved the hottest air from the ceiling down to the pastors.

I learned four leadership lessons from these pastors.

1. When you have little, you appreciate things more. Haiti, the poorest country in the western hemisphere, faced a magnitude 7.0 earthquake on Tuesday, January 12, 2010 which left over 300,000 dead, 300,000 injured, and 1,000,000 homeless. Not one of these pastors were untouched by the tragedy in some way. Our host pastor’s daughter was cocooned for three days in the rubble. His church dug her out, with picks and machetes. Added to their misery is a severe lack of training for pastors. Yet, these men and women deeply appreciated the few hours we poured into them. Their appreciation reminded to be more grateful for the abundance I experience in our country.
2. Small things really do matter. At the conclusion of the two-day training, each pastor received a personalized certificate of completion. As we handed their certificates to them, shook their hands, and congratulated them they beamed with joy. Their joy reminded me that as a pastor I must constantly think of small ways that I can encourage others, whether with a gift, a kind word, or a thoughtful email.
3. Patience does not depend upon circumstances. Not only did the temperature in that small church soar above 100 degrees but most of the pastors wore long sleeve shirts and ties. Some even wore a suit. [Their culture expects pastors to dress up.] Yet even as they sat in the sweltering heat, they conveyed utmost respect to each of us, although I did notice a nod or two. Their patience in these unfavorable circumstances convicted me that sometimes I get impatient waiting in life for more than a minute at the grocery store’s “ten items or less” line.
4. We must invest in emerging leaders. I felt privileged that my 28-year-old son, Josh, joined me last year in Mexico when I trained pastors as well as this year in Haiti. He serves as an intern in New Hampshire and is completing his ThM degree at Gordon Conwell Seminary. The pastors loved him. At the end of the training they asked me to come back and stay for 15 days. They asked Josh to come back and stay for a year. Josh’s presence offered them hope that young, godly leaders do exist.

We planned for and delivered quality teaching on leadership to those 100 pastors. I pray that what we shared will help them further the Kingdom in Haiti. 

However, I may have received the greatest blessing through what I learned from 100 pastors in 100 degrees.

If you’ve traveled internationally for ministry, what insights have you learned from your experience?

Related Post: What I learned from Latino Pastors

I visited a physical therapist recently to get some kinks out of my  back. As she torqued my left leg into a pretzel, she told me about a friend who recently got news about a life threatening medical condition. As my therapist shared, she felt unsure about what to say to her friend facing such sadness. Even though I've been in ministry over 30 years, the right thing to say to someone sad still eludes me. What should we say to someone like her friend? Or better yet, what should we not say?

Since our youngest was diagnosed with a brain tumor 25 years ago, what people have said to us has run the gamut from perfect to really bad. Most people really want to encourage us when we hurt, but often they say exactly what you don't need to hear.

Here's a few statements to NEVER say to someone in pain, no matter what kind of pain.

• Every thing will be all right. God's in control. (Yes, God is control, but everything may not turn out right.)

• Just have more faith and you will be fine. (Platitude.)

• God told me that you'd be healed/your problem will go away. (Why did he tell you and not me?)

• Could there possibly be some sin in your life? (Sounds like one of Job's friends.)

• My (aunt, uncle, grandmother, etc.) faced the same thing and they were healed. (I'm not your aunt, uncle, grandmother, etc.)

• Well, I'm facing such and such...and this person prattles on and on about himself or herself, seemingly oblivious to your pain. (You really didn't hear me, did you?)

• Just let us know what we can do. (Usually this means nothing or else they would have gotten specific on the spot.)

Words carry great power. Proverbs tells us they have the power of life or death and that a well-placed word is very valuable.

Prov. 25.11  The right word at the right time is like precious gold set in silver. 

I'd love to hear words that you've heard or said that were like gold in times of pain.

Related Posts:

• How God Can Use Brokenness in a Pastor's Life

• When Ministry Knocks You Down, How to Get Back Up

Criticism hurts, especially the non-constructive kind. We tend to stay away from such critics. But is that the wisest choice? Should we draw close to them instead of pulling away from them?

Murray Bowen, the father of family systems, coined the phrase "non-anxious presence." He used this term to describe a personal quality that when a leader exhibits it, can keep a family or a group's overall emotional reactivity and anxiety down. He and others suggest that leaders should not cut off from critics, but should actually stay connected to them in a calm way.

What does a non-anxious leader look like?

• can truly listen to another, even if he or she is bearing bad news or criticism

• can hold his emotions in check when in the hot seat

• seldom gets defensive

• can acknowledge the emotions of  his critic

• will calmly and courageously respond instead of reacting

Ernest Shackleton, one of the greatest explorers ever, modeled this non-anxious presence with his Antarctica expedition crew as they were marooned for over a year in 1915-1916 after their ship was crushed by the ice. His calm presence and his drawing to difficult crew members allowed him to lead them all to safety. Not one man perished. Here's what he did.

• His photographer, Frank Hurley would feel slighted if the crew didn’t pay attention to him and would become difficult to work with. Instead of isolating him, Shackleton gave him a place in his tent and often conferred with him.

• His physicist, Reginald Jamer, was an introverted academic. Shackleton feared that his personality might invite ridicule that in turn could escalate into a serious issue. He made him a bunkmate as well.

• When Shackleton selected a crew to take a lifeboat to sail from Elephant Island to South Georgia Island to assemble a rescue party for the entire crew, he selected the carpenter, McNeish. He chose him not only for his skills but also because he was concerned that McNeish could create discontent with the men who were left.

• Finally, Shackleton specifically picked two other crewmen because he felt they might cause trouble in his absence. In total, more than half of the group he chose were potential troublemakers.

So, how can we present a non-anxious presence to those with our critics or to those with whom our personalities rub? I suggest these five ideas.

• When criticized, truly try to understand the critic's perspective. Ask questions. Really listen.

• When someone criticizes, thank them for sharing it.

• Keep a good sense of humor. Don't allow the criticism to suck the life from you.

• Spend some social time with the critic so he can get to know you. Share some of your personal life story.

• Do something thoughtful for your critic, something that he would not expect from you.

As counter-intuitiv as this may seen, staying calmly connected to your critics can actually help you grow as a leader and move your church or organization forward.

At what point should you draw the line with criticism? That is, when should you cut if off before it truly damage you?

Related posts:

• 5 Ways to Turn Criticism into Carnage

• 10 Ways to Handle the Church Critic

A brief excerpt from my latest book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them.

Thomas Kelly, a twentieth-century Quaker, died the day a company discussed publishing his essays. Fortunately a friend followed through and those essays were compiled into A Testament of Devotion. Kelly succinctly captures why we need to heed Jesus’ offer: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”[1]

We live our lives in “an intolerable scramble of panting feverishness.”[2] This easily can overtake us with the demands ministry brings. With sermons to prepare, plans to develop, people to disciple, and seemingly not enough time, I sometimes have to tell myself out loud, “Slow down.” When I’m caught up in a frenetic pace, ministry frustrations often loom larger than they really are.

Related posts:

• 5 Really Bad Ways Pastors Respond when People Compare them to Successful Churches
• When Pastors don't Measure up to Other's Expectations

I've used this simple tool to capture the essence of strategic planning. Feel free to use it with your team. You might also find this tool helpful as well.

If you are a pastor or lead people in any way, criticism is a fact of life. We can learn from our critics or we can turn criticism into carnage.

Here are five ways to do that.

1. Cut yourself off from everybody who criticizes you. Stay far, far away from them. They are idiots so avoid them at all costs
2. Believe every criticism. It's all true, every juicy morsel of it. Believe every word of it. Make it personal. Think about it all the time.
3. Disregard every criticism. Since your critics are idiots, what comes out of their mouth is infused with globs of "idiotness."  You are a pastor, God's anointed, a 'called out one' who walks with God and talks with God and knows a lot about the bible and stuff.
4. When someone criticizes you, argue them down, theologize, quote the bible, use lofty logic. Make THEM realize they are idiots.
5. Demand that your leaders, staff, and boards tell you only what you want to hear. If they have a criticism, tell then to STUFF IT.

Do you have any criticism to carnage suggestions?

____

Related posts:

• Top 10 ways to handle the church critic
• How to deal with criticism

One of the greatest skills a pastor or leader can develop is to learn to listen well. Woodrow Wilson's words below should cause every leader to evaluate his or her listening skills.

The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

We pay others a high compliment when we listen.

We affirm other's God-given value when we listen.

We develop our own heart when we listen.

The father of the field of listening, Ralph Nichols, captures the essence of listening in these words.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to be understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.

Through my 15-week coaching I've learned that we listen at several levels. Often we get stuck on the first level, the most elementary one. As you read the four levels below, ask yourself at which level do you usually listen.

1. Level 1-Listening TO...Internal Listening. At this level when we listen to others we mostly listen to our inner dialogue, our thoughts, our feelings, and what we plan to say once the other person has finished speaking. We focus on ourselves, our conclusions, our thoughts about the person/subject of conversation, and what the subject means to me. Unfortunately most listening happens at this level where it's all about me.
2. Level 2-Listening FOR...Focused Listening. At this level we begin to authentically listen as we focus on what the other person is saying. We lock onto their dialogue and suppress our temptation to correct, give our opinion, give advice, or offer another perspective as soon as they finish. We become truly present and give them the gift of being understood.
3. Level 3-Listening WITH... Intuitive Listening. At this level we pay attention to what is not being said through these cues:  inflection, pauses, changes in tone and energy, the eyes, and body language. We listen with our gut and allow intuition to speak to our soul.
4. Level 4-Listening to the Holy Spirit. This is the deepest level where we intersect what the person is saying/not saying with an openness to what the Spirit of God is saying to us. This level requires great discipline and focus, yet provides pastors and ministry leaders a way to become conduits of God's grace to people.

So, at which level do you often listen? What tips have you discovered that help you listen at levels 2-4?

____

Related posts:

• Mr Rogers on Doing Your Best
• Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Has My Leadership Mirror Stalled

If you follow my blog, you know I love to read. As a life-long learner I learn from others' writings and  I believe integrous writers should always give generous attribution to authors whose ideas they embrace or write about. That's why I often reference my ideas. Recently I read Do More Great Work by Michael Stanier. It's a short but good read.

Stanier takes the reader through simple exercises that helps him clarify when he is at his best. In my case, I read the book with an eye to discover when I lead at my best. This is especially important in my life now as I transition from a senior pastor role into a coach/consultant role for pastors and churches.

In one exercise I spent a few minutes choosing words that best describe me when I am at my best. For example, some of those words included poised, reflective, and focused. The next step, however, make this exercise stick. After I picked about 20 words and narrowed them to a dozen or so I then wrote opposite each word another contrasting word that would describe me when I'm not quite myself. I didn't necessarily choose words opposite in meaning but ones more anemic in contrast to the others. Oppose to the three words above I chose diplomatic, distant, and intense.

When I chose the contrasting words it helped clarify my leadership vibe, that state of leadership toward which I should aim.

Here's the list that contrasts when I'm at my best (on the left) and when I'm just ok (to the right).

• Poised---diplomatic
• Non-anxious---self controlled
• Reflective---distant
• Focused---intense
• Clear minded---distracted
• Relaxed---quiet
• Undeterred---pushy
• Unhurried---tolerant
• Animated---talkative
• Present---just there
• Commanding---forceful
• Self-aware—self focused
• Strategic---tactical

I put this list in my iPhone prayer app (My Prayer Lists) and review it almost daily. Those words remind me to seek to live them out as I lead and relate to others.

Take 10 minutes and see if this exercise does for you what it did for me.

___

Related posts:

• Why Pastors are Sometimes Like Turtles
• Shadow Beliefs that may be StiflingYour Leadership

I think extroverts think introverts should be like them.

Introverts wish they were more like extroverts.

Einstein was right.

If we want our churches to make the greatest kingdom impact, we must help facilitate change or else we become "insane" leaders. However, we often don't manage change wisely.

I've listed 10 change blunders leaders make.

1. Force the change no matter who resists.
2. Marginalize those who resist change.
3. Don't tolerate anything less than 100% success.
4. Blame others when the change doesn't go well.
5. Bring about change as fast as you can before the people realize what just happened.
6. Don't listen to others who disagree.
7. Assume that silence in others means they are on board with you.
8. Don't listen to your spouse.
9. Don't admit ANY fear.
10. What would you add as a tenth?

