Daniel and his three friends are some of my favorite Biblical characters. They modeled what it means to live a life of integrity, which is taking a beating today.

Several years ago James Patterson and Peter Kim authored the book, The Day America told the Truth. They conducted a survey by asking Americans what they would be willing to do for 10 million dollars. Here’s what they learned.

• Would abandon their entire family (25%)
• Would abandon their church (25%)
• Would become prostitutes for a week or more (23%)
• Would give up their American citizenship (16%)
• Would leave their spouses (16%)
• Would withhold testimony and let a murderer go free (10%)
• Would kill a stranger (7%)
• Would put their children up for adoption (3%)

When I read this my heart sunk. I can only imagine that since that survey over 20 years ago, the same survey would yield even more discouraging results.

However, Daniel and his friends show us these 5 ways we can deepen our integrity in a world that seems to discourage it.

1. Be willing to make tough choices. On several occasions Daniel made tough choices like refusing to eat the royal food and refusing to worship the image of the king. Each carried a potentially deadly penalty.
2. Treat your adversaries with respect. When King Nebuchadnezzar issued the edict for all the wise men to be killed because no one could interpret his dream, Daniel appealed with great tact and wisdom. His actions averted certain death for he and many others.
3. Build your moral compass around Jesus. The story of Daniel consistently reinforces how Daniel kept his deep commitment to God even though he lived in a pagan world and was force-fed that culture’s beliefs.
4. Stay consistent in the small things. At one point the king demanded that the king and no other god be worshipped for 30 days. Anyone refusing to do so would be killed. Daniel’s practice was to pray three times daily to the one and true God. He could have easily cut corners for 30 days. Yet he stayed true even in what could be perceived as an inconsequential issue.
5. Realize that people will either become bitter or better when you live with integrity. Key government officials all ended up supporting and respecting Daniel when they saw how he responded to them with integrity. Yet at the same time others were jealous and were offended at his integrity.

What choices have helped you deepen your integrity?

“I just learned 5 ways to deepen my integrity.” (tweet this quote by clicking here) 

Related posts:

• The Placebo Pastor: are you one?
• 5 Ways to Turn Criticism into Carnage.

Integrity is taking a beating today.

• 20 baseball players potentially being suspended for doping
• Lance Armstrong being striped of all his awards for lying
• The IRS apparently misusing its power
• The Justice Department being accused of lying
• Identity theft occurring to 1 out of 10 people

We live in a world where self-interest seems to trump character and integrity. And, pastors and ministry leaders aren’t immune to the temptation to spin, cut corners, or compromise.

Yet, the One whom we serve lived a life of integrity and He expects us to do the same in His power. Teacher, we know you have integrity… (Matt 22.16, The Message)

I’ve listed 8 benefits of integrity below.

1. It protects us. (?May integrity and uprightness protect me because my hope is in you. Ps 25.21)
2. It gives us confidence. (The man of integrity walks securely. Prov 10.9)
3. It helps us make better decisions. (?The integrity of the upright guides them. Prov 11.3)
4. It reflects well on the Lord. (I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. 1Chr. 29.17 )
5. It sets you apart from others. (these four come from John Maxwell)
6. It creates trust in others.
7. It gives staying power.
8. It extends influence.

What quality would you add to this list?

“I just learned 8 benefits integrity brings to your life and leadership.” (Tweet this quote by clicking here.) 

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• The 7 C’s of Great Ministry Leaders.
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Several passages in Scripture pose challenges to preaching. Even so, we shouldn’t skip the tough ones. However, when we must deal with tough passages such as this one below, we must take care how we teach them.

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. (Heb 13.17, NIV)   

That first part, “Obey your leaders,” poses the preaching challenge. How should we approach the “followership” concept this verse speaks to?

I’ve excerpted a section from my book 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them below that captures the essence of this verse.  

“Obey your leaders” sounds quite strong. Certainly this does not condone dictatorial leadership, as Peter makes this clear in saying, “Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your good example.” (1 Pet 5.3, NLT) After all, God calls us shepherds, and shepherds don’t push—they lead. Unfortunately, in our world, where self is king and where those in spiritual authority have abused their power, many in our churches would struggle with a sermon titled “Obey Your Leaders.”

But that’s not the part upon which I believe we should focus. It’s the last part: “that their work will be a joy, not a burden for that would be of no advantage to you.” Often it seems ministry brings more burdens than joy. After a tough meeting I sometimes wish I could get away with giving an elder a swirly. Other times, in response to a critic, I’m tempted to use King David’s words as a club: “Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.” (Ps 105.15)

Other translations render “that their work will be a joy” in these ways:

• So don’t make them sad as they do their work. Make them happy. (CEV)
• Let them do this with joy and not with grief…. (NASB)
• Give them reason to do this joyfully and not with sorrow. (NLT)
• Let them do all this with joy and not with groaning. (ESV)

A similar verse mirrors this one. Paul writes, We ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. (1 Thes 5.12, NIV)

Other translators render “respect” (Greek: oida) as “appreciate” (NASB), “be thoughtful of” (CEV), “honor” (The Message, NLT), and “pay proper respect to” (TEV). On the other hand, just as “obey your leaders” can sound dictatorial, these statements can sound like they promote the self-serving, egotistical, and narcissistic.

Don’t make us sad…Honor us…Respect us…Make us happy…Appreciate us…Give us reasons to be joyful.

These thoughts likewise might seem oxymoronic when contrasted to our ministerial call to selflessly give ourselves away. But no matter how they’re translated, these verses raise some important questions. Is it wrong to want our ministries to bring us joy? Would we be sinning or at best self-serving to expect from our congregations certain things that would make serving them more joyful, less burdensome?

Should we dare even broach these matters? Did one pastor correctly assess church folk when he said, “Most truly aren’t concerned with my joy”? Conversely, should we affirm the answer of several others that “My joy is from the Lord, not from people”?

I don’t suggest a simplistic solution to pastoral joy. However, God’s Word leaves no room for misunderstanding. He expects believers to respond to healthy pastoral leadership by taking concrete steps to help make ministry more fulfilling for His servants.

Perhaps the key to making this truth become reality in the church lies in this: the church must see us as servants first and foremost. When we model Christ-like servanthood, I believe we create an atmosphere conducive for those in the church to become good followers, without our having to demand it.

What do you think? What do you believe is key to making this verse a reality in the church?

“I just learned insight about how to encourage followership in the church.” (tweet this quote by clicking here) 

Related posts:

• 3 Probing Questions Every Pastor Should Ask Himself
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I recently delivered a message on how Jesus modeled masculinity. As I reflected on that talk, I realized similar parallels apply to leadership. Jesus lived within these tensions during the three years He established our Faith. Although fully God in every way, He lived as a human in every way as well, yet was without sin. He perfectly balanced each of these qualities below that appear as opposites.

As you read these five tensions, ask yourself which ones reflect your strengths and which ones need strengthening.

Power and Compassion

• Jesus showed great power and guts when he turned over the tables of the moneychangers in the Temple (Matt 21). He also showed his commanding power when He called the religious leaders whitewashed tombs. (Matt 23.37)
• Yet he touched the lepers, showed tenderness to the woman with an issue of blood, and showed compassion to the rich young ruler who wouldn’t give up his riches.

Head (intellect) and Heart (emotion)

• He amazed the people with his grasp of the Scriptures at age 12 while in the Temple. His arguments and logic silenced even the most brilliant of his day. He even tongue-tied the Roman procurator, Pontius Pilate. He created ingenious intellectual dilemmas for his adversaries. He masterfully used Scripture in the context of life with allusions and questions that made others think.
• Yet Jesus deeply loved people at levels that they emotionally felt. The shortest verse in the Bible even says that, “Jesus wept.” (John 11.35)

Present and Future

• Jesus approached people where they were. He didn’t ask broken people questions like, “How in the world did you let yourself get into such a jam?” He was a realist about human frailty.
• Yet, he didn’t want people to stay where they were. He told Zacchaeus the tax collector to make restitution. He accepted him where he was, but He urged him to move forward into the future in a God honoring way. Jesus lived with a perfect blend of experiencing the present with an eye toward His future and toward helping others move into their future in the best way.

Purpose and Freedom

• Jesus knew why he had come, to do His father’s will. “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. (John 4.34) He was bothered when the disciples didn't take his mission seriously. He was passionate about his work. He knew what needed to be done and did it. He worked hard.
• Yet he lived with an amazing sense of balance. He was never in a hurry, compulsive, and never forced people to do what He wanted them to do. He gave them freedom to choose. He said followership was voluntary, no arm-twisting or guilt motivation. He didn't force his agenda on others. He knew his purpose and knew if others would embrace His purpose for them it would be best for them. Yet he released them to make their own choices.

Strength and Sensitivity (especially toward women)

• On the sensitivity side, Jesus elevated the status of woman so high that he even praised a woman for what was a purely a masculine role, sitting at the feet of a Rabbi (when Mary sat at his feet). Jesus accepted financial support from woman. He even defended a woman caught in adultery not to approve her adultery, but to expose the injustice of her accusers.
• Yet he was forceful. He was blunt with his mother when she was out of line to ask Him to do some things not a part of His messianic plan. He affirmed Mary's role when he indirectly confronted Martha’s compulsiveness. In John 4 He candidly pointed out to the woman at the well that she had 5 husbands. Jesus knew when to be sensitive with women and when He needed to be strong and not back down.

I believe pastors and leaders, too, must live within these tensions.

• Which of these is your greatest strength?
• Which is your greatest weakness?
• What would you add to this list?

“I just learned 5 leadership tensions in Jesus’ life that apply to spiritual leadership.”(click here to tweet this quote) 

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When I wrote the book 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them, I surveyed over 2,000 pastors through LifeWay Research and through an online survey through Christianity Today. In the CT survey, I asked pastors to share specific ways someone in their congregation ministered to them. Here’s a sample of what they wrote. 

• Defending me when someone attacks me verbally.
• Commenting on their understanding of my challenges.
• When hand-written notes come from godly people they mean so much.
• I think the greatest affirmation I receive is when my congregation trusts me.
• I would say it would be the time I received a homemade card from someone in the church telling me how much she appreciated me and that she was praying for me. These words of encouragement are priceless.
• I don’t feel like I always have to be right, but I do like to have the opportunity to express my own views. Those who are most receptive to this are very affirming.
• Asking me how they can pray for me. I’m not talking about the hurried, polite questions that may come on a hectic Sunday morning but when they genuinely ask.
• The ministry of presence like when they sat with me in the hospital when my wife had emergency surgery.
• When people go out of their way to really inquire how I’m doing.
• Anything not related to Sunday. I get a lot of “great message, pastor” but I don’t know if it’s sincere. A phone call a few days later that refers to something I did affirms me.
• The occasional person who tells me that “so and so” spoke kindly about me.
• When I know I have the support of my leadership.
• Those who know there is a spiritual and emotional cost to being a pastor even if they don’t really understand.
• They have come into my life and family and done something totally unexpected, unexplainable, and absolutely needed (came and cleaned our house when were sick, fixed a meal for us when times were tough, etc.).
• When a person takes the time to pay attention to my emotions I experience and conveys their desire to stand in prayer with me on issues that are troubling.

When a pastor faithfully serves and seldom receives encouragement from his or her church, his soul and passion often wither and die. This is the saddest response I received.

Most think the pastor needs no encouragement or affirmation but think that we should always be aware of his or her need for encouragement and affirmation. In 30 years of pastoring I would say that no more than a dozen times have people ever shown awareness.

If you are a pastor, what act of kindness from those in the church has encouraged you most?

“If you want to encourage your pastor, here’s how.” (tweet this quote by clicking here).

 Related posts:

• 3 Ways to Defeat Leadership Discouragement
• Defeating the Demons of Discouragement

I love dogs. We’ve owned as many as four. Two currently make their home with us. Lulu (on the left) is a combination of a cat, a rat, and a dog. She’s as quick as a cat and looks like a hybrid rat-dog. She was a stray when we took her in “for just a few days until we find her owner.” We became the owners.

On the other hand, P-nut is our registered Chihuahua. He’s the oldest. He’s missing most of his teeth. And sometimes his lip gets stuck on his remaining molars so that he sports an Elvis look (no kidding).

When I reflect about our relationship with our dogs, I’m learning these five lessons from them that apply to me as a pastor or to any leader.

• Consistent: They are pretty much the same day in and day out. They don’t get moody. They’re not angry one minute and kind the next. They “show up” the same way every time I come home: they are glad to see me.
  • Leaders should be consistent with their followers. Your followers and/or staff shouldn’t have to wonder who’s going to show up each day. They shouldn’t have to wonder if you’ll be in a good mood or a bad mood.

• Grateful: When I give them a treat, they are always glad to get it. Their tails wag, their body shakes with glee, and they truly appreciate that chicken sliver or doggie biscuit I toss them.
  • Leaders should be the most grateful people in every church, ministry, or organization. After all, we get the privilege of leading and influencing others toward a cause greater than ourselves. God puts leaders in places of leadership and when He does, gratefulness to Him should fill our hearts.

• Baggage laden: This one may seem odd, but it’s true. When we picked up Lulu off the streets while we lived in California, we had no idea when or where she was born. All we knew was that she was skittish and skinny. We loved her, yet I can still simply raise my hand and she cowers. Apparently her prior owners beat her.
  • Every leader carries his or her own baggage. We don’t emerge from childhood without some broken places. Healthy leaders aren’t afraid to discover their broken places. When they do become self-aware of them, they seek help to repair them and realize that God can redeem them for good.