_____

Related posts:

• 3 Keys to Making Change Stick in your Church
• How to Master Change in Your Church

Or, maybe they do.

• I'm a pastor and an introvert.
• I get energy from being alone.
• Being with people for long periods of time drains me, although I  have strong people skills.
• I love to read.
• I go on silent retreats.
• After church Sunday I want to go home
• Did I say I am an introvert?

Am I automatically disadvantaged as a pastor? Do only the gregarious, back slapping pastors lead big churches?

Some  years ago I learned that my introversion offended a church leader where I once served. We held an overnight leadership retreat at a local retreat center. After the last session ended around nine, we provided snacks and games. At about ten, I went to bed as was my habit. Most of the other leaders stayed up past midnight. Had I stayed up with them, I would have been toast for the sessions to follow the next morning.

I learned months later that my leaving the group to go to bed offended him. He brought it up more than once. He was an extrovert and did not like me yielding to my introversion.

Should I have stayed up to "work the crowd?" Perhaps. But that incident illustrates the challenges introverts often face when they serve in ministry.

I'm pondered this issue more deeply as I'm reading the book Quiet, the Power of Introverts that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, a great read. As an introvert, Susan presents a compelling case for the the power of introverts. If you are an introvert, you will feel affirmed if you read it.

I plan to share more posts on the introverted pastor as I work through the book.

If you are an introvert, what challenges have you experienced in ministry?

___

A good article on introverts here.

I'm a busy pastor. Even though I never can complete my to-do list, I must never let this one to-do slip, my walk with Jesus. Technology supports my spiritual disciplines as  I use my Mac, iPad, and iPhone in tandem. I just purchased a great app that helps me journal more consistently.

Journaling, a classic spiritual discipline, keeps me spiritually sharp in these ways.

1. I can record what God is doing in my life.
2. I can cut and past key scriptures from my bible app, Olivetree.
3. I can process my frustrations and get them off my mind.
4. I can look back over the past to see good or bad trends in my life.
5. I am leaving a record of my life should my kids and their kids and their kids's kids want to read about me when I'm gone.

The new app I use is DayOne. I've used several journaling apps before and this one tops the list for these reasons.

1. It's available on my Mac, iPad, and iPhone and it syncs via DropBox (or iCloud).
2. Because it's on all three, I can add to that day's journal at any time (I'm never without either my iPhone or iPad).
3. It's simple and intuitive.
4. It provides a calendar so I can see what days I journaled (and the days I skipped).
5. It allows me star an entry that I want to stand out.

Check out the tool and see if it helps you.

Also, do you recommend any apps that have helped your walk with Christ?

______

related posts

• the iphone app that improved my ability to concentrate
• How an iPad Improved my Devotional Life

Often ministry leaders give advice rather than seek to bring out personal vision in others. These 6 questions help others think about their personal vision. The next time someone asks you for advice, respond with one or two of these questions before dispensing advice.

1. What's working for you now?
2. What's not?
3. What really excites you about the situation you now face?
4. What scares you?
5. How would you know if you made the right call in this situation?
6. What has NOT worked for you in the past in similar circumstances?

Have you found any other key questions that get others to think for themselves?

___

related post: The well placed question: an often overlooked leadership tool

I'm beginning my second week in becoming a certified coach with the Professional Christian Coaching Institute. In the weeks ahead, I'll share some of the best insights I learn through short mini-blogs.

Gary Collins, one of Christian coaching's gurus gives these 8 reasons why anyone would want a coach. I see great applicability for anyone in ministry. Here's what he writes when he answers the question, "why would anybody want a coach?"

1. get unstuck
2. build your confidence
3. expand your vision
4. fulfill your dreams
5. unlock your potential
6. increase your skills
7. move through transitions
8. take practical steps toward your goals
9. ???

----

related posts: Do pastors need a personal coach

I just began a 30 hour training program to become a certified coach through the Professional Christian Coaching Institute as I hope to be a resource to pastors serving them as a coach.

I was coached a few years ago and didn't feel it helped much. However, I didn't give up on the concept and pulled the trigger recently to get this training.

Today my instructor clarified the distinction between several people helping practices when she used this bicycle riding metaphor.

If someone asks, "I want to learn to ride a bike?" these four people helpers would answer in these distinctive ways.

• A therapist would ask, "Why do you want to ride a bike?"
• A mentor would say, "Watch how I ride a bike and do what I do."
• A consultant would say, "Here is what you are doing wrong and what you can do differently to ride better."
• A coach would ask, "Where do you want to go?"

I loved the forward direction this coaching definition clarified for me.

Have you ever been coached? What did you learn from the experience?

This is an excerpt from my book 5 Ministry Killers that appeared in the spring, 2010, edition of Leadership Journal.

___

Pastor John was just finishing a long Sunday morning. With a weary "pastor's grin" on his face, he chatted with those who lingered. He was tired, hungry, and ready to go home, when two women approached—one he knew was never happy. Her friend said, "Pastor, Ann here wants to tell you something that happened this past week."

He thought, Wonderful, just what I need, another disgruntled member. But with a practiced caring tone he asked, "What happened?"

The veins in Ann's neck swelled as she blurted, "I want you to know that I left three voice mails with the youth minister to talk to him about a problem I'm having with my son. And he never called me back. That so-called youth minister of yours is not doing his job. My son needed help, and he didn't even care enough to call me back."

John's face flushed, and he slowly responded: "Ann, I'm sure Pastor Jimmy tried to call you back and wasn't able to reach you. I will check with him and have him call you again tomorrow. I'm very sorry the two of you didn't connect."

She retorted, "Well, I've decided I'm going to another church where the pastors care about people." She crossed her arms and stood with a what-do-you-think-about-that stare.

Stifling the urge to give her a karate chop, he cleared his throat and answered, "Okay, Ann, I understand your concern, and you must do what you feel is best for your family. But I will get to the bottom of this."

She spun around and stormed off. Her friend grimaced and followed sheepishly.

For several days John mulled over this encounter and kept his pain to himself, even after discovering that the youth pastor had indeed attempted to contact Ann.

The worst was yet to come. Later that week he received a call from a woman with whom he'd often faced conflict. She was a bit of a drama queen, and her family was the church's biggest giver. She requested a meeting to "discuss an issue."

She and her husband arrived at John's office, and after a few pleasantries she explained that Ann had called her about the recent conversation. Ann was "very upset" because John "hadn't been responsive to her need." John tried to explain what happened from his perspective, but her mind was made up. With dramatic flair, she swept her arms outward, and her voice quivered as she said, "Why didn't you just reach out your arms and give her a big hug?"

John's puke level rose to Orange. He didn't know what to say except "I'm sorry she felt the way she did." This ended the conversation.

As John sat in his office chair that night, his emotions roiled. After he breathed a short prayer he went home. His wife asked how his day went, and he replied with a less-than-forthright "Okay. Nothing much out of the ordinary." He didn't want to burden her—she too had often endured the ire of the drama queen. He wished he knew someone with whom he could process his pain.

For the next two weeks, he spent the bulk of his quiet time praying about this disappointment.

John's story illustrates what recent research has discovered to be one of the two most common ways pastors handle these issues—by ourselves and in prayer.

We all unconsciously turn to our default responses when we face ministry tensions. Often those instincts are one-sided. Harboring pain privately can be a ministry killer.

Common responses of pastors

The Barna Group research probed what we pastors do in response to our frustrations and disappointments. They asked: "Think back to the last time you felt disappointed or frustrated with people in your congregation. What did you do—if anything—to address the challenges you faced?" The pastors could mention anything that came to mind.Here are the top ten responses:

• Prayed about the issue (37%)

• Confronted the issue immediately (34%)

• Had someone on ministry team/board/staff deal with the issue (15%)

• Looked for Scripture to address, solve the problem (14%)

• Sought counsel from someone I trusted (10%)

• Talked with the person (9%)

• Confronted the issue eventually (9%)

• Addressed it from the pulpit/in a sermon (4%)

• Had a council meeting/board meeting (2%)

• Self-examination (2%)

Survey research in general shows how people want to be perceived and may not always reflect an objective reality. Nevertheless, this provides a snapshot of how pastors perceive themselves responding to issues.

These and the other responses I've observed can be combined into several helpful categories. Let me use some animal characteristics to highlight the implications of these responses (but please don't press the metaphors too far).

The Sloth: stay detached

Several years ago I took our family to Georgia's Callaway Gardens to visit the Day Butterfly Center. Inside a large, temperature-controlled glass building, visitors walk along paths to enjoy butterflies that fly around freely and even land on people. I enjoyed our excursion, but what interested me most was the challenge given by one of the guides: "Look up in the trees and see if you can find the sloth." After half an hour, I finally spotted him clinging to a branch about twenty feet above my head.

A placard explained that sloths rarely move and only come down to poop. "Passive, detached, and unaware" best describes them.

Some pastors respond similarly to ministry frustration. In the survey, when added together, the categories "did nothing," "no problems/disappointments," and "not sure" equaled 13 percent. Among pastors, more than one in ten defaults to an unhealthy disregard for—or detachment from—a potential ministry killer. If you're in this group, I hope you'll own up to your responses to frustrations, even if you deny you have any.

The Skunk: leave the mess to others

One weekday morning as I arrived at church, I parked my truck about 50 feet from the door and began walking. About ten feet from the building, I noticed something. At first thought it was a cat. Then I saw it actually was a full-grown skunk that noticed me too.

I froze in my tracks, but he slowly lifted his tail as our eyes locked. As I edged away I claimed the promise of Psalm 91:10—"There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling."

I didn't exactly quote that, but I sure was namin', claimin', and prayin'. After the skunk saw I was giving him his space, he sauntered off without incident.

Had God not answered my prayer (or had I not moved back), the skunk scent would have made me a very unpopular pastor for a few days. Again, don't press the image too far, but some pastors respond to their frustrations by handing off their stinky issues to somebody else (see the third-largest category at 15 percent). Certainly in some cases we should delegate problems to others. But other times we delegate to avoid uncomfortable conflict we rightfully should face ourselves. When we do, we truly are missing opportunities God is giving us to grow.

The Hawk: look through a window, not in a mirror

On my way to the gym each day, I drive by a large open field. Often I see a hawk perched on a telephone pole, staring out into that field. I'm no ornithologist, but I know hawks have keen eyesight and love to eat mice. They constantly look for unsuspecting prey.

In the research, one tiny statistic revealed a most disconcerting discovery. Down the list of responses to ministry frustrations, number ten was "self-examination."

Only two out of a hundred pastors responded to their frustrations by looking at themselves as contributing to the problem.

Like the hawk, many of us keenly look outward but don't peer inward to see how we may be complicit in our struggles.

David Kinnaman, writing about the research, said: "Leaders exhibit very limited capacity or willingness to self-examine. This is not entirely unexpected; it's human nature. Yet pastors rarely suggested that they look inward as part of their solution to challenges.

"Virtually none of the 615 leaders we interviewed said that their frustration or disappointment is that they can't lead their people better—or considered that the commitment vacuum displayed by their congregants might somehow be a reflection of inadequate leadership."

This reminded me of an insight taught by Jim Collins, who uses a mirror and a window as metaphors to teach a quality of great leaders.

Superb leaders don't look out the window to blame others. They look in a mirror to take ownership when things don't go well. They look out a window to praise others when things do go well.

Ignoring this could easily become a ministry killer as others begin to see us either as blamers or as shirkers.

The Turtle: hide behind spirituality

I love turtles, especially box turtles. I've probably saved half a dozen from getting pancaked when I've pulled over and jumped out of my car to rescue one ambling across a road. I even kept a pet box turtle in my backyard when I was 40 years old. I used the excuse that it was my son's.

Any kid who's ever had a box turtle knows what it does when you pick it up: It instantly pulls its head and legs into its shell to hide. In similar fashion, sometimes we pastors duck our frustration by retreating into our spiritual shells. At first blush, the 37 percent who prayed about their frustrations look quite spiritual. But at times prayer can become an excuse to avoid dealing with issues at hand. When "pray about the issue" is combined with "look for Scripture to address/solve the problem," the percentage jumps to over 50 percent who choose private spiritual means as their default response.