• Content: Both P-nut and Lulu model contentment. I don’t believe they have a worry in the world. I believe they know that all their needs will be met. So, they don’t fret about where their next meal or comfy blanket will come from (they have several).
  • Leaders trust the Lord that He will provide, care for, and guide them in any circumstance. Hebrews 13.5 reminds us that … “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

• Restful: Both dogs know how to rest. In fact, they take multiple naps every day. When they get tired, they sleep.
  • Good leaders know and practice Sabbath rhythms. While they certainly work hard, they also get enough sleep, they take days off, they take vacations, and they quiet their souls before the Lord daily. As one friend often said we must, “Divert daily. Withdraw weekly. Abandon annually.”

If you have a dog, what lessons have you learned from it?

“I just learned 5 leadership lessons that a dog can teach us.” (tweet this quote by clicking here) 

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• 8 Indicators your ministry may be drowning you  
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Next February InterVarsity Press will release my third book, People-Pleasing Pastors: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Approval Motivated Leadership.

As a scripturally based book, it also incorporates fascinating insight about how our brain influences our leadership and our tendencies to appease and please others in unhealthy ways.

To discover how pervasive people-pleasing is in the ministry I gathered research from two sources. I contracted Lifeway Research to survey over 1,000 pastors about people pleasing and I added to this research the results of a similar on-line survey of 1200 pastors I did for a total of over 2200 pastoral responses.

Surprisingly, 70% of pastors agreed that people-pleasing affects their lives and ministries at some level. In the on-line survey I included an option for pastors to anonymously tell their people pleasing stories. I got 100 pages of heart wrenching stories, single-spaced!

Here’s one pastor’s sad story.

In a church that I pastored, there was a major power struggle with several members who remained very close friends with the previous pastor who actively worked to wield control through these members. I often felt unable to measure up, always trying to ‘minister’ to these folks in hopes that I could win them over, and yet being angry that I couldn't. After two years I left the church and left the ministry. And I felt like a failure as a pastor and as a husband/father. 

Is people-pleasing affecting your ministry?

Take this short assessment to see if it is. Mentally check which statements are true of you.

1. In my church’s board or leadership meetings, sometimes I don’t speak up on an issue for fear of creating tension.
2. Too easily I say yes to someone’s request for me to do something. Later I regret having put that on my plate.
3. I will go out of my way to attempt to change someone’s mind who wants to leave my church or ministry.
4. Sometimes I get angry at myself for not having stood up or spoken up for what I believe.
5. I have kept on a non-performing staff person or volunteer leader too long before making a change.
6. When I need to be firm with someone else, I inordinately delay the conversation and/or after I do have the conversation, I realize I didn’t say everything I should have said.
7. Sometimes I try too hard to be nice.
8. It bothers me when I upset someone. I tend to blame myself for his or her distress.
9. I tread lightly around some people in the church because of their moodiness.
10. When those around me are angry, I become the peacemaker by trying to get them “un-angry.”

How many did you check? If you checked…

• 1-3: People-pleasing could become a growing issue in your leadership unless you do something soon.
• Keep this issue in prayer and stay vigilant of your tendency in the area(s) you checked.

• 4-6: People pleasing is most likely hindering your leadership and may get worse.
• Find a safe, wise leader in your church or a local pastor with whom you can confidentially share your struggle. Become accountable to him so you can stop unhealthy people-pleasing before it gets out of hand. See my blog here on what to look for in a safe person. 

• 7-10: You’re probably angry, anxious, and fearful most of the time and people-pleasing is clearly hurting your leadership.
  • Consider seeing a good counselor who can help you ferret out the cause and help you lead less from an approval motivation.

As you deal with your pleaser tendencies, consider this verse.

The fear of human opinion disables . . . (Prov 29.25, The Message)

How have you seen people-pleasing tendencies affect your or other’s ministries?

“People-pleasing in the ministry: I just took an interesting assessment on people-pleasing.” (tweet this quote by clicking here)  

Related posts:

• The Placebo Pastor: are you one? 
• 10 Ways to Handle the Church Critic  

Unless you stay at the same church your entire life, you will leave one ministry or church and go to another, perhaps several times. In fact, the average pastor in the U.S. stays at one place about four years.

I’ve served at five different churches in my 33 years in ministry and have always sought to leave well. I’ve learned that leaving is more of an art and is often difficult. Here are 7 insights I’ve learned that have helped me make a graceful exit.

• Deal with your baggage.Leave with a clear conscience that relationships have been made right, as much as is possible.
  • Acts 24:16   So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.
  • Rom. 12:18   If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone
• Don’t leave angry. Process your pain. If you struggle with anger after you leave, get coaching or counseling to avoid bitterness.
  • Hebr. 12:15   See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
• Leave on top.That is, leave your ministry as healthy and as strong as possible.
  • Col. 3:23   Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men….
• Speak well of the former leaders, both lay and paid. Don't leave a trail of gossip. Don’t undermine the leaders or anyone else who may have hurt you. Don’t burn bridges. Leave in such a way that your and Christ’s reputation remain intact.
  • Prov. 22:1 A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.
• Let go of ownership. You are no longer in charge. You may be tempted to still influence it from afar. Guard against that.
• Pray that God would bless the ministryeven more with the new leader who replaces you.
  • 1Kings 1:37 "May the Lord be with Solomon as he has been with you, and may God make Solomon’s reign even greater than yours!”
• Grieve well.Change brings loss. You will lose familiarity, relationships, and influence even as you gain those in your new ministry. Don’t be surprised if you grieve. The Apostle Paul grieved when he left the church at Ephesus for the last time.
  • Acts 20: 35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: `It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"   36 When he had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed.   37 They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.   38 What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.

Years ago I heard a talk by Ellen Goodman about leaving well. This quote captures the spirit of a leader who makes a graceful exit.

There is a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over-and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on, rather than out.

What insights would you add to this list?

"I just learned some good insight about how to gracefully leave a ministry." (tweet this quote).

Related Posts:

• Rejection: How it Affects Leaders. 
• When Ministry Knocks You Down, How to Get Back Up 

Here’s a quick list of the top 5 posts my blog readers read during the last 30 days.

• 4 Spiritual Disciplines Pastors Miss the Most
• 5 Brain Friendly Tips to Enhance Your Presentations
• 6 Soul Care Essentials for Pastors
• Top 10 Issues Facing the Church Today
• Are you a Transactional or a Transformational Leader: Take this Quiz and Find Out

What bloggers are you reading that I should know about?

I’m half-way through an incredible book called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Dr. Brene Brown. I highly recommend it. Her TED talk on this subject has garnered almost 10,000,000 views. She strikes a chord for leaders about risking vulnerability. 

As a pastor vulnerability is scary, carries risks, and we must practice care with whom we get deeply vulnerable. Check out my post here on what to look for in safe people. 

As risky as it is, Dr. Brown says it’s a key to what she calls wholehearted living, what I’d called a Spirit-filled life. She says we live in a culture of scarcity and poses 14 questions in her book (p. 27) in three categories that caused me to reflect deeply about my family, my ministry, and my world.

 I’ve quoted and paraphrased them here.

As you read them, what is God saying to you about your family, your life, and your ministry?

SHAME

• Do I use the threat of belittling or ridicule to keep people in line?
• Is my self worth tied to achievement, productivity, or compliance?
• Are blaming and finger pointing norms?
• Are put-downs and name-calling rampant?
• Am I guilty of favoritism?
• Am I a perfectionist?

COMPARISON

• Do I constantly compare and rank myself or others?
• Has my creativity been suffocated?
• Are people in my family or church held to one narrow standard rather than acknowledged for their unique gifts and contributions?
• Is there an ideal way of being or one form of talent that is used to measure everyone else’s worth?

DISENGAGEMENT

• Are people afraid to take risks or try new things?
• Is it easier to stay quiet than share stories, experiences, and ideas?
• Does it feel as if no one is really paying attention or listening?
• Is everyone struggling to be seen and heard?

As you read these, what question really resonated with you? What question would you add to this list?

___

“I just read 14 penetrating questions that made me evaluate my life and ministry.”  (click to tweet this quote)

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• A Counter-intuitive Way to Manage Ministry Pain 

Brainstorming sessions have become standard fare for ministry teams that seek solution to problems. The two key components are to generate as many ideas as possible and don’t criticize the ideas. These concepts came from Alex Osborne’s book Your Creative Power published in 1948. Since then it’s been common practice to avoid criticizing the ideas in brainstorming sessions. The underlying assumption was that people won’t speak up if they fear criticism.

There’s only problem with this kind of brainstorming is this: it simply doesn’t work. 

Multiple studies have shown that groups who use standard brainstorming rules generate less ideas than do individuals (Lehrer, 2012). In other words, when posed with the same problem, individuals consistently generate more possible solutions to a problem than do groups. When I learned this I was shocked because I’ve always applied these two basic rules of brainstorming.

So based on the latest research, I’ve listed  below 5 creativity busters and the antidote to each

• Discourage dissent.Don’t all anyone to debate or criticize an idea in a brainstorming session.
  • Antidote: encourage friendly debate and healthy criticism. Set up rules beforehand, though, such as don’t personally attack people, clarify before criticizing, use phrases like “I have a different view.”
• Make the group an all boys club.
  • Antidote: include women because they, in general, have greater empathy skills and emotional intelligence and can offer unique perspectives.
• Only includes your BFF's (best friends forever).
  • Antidote: include in your brainstorming team both people with longstanding relationships and newbies. One study found that the creative teams behind the most successful Broadway musicals included people who had known each other a long time and newbies (Ellenberg, 2012).
• If you are the leader, telegraph your views from the get go.
  • Antidote: if you are the leader of the session, be as neutral as possible or you may hinder some people from sharing a good idea because it may conflict with yours. And people don’t like to disagree with their leader.
• Make the brainstorming session a serious, linear, logical experience.
  • Antidote: make the session fun, out of the box, and as rule free as possible. Encourage individual idea generation, counter intuitive ideas, and mind wandering. Mind wandering often produces some of our greatest insights (Christoff et al., 2009).

What have you discovered that encourages creativity in your team?

 “I just learned 5 creativity busters and 5 antidotes to those busters.” (Click here to tweet this quote).

Related posts:

• 5 brain friendly tips that improve brainstorming 
• 6 ways to add interest to your meetings 

Sources:

Christoff, K., Gordon, A.M., Smallwood, J., Smith, R. & Schooler, J.W. (2009) Experience sampling during fMRI reveals default network and executive system contributions to mind wandering. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 106 (21), pp.8719–8724.

Ellenberg, J. (2012) Six Degrees of Innovation. Slate. Available from: [Accessed 9 May 2013].

Lehrer, J. (2012) Groupthink. The New Yorker. Available from: [Accessed 25 February 2013].

The board meetings have begun to sour. Increasingly the pastor and his board have heated conversations about the church’s direction. The conflict has bled into every meeting for months. Emotions are running high. Conflict reaches a flash point. There is no written plan on how to deal with it. 

What happens? The board either sends the pastor packing or he quits out of frustration.

A rarity? No. Over 1500 pastors are forced from the ministry each month and many more pastors simply quit because they’re broken. Many are pondering leaving right now.

When emotions run rampant among pastors and boards, thoughtfulness seldom prevails. Our emotional brain hijacks our thinking brain.

So what is the solution to this problem? A written, clear, agreed-upon conflict resolution process. Here are 5 reasons your church needs one.

1. Simply quoting Matthew 18:15-17 on dealing with conflict often doesn’t cut it. Although it’s the basis for conflict resolution, it’s seldom practiced without specific written guidelines.
2. When we’re emotional, we don’t think clearly. When that happens we need something objective that is not open to interpretation, something that specifically explains the process whereby board-staff or staff-staff conflict can be resolved.
3. Such a policy can often result in a more redemptive resolution to conflict than knee-jerk reactions, instead of firing or quitting.
4. We are called to model to the world love for each other (John 13.34-35). How we respond to conflict often conveys just the opposite.
5. When we solve conflict in a God honoring way we embody unity, what the Scriptures often command us to seek. Eph. 4.3 (NIV) Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

I highly recommend the organization called Peacemakers to help you craft such a policy. Ken Sande, author of The Peacemaker, founded and leads this organization. Every pastor should read his book.   

They also offer training and have produced some excellent materials you can use to teach your church and leaders. Check out this link for their resources. 

Does your church have a conflict resolution policy? I’d love to see it if you do.

I just learned 5 reasons why churches should have a conflict resolution policy. http://ow.ly/kVX5W (click to tweet this).

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• What do toilet repairs and composure have in common? 
• Lessons learned from angry emails

Discouragement comes with the territory for ministry leaders. Unmet goals, putting out fires, staff issues, displeasing people, and general tiredness all contribute to discouragement. When it weighs us down, how can we dig out?

The life of the prophet Elijah gives us hope.

I Kings 18-19 tells the story of his amazing confrontation with the prophets of Baal. The people of Israel had gathered on Mount Carmel along with 450 prophets of Asherah. They set up a sacrifice and the 450 pagan prophets summoned their gods to provide rain. Nothing happened. Then Elijah summoned the one, true God who showed His power by not only consuming the sacrifice but also ending the drought.

You’d think that after God showed up in such a powerful way, twice, that Elijah would be on a spiritual and emotional high. Not so. After these great victories, he ran for his life, thinking he was the only true prophet left.  He literally wanted to die. But God did not leave him alone. I Kings 19 explains how he cared for him.

Three lessons stand out about how we can defeat leadership discouragement.