I laud pastors who do this. However, a deeper look reveals something else. The Barna Group's written analysis noted: "The clear picture that emerges from this is that pastors generally solve problems with one extreme or another—either through 'human' effort to confront the problem, or through 'super-spiritualizing' the issue—but rarely through both. Many pastors 'hide' behind prayer …."

The Lion: comfortable in my own skin

We give lions an honored position: "King of the Jungle." I understand why; I've had a lot of experience with the behavior of lions. (Well, I watch The Discovery Channel, and I saw Lion King twice.) Although I've never personally encountered one, I know lions roar a lot, exude self-confidence, lie around a bunch, and usually get their way. As a leader I hope I exude appropriate self-confidence. And I do like getting my way.

Over a third of the pastors indicated that when faced with frustration, they immediately confront the issue. Although some issues do warrant a quick, self-confident response, many should lead to a more thoughtful and deliberate approach. Unfortunately, we may over-lean on our strength, as the researcher's analysis noted. "Many pastors … are a little too comfortable in their skin, without relying on prayer and self-examination to give spiritual context to their confrontations."

Although I tend to be a turtle by handling my hurt in private and in prayer, I've also roared too quickly at someone who ticked me off. I've verbally fired back in defensiveness at someone who criticized me, or shot back an instant email only to regret it later. Moses, reacting in anger, murdered an Egyptian, and then looked over his shoulder for the next 40 years.

Healthy hybrid of lion and turtle?

Since the research indicates most of us respond to frustration with one of two extremes, can we achieve a healthier balance? Granted, it's tough to respond appropriately in the moment. Sometimes we should just pull away, pray, and believe that love will cover a multitude of sins. If we're too quick to respond, we may miss the gentle voice of God's Spirit tempering our response. But prayer should never become an excuse to shirk conflict, and sometimes we must quickly confront an issue before it gets out of control.

The Barna Group's analysis also observed: "A surprisingly small percentage said they both prayed and confronted the problem right away—a dual-pronged approach that was identified by just 11 percent of pastors. Even if we are generous in our definition and include any pastor who confronted the problem eventually or 'talked with the person,' only 14 percent of all pastors said they did this type of face-to-face interaction along with prayer."

Kinnaman summarized well this tension between the lion and turtle responses: "Prayer is great, but is it a means to hear from the Holy Spirit or a way to delay a decision or a confrontation? I think it's interesting that many pastors are likely to suggest passive or even passive-aggressive methods of dealing with interpersonal problems. And many of those who say they confront something immediately do so without prayer, Scripture guidance, or input from advisors. In other words, few pastors follow a biblical process of dealing with conflict."

I don't want to unduly criticize pastors. I am one! Probably no other vocation places a greater expectation on a leader to balance confrontation and self-confidence with spiritual restraint and humility.

We're under constant scrutiny. Intentionally or unintentionally, people develop higher standards for us than they do for themselves. Often they expect us to be faultless, yet we know we can never perfectly handle our frustrations.

Ministry tension comes with the territory and will never go away this side of heaven. What bothers us and how we respond should clue us in to what saps our joy and energy. If we want to stay healthy and productive for the long haul, we must pay close attention to how we respond, take full responsibility when we err, and seek to always honor Christ.

_____

Relates post: 9 Signs your Hormones may be Hijacking your Leadership

After two seminary degrees and 30 years in ministry, I've gleaned a few insights I wish I'd learned long ago. Although my seminary profs never directly taught me to question the assumptions I've listed below, even if they had I wonder if in my youthful enthusiasm I would have  listened. Unfortunately it often takes the hard knocks in ministry to teach us what we must know.

As you read each assumption below, ask yourself if you agree. I'll comment on each of them after the list.

• What worked before should work again.

• Church people will always respect a pastor's position.

• When leaders stay silent, they are agreeing with you.

• Reason always prevails.

• Everybody perceives the same reality.

It's taken a few years, but each of these has proved grossly false.

What worked before should work again. It just doesn't. Culture changes. Technology changes. Expectations from church people changes. If we as leaders and churches don't change how we do ministry, this proverbial definition of insanity proves true: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Church people will always respect a pastor's position. I do recall one seminary prof quoting Psalm 105.15 (KJV)...  Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm. He used it to elevate the pastor's role to an esteemed position. It's nice when people do that, but many in your church simply won't respect your role. Sometimes the contrary proves true. Your role actually may elicit disrespect from some.

When leaders stay silent, they are agreeing with you. I've tripped on this one a lot. Too often when I'm jazzed about an idea and share it with key leaders or staff, I've gotten blank stares or simple nods when I first shared it. I've interpreted those nods and stares as resounding support from them. After all, if they objected, they should have said so, right then. In retrospect, however, they were just being polite. Although I had spent sufficient time to process my idea, they hadn't. By not asking questions or providing them more soak time before implementing the idea, I've often found later they never really liked the idea. The result? At best reluctant acquiescence and at worst, active resistance. But, when I've provided sufficient soak time, the idea often evolved into an even better one that the leaders embraced.

Reason always prevails. Unfortunately, emotion often trumps reason, even among mature leaders. I'm learning more about how neuroscience affects church leadership, especially when hormones hijack clear thinking. Check out my blog on how your hormones may be hijacking your leadership here.

Everybody perceives the same reality. In court, lawyers often use conflicting testimony to their advantage. The same holds true in churches. People simply perceive reality differently. Some may see the church as going great. Others may see the opposite. It can become frustrating at times for every leader. When those conflicts arise, seek wise counsel from someone outside of the conflict who can provide objectivity.

What assumptions have you found to be false in your ministry?

Recently our church held a service to celebrate what God had done over the past year. It was a great time of celebration, with a twist. On that day I brought a message that included something I've never done before. I publicly repented.

Up to this point in my 30 years in full-time ministry, when I've heard that some pastor publicly repented it meant he'd confessed an affair or some egregious sin. My repentance, however, did not involve outright sin, but very subtle attitudes and behaviors that had sneaked into my leadership.

So, in keeping with the Apostle Paul's thoughts on repentance in 2 Cor. 7.10, where he writes that Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret....I felt God prompt me to share 10 "I repents" with the church that day. Here they are.

I repent that...

1. I’ve allowed myself to get too comfortable in my Christianity
2. By doing so I’ve encouraged you (the church) to stay comfortable in yours
3. I’ve subtly fostered a consumer mentality (striving to make each week bigger and better and hipper than the previous week so that people will want to consume our spiritual goods rather than go to the other hip churches in our area to consume theirs)
4. I’ve unintentionally prioritized bringing people to the church rather than sending the church to the people
5. I’ve allowed the people pleaser monster to rear its ugly head (Prov. 29.25, the MESSAGE, The fear of human opinion disables…)
6. I’ve sought too often to minimize risk and maximize safety (J Oswald Chambers: The frontiers of the kingdom of God were never advanced by men and women of caution.)
7. I’ve allowed organization, process, and systems to trump heart, passion, and people too much
8. I’ve allowed the barrenness of busyness to slither into the church and into my life as well (Bill Hybels: ”Doing the work of Christ is killing the work of Christ in me.” )
9. I’ve not given discipleship the attention it needs
10. I’ve created too great a dependency upon the ‘professional’ clergy

Dave Berry, one of the funniest guys on the planet once wrote, “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: meetings.”

I'm not sure if he's 100% right, but he's close. Meetings, and extended ones like retreats, often don't achieve their intended purpose.

My latest church pastor's retreat, however, was probably the best ever in the 40 plus staff retreats I've either held or in which I've participated in 30 years of ministry.

The church where I've served as lead pastor for 7 years employs about 20 staff, including part-timers. Four, including me, make up the pastoral level and we get away once a year for our planning retreat.

As I reviewed this most recent retreat, in contrast to previous ones, I realize I've made some dumb mistakes in the past. My biggest ones include these.

1. Packing too much into the retreat (which has ranged from 1-3 days). I once handed out about 20 different documents for review and study.
2. Talking too much. At times I've talked/taught so much that I left little time for thorough interaction.
3. Going too long. As the adage goes, "The brain will absorb only what the butt can endure."
4. Not including R&R.
5. Including other leaders too late into the planning process. In one church I asked our elders to join us after we had completed our planning. They ended up not being on the same page and the pastors felt like our retreat was a waste of time.

Change is everywhere. And unless a church creates healthy change in itself, it will soon become obsolete. Numerous empty or almost empty churches in Europe and America's inner cities bear witness to that.

Ronald Heifetz, a Harvard professor and business/leadership author, is most known for a concept called adaptive change/leadership. Essentially adaptive change (and leadership) requires not cosmetic, familiar, or known solutions to existing problems (called technical change). Rather it requires experimentation, change of perspective, developing new values, and deep change from within. This link summarizes the differences between adaptive change and technical change.

In an article in the Harvard Business Review, Dr. Heifetz describes the three key steps British Airways took in the 1990's that transformed it from the airline nicknamed "Bloody Awful" to "The World's Favourite Airline."

The president at the time took the company through these three steps, applicable for churches faced with change.

1. They really listened to people inside and outside the organization.
2. They saw conflict as clues, or symptoms of what needed deep change.
3. The leadership held up the mirror to themselves, recognizing that they embodied the changes that they needed to made in the company.

Every Wednesday night I take an improv class in downtown Chicago to help develop my right-brain skills. I leave mid-day to miss the traffic and then catch up on my task list at a table at Chipolte. Last week, with my ear buds snug in my ears to block out noise, I focused on my "important" projects. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a dark haired sixty-ish women sitting at the table to my left. As she held a courtesy cup I watched her use a spoon to crush a few lemon slices in water.

Something prompted me to ask her if she had anything to eat. In broken English she said that she hadn't eaten all day. After we talked for a few moments I learned that she was Muslim, had immigrated from Turkey 5 years earlier, and had been homeless for 4 years.

As I heard her story God prompted me to say, "I want to buy you dinner." At first she refused, but then with thankful tears she acquiesced. I bought her a chicken salad and a soft drink.

For the next 45 minutes I set aside my "important" tasks and simply listened to her stories, often as she gently cried. I learned her name, Sabria. I learned that a problem had occurred with her immigration papers that had led to her homelessness. Also, her husband had divorced her in Turkey decades prior, her parents were dead, and she never had children yet two sisters and a brother were still living. She told me that she refused to beg on the street and would not become a "dirty girl" which I understood to mean she refused to become a prostitute.

I told her that the meal (and some money I later gave her) was from Jesus and that I was a Christian. She responded with, "I like Jesus too."

As my class time neared I asked if I could pray for her. Wide-eyed she said, "Ok." After I prayed I left her my name and told her I'd be here every Wednesday at 5. I have an inkling that I may see her again.

Here's what this "God encounter" with Sabria taught me.

1. Too often I let tasks trump relationships.
2. God brings opportunities to serve the "least of these" at inconvenient times.
3. I can't ignore the tasks that ministry requires, but when I am in task mode I must keep my spiritual "peripheral vision" active, looking for those "God moments" with the Sabrias of the world.
4. God values everybody and so should I.
5. True love always costs me something, my time, my money, my listening ear, my ....

I've served in a senior pastor role over 20 years and each year I've preached an annual vision sermon.

As I look back, though, I wonder how much Kingdom difference those sermons really made.

Pastors from large mega-churches that I've followed from afar encourage us to bring an annual  message. As a result, I've prioritized it as a necessary leadership tour do force upon which I thought the health, vitality, and future of my church depended. I had engrained into my leadership DNA that a vision message must include content (the what), the motivation (the why), and the inspiration (the impetus for everybody in the church to be moved to take on hell with a water pistol after listening to me for 30 minutes).

The kinds of vision messages I've brought have included these general themes.

• the I just got back from this great pastors' conference and this is what we will do next year
• the I just read a great book on church growth and this is what we will do next year
• the I have no clue about what next year holds but I have to bring a vision message or else I'm not a good pastor
• the I have to fire up the church with this message because, well, we need firing up
• the I've come from a Mt. Sinai planning retreat and here is what God told me we're to do next year
• and as I've gotten more mature the I humbly bring this before you as a word from God

The responses to my annual vision sermon have included...