• First, prepare for an emotional dip after spiritual success. I’ve found that discouragement often follows a spiritual high. Among other reasons, it’s the body’s response to stress. Mondays are often the most discouraging days for pastors after an intense Sunday. Prepare for this inevitability.
• Second, physically rejuvenate. After Elijah wanted to die, God provided food for him through an angel and had him take two long naps. After a spiritual high, take care of your body to give it time to re-energize. Extra sleep, healthy food, exercise, and doing something fun can help you recover.
• Third, still your soul to hear God’s gentle voice. After Elijah fled, God spoke to him in a “whisper.” Often Satan will attack us most after spiritual victories with condemning and tempting thoughts. When he does, turn your heart to the Lord and listen to His quiet, yet encouraging voice.

What has helped you defeat discouragement?

Related posts:

• 6 Ways to Encourage Your Pastor 
• When Ministry Knocks You Down, How to Get Back Up 

After 32 years working in a church, I stepped down last year after a fulfilling 7½ year run as a senior pastor in Aurora, IL. This past year I’ve accomplished several things.

• Completed a book for Inter-Varsity Press called People-Pleasing Pastors: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Approval Motivate Leadership. It releases in February of 2014.
• Almost completed another book on the subject of neuroleadership for Christian leaders (intersects brain-based insights with the Bible).
• Created the foundation for my consulting/coaching ministry for pastors.
• Formed an animation company called BullsEye Animations.  
• Traveled to Canada, Haiti, and Mexico to train pastor-leaders.
• Preached in several churches.
• Almost completed an Executive Masters in the Science of Neuroleadership.

I’ve been busy accomplishing many things, but I’m at a transition point in my life. I want to go back into church ministry as a lead pastor. To help me in this transition, I’ve hired a wonderful Christian coach, Kim Avery, to guide me through the process. I’ve scheduled several phone coaching sessions with her. Here are the five reasons I'm getting a coach this year.

1. Perspective. Although I’m an intelligent guy, sometimes I lose perspective. Someone totally objective can often see things I can’t and I need that in my life right now.
2. Questions. I learn well when others ask me good questions. It puts the thinking into my court. Good coaches know how to ask good questions.
3. Push-back. Sometimes my thinking can get so one-tracked that I don’t consider other possibilities. A coach can help me think “outside-the-box” by pushing back on my assumptions.
4. Blind spots. This relates to #1 and #3 above. We all have blind spots. As I enter into this transition, I don’t want to make decisions that might be prompted by blind spots. A coach can help reveal blind spots that can skew decision-making.
5. Affirmation. As I move into my next phase of life, whatever that looks like, I appreciate affirmation from those I respect. A respected coach can affirm good decision-making and through affirmation can prompt me take that final step necessary to make the right decisions.

If you have been coached, what benefits have you seen from your coaching experience?

Related posts:

• Do Pastors Need a Personal Coach? 
• I provide pastoral coaching. If you’d like to learn more, click here. 

I recently attended a two-day retreat with Keith Meyer sponsored by the Cornerstone Pastor’s Network. Keith is a pastor and author of several books on soul care including one honored in 2010 as one of the five best books for the leader’s inner life, Whole Like Transformation: Becoming the Change Your Church Needs.

Keith challenged us with several great practices to take care of our soul. Here are the top five that grabbed my attention the most.

• Our longing for Him must supersede our love for His ministry. So often our passion for Christ gets buried in our passion for our church or ministry. When that happens we stifle that vital connection to the Vine, our true source of joy and strength.

• We must slow down enough to go God’s speed. And what is God’s speed? The speed of love and relationships. This one really struck me. Too often in my drive to accomplish my daily goals, I move so fast that I breeze by the relational connections that Jesus most wants me make.

• When we pay attention to God throughout the day, we’re most open to divinely arranged interruptions. One way we can become more sensitive to Him is to ‘pray our day’ and ‘pray our events.’ That is, use your calendar items and task list as cues to pray for your meeting, lunch appointment, study time, or whatever you have planned for the day. When we do this everything becomes a cue to go to Him.

• Memorize long transformative passages like Colossians 3, John 15, and Romans 12. Sometimes we memorize single Scripture verses and use them simply as ‘pills’ to treat our daily problems. Longer passages, however, can best transform our thinking.

• Grace is not opposed to effort but to earning. This one originally came form Dallas Willard, USC philosophy professor and writer of some of the best books on spiritual formation. One of my favorites he wrote is Renovation of the Heart, a must-read for every pastor.

• The acronym VIM captures the non-negotiables for spiritual transformation. ‘V’ stands for vision. ‘I’ stands for intention. ‘M’ stands for means. Again, Dallas Willard was the first to suggest this process. Here’s a great article that unpacks VIM. 

What practices have most helped you care for your soul?

Related Posts:

• How to break the power of hurry part 1
• How to break the power of hurry part 2

I must confess upfront that I don’t play golf. I’ve only played it once, unless you count dinosaur carpet golf our family often played while on vacation. However, several years ago my father-in-law tried to interest me in the sport. He gave me a set of nice used clubs. But, I never used them. Three years later he asked me how my game was going. Chagrined, I had to admit that I never played with them. He asked me to give them back to him (he really did).

Although I don’t play the game, I know a few key terms such as birdie, bogey, and par. A golfer scores a birdie when he sinks the ball in one less stroke than par. He scores a bogie when he sinks it one stroke over par.

So what do birdies and bogies have to do with leadership?

They provide a compelling visual metaphor for how some leaders miss great opportunities (birdies) because they act like bogey leaders. Researchers at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania analyzed over 2.5 million putts from the top 20 golfers on the PGA tour in 2007 and made a surprising discovery.[1] Prompted by fear of a ‘bogey,’ these golfers often played it safe in tournaments. Their fear resulted in an average one-stroke loss per 72-hole tournament with a combined annual loss of $1.2 million in potential prize money. “The agony of a bogey seem(ed) to outweigh the thrill of a birdie.”[2]

This dynamic, called loss or risk aversion, occurs when fear of loss stifles our attempts at gain. As a result, that fear can cause us to miss opportunities because we lead (or golf) too conservatively. In fact, our brains seem to be wired this way. Two thirds of the cells in the fight-flight structures of our brain (the amygdala) are wired to look for potential bad news. Personal experience tells us that we tend to more easily remember bad things than good. And we more quickly form bad impressions of others than good ones. Unfortunately, some leaders give in to this tendency too easily and make leadership decisions to avoid loss instead of achieving gain.

So what can a leader do to minimize risk aversion?

I suggest what I call the 3-C approach to minimize it: counsel, certainty, and confidence.

• Counsel: seek it. When you feel you’re about to play it safe when faced with an important decision, seek counsel from wise people. You might choose your staff, your board, a close friend, or a coach. Often input from an objective person can give us what we need to pull the trigger, or not. The writer of Proverbs encourages us to do this. Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success. (Prov 15.22, NLT)

• Certainty: get it. Our brains love certainty.[3] We want to know what lies just around the corner. But often we have no control over the future. Every decision brings with it some uncertainty because we can’t guarantee most outcomes. In response to uncertainty, the flight-fight part of our brain secretes chemicals that prompt the fear emotion, a big de-motivator. That’s where faith must come in. Faith is essentially confidence in the One who is most certain, God Himself. To overcome this fear prompted by the uncertainty of decision-making, we must place our confidence in the one thing we can be sure of, God’s faithfulness. He’ll give us that extra boost of certainty we need to make the decision.

• Courage: live it. Courage counters fear. It doesn’t remove it. When fear rises before a decision, perhaps it’s a sign that we’re on the right track. Mark Twain said it well when he wrote, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. John Wayne, the venerable cowboy of cowboys offers great advice when fear prompts us to avoid a reasonable risk, “Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.”

So the next time you face a leadership decision and fear attempts to derail you, consider what you could lose if you don’t move forward and saddle up anyway. Don’t bogey your decision. Birdie it instead.

How would you describe most of the leaders you know, bogie or birdie leaders?

Related Posts:

• What do Toilet Repairs and Leadership Have in Common 
• Three Probing Questions Every Leader should Ask Every Year 

Healthy change is necessary for any church, ministry, or business to thrive. However, leaders often run into these invisible brain barriers when they attempt change. Ignoring them can slow or stonewall a change. Since neuroscientists are now rapidly learning amazing new insights about the brain, it behooves us to learn about how our brains respond to change.

The next time you plan a change initiative for your church or organization, consider how you might lessen the effects of these brain barriers that can stifle it.

1. Brain Barrier 1: Undoing a bad impression is harder than creating a good one. It’s the “you don’t have a second chance to make a good first impression” adage. Neuroscientists have found that to be true. It’s not just an old wives’ tale (Lount et al., 2008). Poorly introduced change will start your change on the wrong footing.
2. Brain Barrier 2: People initially assume the worst. Your brain is wired to pick up the negative more than the positive. In fact, 2/3 of the brain cells in the flight-fight part of your brain, the amygdala, are wired to pick up on what’s wrong rather than on what’s right (Hanson, 2010). Our brains have a built-in negativity bias. People will initially latch onto potential negatives of your change rather than onto the positives.
3. Brain Barrier 3: The brain can only handle so much change at once. Trying to create too much change too quickly increases the brain’s fear response and will hinder that change (Hemp, 2009).
4. Brain Barrier 4: People will fill in knowledge gaps about your change with fear. Change causes uncertainty about the future which in turn breeds fear. And when the brain senses fear, it doesn’t like it. It will act out of that fear which dampens the brain’s ability to think clearly. The less information you provide about your change initiative, the more others will fill in the knowledge gaps with their negative assumptions. As a result, they’ll be more fearful and more resistant to change.
5. Brain Barrier 5: People underestimate their ability to weather difficult future events (Wilson & Gilbert, 2005). Uncertainty causes us to poorly forecast how well we can face the difficulties that changes might bring. The term is called “affective forecasting.” When you present change, others will often initially assume that life will be worse for them because of your change.
6. Brain Barrier 6: Emotions play a significant role in decision-making and influence how well others will embrace change. Just presenting facts about your change without engaging positive and hopeful emotions about the future will seldom move it forward.

In my next post I give some brain-friendly keys to change.

What barriers have you seen from others when you’ve introduced change?

Related posts:

• 6 Keys to Mastering Church Change 
• How to Respond When Someone Leaves Your Church 

References:

Hanson, R. (2010) Confronting the Negativity Bias [Internet]. Available from: <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-wise-brain/201010/confronting-the-negativity-bias> [Accessed 31 January 2013].

Hemp, P. (2009) Death by Information Overload - Harvard Business Review [Internet]. Available from: <http://hbr.org/2009/09/death-by-information-overload/ar/1> [Accessed 20 March 2013].

Lount, R.B., Zhong, C.-B., Sivanathan, N. & Murnighan, J.K. (2008) Getting Off on the Wrong Foot: The Timing of a Breach and the Restoration of Trust. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34 (12), pp.1601–1612.

Wilson, T.D. & Gilbert, D.T. (2005) Affective Forecasting. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 14 (3), pp.131–134.

For over 25 years I’ve preached our church’s Easter sermon, usually in multiple services. This year I have the privilege of just attending Easter services as I’m now working as a church consultant in my ministry and completing a second book I've written in the past 12 months.   

I remember the excitement that always led up to Easter. The month prior our staff would often log extra hours to plan Easter egg hunts, prepare for extra services, create invitation fliers, and spruce up the building.

Yet, I also recall the post-Easter lull, both in attendance and in my emotions. Easter usually produced the highest attendance for the year. Although we’d always plan a cool follow-up sermon series hoping that visitors would return, most didn’t. The attendance the week following was about average, or even lower if that Sunday fell during spring break week.

Not only did attendance lag, but my emotions did as well. The high attendance would always rev up my adrenalin, but what comes up must come down. After the high wore off, I’d sometimes be in a funk for a few days. If you experience the post-Easter lull, consider some of these suggestions that might help you weather it better.

1. Normalize: Expect that you will probably feel somewhat down for a few days. It’s normal after an emotional high. By bringing your expectations more in line with what you experience, you avoid dumping another emotional weight on top (the one that says you should not be feeling down).
2. Expectations: Set staff and leadership expectations for the week that follows. Remind them to prepare for a potential downer. Although I’ve heard miracle stories about churches that had humongous attendance the Sunday after Easter, I wonder if many of those stories have become simple folklore. If you’ve discovered the secret of how to motivate the once-a-year-attender to disrupt his Sunday routine two weeks in a row to come back to your church, please share your secret with us.
3. Soul and Body Care: Take an extra day off and do something totally refreshing and fun. Get more sleep. Take a nap each day. Eat right and exercise more.
4. Faith: Trust God that He will do His work if you do yours. Diligently prepare for Easter, pray for God to work, and pray for those who attend. Then leave the results to Him. He will bring back those who should return and He will help you emotionally recover. Remember, although the world remembers Jesus’ resurrection once a year, our churches should celebrate his resurrection each week and we should celebrate it each moment.

If you’ve experienced the post-Easter lull, what has helped you through it?

Related Posts:

• Does increased attendance at Easter and Christmas increase conversions? 
• The litmus test for successful ministry: always up and to the right? 

Loneliness is a deep ache in our soul and it doesn’t necessarily imply that we are physically alone. Some of the loneliest people in the world are surrounded by people. Even so, their deep ache of loneliness persists.

Loneliness can make us feel…

• isolated
• sad
• exhausted
• unmotivated
• unloved
• even useless.

Pastors are no exception. Although our “job” is people and we’re around them all the time, we can be some of the loneliest people in the church. I once read that the man with the fewest male friends in the church is often the senior pastor.

So what can we do when loneliness overwhelms our soul? I don’t offer a neat prescription, but I’ve learned a few things that that have helped me.

1. Admit it. When you feel lonely, tell somebody. First tell yourself. Then tell the Lord. And when appropriate, tell somebody else. Neuroscientists have discovered that admitting our negative emotions (labeling them) can actually lessen the strength of those emotions.
2. Guard against ruminating over it. It’s natural to feel lonely sometimes. But if we mull over it for long periods of time the Enemy can turn it into depression, self-loathing, and self-pity. Rumination over negative experiences more deeply activates the emotional centers of our brains exacerbating the emotion and causing us to lose objectivity.
3. However, the Lord may want to teach you something. Ask Him what lesson He wants you to learn through your loneliness.
4. Read uplifting Scriptures and listen to uplifting music.
5. Go and do something productive. Serve someone that won’t benefit your ministry. Smile at everyone you meet. Compliment the cashier at the grocery store. Take your son or daughter on a date. Invite someone in the church to lunch with you. When we do something productive the neurotransmitter dopamine increases in our brain and dopamine increases motivation and improves mood.
6. Don't do anything dumb. If you are married be careful about close relationships with someone of the opposite sex. Sharing your pain with someone of the opposite sex can lessen your inhibitions and unintentionally draw you into sexual activity that you will regret.

What has helped you move through loneliness?

Related posts:

• Why Pastors Lack Close Friends  
• What to Look for in a Safe Friend 

We’ve all gotten emails that either…

• wasted our time
• took us off task
• or stirred up our emotions because someone just dumped on us.

Email is both a blessing and a curse. One study discovered that we waste over eight hours a week from the distraction caused by emails [1]. Yikes! If you’re a busy pastor, ministry leader, or business professional, we can probably help each other by incorporating these e-mail etiquette pointers.

1. Keep emails brief and to the point. Put the key message you want to convey right up front.
2. Limit emails to one main subject. Try not to mix several subjects into one email.
3. Don’t ‘Cc’ everybody. If you need to copy your email to another, make sure it goes only to the person who needs to get it, not to everybody that may have received the initial email.
4. Don’t email messages that are emotional. If you need to communicate something emotional, criticize someone, or give negative feedback, pick up the phone and speak to the person. Or better yet, talk to them face-to-face. It’s easy to take an emotional email the wrong way.
5. DON’T USE ALL CAPS. IT SOUND LIKE YOU ARE YELLING!
6. Avoid the power play game by copying the email recipient’s boss. Sometimes it’s appropriate to copy the boss for information purposes. But if you’re trying to coerce the recipient by leveraging the boss’s influence, that’s not fair.
7. Include your contact info in your signature.
8. Re-read your email before you press “send.”

Any email tips you’ve discovered that make emails more useful?

Related posts:

• How much time should a pastor spend preparing a sermon 
• Productivity: Multi-Tasking Doesn’t Work 

I’ve been a fan of the iPad since it came out. I’ve owned the original and the iPad 2 and I began to use it over two years ago when I preached. I even wrote an e-book, Maximizing Ministry with your iPad that you can download free by clicking the image below or by clicking here. 

However, I experienced a few limitations so I purchased a mini-iPad that I thought might address those issues. I preached for the first time with it recently. I loved it. Here are some highlights from that first experience.

• The smaller size made it easier to hold while I preached. With the regular sized one I had to leave it on the lectern or the table and had to return to it for my next point. However, I was able to hold the mini the entire time and my hand never tired. It’s like holding a slim Bible.
• Since the back of the iPads are quite slick, I needed to improve the grip. I boughyt a Poetic ThinShell Back Smart Cover Partner Case that worked great with just the extra tackiness I needed. At $8, you can’t beat the price. 
• I also purchased a new stylus. I paid a bit more, but this one is great. It’s more responsive to my writing. It’s called the amPen New Hybrid Stylus. 
• Finally, I now use a new PDF markup app that is superb. It’s called Notability and as of March 18 it was only $1.99 in the iTunes store, a steal. I create my sermon in MS Word, save the doc as a PDF, transfer to DROPBOX, and open it in Notability. I then can easily highlight and mark up as needed. Simple. One pointer: play with the font size until it’s large enough in the PDF for your eyes. Since the real estate is smaller on the mini, I had to make my font larger for my eyes.

If you use a mini for preaching, any apps or tricks you recommend?

Related posts:

• How an iPad Improved my Devotional Life
• Interactive Preaching with an iPad

BFF: Shorthand for "best friends forever" 

Used mostly by teen girls when texting

You may have never used this texting shorthand, but the concept captures essential human nature. We all want a few best friends. We need them. In fact, the Scriptures speak positively about friends

• A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Prov 17.17, NIV)
• A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Prov 18.24)
• If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Eccl 4.10)

But considering leadership teams, should we fill our upper level teams such as deacons, elders, or key leadership staff with best friends? I share a true story below from a pastor friend, but I’ve changed the details enough to protect anonymity.

My pastor friend’s church in the south was lead by a deacon board of four men plus himself. He was considered the board’s leader and the four other members were very close. Two of the deacons had been roommates in college and stayed close friends. One of those deacons was the best friend of the third member on the board. And the fourth member of the board met each week with the third deacon in a discipleship relationship. You can see that these four were very tight in one way or another. The pastor was friends with all the deacons, but not close to any of them. 

Over the years at his church conflict began to rise between he and the board. It seemed that he was the odd man out each time they discussed a new initiative or direction for the church. The other four seemed to always be in agreement with each other, usually in opposition to how the pastor viewed things. Ultimately, the tension became so great that he left the church after 10 years and began to teach at a seminary.

Although other issues were certainly at play, groupthink seemed to influence the four members of the board. The BFF’s appeared blind to any other perspective except to the views of their four friends on the board.

So, based on this scenario and your experiences, what have been the pros and cons you’ve seen in boards or key leadership teams when most of those in those groups were BFF’s? Did the friendships help or hinder decision making? Did groupthink result or did the Holy Spirit simply use their kinship (like David and Jonathon in the Bible) to help them make good decisions?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Related posts:

• Motivate Your Teams with These 4 Neuroscience Insights 
• How I Do Staff Evaluations 

In my last blog post I suggested that the cure to our noisy, frenzied, busy world lies in practicing silence and solitude. I shared some great quotes and key Scriptures that relate to these spiritual disciplines. You can read Part 1 here. In Part 2 today, I suggest reasons why we should practice silence and solitude and some ways to begin to build that practice into your life.

In essence, silence and solitude are tools God uses to restore our souls by breaking engagements with the world. This discipline is really more of a state of heart than a place. Granted, it does include away-ness from others, but as you mature you can actually be in a huge crowd and experience the rejuvenating power of solitude. It can create the ability to carry around with you your own portable sanctuary, sacred place, place of rest, connection to God even in a loud, distracting world. On the other hand you can become a hermit and never experience the power of solitude. 

Before I give you my suggestions, read this funny story.

A monk newly initiated into his order was told that he'd have to spend the initial 20 years of training in complete silence. He was told that he would only be allowed to say two words every three years. After 3 years of studiously keeping this vow he was summoned before the Abbot and asked if he had anything to say, in two words or less. He replied, "Food bad." Three more years went by when he was again summoned before the Abbot. "Well, do you have anything to say now," the monk was asked. "Bed hard," was the answer. After three more years the Abbot found our friend and asked him if he'd like to speak. "I quit!" said the monk. "Well, I'm not surprised," said his Abbot. "You've done nothing but complain since you arrived.” (source unknown)

Now, the practical benefits of practicing silence and solitude and tips for building it into your life.

Practical benefits of practiing silence and solitude

1. It breaks the power of hurry.

It breaks the adrenalin addiction, the ”have to do” mentality of life. Willard explains it this way.  The person who is capable of doing nothing might be capable of refraining from doing the wrong thing.  And then perhaps he or she would be better able to do the right thing.[1]

2.  It brings spiritual renewal.

Francis de Sales said (1500’s), “There is no clock, no matter how good it may be, that doesn’t need resetting and rewinding twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. In addition, at least once a year it must be taken apart to remove the dirt clogging it, straighten out bent parts, and repair those worn out. In like manner, every morning and evening a man who really takes care of he heart must rewind it for God’s service . . . . Moreover, he must often reflect on his condition in order to reform and improve it. Finally, at least once a year he must take it apart and examine every piece in detail, that is every affection and passion, in order to repair whatever defects there may be.[2]

3.  It reminds us that life will still go on without us

It interrupts the cycle of constantly having to manage things and be in control. It breaks us from a sense of being indispensable.

4.  It clears the storm of life and mind for wise decision making and planning.

Jesus illustrates this in Luke 6:12-13 before he chose his disciples. "And it was at this time that He went off to the mountain to pray, and He spent the whole night in prayer to God. And when day came, He called His disciples to Him; and chose twelve of them, whom He also named as apostles."

5.  It creates inner space to hear the voice of God.

After Elijah’s power encounter on Mt Carmel with the Baal worshippers he fled because he heard that Queen Jezebel had a price on his head. He hid in a cave and whined to God. God told him to step outside the cave and cover his face because he was about to speak to him. A storm and wind and earthquake and fire appeared, but God was not in any of those. Rather, God spoke in a whisper. 1Kings 19.2…And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

6.  It helps us disconnect from the world and deeply connect to our soul.

Henry Nouwen said, “In solitude, I get rid of my scaffolding.” Scaffolding is the stuff we use to keep ourselves propped up, friends, family, TV, radio, books, job, technology, work, achievement, our bank account, etc.[3]

7. It helps us control our tongue

If frees us from the tyranny we hold over others with our words. When we are silent, it is much more difficult to manipulate and control the people and circumstances around us. Words are the weapons we lay down when we practice silence. We give up our insistence of being heard and obeyed.

8. It helps us with the other disciplines

It enhances the other disciplines.

---

Practical tips to incorporate silence and solitude into your life.

1. Plan for it.

2. Find a quiet place.

3. Be considerate of those who will be affected.

4. Zip it

James 1:26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

5.  Expect some apprehension.

Our busy world often hinders us from looking within, so don’t quit if deep things in your soul begin to surface

6.  Length?

Walk before run.

7. Realize that this discipline comes more easily to some.

I recommend a great book to understand your particular spiritual pathway. It’s a book called Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas. 

What do you find most difficult about silence and solitude?

Related posts:

• Is this the #1 reason pastors succeed? Take this quiz and find out. 
• What this busy pastor learned from a homeless woman. 

I’m a pastor and I’m intrigued with how God created our brains for effective communication and healthy team dynamics.

Recently I started a small side business called BullsEyeAnimations  to create ‘white board’ animations for companies that want to communicate difficult concepts, train employees, or market their products.

I manage the process, create the script, and do the voiceover for the animation (done by an animator). I recently spent a half-day with four members of a company that had hired us to create a three-minute animation to explain a very complicated proprietary brokerage service they offer.

I used several neuroscience techniques in that meeting that you might try the next time you lead a brainstorming session.

• To help set up the day I created a clear agenda and emailed it several days prior to the meeting. This is called pre-encoding. Encoding is the process of learning when our brain lays down new networks of neuronal connections. Pre-encoding, as the word implies, sets up the brain to receive that learning (the actual encoding). The agenda clearly articulated the meeting’s objectives and set us up for greater productivity. When we met, we knew exactly what we wanted the brainstorming session to accomplish. Here’s what it included.
• Who: Clarify the target audience for the animation and the audience’s felt needs
• What: Clarify the call to action the animation should evoke
• How: Create a rough draft of the script and brainstorm potential visual concepts that could illustrate the message

• I began the session by sharing a bit about my life to create a relational connection (two in the group were total strangers). When people feel they relate to you, they will follow your leadership and more readily learn from you. The early church understood this when they met house to house and built strong relational bonds through Biblical community (Acts 2.42). 

• I gave everybody a chocolate bar and explained that chocolate can aid focus and creativity by causing helpful neurotransmitters in our brains to release (Roizman, n.d.). Not only did I provide brain fuel with the candy, but I also heightened expectations that the session would result in lots of ideas. The brain needs both oxygen and glucose (energy) to function well. While too much sugar can certainly cause a brain lag later on, providing chocolate, coffee, or healthy snacks can help the brain function optimally.

• During the meeting we needed to generate personality traits to describe the target audience (the broker), list potential metaphors to use in the animation, and create a basic script. Instead of using the traditional brainstorming technique where everybody shares their ideas out loud, I asked each person to first privately write down their ideas. Then they shared them out loud and I recorded them on the white board after which we eliminated the ones that didn’t fit. Traditional brainstorming, where everybody verbalizes their ideas at the beginning, has been shown to not generate as many ideas as when people are asked to generate them privately (Lehrer, 2012). So, the simple act of having then jot down their ideas privately encouraged more idea generation.

• During our discussion time I subtly encouraged dissent and disagreement about the ideas, contrary to traditional brainstorming (get all the ideas out without criticizing any of them). Neuroscientists have found that dissent, when done in a “non-threatening to status” way, actually increases creativity (Nemeth et al., 2004).

The next time you lead a staff brainstorming session include a few of these five ingredients in your meeting and see what happens.

1. Healthy dissent to prompt creative thinking.
2. Private idea generation before public discussion.
3. Food such as chocolate or coffee to get the brain focused and alert.
4. Relationship building to engender likeability among the team.
5. A clear agenda to pre-encode what you want to accomplish.

What have you found that has helped make brainstorming more productive?

Related Posts:

• 6 Ways to Add Interest to Your Meetings  
• 7 Conversation Rules that Make for Smoother Staff Meetings

Sources:

Lehrer, J. (2012) Groupthink. The New Yorker. Available from: <http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2012/01/30/120130fa_fact_lehrer> [Accessed 25 February 2013].