• 100 people leaving the church the following year (after I attended Willow for the first time and decided we would be the Willow Creek of Atlanta; I'm not dissing Willow, I was simply too filled with myself when I brought that vision sermon)
• a phone call from a leader saying he was not motivated at all
• usually lower attendance on those days
• nice, smiling faces in the audience that telegraphed, "You go get 'em Charles. We'll be praying for you."
• yawns
• kind people telling me afterwards, "that was a very cool acronym you used."
• a few (I can count them on my hands and toes) who said, "Pastor, that motivated me to embrace the vision with you."

Vision dripping is more important than vision casting: Great churches produce visionary teams, and visionary people that share (drip) the vision in the course of daily leadership and life. Vision ought to be a team sport and engage an army of everyday story-tellers in the community. Vision should never be relegated to special gifting of a the point leader only.

"Do the Best You Can and Leave the Results to God"

That phrase may seem a bit worn, but it’s well worth heeding. In Christ’s parable of the talents, the master, representing God, gave responsibility to the servants, us, based on individual ability.[1] The story implies us that some pastors have greater competencies than others. Similarly, Paul teaches that the Holy Spirit gives out gifts as He sees fit.[2] It’s obvious that the Spirit gives some pastors extra preaching or leading gifts, evidenced in the size and impact of their ministries.

It’s easy to become discouraged when we do our best yet don’t see our church grow like others to which we may compare ourselves. When we wrap our identities around numerical results and the numbers don’t increase, the discouragement can overwhelm. This is especially true for older pastors who realize they may never achieve the dreams they had for ministry.

David Goetz wrote,

I often sat in the studies of both small-church pastors and mega-church pastors, listening to their stories, their hopes, their plans for significance. I deduced, albeit unscientifically, that often clergymen in midlife had worse crises of limits than did other professionals. Religious professionals went into the ministry for the significance, to make an impact, called by God to make a difference with their lives. But when you’re fifty-three and serving a congregation of 250, you know, finally, you’ll never achieve the large-church immortality symbol, the glory that was promised to you. That can be a dark moment—or a dark couple of years.[3]

However, noted theologian Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers fame recalled an experience he had when attending seminary. He wanted to hear a variety of preachers, so for a time each Sunday he visited different churches. One week he experienced “the most poorly crafted sermon [he] had ever heard.” A friend had accompanied him and when he turned to her, he found her in tears. She said, “It was exactly what I needed to hear.”

Rogers then told his audience, “That's when I realized that the space between someone doing the best he or she can and someone in need is holy ground. The Holy Spirit had transformed that feeble sermon for her—and as it turned out, for me too.”[4] Although the results from our best efforts may look feeble to some, they can touch a heart and change a life when we least expect it. This side of heaven we will never know the people we impacted through our faithful service.

-excerpted from my book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them

Circumstances beyond our control (demographics or a location that hinders growth), an uncooperative board (they say no to an important initiative), or even family issues (a chronically ill child who requires an inordinate amount of energy) can hinder and dilute a pastor's ministry efforts. These experiences can bring painful brokenness to our hearts. We seldom immediately see any benefit from our brokenness.

Brokenness has touched my life in the two places where it hurts the most: my family (one chronically sick child, one who rebelled for five years) and my ministry (many dreams yet unfulfilled). But Jesus said brokenness must precede fruit bearing.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.[1]

The nineteenth-century Danish theologian Søren Kierkegaard captured the essence of this idea with this statement. “God creates everything out of nothing—and everything God is to use he first reduces to nothing.”[2]

Richard Foster, one of today’s most influential voices on spiritual formation, described one of the greatest benefits from brokenness. He calls this the “crucifixion of the will” and says it brings “freedom from the everlasting burden of always having to get our own way.”[3] Having to always get our own way is the antithesis of the other-centered life Jesus modeled for us. Isn't that our ultimate goal in serving the Church, selflessness?

How has God used brokenness in your life and ministry?

Related posts: The Apostle Paul's Thorn: prescriptive or descriptive

If you're a pastor, a missionary, or serve in a church, you can't avoid discouragement, disappointment, and hurt from ministry. The bible even uses the not-so-complimentary metaphor "sheep" to describe those we serve. And sheep get dirty and smelly and often kick and bite. Sometimes those sheep in the church do the same to their shepherds.

So when you  get kicked, forgotten, disrespected, ignored, mistreated, gossiped about, or misunderstood, how do you move forward?

The story recorded in 1 Samuel 30 gives great insight. David had just begun his career to fight the bad guys. Early on he faced a huge defeat. While he and his army were in battle far from home, the bad guys, the Amalekites, attacked the city where his family and the families of his army lived. They burned the city and kidnapped their wives and children. When David's men discovered this, they considered removing him from his position, not by a vote of a board or a congregation, but with big rocks to the head by stoning.

The Scriptures then record one of the most beautiful verses every written. The old King James Version captures it well.

David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.  (1 Sam. 30.6)

It worked because his guys didn't stone him but marshaled their energy and once again pursued the bad guys under his leadership.

As I've faced discouragement in ministry, these simple choices have helped me encourage myself in the Lord.

1. Acknowledge your pain and emotion to the Lord but don't wallow in it.
2. Journal your thoughts. Writing them down helps me stop the tendency to incessantly mull over the hurtful situation.
3. Read God's word, especially those verses that speak of hope and victory.
4. Do something pro-active. Take action to move forward. In David's case he took specific action to resolve the problem. He rallied his troops to chase down the Amalekites.
5. Stop condemning yourself and remind yourself that you are a child of God, loved by Him with great intrinsic value regardless of whether  your church is growing or whether people treat you with respect.
6. Pray for those who have hurt you. I'm amazed how God defuses looming bitterness in my heart when I pray for the sheep that bite me.

My wife and I have 3 grown kids. One has survived a brain tumor, one was a straight arrow, and one was a challenge. My oldest daughter Heather (our challenge) even co-wrote a book with me about our experience called Daughters Gone Wild-Dads Gone Crazy.

I've excerpted 5 insights from our book about how to keep your family intact in the pressure-cooker of ministry.

1. resist turning words into weapons.

Heather got me so angry that at times I said some things I wish I had never said. I wish I could have taken back some of those angry words. Prov. 12.18 (NIV-G/K) Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. One psychologist suggested that we wait 30 seconds before responding in an angry situation.

2. stoke the relationship fire with your children to keep the relationship alive.

If you’ve ever gone camping, to keep the fire going you must stoke it, stir it. Often when I was hurt so much, I had to make a conscious choice to reach out to her in tangible ways to let her know that I loved her. Just small things like simple grace gifts kept the relationship alive. Although I stumbled often, Heather later wrote us a letter that really touched our hearts. Here’s what she said.

“Thank you for never closing your heart to me. I wouldn’t be what I am now if you had…I always felt the love of God from you…through your unrelenting pursuit of me in my times of darkness, through your never giving up on me, through everything you did for me in spite of how horrible I was..that’s how God loves us.”

3. No matter how much your children may hurt you, never close your heart to them. At times I felt like giving up on her. But by God’s grace, I kept my heart open to her. I’m glad I did because I got to experience the fruit of reconciliation later.

4. Keep a good sense of humor. Sometimes you simply must laugh between the tears. One night Heather showed up at 4 in the morning as we caught her climbing into the window on the biggest day of the year, Easter Sunday…I had to keep a sense of humor to keep from killing her.

5. Choose your battles carefully and lose some on purpose. Some battles with your children are not worth the fight. On biblical/moral/ethical values: stand your ground. On personal preferences: it’s worth losing some of those. Dress, a clean room, and some music choices are personal preferences. I love what one person said, “if you can cut it off, wash it out, or grow it out, don’t sweat it.

What have you learned that has helped you keep your family intact?

Related post: If you knew you'd never see someone again, what would your parting words be?

I've served in full-time ministry for 30 years in churches in the south, the southwest, the far west and the mid-west. I've noticed that a church's expectations of a pastor vary depending on the region.

When I served a large church in the central valley in California I could easily meet the church's expectations. I currently serve in the mid-west and I've found that meeting others' expectations is extremely challenging, especially among successful church members. I attribute that to both the business environment here that to succeed you must perform at a high level and to the fact my church sits near four well-known mega-churches with world class leaders and preachers. Comparison comes with the territory.

Every ministry leader faces the 'measure up mentality' to some extent. Although we can't avoid it, we can choose how we respond to it.

Some unwise choices include...

1. thinking we can please everybody
2. morphing into someone we are not to try to get everybody's approval
3. using "I can't please everyone" as an excuse to be lazy, not work hard, or avoid difficult problems or people
4. obsessing over those you can't please

Bill Hull, a leader and writer, shared a profound insight that stirred my heart.  “At age 50 I found myself successful but unsatisfied. I was hooked on results, addicted to recognition, and a product of my times. I was a get-it-done leader who was ready to lead people into the rarified air of religious competition. Like so many pastors, I was addicted to what others thought of me.”[1]

Sometimes I find myself struggling with those same unpleasant struggles Bill described.

A counselor friend helped me understand how our hidden areas influence what we think, feel, and do. He drew a diagram on the white board in my office that psychologists use to help people become more self-aware in their relationships. It’s called the Johari Window pictured here. 

You can see that the blocks in the right column picture areas in our lives about which we are not aware. The ‘blind spots’ are known by others yet not by us. The ‘unknown’ is hidden both to us and to others. The lower left hand block represents those areas that we know about ourselves, yet others don’t.  If we honestly and appropriately disclose our struggles (the ‘hidden') and if we humbly seek to become more self-aware (the ‘blind spots’) we will lead and serve more effectively.

Unfortunately, we pastors don’t do so well with self-awareness and awareness of others. As an example, a 2006 Barna research report discovered that pastors believe 70% of adults in their churches “consider their personal faith in God to transcend all other priorities.”[2] A contrasting survey of church people revealed that less than one in four (23%) named their faith in God as their top priority in life,[3] a large awareness miss for pastors. Russ Veenker, an expert in pastoral health, told me in an interview with him that lack of self-awareness tops the list of pastoral problems he has seen in the hundreds of pastors he’s counseled. He said pastors should pay more attention to the truth in Romans 12.3, Be honest in your estimate of yourselves. (New Living Translation) He also stated that those who are more self-aware become much more healthy pastors.

Another survey on body care reinforces our apparent lack of self-awareness. The vast majority of us pastors describe our health as good, very good, or excellent. Yet the data from the same body-mass index survey indicate that 78 percent of male pastors and 52 percent of female pastors are either overweight or obese.[4] Finally, in a study by Ellison Research of 870 pastors in 2005, Ron Sellers, president of Ellison Research, noted the difference between how pastors see their own family health and how they see the health of other clergy families. “Ministers apparently have a much more optimistic view of their own family than they do of the families of other ministers,” Sellers stated. “When one out of every twenty ministers feels his or her own family unit is unhealthy, but one out of every seven ministers believes the family units of others in their denomination are unhealthy, there’s a disconnect.”[5]

I'm a leader. I pastor a church of over 1,000, lead a staff of 20, and lead a volunteer base of several hundred. As leaders we help those who follow us to accomplish goals, move forward into a preferred future, and make progress. Thus we often do a lot of telling.

We cast vision by telling

We craft strategies by telling

We set goals by telling

We recruit leaders by telling

We manage staff by telling

Our fast-paced world often tempts us to give quick answers. Followers expect good leaders to act decisive and quick answers can make us appear so.

Unfortunately, we can tell too much and miss one of the most amazing leadership tools: the well placed question.

This morning as I read Mark 2, I noticed a pattern in Jesus' response to those who questioned Him. That chapter records four unique questions posed to him. Three out of four times Jesus responded with at least one question. In those responses He didn't immediately tell them an answer to their question. Rather, He sought to make them think about what they asked by asking them a question.

When we build a culture into our churches and ministries that encourages questions, these benefits result.

1. We see reality more clearly. One more well-placed question may surface an important issue you otherwise might have missed.
2. Innovation. Questions can spur new ideas and solutions to problems.
3. Self-reflection. Simply telling someone an answer may stifle his/her need to think through the answer for himself.
4. Perspective. A good question can open up a fresh perspective to a perplexing dilemma.
5. Focus. Questions can help a group or person focus on the real issue.

However, when we use questions as we lead we must avoid these unhealthy patterns.