Nemeth, C.J., Personnaz, B., Personnaz, M. & Goncalo, J.A. (2004) The liberating role of conflict in group creativity. European Journal of Social Psychology, 34, pp.365–374.

Roizman, T. Chocolate & Dopamine [Internet]. Available from: <http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/chocolate-dopamine-3660.html> [Accessed 23 February 2013].

Almost every year in my 32 years in ministry I’ve spent multiple hours preparing and delivering multiple staff performance reviews. I was shocked to recently learn that I may have been wasting my time.

In a meta-study (a study of the studies) researchers discovered that only 30% of feedback and performance reviews actually helped (Kluger & DeNisi,1996). They discovered that 30% have no impact and 40% actually make things worse, not a very good track record.

I wonder how many of us pastoral leaders would agree with those statistics? 

Does that mean we should drop performance reviews? 

No, not at all. Every leader can improve the performance review process through being more intentional with these these 7 C’s. When a review process includes these factors, neuroscience research indicates that real change can occur.

I’ve divided the 7 C's into these two categories.

1. The person: issues that directly relate to the person who’s receiving the review and the reviewer as well.
2. The process: issues that directly relate to the process itself.

The Person

• Community: Make sure that the person receiving the review feels emotionally connected to you as much as possible. Try to build a sense of community with those you review (Ibarra, 1999).
• Coachability: Before the review, help your staff develop a coaching/learner mentality. Help them see the value of feedback and reviews. The more value they see, the more positively they will receive it (Atwater & Brett, 2005).
• Connected: Help the staff person connect the feedback she receives to how she sees herself in the future (Kluger & DeNisi, 1996) and to her larger goals (Ashford et al., 2003).

The Process

• Credible: Make sure you as the supervisor are unbiased and fully informed about the staff person’s job and performance before doing the review (Waldman et al., 1998).
• Coupled: This is key. You must couple the review to follow up, ideally through a coaching process. Build into the process action steps to address areas that need improvement, all with a developmental rather than a punitive tone. Also, couple the process to a teaching session before the review to help staff understand the review process and how to get the best from it.
• Consistent: Make sure that the process elicits consistent feedback from all sources (Ashford et al., 2003).
• Collaborative: The more collaborative the process, the more effective it will be. If possible include peers, reports, and supervisors in the process. (London & Smither, 1995).

Include some of these ideas the next time you do a staff review and see how it helps. 

If you'd like to get a copy of a self-evaluation tool I’ve used, email me here. I give it to the staff person I'm to review and ask them to fill it out first. After they complete it and I’ve reviewed it, then we meet for the review.

What have you discovered that has helped your reviews actually improve performance?

 Related posts

• Staff Performance Reviews: do they help or hinder?
• 360-Degree Performance Assessments, a valuable tool

Sources:

Ashford, S.J., Blatt, R. & VadeWalle, D. (2003) Reflections on the Looking Glass: A Review of Research on Feedback-Seeking Behavior in Organizations. Journal of Management, 29 (6), pp.773–799.

Atwater, L.E. & Brett, J.F. (2005) Antecedents and consequences of reactions to developmental 360° feedback. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 66 (3), pp.532–548.

Ibarra, H. (1999) Provisional Selves: Experimenting with Image and Identity in Professional Adaptation. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44 (4), pp.764–791.

Kluger, A.N. & DeNisi, A. (1996) The Effects of Feedback Interventions on Performance: A Historical Review, a Meta-Analysis, and a Preliminary Feedback Intervention Theory (Kluger & DeNisi, 1996) [Internet]. Available from: [Accessed 2 February 2013].

London, M. & Smither, J.W. (1995) Can Multi-Source Feedback Change Perceptions of Goal Accomplishment, Self-Evaluations, and Performance-Related Outcomes? Theory-Based Applications and Directions for Research. Personnel Psychology, 48 (4), pp.803–839.

Waldman, D.A., Atwater, L.E. & Antonioni, D. (1998) Has 360 Degree Feedback Gone Amok? The Academy of Managaement Executive, 12 (2).

Artie Davies, one of the most influential Christian leaders today, pastors Cornerstone Church, a growing multi-campus church based in Orangeburg, SC. An avid blogger, he also leads the movement called “The Sticks Network” that empowers and develops pastors from small cities. He’s one of my favorite bloggers and has one of the coolest websites around. 

His first book, Craveable, comes out this week and it’s a winner. Ron Edmondson, another influential pastor, blogger, and leader wrote the foreword. His endorsement speaks loads in itself.

Although I’ve never met Artie, as I read the book I feel like I’m sitting by the fireplace in a winter lodge listening to an old friend share a “fireside chat” with me. Fireside chats were the informal radio talks that President Roosevelt broadcast to help our country weather the Great Depression. They were enormously successful. I expect Artie’s book will be enormously successful as well.

What’s it all about? Essentially he challenges us to live a Christ-like life that captures the hearts of those far from God. Four key concepts form the backbone of the book.

• Listen as He listened
• Look as He looked
• Love as He loved
• Lead as He led

Artie organizes Craveable into 40 easy-to-read chapters. You could actually make this a great devotional by reading a chapter a day. Each chapter begins with a thought provoking target statement that summarizes the chapter. After he unpacks the concept, he closes out the chapter with a suggested action point and a zinger question that really makes you think. My favorite quote is, “There is no Plan ‘B,’ just you and me.”

Here are five reasons I think every Christian and especially every Christian leader should read Craveable.

1. It’s thoroughly Biblical.
2. It’s simple, yet challenging.
3. It’s an actionable paradigm pastors can use in their churches to develop a healthy missional culture.
4. It’s disarming. He gets across a strong message in ways that make you want to listen and heed. It would be a great book to put in the hands of every staff person and volunteer leader.
5. It’s desperately needed for Christian leaders today. Sometimes we get bombarded with multiple church growth techniques that can miss the essence of the Gospel: Jesus is everything and when He is our everything, everything changes.

Put this book on your reading list. You’ll be glad you did.

Related Posts:

• 100-degree Heat. 100 pastors. 4 Leadership Lessons.
• A Sad Heart: What not to Say to a Person in Pain.

A new year offers us leaders a great opportunity to evaluate the prior one and plan what we hope to accomplish in the new one. Each January I complete three exercises that help me prepare for the coming year.

1. I re-read my journal to look for trends that I want to continue or weaknesses I want to address.
2. I evaluate to what degree I accomplished my goals.
3. I re-set my overall goals and objectives.

These are relatively straightforward tasks that many leaders already do. Yet, I think that to best prepare for a new year we should go deeper. Take an hour this week and honestly ask yourself these three questions. I recall reading them somewhere else, yet I don’t have the source.

• What are my leadership skills that are my strengths? In other words, God has given you a broad set of leadership skills, competencies, and gifts. If you were to rank them, what would rise to the top of your list? Are you leveraging this strength in your leadership role? Do you continue to hone that ability?
• We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. (Rom 12.6, NIV)

• What is my one fatal flaw? That is, what about your personality or current behavior could do you in? Are you one step away from making a decision that could wreck your life, your ministry, or your family? Do you toy with something that beckons you to indulge, yet know that if you did, it would devastate you and many others?
• … But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master. (Gen 4.7, NLT)

• What one area of improvement will make the most difference in my leadership role? In other words, if you spent just 5 minutes a day or an hour of week developing that area, envision to what degree that improvement could help you accomplish your goals.
  • My friends, I don’t feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. (Phil 3.13, CEV)

2013 could be the greatest year of your life. But it won’t happen by itself. It will take proactivity, prayer, and persistence.

What has helped you prepare for the new year?

Related posts:

• 6 Tips to Keeping a New Year’s Resolution 
• 4 Questions Leaders should Ask Themselves to Avoid Burnout

Here's a list of my top 10 blog posts for 2012.

1. Should Pasors Abstain from Driniking Alcohol
2. What Snorkeling Taught me about Selecting Leaders
3. Are you a Transformational or a Transactional Leader-take this test and ifnd out
4. Are you a Brain Savvy Pastor or Still in Pre-School?

5. Is This the Number 1 Reasons Leaders Fail?
6. Is This the HIdden Factor that Hinders Change in Your Church?
7. 5 Ways to Motivate Others You may Have Skipped.
8. 360 Degree Assessments-an Invaluable Tool for Leadership Growth
9. 6 Tips to Keeping a New Year's Resolution
10. Brain Based Preaching: New Age Voodoo or the Missing Link?

Every week in the U.S., pastors preach upwards of 400,000 sermons. That excludes Bible studies taught by hundreds of thousands of Sunday school teachers and small group leaders.

I’ve delivered in excess of 1,500 sermons and bible studies myself. But what difference have they made in people’s lives? I suppose I won’t really know until I get to heaven.

In the meantime, however, I believe I should learn everything I can to make my teaching and preaching stickier.

And nothing sticks unless those who listen to us engage their brains.

Unfortunately, though, most pastors seldom consider how brain processes influence learning. It’s a missing link in today’s preaching and teaching. I believe it would behoove every pastor to learn how God made our brain and how it affects learning.

In the last 20 years we’ve learned amazing new insights about how God created our brain and how it’s involved in learning. With the advent of the functional MRI (fMRI), scientists can see what brain neighborhoods activate when we think certain things, pay attention, learn, and feel emotion. These new insights can pay great dividends to pastors who learn about the brain.

I recently participated in a webinar sponsored by the Neuroleadership Institute and ASTD on the brain (click the link to download some cool papers). In one word, fascinating.

Dr. Grace Chang, a neuroscientist at U.C.L.A., presented the first session on making learning sticky. She began by defining one of the two types of memory, declarative memory. Non-declarative memory is the other kind (think riding a bike, you can’t describe how you do it, you just do it). Declarative memory, in our context, would be the kind we would want to foster when we teach. We want our listeners to be able to consciously recall the Biblical content of our sermons so that the Holy Spirit can take that truth and transform their beliefs and behavior.

Dr. Chang said that three main brain processes compose declarative memory.

1. Acquire the information (getting it in called encoding). An example would be what you do to get your sermon into the minds of your listeners (i.e., the spoken sermon itself, visuals you use, dramas to reinforce the point).
2. Retain the information (keeping it in called storing). This happens when your listeners actually remember what you said instead of forgetting it when they walk out of the church.
3. Retrieve the information (using it called accessing). This is simply application. You want your listeners not only to remember what you said, but to apply the truth in their daily lives as well.

So, is brain-based preaching new age voodoo?

Not at all.

Brain-based preaching is an intentional process by which you consider how people’s brains process information and learn. When we keep the brain in mind and in particular these three memory processes, I believe our sermons will become sticker and result in greater life transformation.

If you want to read a great article on brain-based learning, I recommend this one.

Next week when you finalize your sermon, take five minutes and ask yourself what you could do to incorporate each of these three brain processes in your sermon to make it sticker.

In fact, don’t wait until next week. What is one small brain-based change that immediately comes to your mind right now that could make this week’s sermon stickier?

Related posts:

• Sticky Sermons: How Brain Insights can Improve Them
• Are your Sermons Hard or Easy to Listen to?

Recently I was privileged to hear Dr. James Galvin speak on leadership.  He’s authored many books on the subject and has consulted with such organizations as the Willow Creek Assocation, Zondervan, and Wycliffe. He explained a concept called “The Full Range Leadership Model” which contrasts transactional leadership from transformational leadership. You can find a really cool visual that describes the two here.  

Essentially transactional leadership is “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.” At times we must lead as transactional leaders. For example, we set a ministry or organizational goal and when a staffer helps that goal get met, a reward comes. In contrast, however, we should seek to grow our leadership so that we lead more often as transformational leaders.

Based on the descriptions below, how would others describe your default leadership patterns? The first four represent transactional leaders. The last five characterize transformational leaders.

• I often avoid getting involved. I tend to be passive.
• I loosely monitor what’s happening in the ministry and step in only if things go really bad.
• I set clear goals and standards and closely monitor the staff and step in when things begin to get off track.
• I set clear goals, provide needed support, and praise good performance.

• I listen to others and coach them to bring out their best.
• I ask others for their thoughts and perspectives.
• I’m genuinely positive, enthusiastic, and cast a compelling vision.
• I often talk about shared mission, vision, and values with the team.
• My simple presence can inspire others’ confidence.

Find a few trusted friends and ask them to share with you where they’d place you on this scale.

Related posts:

• 24 Words that Describe a Leader’s Job.
• Unmet Expectations: How to Pull of out of a Leadership Lull

I’m enrolled in a master’s degree program in neuroleadership. Yep, that word’s a mouthful. Click on my home page on "Waht is a neuroleader" to see a cool video that explains the term neuroleadership.

I’m learning some fascinating insights about the brain that can help us pastors lead, speak, and live more effectively. In today’s blog, I’d like you to ask yourself this question: Would most people say my sermons are hard to listen to or easy to? Take a moment and stop reading and answer that question for yourself.

Well, we all hope that people would say easy to listen to, right?

I’ve included below a short checklist, based on neuroscience insight, that might give you a clue.

Before I give you the checklist, I want set the stage with a few facts about the brain.

1. The executive functions that occur like concentration, abstract reasoning, problem solving, and attention occur primarily in the pre-frontal cortex, the area roughly behind your forehead. This is the part of the brain you hope your sermons engage. If your listeners don’t engage this part of the brain, your sermon “went in one ear and out the other.”
2. This part of the brain processes information in a serial fashion (one thing at a time). Think of a conveyer belt with one item on it followed by another followed by another, etc. You may recall Lucille Ball’s famous candy conveyor belt episode. If something happens at the front end of that conveyer belt and all the items get clogged up, then nothing moves forward. The same thing happens in the brain. It will only process one thing at a time and if overloaded, it processes very little information. Multi-tasking is a misnomer. See my blog post on multi-tasking here.
3. The pre-frontal cortex tires easily. If a speaker does not give breaks for the listener’s brain to rest, it will take its own breaks.
4. Five fundamental processes summarize what the brain does: it understands, decides, recalls, memorizes, and inhibits (that is, blocks out distractions).

You can see that many complex processes are going on the brains of our listeners. So, how can we maximally engage their brains so that the Holy Spirit has lots of biblical truth to work with to ultimately bring about life transformation?

I’ve included a few ideas below based on neuroscience.

• Start out telling the people where you’re going with your sermon. Give an outline or a metaphor that points in a specific direction. The term is called pre-encoding. Learning is the encoding part. Pre-encoding sets up the listener to learn.
• Don’t aimlessly ramble. If you constantly chase rabbits, their brains will check out.
• Don’t use complex terms and long sentences. When you do, the listener’s brain will tune you out to try to figure out what you just said. They essentially won’t hear what you say next.
• A close cousin: be careful about using abstract ideas. Again, the brain will try to process abstract ideas and tune out what you say next.
• If you do present a complex idea, stop and give a few seconds to allow people to process it and think about it. In other words, mix up the rate at which you deliver your sermons. Pauses are good.
• Simplify your power points. Use only a few words per slide. Pictures that explain your points are even better.
• Don't get long-winded. You may have the ability to keep people’s attention for more than 30 or so minutes. If you do, you don’t need to read this blog. But, in an age when attention spans are rapidly decreasing, shorter sermons will stick better.

What insights have you discovered that help your listeners absorb more?

Related Posts.

Your Brain’s Leadership X-factor   

5 Ways to get People to Pay Attention to Your Sermons 

http://www.charlesstone.com

Serving as a pastor brings many joys as well as headaches and hurts. One of the biggest hurts comes when others disapprove of us. Neuroscientists have discovered that a disapproving look from a person actually hurts. A disapproving facial expression stirs up the flight-fight part of our brain and heightens anxiety, even more than an angry facial expression does. I’ve experienced those disapproving looks and have learned how to cope a bit better.

When the emotional part of our brain (the limbic system) takes over, we lose the ability to think clearly and lead well. When that happens, these behaviors surface.

• We react and act impulsively
• We assume the worst
• We get defensive
• We lose our creative ability to solve problems
• We grieve the Holy Spirit
• We lose perspective
• We can’t truly listen
• We can’t think as clearly

These kinds of behaviors show their ugly selves when the emotional brain takes over. Constant disapproval, especially from significant people in your church, can evoke these behaviors.

In a previous church several years ago, the most influential lay leader there was once my number one supporter. His words, body language, and facial expression would almost always encourage me. I could count on him to lift my spirits when I was down. However, something happened in our relationship and his demeanor took a 180-degree shift. He now became my greatest disapprover.

His view of me carried significant weight because he held a very high status in the church. When our paths crossed at church and I saw his disapproval, my anxiety level shot up. When I saw those disapproving looks, a brain dynamic kicked in in the flight-fight part of my brain that dampened my ability to think most clearly so I could preach at my best and compassionately relate to others on Sundays. Essentially, I stifled the Holy Spirit’s work in my life. Initially I was not consciously aware of this dynamic.

However, as I began to learn how my brain worked when I saw a disapproving expression, I started to make these choices that helped me cope with disapproval, especially his.

1. I consciously took notice when his physical presence evoked anxiety in me. Instead of stuffing the emotion, I named it. I would breath a prayer under my breath, “Lord, I feel anxious right now after I saw _________. Please help me cope with this tension in my heart.”
2. I sought out a coach/counselor to help me reappraise the situation quicker. Taking a different perspective helps calm the fight-flight part of our brain. Often we need an objective person to help us see the situation clearly.
3. When I would preach, I would look for approving faces instead of his. I purposefully did not lock eyes with him in a sermon because I knew the toll it might take on my focus while preaching.
4. I finally met with him for breakfast, shared my concerns, and asked him how I could regain his confidence. Essentially, his view of me as a leader had changed and I could not change it back. At least I cleared the air with him. However, through this experience the Lord helped me more consistently moderate the painful distraction I often felt when I saw his disapproval.

As painful as this experience was, it became a great learning experience. Now that I know what happens in my brain when I see disapproval in someone’s face, I’ve become quicker to more proactively moderate its negative effects.

How have you managed those who disapprove of you?

Related Posts:

• Rejection: how it affects leaders
• Are your critics really trying to get close to you?

Source: Burklund, L., Eisenberger, N.I. & Lieberman, M.D. The face of rejection: Rejection sensitivity moderates dorsal anterior cingulate activate to disapproving facial expressions. Social Neuroscience, 2, pp.238–253.

Motivating staff and volunteer leaders in the church or in any organization begs the question: How can we do it better? I believe David Rock, author and speaker, offers fresh insight from neuroscience about how we can best motivate others. He developed a paradigm based on five domains that influence behavior that he coined with the acronym SCARF.

The letters in this acronym stand for these domains that affect brain functioning and thus performance in our jobs and ministries.

• Status: a feeling of importance relative to others around us
• Certainty: a sense of predictability about the future
• Autonomy: a sense of control over events
• Relatedness: a sense of safety with those around you
• Fairness: a perception of being treated fairly

When a staff person, employee, or volunteer experiences SCARF in his or her ministry it actually increases a chemical in their brain called dopamine which has a positive effect on our moods and our thinking. When a leader intentionally tries to meet the SCARF needs of those around him or her the more he will see positive results in these areas. The less these needs are met, the opposite will occur.

• collaboration
• intrinsic motivation
• productivity
• change management
• healthy relationships

So how might a church leader meet some of the SCARF needs in his church or team? Consider these.

Status: Teach that every person has intrinsic worth and value in God’s eyes. Just because a person lacks certain skills does not mean his status in God’s eyes is anything less than someone who seems to be super talented.

Certainty: Keep your people informed about the future. Don’t spring new initiatives on them. Don’t blindside them. Give them sufficient time to process something new. Consistently do this.

Autonomy: Don’t micromanage. Give choices to your staff and volunteers within reasonable parameters. Let them own some decisions.

Relatedness: Provide plenty of time for your teams to do social stuff together. Encourage involvement in a small group. Intentionally build community.

Fairness: Make sure you treat everyone fairly. Don’t ever play favorites.

Motivating others will always test us as leaders. The SCARF model can help us become more intentional and effective in how we motivate them for Kingdom impact.

What have you found that has helped motivate those you work with?

Related posts:

• Not Motivated: Try a Simple Pleasure
• The 4 Reasons People Give to their Church

Rock, D. (2008) SCARF: a brain-based model for collaborating with and influencing others. Neuroleadership Journal, (1), pp.44–52.

Being a pastor is a high calling, yet pastors often face loneliness and discouragement. Surprisingly, some surveys reveal that up to 80% of pastors face regular discouragement in ministry. If that statistic even remotely reflects reality, then your pastor probably needs your encouragement. Yet, it seems so rare. The influential writer Henry Nouwen even wrote these insightful words.

… there is little praise and much criticism in the church today, and who can live for long in such a climate without slipping into some type of depression?^[1]

If your pastor needs encouragement, should you give it to him or should he just suck it up? If you do want to encourage him, what’s the best way to do it?

I’m convinced that we all need encouragement, even the strongest believer and most mature pastor. In fact, the Apostle Paul admitted he needed it and often referred to those who refreshed his and other people’s spirits, Philemon, Onesiphorus, and the Corinthian church. At times he even asked for it. A key character in the bible, Barnabas, was known as the son of encouragement.

Hebrews 13.17 speaks to this need and admonishes followers of Jesus to respond to their leaders in such a way as to make their work a joy. These translations bring out the meaning.

• So don’t make them sad as they do their work. Make them happy. (CEV)
• Let them do this with joy and not with grief … . (NASB)
• Give them reason to do this joyfully and not with sorrow. (NLT)
• Let them do all this with joy and not with groaning. (ESV)

In the research I did for my last book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them, I surveyed hundreds of pastors and asked them how people in their church encouraged them. These were the top six responses.

1. You showed me tangible appreciation (such as small gifts like a gift card to a coffee shop).
2. You let me know that I spiritually impacted your life (such as sending an email to him about a recent message that helped you grow).
3. You prayed for me (such as sending a note telling your pastor that you prayed for him).
4. You accepted and understood me, cared for me, and were there when I needed you (such as communicating in a genuine way that you know how difficult it is being a pastor and that you truly care).
5. You supported my leadership, defended me, and trusted me (such as going out of your way to tell your pastor that you truly believe in him and trust him).
6. You ministered to my spouse and/or my family (such as remembering his or her kids’ birthdays).

The pastors who responded to this survey shared many touching stories and sad ones as well. One pastor even wrote that he wasn’t sure anybody in his church really cared about him. I hope your pastor doesn’t feel that way.

If you’re a pastor, would sharing this statistic with your church in an appropriate way open the door for the encouragement you desperately need in your life right now?

If you aren’t a pastor, what is God prompting you to do this week to encourage your pastor?

Related posts:

• When Ministry Knocks you Down, How to Get Back Up
• Defeating the Demons of Discouragement

Last Sunday night I attended an old fashioned Gospel sing at a church near our home. It was out of my comfort zone because the last 25 years I’ve served in churches that primarily used contemporary worship music in their services. Yet, from toddler age through college I attended churches that primarily used hymns. When the seeker movement became widespread, I and many other like-minded pastors classified traditional hymns as barriers to church growth. As a result, I seldom used them in the churches I served except for the occasional Amazing Grace.

However, as I sat through the Gospel sing, something stirred deep within me. Had I neglected an important part of my Christian heritage by not incorporating them in the churh services? Should I reconsider them going into the future?

The Gospel sing worked like this. The song leader invited those who attended (a couple hundred) to pick a hymn from the hymn book. They then raised their hands and he’d pick someone. They’d call out the hymnal page number. We’d turn to that page. The pianist would start playing. We’d sing. After 30 minutes of suggestions and singing, probably 20 songs, we’d take a short break from singing. The pianist then played a medley of hymns and a duet sung a couple hymns. Then we sung another 30 minute, prayed, and dismissed for ice cream sundaes in the gym.

I thought I’d be bored and planned to surreptitiously follow NFL games on ESPN’s Gametracker on my iPhone. Was I surprised. Here are several lessons I learned that night.

1. The majority who attended were clearly over 65, many in their 70’s and 80’s. As I watched these seniors sing, their faces glowed with a deep love for Jesus. God reminded me that preferred music styles don’t indicate a person’s love for Him. The builder generation, which is quickly declining, has shown incredible commitment and sacrifice to the cause of Christ the last several decades. Just because they prefer a different music style than my preference doesn’t mean I’m any closer to Jesus than they.
2. I was surprised at how well I recalled these songs that I hadn’t sung in over 20 years. I seldom even needed to look at the hymnal for the words. I realized how grateful I was to my parents for the rich Christian heritage they gave me. Those many years they took me to Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night services along with revivals and vacation bible schools had left an indelible imprint on my soul. Those hymns had deeply imbedded the truth of God’s word into my heart that I’d never forgotten.
3. I marveled at the magnificence of how God created our brains. Music increases our ability to recall truth because it enhances long-term memory. Even after decades of not reading the words or singing the hymns, my mind easily recalled them. This thought reminded me how important music should play in our services to imbed theology into the hearts of believers.
4. I felt sad as I watched my youngest daughter who sat next to me. As my wife and I sang, she followed along as best as she could, yet she hardly knew a single hymn. Either my naivety or my pride (or both) had caused me to neglect this powerful medium to teach the essence of the Faith. My kids had become the losers.
5. Finally, I resolved to bring hymns back into the churches I serve. While updating their tempo and style a bit, I want those young and old in the faith to encounter the living Christ through the power of God's word hitched to the medium of hymn music.

What are your thoughts on hymns? Do you believe we have neglected them? If so, how have you incorporated them into your services.

Related posts:

• The Annual Vision Message: an exercise in futility?

Ancient Greek mythology offers an important lesson for anyone in ministry, or in any leadership position for that matter. As one fable goes, Narcissus was a beautiful hunter. As a boy his face looked as if it were chiseled from the purest marble. His beauty attracted others to him but he could never let anyone get close even though they tried to extend their love to him. He resisted because he had found another love.

One day at age 16 as be walked along the mythical river Styx, he stopped to sip water from a calm pool. As he knelt, the image he saw in the pool transfixed him. He immediately discovered his new love, the image of himself. His obsession with his own image kept him from giving or receiving love from others. The story says that because he could not bear to leave his reflection, he lay down by the pool and pined away for himself. Eventually the earth absorbed him and he became the flower narcissus. Thus, the word narcissist came to mean a person who has a fixation with himself.

What are some indicators that a pastor or a leader may be a narcissist? And what are the dangers to his or her ministry and family?

Peter Steinki, a prolific author and church ministry consultant, has working with hundreds of churches and pastors in the last 40 years. He once worked with 65 pastors who had affairs and found that narcissism lay at the root of most of those failures. These pastors’ need for others to value them and their need to feel important led them to sexualize their desires. Their narcissistic tendencies led them to moral failure.