1. Defensiveness-using questions as a defense mechanism, a 'tit-for-tat' response.
2. Aloofness-using questions to avoid answering a valid question because you think it is beneath you to answer.
3. Ignorance-not answering a valid question about which you have no knowledge in order to hide your lack of knowledge. In that case it's best to say, "I don't know."
4. Controlling-using questions to put another into a corner to embarrass him or shut him down.
5. Deflecting-using questions to move a valid conversation to another subject.

Asking questions can become a potent tool in our leadership toolbox.

How have you used questions in your leadership?

Related post: 5 Questions to Help You Clarify Your Leadership Strengths

OR

I love Henry Nouwen. When you read his books you realize this man walked with God and oozed wisdom. I ran across this quote that caused me to think about my leadership.

"There is within you a lamb and a lion. Spiritual maturity is the ability to let lamb and lion lie down together. Your lion is your adult, aggressive self. It is your initiative-taking and decision-making self. But there is also your fearful, vulnerable lamb, the part of you that needs affection, support, affirmation, and nurturing. When you heed only your lion, you will find yourself overextended and exhausted. When you take notice of only your lamb, you will easily become a victim of your need for other people's attention.

The art of spiritual living is to fully claim both your lion and your lamb. Then you can act assertively without desiring your own needs. And you can ask for affection and care without betraying your talent to offer leadership. Developing your identity as a child of God in no way means giving up your responsibilities. Likewise, claiming your adult self in no way means that you cannot become increasingly a child of God. In fact, the opposite is true. The more you can feel safe as a child of God, the freer you will be to claim your mission in the world as a responsible human being. And the more you claim you have a unique task to fulfill for God, the more open you will be to letting your deepest need be met.

The Kingdom of peace that Jesus came to establish begins when your lion and your lamb can freely and fearlessly lie down together."

Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Dance of Life: Weaving Sorrows and Blessing into One Joyful Step, ed. Michael Ford (Notre Dame, IN: Ava Maria press, 2005), 156.

When I read this quote, I asked myself which do I neglect, the lion or the lamb. How about you?

Related post: What Pastors should look for in Safe People

Pastors face a common vocational hazard, getting pigeonholed. Labeling is another term to describe this ministry hazard.

It goes something like this. You make a statement in conversation with somebody or in a sermon, you do something as a leader, or you communicate your intentions about an issue. Or you intentionally or unintentionally make known your unique ministry rhythms or daily routine (ie, study in the morning rather than take counseling appointments or take off Mondays and turn off your cell phone so you can take a break from ministry demands).

Inevitably, people in your church or ministry will subconsciously make up a story about you based on their experience with you or based on their met/unmet expectation of you. The stories may be good. The stories may be bad (the usual case). Some stories sound like these.

• He (or she) is never available when you need him.
• He's always available when you need him, 24/7.
• He doesn't listen to feedback.
• He really loves people.
• He's a micro-manager.
• He only does what he wants to do.
• You better not cross him.
• When he preaches, he's all emotion.
• When he preaches, you won't get fed.

This week I'm posting a series of blogs about how pastors respond when people in their church compare their leadership and preaching to others or when they brag about another church by insinuating that we don't measure up

Yesterday I posted 5 ways we should respond when we feel compared to others more 'successful' than us.

Today, we're looking at really bad ways to react when someone in your church compares you to others. I've listed five unhealthy reactions here.

1. Find something about the other 'guy' to criticize, like, "We'll, I've heard he's a real jerk when he's one-on-one with other people."
2. Tell the other person that maybe they need to start attending that church.
3. With a sarcastic tone tell that person, "Thanks, I really needed that!"
4. In your mind, beat yourself up about what a failure you are.
5. Go home and overeat, take your anger out on your spouse and kids, or look at pornography.

Yesterday I began a series of blogs to unpack this issue: what should pastors do when people in our churches compare us to other more "successful" pastors.

In that blog, I shared an email a pastor received from someone in his church who boasted about another super-successful pastor and his church. He was tempted to respond with sarcasm.

I don't recommend sarcasm.

So, how should we respond when we feel compared to others?

Here are my thoughts.

1. Recognize that comparison comes with the territory. As the old adage goes, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
2. Ask yourself when you feel compared, "Is God trying to teach me something?"...about my confidence in where God has me...about what I can learn from this other pastors...about how I receive unpleasant messages.
3. Respond with a gracious spirit to the person who compares.
4. Don't read in ill motives. Perhaps someone in your church simply wanted to share how God used another spiritual leader in his or her life.
5. Thank God for blessing the other pastor.

Many pastors secretly struggle with measuring up to the very successful. One pastor I know who has grappled with comparison received this e-mail from someone in his church. The names are changed to protect the innocent :)

Hi Pastor Jim:

Sharon S. here. How are you? I have been meaning to send you a note for quite some time and tell you about a pastor in California that I thought you might be interested in. Yeah, I know. If I were you I'd be rolling my eyes about now. But I must say, this guy is awesome and has challenged me personally in my life over the last year.

He has pastored [God’s Favorite] Church just outside [Utopia] for about three years and has grown it from 150 people to over 3,500. I have never seen a young guy with such a passion and a heart for God, willing to go against the “appropriate” evangelical grain and just teach the scriptures.

He just started a new series a week and a half ago. I am going to attach the first message because I would love for you to listen to him.  I can't tell you how many people I know listen now. His name is [Gabriel, the archangel]. He has some of the best teaching I have ever heard on leadership in the church, justification, and some other tough subjects. He is a lot like [another famous pastor], who is his friend and a “fan” of his. Anyway, I have felt led to connect you with [Gabriel] for a long time. I'm not really sure why. Take it for whatever it is worth. 

Sharon

“Jim” emailed this response back.

Dear Sharon,

Thanks for reminding me that my preaching stinks. It’s great to know that people in my church are making sure they get podcasts from somebody who will never know their name or answer their encouraging emails.

You’ve really made my day. I was studying for this week’s message when I got your note (I’ve already spent twenty hours on my sermon). I immediately stopped to download his magnificent sermon. It’s also wonderful to know that his church has exploded in growth; as you know, our attendance declined by 3% last year because people like you stayed home to watch guys like him on TV!

Gotta go finish my shallow sermon.

God’s blessings on you,

Pastor Jim

“Jim” didn’t really send this e-mail—he only wished he had. Have you ever felt that way when someone compared you to another?

Although we pastors often struggle when we compare ourselves to others, it really stings when those in our church compare us to others more 'successful.'

This week I'm beginning a blog series on this issue, when church people compare their pastors to mega-successful pastors.

I hope you will join the conversation.

What's your story? Have people in your church ever compared you to others?

Related post: The Curse of Comparison

Every pastor faces it.

Most hate it.

You can't avoid it. ... people leaving your church

In my over 20 years as a senior pastor (and a another 10 as an associate), for various reasons I've probably seen hundreds of people leave the churches where I served. In one year over 100 people left the church I planted after I gave my infamous "Willow Creek" talk. I had just attended one of Willow's early conference and within two weeks I delivered a message about all the changes we planned to make. It didn't work. In my immaturity I had failed to wisely manage change.

Except for those blessed subtractions (those who leave who have hurt your church), unless you are an emotionless robot, when someone leaves it hurts.

Here's how I've tried to process my painful emotions when people leave.

1. I don't disparage them to others after they leave.
2. I reach out to those who had significant roles in the church. Often I will meet with them.
3. I NEVER burn bridges. I wish them well and pray for them in person if possible.
4. I don't try to hide their leaving from other leaders, and neither do I broadcast it.
5. Recently we've attempted informal exit interviews to discover why leavers left and if there's anything we can learn.
6. When I see them again, I reach out and show genuine interest in how they're doing.
7. I don't let myself become bitter. God has graciously given me short memories about hurtful church experiences. It's all His grace.
8. I remind myself that Jesus also faced those who left Him. From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. (John 6.66)

How do you process church leavers?

Related posts: When Pastors become Defensive...5 Things NOT to Do.

I just finished the audio book The Millionaire Messenger by Brendon Burchard. He's authored two New York Times Bestsellers, speaks to thousands, and offers a plethora of training materials. He became a multi-millionaire before he turned 30.

His inspiring book (even for pastors) challengers its readers to become experts in their field and become millionaires in the process. Unlike other self-promoting gurus, Burchard comes across with a servant's heart. I truly believe he is not in it for the money. I thoroughly enjoyed his book yet it raised this question in my mind. Should pastors aspire for great material wealth?

One of Burchard's theses is, the more money you make, the more you can help people, which raises these questions.

• Is it true that the more money a pastor makes, the more he or she could help people?
• Should there be a limit on how much a pastor makes?
• Would it be wrong for a pastor to become a millionaire?
• Is the phrase "millionaire pastor" an oxymoron, an apparent contradiction in terms?

Contrasting answers to these questions abound.

Rick Warren made millions from the sale of The Purpose Driven Life yet gave away 90% of the profits, lives in a modest home, and drives a used suv. On the other hand, a few years ago I watched a TV preacher deliver a sermon justifying his ownership of a Bentley, a $200,000 car.

Lifechurch.tv, pastored by Craig Groeschel, gives away all his stuff for free on their website. On the other hand, when I wrote my first book Daughters Gone Wild-Dads Gone Crazy, I asked  a mega-church pastor for permission to use a quote from one of his books. He charged me...to use five words.

I can't offer clear answers to the above questions. However, the bible seems to provide some guidelines with these ideas.

1. Scripture clearly endorses paying pastors when it uses phrases such as don't muzzle the ox, a laborer is worthy of his hire, and its use of the phrase 'double-honor' which implies providing pastors with a salary.
2. Pastors are not exempt from these biblical teachings: spend frugally, save wisely, give generously.
3. The bible never condemns money per se nor does it condemn the rich. It only cautions us about money's potential harmful influence.

So when Burchard contends that mastering your message is a ticket to wealth (in our case the message is biblical truth) should pastors exempt themselves?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

___

related posts:

• 3 Essentials Pastors Must Get Right to Teach on Money
• The 4 Reasons People Give to Their Church

In my research for my latest book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them, I discovered that pastors are often the loneliest people in the church, second perhaps only to their wives.

I interviewed Dr. Michael Ross, Executive Director of The Pastors Institute, who has worked with several thousand pastors in various capacities. He told me that the number one problem pastors face is isolation.

Gary Kinnaman author and former mega-church pastor and Alfred Ellis, author and founder-director of Leaders that Last, an organization for ministers, wrote, "Most people in full-time ministry do not have close personal friendships and consequently are alarmingly lonely and dangerously vulnerable.”[1]

Well known author, Steve Arterburn has observed that “the men in the church who are least likely to have friend connections are pastors.”[2]

Focus on the Family discovered that nearly 42% do not have any accountability partner with whom they meet.[3]

And the Alban Institute, an ecumenical organization that serves thousands of congregations through research and publishing, has learned that pastors tend to seek help from others only when they are in crisis, “rather than allowing these resources to sustain and nourish them consistently.”[4]

In other words, we don’t seek out safe people to help us process ongoing ministry issues until they escalate into major crises. Even then, many pastors suffer alone.

We’ve probably all preached that God created us for deep relationship with others. But just as anorexia (the word actually means “no appetite”) can cause a person literally to feel no hunger even though he is starving, relational anorexia can keep us from feeling our inner hunger for deep relationships. Henry Cloud and John’s Townsend’s Safe People lists these indicators that we might have relational anorexia.

• I am uncomfortable with people and relaxed when alone.
• I don’t get “lonely,” whatever people mean by that.
• I spend time with people out of obligation, or for functional reasons (tennis partner, commuting to work, etc.).
• My fantasies of vacation always involve my doing something fun by myself.[5]

The authors also posed several questions that may indicate major hindrances to healthy relationships. I’ve paraphrased them here.

1. Do you tend to only be a giver in most of your relationships?
2. Do others usually approach you only when they want something from you rather than to simply spend time with you?
3. Do you find it difficult to open up to others?
4. Do you most often choose to be alone to deal with your problems?
5. Do you feel that only God really knows and loves you?
6. Are intimate, two-way conversations with others rare?[6]

So, what should we do if we suffer from relational anorexia? I recommend that every pastor have at least one safe person in his (or her) life with whom they can be honest and with whom they can process their pain.

In my next blog entry I will suggest qualities to look for in such a safe person.

_____

[1] Gary Kinnaman and Alfred Ellis, Leaders that Last (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2003), 10.