Based on my experience with others and upon the insight of others like Steinki, I believe that if a pastor shows signs of narcissism and doesn’t admit them and seek help, he has doomed himself to failure. The narcissistic pastor lives with an inflated sense of self-importance and an insatiable drive to be liked and to be at the center of attention. Satan will capitalize on these traits and tempt him to compromise his morals and values. A narcissistic pastor will create a false self to cover his fear of humiliation. Exposure to the real person is anathema to him. Steinki says that a narcissistic pastor’s drive to avoid disclosure often results in these kinds of behavior.^[1]

1. Rage if he experiences shame for shame exposes his true self.
2. An inordinate need for praise in order to feel important.
3. The feeling of entitlement to special treatment.
4. The immense need for continual feedback of how important she is.
5. The feeling of superiority and its reinforcement from others.
6. Strong reaction to rejection and disapproval, sometimes with intense rage.
7. The lack of the capacity to mourn, a defense against depression.
8. Calculating and conniving behavior to “maintain” supplies of continuous adulation.
9. An impaired capacity for commitment.
10. No capacity for self-focus or self-examination.

 Unfortunately, ministry can give rise to narcissism. We are often in the limelight and get kudos and compliments from others that feed our egos. In the past two decades it seems that annually some well-known pastor commits adultery or fails in some public moral way, often rooted in narcissistic tendencies. Unfortunately, narcissists often exude qualities we laud: self-confidence, a magnetic personality, strong platform skills, and the ability to motivate others. Narcissism is deadly. Perhaps that’s one reason the bible often speaks against pride and for humility.

I’d like to hear about your experience with a narcissistic leader. Would you add any traits to this list? Have you ever seen a narcissistic pastor change? What helped him change?

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As a senior pastor I’ve performed annual staff perormance reviews for years thinking that I was helping those leaders improve their performance. But recent neuroscience has shown that negative feedback (including such feedback given in evaluations) may actually hurt the self-esteem of those we evaluate. If staff evaluations potentially hurt the cause rather than help, should we eliminate the evaluations or make some other changes?

The researchers in this study performed a simple experiment on college students. The students first performed a mock interview. Afterwards as they lay in an MRI, they received evaluation on their performance through 45 separate words given by someone who observed their interview. The words were equally divided into 15 neutral one, 15 positive ones, and 15 negative ones. Even though the positive and neutral words outweighed the negative ones 2 to 1, over 40% experienced lower self esteem. And, the part of the brain that feels rejection from others lit up in the scanner. Negative feedback apparently diminishes our self-esteem.

I understand this insight from personal experience. Years ago a key leader told me numerous times that although I possessed great character, my preaching didn't connect with other people’s hearts nor did I have sufficient leadership skills to bring the church to the next level. After reading about this study, I now understand why I felt so bad after his comments.

In light of this and other similar studies, how should we approach staff reviews to avoid diminishing the esteem or confidence of those we review? I suggest these five ideas can help us maximize reviews while minimizing their potential negative effect.

1. Constantly affirm those who report to you. Catch them doing something good and tell them. Create an environment filled with affirmation.
2. Seek to know the personality of the staff person you are evaluating. The study implied that some personalities ruminate and mull over negative comments more than others. If you know a staffer tends toward introspection, give the feedback with an extra dose of grace. Follow up a few days later to see how they are processing it.
3. Teach your staff to build their self-esteem around their relationship with Christ rather than around their performance. Doing so doesn’t minimizing high performance standards. Rather, it maximizes where we should center our self-esteem and frees us to do our best.
4. Couch your feedback with positive steps the staff person can make. Help him see that positive corrective steps can make him a more fulfilled person and a more effective employee.
5. Discover how well you affirm others. Ask your staff people to tell you how they feel you are affirming them. If you get negative feedback, re-read this article.

What have you discovered that helps moderate negative feelings from staff reviews?

(Source of study: Eisenberger et al, Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, November 2011)

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Brian Dodd is one of my favorite bloggers. He has a real knack to pick up on what's currently happening in the world and extract really cool leadership  insights. He's one of those guys I believe church leader should follow and read regularly. He is a Generosity Architect and leadership consultant for INJOY Stewardship Solutions and he's invested in many of the country's top church leaders.

It's an honor to have him as a guest blogger today. I picked one of my favorite posts he's written. Not only is this a great post, but all the other blogs listed are gems as well. So, enjoy.

Sustaining and growing a healthy church requires systematic leadership training. To lead most effectively, staff, boards, and volunteers need to constantly improve their knowledgebase and skills. I’m enrolled in a two-year program to get a masters degree in neuroleadership (check out the cool animation about neuroleadership here: www.charlesstone.com). In a recent webinar lecture, my teacher used a technique that pastors can use to increase attention and retention in their leadership training meetings. Here’s what she did.

Drowsy from a poor night’s sleep and in a brain fog because of too many carbs for lunch, I forced myself to log in for my class. Had I been given a choice, I would have taken a nap instead. My attention level was low. However, the professor used several simple techniques to rouse my attention. As a result, I learned a lot from the lecture.

On one power point slide she printed a single URL. She cued up the slide in this way. She said we were about to do an exercise that required us to focus for 30 seconds on people in the video who wore white shirts and were throwing a ball to each other. We were to count the number of times they passed the ball. She also commented that most people’s attention span lasts only 12 seconds.

Immediately part of my brain alerted other parts to pay attention because something was about to happen. These internal dynamics helped elevate my attention with a shot of norepinephrine, which is related to adrenalin. And we all know what adrenalin does to us. In this 30 second exercise she used 6 techniques that literally woke me and helped me learn better.

1. Curiosity: the exercise woke up the part of my brain that is drawn to novelty. Novel things get our attention more easily than common things.
2. Challenge: I was drawn into the lecture by the prospect of competition with others and with myself. I now wanted to learn.
3. Motivation: the 12-second rule motivated me. I thought to myself, I know I can pay attention longer than that.
4. Relevance: related to the challenge, not only was I good with numbers but the exercise was relevant to the current topic about attention.
5. Anticipation: in anticipation I sat up in my chair, opened my eyes wider, and felt my heart rate elevate.
6. Satisfaction: After the exercise, I felt good because I had beaten the odds and gotten the right answer. This good feeling was due to the increase of another neurotransmitter, dopamine, which makes us feel good when it enters our brain’s pleasure center (the nucleus accumbens).

The next time you schedule a leadership meeting, try to use several of these simple techniques to increase attention and thus improve learning.

What techniques have you tried that have helped enhance your leadership meetings?

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Every parent knows a child who has ADHD. My son, Josh, was diagnosed with it when he was in elementary school. He couldn’t pay attention or stay focused. And he couldn’t quit talking in class. Today we joke that he spent more time in the hallway than in the classroom because the teachers kept sending him there to keep him quiet. Neuroscientists believe that an imbalance of brain chemistry in the brain’s pleasure center contributes to the inability to sit still, listen for any length of time, or delay immediate gratification.

Some churches, too, are afflicted with traits similar to someone with ADHD. What does an ADHD church look like? 

I’ve listed 8 qualities that characterize one.

1. Leaders quickly embrace the latest church growth fad they learned at their last church conference.
2. Leaders look for the next church “killer app” they believe will take their church to the next level. A leader once told me he was looking for such a “killer app.”
3. Subtle expectations for each Sunday service to out-shine, out-excite and out-spirit the prior service.
4. A flavor-of-the-month mentality that results in constant change to its vision, focus, and programs; an inability to stay the course for any length of time.
5. People who silently compare their pastor to uber-successful, charismatic pastors in large churches.
6. A church with a history of either short pastorates or a history of pastors terminated for various reasons.
7. The expectation from people is, “what did I get out of today’s service,” versus “what did I add to the service.” In other words, ADHD churches are filled with people who subconsciously believe, “It’s all about me.”
8. Parents who expect a perpetual whiz-bang youth ministry.

I don’t mean to appear cynical, but our consumer-focused society has influenced our church culture. Many expect their churches to immediately entertain and gratify, rather than challenge to holiness and discipleship. Sometimes we leaders have fostered this consumer mentality. Sometimes it’s simply a result of our culture’s influence.

I plan to write a future blog on how we can counter ADHD in our churches. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What have you discovered that has helped your church become less of an ADHD church?

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One of the most disconcerting feelings we pastors experience is when we prepare a sermon and pour our heart into it, yet feel that it didn’t make a difference in people’s lives. It’s equally frustrating when we preach to see somebody tuning us out.

What can we do to help people pay more attention to our sermons? For when they do, there’s a greater chance what we say will stick in their minds to give the Holy Spirit time to ultimately change their hearts.

Neuroscience is teaching us a lot about how people remember things. Two mental processes related to attention simultaneously activate in the minds of those sitting in the pews on Sundays.

• Focus: the ability to attend to what you are saying.
• Inhibiting distractions: the ability to tune out competing information. Those distractions can be external like a baby crying or internal like self-talk or mulling over memories of what happened on the way to church.

So what can we do when we preach to help increase attention? I’ve listed 5 neuroscience insights to keep in mind as you prepare your sermons.

1. Mood matters. Scientists have discovered that when people are in a good mood they pay better attention. We can’t change what happened to a family on the way to church (ie-a fight), but we can take some steps to help put them in a good mood. Humor is a great tool that does that. Don’t begin your sermon with something heavy. Rather, try to interject some humor. Smile and put people at ease.
2. The head cannot take more than the seat can endure is true. Our brains need downtime. They can’t concentrate for long periods of time. In fact, the brain will make downtime for itself when it gets tired. So, build ebb and flow into your sermons. Alternate intensity (something that may require intensive concentration) with points or stories that don’t take much concentration.
3. See your sermons like firing a gun. Three distinct processes take place in the brain for attention to occur. It’s firing a gun: load, aim, fire. To load is when the brain is alerted to take notice. Aim is when it looks for more information. Fire is when it actually acts. So develop your sermon with this in mind. Build each point around the load—aim—fire process.
4. Include novelty in your sermons. Attention increases with something novel or new. Include a couple of surprises. Perhaps you pull out a “show and tell” item unexpectedly to illustrate a point. Maybe you move to a different location from where you usually preach (ie-off the stage and into an aisle).
5. Make it relevant. Preaching is connecting the then and there to the here and now. We must try to help people apply the message to their lives. The brain pays much more attention when it senses relevance. Don’t just wait until the end for application. Provide application points throughout the sermon.

Ultimately, we want our sermons to stick in the listener’s long-term memory. The more they stick, the greater the chance for the Holy Spirit to bring about life transformation.

What presentation techniques you found that helps sermons stick?

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This morning I'm sitting in a McDonalds writing my next book (free Wi-Fi). I've set my iphone to remind me to pause and be still each day at 10am and 3pm. I don't always stop, but today I did and read this reflection on Jonah's resistace to God's call on him to preach in Ninevah. In Eugene Peterson's inimitable way, he writes these words.

And why Tarshish? For one thing, it is a lot more exciting than Nineveh. Nineveh was an ancient site with layer after layer of ruined and unhappy history. Going to Nineveh to preach was not a coveted assignment for a Hebrew prophet with good references. But Tarshish was something else. Tarshish was exotic. Tarshish was an adventure … Tarshish in the biblical references was a “far off and sometimes idealized port.” It is reported in 1 Kings 10:22 that Solomon’s fleet of Tarshish fetched gold, silver, ivory, monkeys and peacocks … In Tarshish we can have a religious career without having to deal with God.

Did you catch the last line? "In Tarshish we can have a religious career without having to deal with God." As i reflected on my goals and drive in minsitry, I asked myself these questions, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions and ponder your answers.

1. Where do I find my identity, in Christ or in my ministry?
2. Am I driven to bigger and better ministries so I can feel good about myself? Or can I find contentment “that transcends all understanding” even in what appears to be a dead-end ministry?
3. Is my deepest motive to one day hear Jesus say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”? Or, am I driven to hear the people in the church say it?

What did God say to you when you asked yourself these questions?

I’ve been a committed Christian for over 40 years.

I’ve served in vocational ministry for over 30 years.

I’ve earned a master of divinity and a doctor of ministry.

I’ve preached over 1,000 sermons.

I’ve memorized hundreds of Scriptures.

I practice spiritual disciplines such as prayer, solitude, and fasting on a regular basis.

You’d think that with that spiritual pedigree, I should always experience God’s peace or at least when I lack it, should immediately regain it through prayer, quoting scripture, etc.

Not so in my experience.

One of my all time favorite scriptures is Philippians 4:6-7.

Phil. 4.6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

That verse, as do many others, implies that when we feel anxious and lack peace we if we turn to the Lord, cast our anxiety on him, pray, and yield our wills to His, then emotional peace should readily follow.

When I’ve done these things, sometimes I have regained His peace. At other times I haven’t. Not only have these experiences perplexed me, but when I faced difficult times with our oldest daughter’s rebellion and chronic illness with our youngest daughter, no matter how hard I prayed and quoted scripture, peace would sometimes elude me.

When peace didn’t come, an accusing voice inside me would add to my misery by suggesting that something must be wrong with me.

• Maybe I didn’t have enough faith (so I would try to muster more of it).
• Perhaps unconfessed sin was in the way (so I’d confess any unknown sins that I may have somehow missed).
• Possibly I didn’t pray correctly (so I’d reframe my prayers).

Mostly these techniques failed. So I soldiered on, figuring something was still wrong with me.

My neatly packed theology hit a brick wall. It was like when Neo in the movie The Matrix said, "Something was just not right, something was missing, something was lacking, something bothering me like a splinter in your mind."

My spiritual coping strategies fell short. I don’t mean to imply that we reduce Christianity to pragmatism. We love and obey God simply because He is God and is worthy of our worship and allegiance. Even so, I finally allowed my honest questions to bubble to the surface. Why, if I did the right things, did peace not come?

Then . . . I began to understand how our brain works.