[2] REV.org, “Steve Arterburn Interview: Open Season,” August 2007. http://rev.org/protected/Article.aspx?ID=2519.

[3] Focus on the Family, “Pastoral Ministries 2009 Survey” (of over two thousand ministers), http://www.parsonage.org/images/pdf/2009PMSurvey.pdf, 8.

[4] Michael Jinkins, The Alban Institute, Congregations, “Great Expectation, Sobering Realities: Findings From a New Study on Clergy Burnout,” Number 3, May/June 2002. http://www.alban.org/conversation.aspx?q=printme&id=3284

[5] Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Safe People (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), 129.

[6] Adapted from ibid.

For more Help and Resources for Depressed Pastors and their wives, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

Kevin Cashman wrote an outstanding book on leadership called Leadership from the Inside Out: Becoming a Leader for Life. I'm reading it a second time.

In his book he writes about conscious beliefs and shadow beliefs. He defines a shadow belief as a belief we hold deep inside, outside of our conscious awareness. He contends that these beliefs often hinder leaders from being their best. For example, one shadow belief might be that subtle voice inside that constantly says, "You must perform better than everybody else for people to like you." For me, one shadow belief I discovered was this: "Everybody around me needs to be happy for me to be happy. Therefore, I must try to make everybody happy." That belief stifled my joy and peace as I tried to lead our church.

Cashman says, however, that we must bring those shadow beliefs into the light so that we can become our best as leaders. He gives seven clues that can bring these shadow beliefs to light.

1. If other people often give us feedback inconsistent with how we see ourselves, a shadow is present.
2. When we feel stuck or blocked with a real loss as to what to do next, a shadow is holding us back.
3. As strengths become counterproductive, some hidden dynamics need to surface.
4. When are are not open to new information, new learning, or other people's views, a shadow is limiting us.
5. If we react to circumstances with emotional responses disproportionate to the situation, we are right over the target of a shadow belief.
6. When we find ourselves forcefully reacting to the limitations of others in a critical, judgemental way, we are often projecting our shadow onto others.
7. If we often experience pain, trauma, or discomfort in our body, a shadow belief may be attempting to rise to the surface to seek reconciliation.

As I've faced my shadow beliefs, I've experienced greater peace in my life and become a more productive leader.

How about you? Are any shadow beliefs dogging your leadership?

Related posts: 3 Simple Questions When Leading in the Moment

For more Pastor Resources and Help, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

I'm listening to a fascinating interview on Focus on the Family's Pastor-to-Pastor series between HB London and Archibald Hart.

They're discussing how depression from pastoral burnout can lead to loss of vision, loss of ideals, an "I don't care attitude," and potentially result in moral compromise.

Dr. Hart describes the progression of steps to moral failure using what he calls the four A's.

• Arrogance: I can do no wrong, I can handle life myself, I don't need anyone

• Adventurous addiction: I get taken with excitement and become energized with what I am doing

• Aloneness: I become more at risk as I cut myself off from others

• Adultery: I turn to sex as the only thing that gives me a kick that can make up for what I feel I have lost

Listening to these four A's caused me to pause to make sure I don't go down that path. Often pastors and other spiritual leaders slowly move down the path of moral compromise without realizing it. That's why I wrote the book 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them. The small, sub-surface issues we don't see can lead to devastation in our lives and ministry unless we pay attention to them. The book shows how to become aware of these ministry killers and what to do to kill them before they kill us.

You can download a free chapter here if you'd like to check it out first.

I'm a busy pastor and am committed to developing my walk with Jesus through several spiritual disciplines. One discipline I practice is a daily time with God when I read Scripture, pray, and journal.

Before I owned an iPad, my quiet time looked like this.

1. read my bible (the paper version), often reading several different bibles to compare translations
2. read a devotional from a paper book
3. journal with pen and paper and later I journaled on my Mac in a Word doc
4. pray through my prayer list on a Treo outlining program, when I got an iPhone I began to use it

Here's what has changed since I got my iPad 6 weeks ago.

1. read my bible on my iPad using Olive Tree's BibleReader program (multiple versions, side-by-side comparison, ability to hi-light, take notes, and cut and paste into another program)
2. read an e-devotional from one of the best bible study apps, Logos
3. journal on my iPad using a program called MaxJournal
4. pray through my prayer list using a program called PrayerLists

How this has improved my devotional life.

1. While not feeling rushed, having these tools all in one place has saved time that I can now devote to the actual spiritual exercise.
2. Reading on the big iPad screen using BibleReader is an incredible experience as I can view side-by-side 2 translations at once, can pull up commentaries alongside the text, can copy a verse and paste in into my journal, can hi-light in one color verses I'm memorizing and hi-light in another color a verse that stands out
3. MaxJournal gives a very nice layout, the ability to search, and the ability to use the on-screen keyboard or a bluetooth keyboard. Very cool.
4. PrayerLists provides an easy way to record prayer needs and allows me to schedule them on the days I want to pray for those needs.
5. Having everything in one small package makes it more convenient since I don't have to lug around four things-bible, journal, devotional, and prayer list.

Struggles I still face.

1. To be honest, I still feel kinda' guilty not reading out of a paper bible. Sometimes I feel like I'm not really reading the bible though the more I read from BibleReader, the less guilty I feel. :)
2. It is a bit of a hassle with the current iPad os to move back and forth between programs, but OS 4.0 will allow multi-tasking.
3. PrayerLists is not yet adapted for iPad but the developer is working on it.
4. At first it seemed too 'tech-y,' but the more I use this system, the more I'm finding this tool to be an invaluable help in my walk with Christ.

If you have an iPad, has it helped you grow? if so, how?

In a few weeks I'll post my experience using the iPad in preaching.

Related posts: How Pastors can Benefit from an iPad

For more Help, Tips and Resources for Pastors, visit Pastor Stone’s main site.

This is my married daughter's story about her ministry to women involved in strip clubs. She and her husband recently moved to California, yet this ministry she started continues to thrive.

The drive to Kentucky was beautiful, punctuated with fields of yellowed wildflowers and the emerald green of the lush Southern foliage.

We rolled into the small parking lot of a white building in downtown Louisville and waited to meet the Scarlet Hope girls. Scarlet Hope is a non-profit comprised of many amazing men and women (led by Rachelle Starr) who have been diligently, intentionally loving women in the Louisville strip club industry for over a year and a half.

When the team arrived, we felt welcomed instantly.  Hugs were exchanged, food was given, authenticity was evident, and love abounded. The Scarlet Hope team is a study in paradoxes: they are passionate, yet gentle; fiercely determined, yet flexible and easy-going; tough, yet kind-hearted and loving. We felt valued, welcomed, and loved by all.

After an incredible Bible study, hang out time, and an amazing prayer for our own ministry (new name), we were informed that we would be accompanying team leaders Rachelle and Hannah to their two "roughest" clubs. We loaded up the navy SUV with enough food for 30 and hair and makeup supplies and drove off down the highway.

We exited, made a right, and turned into a cracked and crumbling parking lot adjacent to a run-down brick building. Two flickering neon signs that read “XXX” marked our destination. (This club had recently been robbed at gunpoint, by the way). We (Rachelle, Hannah, Megan, and me) each carried a huge, heavy Tupperware bin containing homemade food and plastic cutlery, shuffled up to the narrow doorway of the first club, and walked in.

I was completely unprepared for what I saw next.

A bouncer who guarded the dark doorway greeted us. A petite redhead puffing on a Marlboro approached us and said, “Hello!” She cracked a smile to reveal that her upper jaw was empty except for her two front teeth. The reddish glow that bathed the club’s interior only added to the aura of seediness. Expecting the team, the club manager came up to Hannah and Rachelle and embraced them as she would old friends. She and Rachelle began a lively conversation. Megan, Hannah, and myself located the plastic container of Clorox wipes we brought and began to wipe off the countertop/stage and around the poles. This countertop/bar/stage doubled as our food service station.

We peeled back the tinfoil from large disposable roasting pans to reveal a mouth-watering meal – fresh Italian salad, homemade garlic bread, steaming roasted spaghetti, and an assortment of desserts. The dancers began lining up at the bar as we began serving heaping portions of food on Styrofoam plates. They were thrilled to receive a delicious, hot meal. In strolled Geraldine, the 85-year-old lady who’s been selling Avon in the strip clubs for 30 years. She began scooping spoonfuls of homemade pasta onto her plate.

Scarlet Hope also brought Mother’s Day gifts – dainty pearl earrings in adorable handmade cards – for each of the mothers in the club. Once we gave the women their earrings, they shrieked with glee and said, “OOOOH – thank you, thank you, thank you!” They took out the earrings they were wearing and replaced them with their new pearls. When we left, you could see tiny pearls decorating the ears of nearly every woman in the club. In total, we passed out more than 25 pairs.

We began making plates for the women in the adjacent club. As usual, the Scarlet Hope girls walked right in, greeted with warm hugs, smiles, and “Hey, girls!” The dancers lowered themselves from the stage and began happily eating the delicious food. We struck up a conversation with one of the dancers, “Trixy.” She told me about her young daughter, her love of knitting, herself. She said to us, “God bless y’all for doing this. You know we need somebody to love on us!” When I looked at her and said emphatically, “You are worth every bit of it,” she batted her eyelashes, looked down at her hands clasped in her lap, and grinned. Though it was hard to tell in the dark club, she seemed to blush like a little girl.  It was hugs all around and dancers yelling, “I love you!” and “See you girls again next week!” as we left the club and headed to our next.

As we pulled up to the next club, Rachelle advised us to be careful, as there were a lot of “weirdos” that hung around the back gravel lot, and it was rumored that there had been a kidnapping recently. “This is only the second time we’ve been in this club,” she said, so they didn’t know what kind of reception they would get. We walked into the dimly lit club, past the pool table, and up to the bar toting buckets of hair supplies, makeup kits, and a dozen hot pink cupcakes. Immediately, one of the dancers spotted us, and we were greeted with, “HEEEEEY!!!!” as we were led back to the dressing room by the bartender.

We walked into a very small room, decorated with cracked, smudgy mirrors and rows of dented lockers with names like “Snickers” and “Sparkle” scrawled on them with Sharpie marker or nail polish. Hand-written notes instructing the club employees to wear makeup, bathe, and wear deodorant, and warning the women not to leave the club unattended, were taped to the two mirrors.

We opened up the colorful makeup kits, plugged in numerous flat irons and curling irons, set out the nail kit, and waited for the girls. Three women immediately bounded into the small, smoky room as they each teetered precariously on 6” heels.  They informed us that they had been eagerly awaiting this visit.

For the next two and a half hours, we (Hannah, Rachelle, Megan, and I) proceeded to file, straighten, curl, spray, apply, and pamper these women in any way we possibly could. Rachelle did a pedicure on “Cassidy”, a tattoo-covered brunette in a black Jim Beam halter-top, as she took deep drags of her cigarette and chatted openly about her difficult life. Hannah applied a fun purple polish to “Diamond”’s fingernails as they talked and laughed.  She introduced herself, and I began running a flat iron through “Bambi”’s thick blonde hair.

The girls were thrilled! They commented several times that “No one has ever pampered us like this before!” and about how beautiful they looked and felt. “Honey” got a makeover – newly styled hair and freshly applied makeup – and couldn’t wait to take pictures because she looked so pretty now.

At midnight, (the girls hardly left the dressing room for the entire 2 ½ hours), we began to pack up our things. The women were already excitedly planning the next time the Scarlet Hope girls would be back to visit.  Numbers were exchanged and friendships were made. As we walked out of the dark club, even the male bouncer said, “Next Wednesday, right?” We all piled in Rachelle’s SUV to make the drive back home, tired, happy, and reeking of smoke.

In spite of all my attempts to learn about the strip club industry, and my exposure to the sex industry, I have never, ever seen this side of it. These clubs are gritty. Mirrors are cracked, dressing room doors are punched through, and the smell of stale cigarettes hangs in the air like a fog. The women working in these clubs are not the towering plasticized glamazons portrayed in movies like “Showgirls.” They are missing teeth, sometimes overweight; they are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. They are cellulite-dimpled and C-section scarred.  They are often abused, alone, and addicted. They struggle to pay rent, get evicted from their apartments, are mercilessly pimped by men who claim to love them, and are in dire need of basic needs, like working appliances and dental services. Make no mistake: They are strong, they are resilient, and they all are survivors. But they are hardly the women the world deems “beautiful” by its own standards.

Now, have you ever thought about the hands of God? We see them in Michelangelo’s famous painting “The Creation of Adam.” We see them on Christian bookstore cards and in advertisements, and as children we sing, “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands.” But do we truly think about the hands of God?

The reality of this washed over me as I stood in a hot, cramped strip club dressing room as sweat dripped down my temples while I clutched a small flat iron. Amidst the smell of cigarette smoke and fried chicken, the Lord spoke to me. As I hunched over Bambi’s head, and alternately ran my fingers and the flat iron carefully through her thick blonde hair, I was dumbfounded with the realization: This is exactly where the holy, nail-scarred hands of our Savior would be. THESE WOULD BE HIS HANDS. They would be tenderly, lovingly caressing her hair as only an infinitely loving Father would.

Because He sees HER.

He doesn’t see her as some stripper; He sees her as one of the most beautiful things He ever created. He sees her as she is now: in her Lucite heels and cheap lace costume in the dank back room of a strip club – and she is beautiful. He sees her as she could be: healed, free, whole – and she is beautiful.

She is the one He left the ninety-nine for.

She is the one He pursues with reckless abandon, to whom He says, “I love you passionately, and I will never let you go.”

She is the one that He longs for, to woo and to love and to make whole.

And I find it to be the most beautiful thing in the world that the Lord made Himself so real to me in the back of a strip club. That He is THERE. That He has always been there, and He is not leaving anytime soon. His daughters are in there, and thought that any of His precious girls would be lost shatters his heart into the tiniest pieces.

But not only did I feel the presence of the Most High in that dressing room; I also saw Him. No – I did not have a vision, and I am neither prophet nor saint. But I saw, through the Scarlet Hope girls, the crazy, reckless, jealous love of the great Lover pursuing his Beloved. Week after week after week, meal after meal, club after club, they faithfully enter the clubs and minister to these women. They feed them. They wash their feet. They paint their nails and style their hair. They make them feel valued, special, beautiful. They LOVE them.

On the outside, it’s no different. They have lunch with the dancers. They babysit their kids. They find them jobs, places to live, transportation, resources. And when they don’t show up to their jobs, leave their kids for much longer than they said, relapse, and don’t pay rent, the Scarlet Hope girls don’t give up. They keep finding them jobs. They continue to care for their children. They pay their rent. They continue to say, in both words and actions, “You are loved.”

They. Do. Not. Give. Up.

They are living life with these women, walking with them on their life’s journey, and quitting is simply not an option.

I am so inspired. I am inspired to lead new name into being the kind of ministry that Scarlet Hope is – one of dedication, of fierce loyalty and commitment, of never giving up. I am inspired to push past what I do and don’t “feel” like doing and to turn my head, my hands, and my heart upwards instead. I am inspired to truly, passionately, relentlessly love.

And just as the Savior reached his pierced hand into the murky darkness of my world to claim me as His own, I am inspired to go into the darkness, time and time again, to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and once again to gently stroke the thick blonde hair of one of His precious, beautiful girls.

“You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful…”

– Bethany Dillon

I'm a pastor and I bought an iPad 10 days ago (16 Gig wi-fi version, the cheapest).

If you are a pastor, could an iPad help you become more effective? Maybe. Maybe not.

Although I'm only a little over a week into owning mine, this phrase captures my experience,"It has exceeded all my expectations."

What prompted me to purchase one?

First, it might help to know the technology I currently use. I am a shameless Mac fanatic and have bought probably 15 macs since the first one came out. I am the proud owner of one of the first 50,000 Macs ever sold. I still own it. My current Mac is a MacBook Pro (10.5.8) and I also own an iPhone 3g.

The most used software programs I've put in my Mac dock bar are:

1. Microsoft Office (I primarily use Word and Entourage)
2. Safari browser
3. Accordance Bible software
4. Libronix Logos Bible software (I purchased this after I had used Accordance for several years)
5. Appleworks (I still use the word processor sometimes)

Other software I often use includes: Tweetdeck, Contribute (to edit my website), iTunes (of course), Skype, and Filemagnet (iPhone document sofware). Since I bought my iPad I've added Evernote and Dropbox.

When Apple began to hint about a slate type computer, my imagination went wild hoping I could replace my notebook. When the iPad appeared, I tried to justify a purchase that could replace my notebook. But, I couldn't. I realized I would still need my notebook to manage my bible software.

So, what pushed me over the ledge? My wife said I could buy one. Really. She had to agree before I'd plunk down 500 bucks. In trade, I bought her a new car. Got to keep the marriage intact, you know. :)

A sidenote: my iphone 3g is ......s.......l........o.........w........ Drives me crazy and I wanted to use something FASTER. Wow, has the iPad met that expectation.

Here's how the iPad has benefited me thus far.

1. Lightning fast speed. In every respect, including internet access, the iPad is faster than my MacBook Pro. I've pondered having the, "Honey I really need a new MacBook Pro," talk with my wife, but I need to save that conversation for the new iPhone that comes out in June that I really want.
2. It's much quicker to type emails than typing them on my iPhone.
3. I can create documents in the Pages word processing app with a small bluetooth keyboard almost as fast as I can when I use Word on my MacBook Pro. It works quite well, although it's a stripped down word processor. Watch for developers to design some really good ones. I use Dropbox to keep my documents synced between my Mac and my iPad.
4. I've used Pages as a replacement for paper notes when I teach. I've only done this twice, so the full verdict is not yet out. However, it's so easy to make quick changes and it's really cool to flick your finger to move the page. This may prove to be the biggest benefit to pastors who use notes when they preach.
5. The big full screen is a HUGE improvement over the tiny iPhone screen. I love BibleReader from Olive Tree. It makes bible reading and devotional study very pleasant. Althought Logos is available for the iPad, it's only available via Wi-Fi. When the apps I use on my iPhone are available for the iPad, it will be hard to use the iPhone except in a pinch.
6. Battery life. I've found it lasts 8-10 hours.
7. Weight, light. I took it along with my bluetooth keyboard on my mission trip to Nicaragua last week and it was so easy to carry around and use compared to my laptop.
8. When I use my iPad, I feel very, very hip. As a 55-year-old, I need everything I can to be cool. Right now, I am the coolest person on our church staff, until the other guys get their iPads.

The downsides.

1. I'm still lugging my laptop around in my backpack (as well as the bluetooth keyboard). I still haven't determined my rhythm when I need my MacBook Pro and when I need my iPad.
2. No flash.
3. True multi-tasking is not yet available, but should be with the 4.0 firmware update in June.
4. Although I can post text to my blogs with the iPad, I can't use pictures. Not sure why.

So, that's it for now. In a month or so I'll write a part 2 and tell you what I think.

If you are a pastor and use the iPad, how has it helped you?

Related posts:

• A Great Journaling App for ipad/iphone
• iPad Preaching with a Virtual Whiteboard
• Interactive Preaching with the IPad
• How an iPad Improved my Preaching
• How an iPad Improved my Devotional Life

During my 30 years in ministry, I've discovered that people give to their church for 4 primary reasons.

1. Obedience-because the Bible teaches it, they believe and practice it.

What other reasons have you seen that motivates Christians to give?

I've unpacked these motivations in the post below. It's a rather long post.

_______________________________________________________

What do tadpoles, an empty pickle jar, Styrofoam© coffee cups and my young daughter have in common? They helped me discover four personality traits that motivate believers to give. Several years ago my youngest child Tiffany, six years old at the time, planned an unusual fund-raiser at our church picnic so she could raise money for our church’s building fund.

With no regular income source, she decided to sell tadpoles to raise money for the building fund. She appointed me inventory manager while she handled the sales department. The morning of the picnic three inches of squishy mud covered my shoes as I stood at the tree-lined pond behind our house. As I precariously perched over the pond’s edge I began to swipe a twelve-inch aquarium net at groups of black, quarter-inch squiggly froggies-to-be. After a fifteen-minute balancing act in the oozing mud, Tiffany approved my catch. Her pickle jar now contained her inventory, a dozen squirming jet-black dots-with-tails.

Their pickle jar prison sloshed the tadpoles around as I drove to the picnic and unfortunately left us with two “expired” no-longer-froggies-to-be. But that didn’t damper Tiffany’s spirit. With jar in hand, ten tadpoles, a tube of Styrofoam© coffee cups and an infectious spirit, Tiffany began her fund drive. I forgot about her until thirty minutes later I noticed several kids who held coffee cups. I thought, Those kids are too young to drink coffee. As I moved closer to the crowd, I noticed several other kids jockey themselves to peer into the coffee cups to see . . . you guessed it, tadpoles. Tiffany sold out her tadpole stock and raised a dollar seventy-five for the building fund.

I still admire Tiffany when I think about that experience. I thought to myself, What motivated her to give? What stirred her heart to devise this tadpoles-for-Jesus project? These questions helped me realize that key giving motivations lie at generosity’s heart. Just as God wires each believer with different spiritual gifts, He also gives each believer different types of giving motivations. When we discover and nurture our primary giving motivations, generosity will become a more consistent and “joy-filled” aspect of our walk with Christ. Scripture reveals four basic giving motivations.

Giving motivation number 1: Obedience

Imagine this scenario during one of your church’s Sunday services. Your pastor sets up the morning offering with prayer and begins the announcements as the offering begins. He abruptly stops the announcements when he notices the ushers look at him with perplexed expressions. They don’t know what to do with a problem they’ve never faced. Halfway through the offering, each velvet lined offering plate bulges with so much money that each time someone else places an offering envelope in, it tumbles to the floor. The ushers do their best to keep everything in the plates, but can’t because the mounds of money in the plates allow no more room. When he sees their dilemma he says, “Ushers, please stop passing the offering plates. The first few rows gave so generously to today’s offering that the offering plates can’t hold anymore. So, I must stop today’s offering because we have too much money.”

Every pastor I know would love to face such a problem. As far-fetched as this may sound, it happened in Moses’ day.

After Moses led the Israelites out of Egyptian bondage, they moved to the desert and lived as nomads. God then instructed Moses to build a place of worship, a “tent church” called the Tabernacle. He gave Moses detailed plans for the Tabernacle and its furnishings. He also directed him to tell the people to bring offerings of precious metals, gems, and cloth to construct it. As they brought their offerings, the craftsman charged with building the Tabernacle astounded Moses with this report. They said that, “the people are bringing more than enough for doing the work . . .” (Exod. 36:5). Their offering plates overflowed. Moses then ordered the people not to bring any more offerings. Obedience to God’s command motivated these Israelites to give liberally. God commanded them to give, so they gave.

This example teaches that obedience alone motivates some to give. Since the Bible teaches generous giving and some believers need no other motivation, they give because God says so. This motive fits me. I grew up in a Christian home and my parents taught me to do the right thing whether I felt like it or not. They also taught me that God expects believers to give generously. Now as an adult, because of my parent’s influence, I give to obey God. However, obedience, even though a biblical motive, may not resonate with as much force in others as would this next motivation.

Giving motivation number 2: Challenge

An incident in King David’s life embodies the challenge motivation. After God established the Israelites in the Promised Land, David felt embarrassed that he lived in a palace while God’s house remained a tent. So God commanded David to begin plans to build a permanent place of worship, the Temple. He instructed David to design it and the articles to go in it, mobilize the building team, and raise the funds for its construction because his son Solomon would actually build the Temple. As the fund-raising effort approached its end, 1 Chronicles describes a high point in Israel’s life.

It recounts King David’s gifts toward this building project. In addition to large quantities of precious metals, stones and marble, he also gave the finest silver and gold from his personal treasures (1 Chron. 29:2-3). He set this example and then made the big ask in verse 4. “Now then, who will follow my example?” (NLT). His example gave credibility, and his question posed the challenge.

His challenge inspired the leaders to give with abundant generosity which, in turn, caused the people to rejoice. God fashioned some Christians to give in response to such challenges. When a church leader shares a mountain to be climbed or an obstacle to overcome that requires financial resources, that challenge will strike a chord in some Christians to give generously.

A few years ago my church began a building fund for a new facility. The Sunday we returned our pledges and initial gifts, a story circulated about one couple’s gift. A few months prior they purchased a nice home for investment. However, in response to the pastor’s challenge to the church body to give, they signed over to the church the deed of that home which netted our largest building fund gift. Their personality make-up resonated with the God-sized financial challenge a new facility posed. A believer motivated by challenge may also find that this next motivation will inspire as well.

Giving motivation number 3: Reason

The Apostle Paul wrote a section in 1 Corinthians to motivate the church in Corinth to give toward a special need. The Christians in Jerusalem faced financial hardship from persecution and famine and Paul encouraged the Corinthians and several other churches to provide financial aid. In verse 2 of chapter 16, he gives a key principle that strikes a chord with some: plan your budget to include giving.

He first describes the need to plan when he writes, “On the first day of every week” each person should set aside money for this need. He reinforces budget planning when he writes that they should save it up so he could receive it when he arrived. Paul teaches that biblical giving happens best when we plan to give (budgeting) rather than when we rely on haphazard spur-of-the-moment giving.

Some believers’ motivation to give stems from this budgeting aspect of money. God wired them to often think about money management and about how giving to the church makes sense. Some businesspeople in my church reason that just as their business and personal financial plan includes income and expenses, so must the church’s. They intuitively understand their church as an organization with expenses such as capital improvements, staff salaries, and office costs. They understand churches don’t receive income from sales as a store would. They also realize that their church does provide a spiritual service and it counts on its members to provide the income.

Giving, to a believer motivated by reason, makes sense. It’s logical. So he includes an expense category in his budget for tithes and offerings just as he budgets his monthly mortgage payment and utility bills. Although budgeting can help every believer give with more consistency, some believers more easily find motivation when they reason through the needs to give. Giving from the reason motivation appeals to the mind while the fourth motivation appeals to the emotions.

Giving motivation number 4: Compassion

Kennon Callahan writes in his excellent book, Giving and Stewardship in an Effective Church that most believers respond to the compassion motive. The Apostle Paul describes how compassion motivated the early church to give. When he asked the church at Corinth to help the poverty-stricken Jerusalem church, he used the Macedonian churches as an example of generosity. Even though they faced economic instability, high taxes, persecution and extreme poverty themselves he writes that, “their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity” (2 Cor. 8:1). Their own poverty did not hinder their generosity because their sister church’s need stirred their hearts to compassion. The desire to help alleviate human suffering motivated them to give.

In one of our church services an Ethiopian believer shared a crisis that the Ethiopian church now faces. As he showed photographs of the village where he grew up, he told about the famine that looms on that country’s horizon. With sadness he explained that two adults from his own village recently starved to death. As tears rolled down his cheeks, he shared that even small amounts of money could purchase enough corn to feed a family for weeks. As I listened to him, I sensed that he connected with our hearts. Our pastor then stood to explain that we would take a special offering the next two weeks. With amazement we reported two weeks later that the gifts totaled over $19,000, over and above our regular weekly offerings. Compassion for people in need motivated my church’s extravagant generosity.

From these four motivations, most believers will find one or two that resonant the most. However, these motivations won’t sustain generous giving unless we nurture them. Three simple choices will deepen our giving motivations.

1. First, we must ask the Lord to intensify our newly discovered motivation through prayer. Pray this prayer often: “Lord, thank you for helping me discover what stirs me most to give. I want to grow my giving to impact the world for You. Please take this motivation and drive it deeper into my heart.”
2. Secondly, when asked to give or when we know we should give, we must try to connect the giving need to our giving motivation. If compassion motivates us most, and our pastor challenges us to tithe, we must think about how our tithe will help meet human needs. If reason motivates us and our small group leader brings a compassion need to our attention that we’ve not budgeted, we can use our reasoning skills. Those skills help us see that giving toward such a need would make sense.
3. Thirdly, we must draw from the Source that will keep each motivation balanced and our hearts “joy-filled.” Without this source, obedience giving alone can breed a begrudging, “have-to-give” attitude. Challenge giving alone can create hesitancy to give if no challenge exists. Reason giving alone can hinder spontaneous giving. And compassion giving alone can stifle generosity when a need does not spark an emotion inside us.

What is this Source? Three of the Scriptural examples above reveal a common thread woven throughout the stories.

• When the Israelites brought offerings for the Tabernacle the Scripture says, “everyone who was willing and whose heart moved him came and brought an offering to the LORD” (Exod. 35:21, emphasis mine).
• When the people followed David’s generosity and gave toward the Temple’s construction, 1 Chronicles 29:9 says that, “they had given freely and wholeheartedly to the Lord” (emphasis mine).
• When Paul described the Macedonians’ generosity he said that they “did not do as we expected, but gave themselves first to the Lord” (2 Cor. 8:5, emphasis mine).

The common thread in these three examples, passion for the Lord, prompted generosity. They gave out of deep gratitude for what He had done for them. The word for “wholeheartedly” in 1 Chronicles encapsulates this heart attitude. It comes from the common Hebrew word, shalom which means “full and complete.”

When love for Christ fills our hearts, He will stir our giving motivations to resonant with generosity. When Tiffany sold tadpoles for Jesus that summer day, did reason, challenge, obedience or compassion motivate her? I doubt she even gave it a second thought. But her tender, child-like love for Jesus stirred her heart to bring her simple gift. How much more will generosity flow from us when we intertwine the giving motives that stir us most with a passionate heart for Christ.

This morning in my quiet time I reflected over the past two Sunday services in our church. For some reason attendance was down compared to last year. The flu has hit and I'm sure that accounts for some absences. But, I've struggled with discouragement wondering what we could do differently to encourage people to attend. Unfortunately, I'm tempted too often to allow the church numbers game to regulate my inner peace.

As I mulled over my feelings, I read Psalm 27. Verse four goes like this.

One thing (my emphasis) I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

I've read that passage hundreds of times but this time the first two words struck me: ONE THING. As I felt like a not-so-successful pastor because numbers had drooped, I asked myself these questions.

• Charles, what is your ONE THING?
• Is your ONE THING to strive always to feel competent because your efforts brought more people to church?
• Is your ONE THING to always serve a church whose attendance graph is to the right and up?
• Is your ONE THING yourself?

I forced myself to ask these penetrating questions in light of David's ONE THING. He wanted more than anything to know, follow, and be with his Lord. Do I really want what he wanted? I believe I do, but sometimes for a while other things supplant the ONE THING. These uncomfortable feelings make me evaluate if I'm keeping the right ONE THING.

I'm just guessing here, but I bet many if not most pastors face this same temptation.

What is your ONE THING today?

In Judson Edwards book, The Leadership Labyrinth, he describes 21 paradoxes in ministry. He defines the 'relationship paradox' in this way: the people who like you most will be the ones you try least to please.

He writes that these three kinds of people fill every church.

1. The energizers-their very presence makes us feel better, buoy our spirits, and fill our tanks
2. The regular folks-they may not buoy our spirits, but they don't demoralize us either. They make up the largest group.
3. The drainers-they sap our joy and can ruin our day

The main difference between the energizers and the drainers are their expectations of us. The energizers don't place great expectations on us. The drainers do.

We don't measure up to the drainers expectations. Either our preaching or counseling or leading or availability is not enough. These subtle unmet expectations may not be overt, but when we are around these people, we feel their unspoken disapproval.

Edwards pens these profound words. "When our credo becomes 'I am as you desire me,' we have lost the very thing that will enable us to minister effectively: our authenticity."

Edwards rounds out his chapter with three insights into how Jesus responded to his drainers.

• First, Jesus retreated from this drainers to refresh himself and seek God. He regularly sought renewal.
• Second, Jesus balanced his drainers with his energizers.
• Third, Jesus didn't allow the drainers deter him from his plan and purpose.

Although Jesus practiced a rhythm of renewal and time away from his drainers, he never got rid of them. He still had to contend with them, just as we pastors must do in our churches.

Not everyone liked Jesus. Not everyone will like us. But God's grace gives us what we need to serve even the most draining drainers.

Somebody once said there are two things in life we can't avoid, taxes and death. I'd like to add a third, discouragement.

Church leader or not, you will face it. It's an inevitable part of life. Just this past week I dealt with a bout of it.

It all began Monday even after we had a good day at church the day prior. We had baptized a dozen people, another half dozen indicated they had trusted Christ, and we began Alpha with a bang. Alpha is a great evangelism tool. Check it out at Alpha.org.

But, when I got the stats back from Sunday's service, I got bummed out. A not-so-good attendance and a very poor offering pushed me into discouragement. I've been doing well lately to not allow low Sunday statistics to affect me. This time, however, I didn't do so well. It didn't help that Thursday night my alma mater, GA Tech, got plastered by Miami on national TV.

I found, however, that three small choices helped me dig out of my funk. I take great comfort that King David lifted himself out of a serious bout of discouragement when he "encouraged himself in the Lord his God," (1 Samuel 30.6). I believe that small choices that may not seem overtly spiritual can become ways we can encourage ourselves in the Lord.

Here are the three.

• Break up your routine This past week my wife and my daughter were going to make a run to our local super Wal-Mart and they asked if I wanted to go. My first inclination was, 'no.' But after a moment's reflection, I said, "sure." Usually I'll just sit at the man bench at the check-out line. You know, those benches or chairs where guys sit to be very bored while their wives shop ... one of those. This time, however, I decided I'd go to the books area and browse. When I did, I picked up the 2009 Guinness Book of World Records and had few laughs. I saw, among other things, a picture of a guy who holds the world record in piercings (yuk) and a picture of another guy in India with the world's longest ear hairs at 7 inches (gross). This little break, albeit odd, helped get my mind off my discouragement.
• Pamper yourself. For a guy, I know this may sound feminine. But I don't mean you have to get a pedicure. Here's how I pampered myself. I swim at a local indoor pool three times a week and usually go back home to grab some breakfast. I'm on a tight budget (as most pastors are) so I don't eat out much. But this morning, I decided I'd go through the drive-thru and get some breakfast at McDonalds to treat myself. I spent $2.10 for a sausage biscuit and an egg McMuffin (sans egg). After I slathered each with grape jelly, I enjoyed this small treat. This small 'self-care' gesture encouraged me
• Do something outrageously fun. Each Tuesday night for the last four, I've gone to my musical improv class. Yep, it's like the TV show, 'Whose Line is it Anyway." I've never had as much fun as being in these classes. This is actually my fourth round of classes. As a pastor I'm a bit of a novelty to my classmates. Comedy turns blue so often, but when I put my clean twist on things, my classmate usually laugh. When I drive home afterwards, I feel like I've made a jumbo deposit into my soul.

So, the next time you face discouragement, give these ideas a try. Break your routine. Pamper yourself. Maybe even join an improv class.

____

Related posts:

• When Ministry Knocks you Down, How to get Back Up
• A Counter Intuitive Way to Manage Ministry Pain

This morning I got a tweet that a large church in the southeast was starting another campus in the county where I started a church over 20 years ago. This church will probably start out with over 2,000 from day one. The church I started finally reached 500 after 14 years.

I must confess that unpleasant feelings crept into my heart when I read this tweet. I can't exactly pinpoint them, but they are probably an amalgamation of sadness (that I never achieved mega-churchdom), jealousy (I'm being honest), and an emotion that circles lack of competency (I probably don't have what it takes to be a mega-church pastor). Although I've been gone from the church I started over 9 years now and I serve a good church of over 1,000, the curse of comparison still sometimes rears its ugly head.

Our fallen human nature naturally tempts us to compare ourselves with the more successful, the prettier, the smarter. I believe we often do so to build ourselves up do we can feel significant. No matter your vocation, position in life, or size of your ministry if you are a pastor,  you probably face this same curse.

I don't have pat answers, but a few choices have helped me avoid the vortex of discouragement that comparison can bring.

1. I must remind myself that my identity comes not from my performance, but from my relationship with Christ.
2. I must do my best with the opportunity God gives me right now and if I do, I will please Jesus. Jesus commended the guy who returned 10 talents back to him the same way he commended the guy who returned 4. They each had different levels of giftedness, yet they both were faithful to the task they were given.
3. I must believe the words of Paul when he said that ultimately, it's not what I think of my performance that counts, but what the Lord thinks.

2Cor. 10.18 (MESSAGE) What you say about yourself means nothing in God’s work. It’s what God says about you that makes the difference.