I began reading about the brain and enrolled in a master’s program in neuroleadership (click on What is a neuroleader" here to see a cool animation about neuroleadership). I began to understand that our brain is not simply like a computer, but also like a pharmacy. It’s constantly releasing chemicals into our blood that profoundly affects emotions like peace, anger, fear, and anxiety.

I’m learning that I can be right with God in all respects, and yet not feel emotional peace in the current circumstance. What a relief to learn that lack of peace does not necessarily mean I’m messed up.

As a result of these new insights, I plan to begin blogging extensively on how we can use this incredible gift from God, our brain, for healthy living and productive leadership. I hope you will follow my blogs on this subject. You can follow them here.

Have you ever struggled with this issue? How are you dealing with it?

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Barna Research discovered that 61% of pastors are lonely and have few close friends.

The loneliest people in churches are often pastors.

Why is this so?

Four key factors inhibit pastors from developing close friendships.

• lack of formative modeling: in our families of origin we're close to our parents and/or they never modeling for us how to create intimate relationships.

• some pastors develop a loner tendency-they'd rather be alone

• personality-some personalties can unintentionally push people away

• wounds from our past can compel us to put up walls with others

• fear of sharing our loneliness with others: often we think that if people knew we struggle, hurt, or have problems, it might lessen the respect they show us and therefore hinder our effectiveness

Number five can be very powerful. Certainly we shouldn’t publicly display all our dirty laundry, or we would diminish our influence. But actually I’ve found that when I appropriately share my struggles, most people endear themselves to me and respect me more.

I’ll never forget a story I heard Bill Hybels share in a conference. The specific details are hazy, but the impact on me remains. On one of his study breaks he told about a Sunday night visit to a small church. After the sermon, the pastor stood before his flock and in tears shared a heartbreak he had experienced from his son. He said he felt like a failure and wasn’t sure what to do. He then closed the service. Spontaneously the people rushed to the front and surrounded him, hugged him, and wept with him. Bill then used a term to describe the scene: “the circle of brokenness.” As he drew thousands of us into this story, with misty eyes I yearned to feel that same acceptance in my church. I believe every pastor does as well.

If fear of rejection, looking less like a pastor, or worry that you might diminish your influence keeps you from inviting safe people in, realize the danger in which we can put ourselves. Without safe people, ministry can overwhelm us. A psychologist friend explained that isolation often sets up pastors on a slippery slope toward sexual compromise. In our isolation, Satan will exploit our vulnerability. We can then begin to live secret sexual lives that may ultimately lead to ministry and/or marriage failure. Remember, sin grows easiest in the darkness.

What other factors have you seen that an create loneliness in pastors?

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I'm currently in a master's program in neuroleadership through Middlesex University in the UK and I'm having a blast.  Christian leaders and pastors can learn much from the latest neuroscience discoveries about the brain. Neuroscientists have discovered that the brain profoundly  impacts leadership, emotional regulation, motivating others, navigating change, team building, and effective communication.

If you spend much time preaching or teaching, you'll find this blog helpful.

Every ministry leader wants others to become more like Jesus. For that to happen, their thinking, behavior, and habits must change. Those changes don't occur in a void. Rather, God takes what we learn about the bible, character, and God honoring behavior to transform us. A major input to this new way of living comes through our preaching and teaching.

But for lasting change to occur, our brains must imbed new information into our long-term memory instead of our short-term memory. Think of the difference between cramming for a test in geography the night before the test (we soon forget the facts) and learning a new language (if we continue to use it, the language gets imbedded deep within our memories). Neuroscientists call this embedding process consolidation. The name itself pictures the process. Although initial information comes into our minds through our five senses, it passes through a part of the brain called the hippocampus. However, if we want the new information (i.e. our sermons) to stick, the memories must be spread to other parts of the brain to consolidate them into long term memory.

So if you want to increase the chance that life transformation happens through your preaching and teaching, consider these practical steps to help imbed your teaching into long term memory thus making your sermons more "sticky."

1. Increase focused attention by engaging more senses than just sight and sound. Creatively use taste, smell and touch. When people pay more attention to your sermons, they engage the hippocampus more. And unless it is engaged, people won't remember what you say.
2. Deliver your sermon in an organized way. Use a visual metaphor or picture at the beginning to tie the talk together. If you deliver your sermon in a random way, memory decreases.  This is called pre-encoding which organizes the brain to remember better.
3. Break up the message into two parts and place a different element between each (ie. video or music). In the second part creatively review the content you presented in the first part. The following week again review the previous week's main points. Neuroscientists have discovered that spacing between learning something and practicing it increases memory retention.
4. Use a power point flashcard at the end of the talk by asking the people to fill in the blanks of your sermon’s key points. When someone self-generates information it sticks much better than when they are simply told information.
5. Ask the people to personally apply one aspect of the message to their own lives. This concept called self-relevant processing deepens memory more than almost anything else. It relates to helping them emotionally connect to what you want them to learn. Emotional stamping is a powerful memory enhancer.
6. Ask the people to imagine themselves not only doing the application but also to imagine the context (where) in which they will do it. Again, neuroscience has discovered that people recall memories better when they imagine the context in which they learned or practiced something new.

Run last week's bible study or sermon through this grid and see what improvements you can make for next week.

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This is a brief excerpt about brokenness in a pastor's life and ministry from my latest book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them.

__

Circumstances beyond a pastor's control (demographics or a location that hinders growth), an uncooperative board (they say no to an important initiative), or even family issues (a chronically ill child who requires an inordinate amount of energy) can hinder and dilute our ministry efforts. In other words, we seldom immediately see the benefit from brokenness.

Brokenness has touched my life in the two places where it hurts the most: my family (one chronically sick child, one who rebelled for five years) and my ministry (many dreams yet unfulfilled). But Jesus said brokenness must precede fruit bearing.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.[1]

As the nineteenth-century Danish theologian Søren Kierkegaard said, “God creates everything out of nothing—and everything God is to use he first reduces to nothing.”[2]

Richard Foster, one of today’s most influential voices on spiritual formation, described one of the greatest benefits from brokenness. He calls this the “crucifixion of the will” and says it brings “freedom from the everlasting burden of always having to get our own way.”[3] Having to always get our own way is the antithesis of the other-centered life Jesus modeled for us.

How has brokenness benefited your life?

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A brief excerpt from my latest book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them.

Thomas Kelly, a twentieth-century Quaker, died the day a company discussed publishing his essays. Fortunately a friend followed through and those essays were compiled into A Testament of Devotion. Kelly succinctly captures why we need to heed Jesus’ offer: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”[1]

We live our lives in “an intolerable scramble of panting feverishness.”[2] This easily can overtake us with the demands ministry brings. With sermons to prepare, plans to develop, people to disciple, and seemingly not enough time, I sometimes have to tell myself out loud, “Slow down.” When I’m caught up in a frenetic pace, ministry frustrations often loom larger than they really are.

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If you are a pastor or lead people in any way, criticism is a fact of life. We can learn from our critics or we can turn criticism into carnage.

Here are five ways to do that.

1. Cut yourself off from everybody who criticizes you. Stay far, far away from them. They are idiots so avoid them at all costs
2. Believe every criticism. It's all true, every juicy morsel of it. Believe every word of it. Make it personal. Think about it all the time.
3. Disregard every criticism. Since your critics are idiots, what comes out of their mouth is infused with globs of "idiotness."  You are a pastor, God's anointed, a 'called out one' who walks with God and talks with God and knows a lot about the bible and stuff.
4. When someone criticizes you, argue them down, theologize, quote the bible, use lofty logic. Make THEM realize they are idiots.
5. Demand that your leaders, staff, and boards tell you only what you want to hear. If they have a criticism, tell then to STUFF IT.

Do you have any criticism to carnage suggestions?

____

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One of the greatest skills a pastor or leader can develop is to learn to listen well. Woodrow Wilson's words below should cause every leader to evaluate his or her listening skills.

The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

We pay others a high compliment when we listen.

We affirm other's God-given value when we listen.

We develop our own heart when we listen.

The father of the field of listening, Ralph Nichols, captures the essence of listening in these words.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to be understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.

Through my 15-week coaching I've learned that we listen at several levels. Often we get stuck on the first level, the most elementary one. As you read the four levels below, ask yourself at which level do you usually listen.

1. Level 1-Listening TO...Internal Listening. At this level when we listen to others we mostly listen to our inner dialogue, our thoughts, our feelings, and what we plan to say once the other person has finished speaking. We focus on ourselves, our conclusions, our thoughts about the person/subject of conversation, and what the subject means to me. Unfortunately most listening happens at this level where it's all about me.
2. Level 2-Listening FOR...Focused Listening. At this level we begin to authentically listen as we focus on what the other person is saying. We lock onto their dialogue and suppress our temptation to correct, give our opinion, give advice, or offer another perspective as soon as they finish. We become truly present and give them the gift of being understood.
3. Level 3-Listening WITH... Intuitive Listening. At this level we pay attention to what is not being said through these cues:  inflection, pauses, changes in tone and energy, the eyes, and body language. We listen with our gut and allow intuition to speak to our soul.
4. Level 4-Listening to the Holy Spirit. This is the deepest level where we intersect what the person is saying/not saying with an openness to what the Spirit of God is saying to us. This level requires great discipline and focus, yet provides pastors and ministry leaders a way to become conduits of God's grace to people.

So, at which level do you often listen? What tips have you discovered that help you listen at levels 2-4?

____

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If you follow my blog, you know I love to read. As a life-long learner I learn from others' writings and  I believe integrous writers should always give generous attribution to authors whose ideas they embrace or write about. That's why I often reference my ideas. Recently I read Do More Great Work by Michael Stanier. It's a short but good read.

Stanier takes the reader through simple exercises that helps him clarify when he is at his best. In my case, I read the book with an eye to discover when I lead at my best. This is especially important in my life now as I transition from a senior pastor role into a coach/consultant role for pastors and churches.

In one exercise I spent a few minutes choosing words that best describe me when I am at my best. For example, some of those words included poised, reflective, and focused. The next step, however, make this exercise stick. After I picked about 20 words and narrowed them to a dozen or so I then wrote opposite each word another contrasting word that would describe me when I'm not quite myself. I didn't necessarily choose words opposite in meaning but ones more anemic in contrast to the others. Oppose to the three words above I chose diplomatic, distant, and intense.

When I chose the contrasting words it helped clarify my leadership vibe, that state of leadership toward which I should aim.

Here's the list that contrasts when I'm at my best (on the left) and when I'm just ok (to the right).

• Poised---diplomatic
• Non-anxious---self controlled
• Reflective---distant
• Focused---intense
• Clear minded---distracted
• Relaxed---quiet
• Undeterred---pushy
• Unhurried---tolerant
• Animated---talkative
• Present---just there
• Commanding---forceful
• Self-aware—self focused
• Strategic---tactical

I put this list in my iPhone prayer app (My Prayer Lists) and review it almost daily. Those words remind me to seek to live them out as I lead and relate to others.

Take 10 minutes and see if this exercise does for you what it did for me.

___

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I think extroverts think introverts should be like them.

Introverts wish they were more like extroverts.

Or, maybe they do.

• I'm a pastor and an introvert.
• I get energy from being alone.
• Being with people for long periods of time drains me, although I  have strong people skills.
• I love to read.
• I go on silent retreats.
• After church Sunday I want to go home
• Did I say I am an introvert?

Am I automatically disadvantaged as a pastor? Do only the gregarious, back slapping pastors lead big churches?

Some  years ago I learned that my introversion offended a church leader where I once served. We held an overnight leadership retreat at a local retreat center. After the last session ended around nine, we provided snacks and games. At about ten, I went to bed as was my habit. Most of the other leaders stayed up past midnight. Had I stayed up with them, I would have been toast for the sessions to follow the next morning.

I learned months later that my leaving the group to go to bed offended him. He brought it up more than once. He was an extrovert and did not like me yielding to my introversion.

Should I have stayed up to "work the crowd?" Perhaps. But that incident illustrates the challenges introverts often face when they serve in ministry.

I'm pondered this issue more deeply as I'm reading the book Quiet, the Power of Introverts that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, a great read. As an introvert, Susan presents a compelling case for the the power of introverts. If you are an introvert, you will feel affirmed if you read it.

I plan to share more posts on the introverted pastor as I work through the book.

If you are an introvert, what challenges have you experienced in ministry?

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A good article on introverts here.

I'm a busy pastor. Even though I never can complete my to-do list, I must never let this one to-do slip, my walk with Jesus. Technology supports my spiritual disciplines as  I use my Mac, iPad, and iPhone in tandem. I just purchased a great app that helps me journal more consistently.

Journaling, a classic spiritual discipline, keeps me spiritually sharp in these ways.

1. I can record what God is doing in my life.
2. I can cut and past key scriptures from my bible app, Olivetree.
3. I can process my frustrations and get them off my mind.
4. I can look back over the past to see good or bad trends in my life.
5. I am leaving a record of my life should my kids and their kids and their kids's kids want to read about me when I'm gone.

The new app I use is DayOne. I've used several journaling apps before and this one tops the list for these reasons.

1. It's available on my Mac, iPad, and iPhone and it syncs via DropBox (or iCloud).
2. Because it's on all three, I can add to that day's journal at any time (I'm never without either my iPhone or iPad).
3. It's simple and intuitive.
4. It provides a calendar so I can see what days I journaled (and the days I skipped).
5. It allows me star an entry that I want to stand out.

Check out the tool and see if it helps you.

Also, do you recommend any apps that have helped your walk with Christ?

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related posts

• the iphone app that improved my ability to concentrate
• How an iPad Improved my Devotional Life

I just finished reading You're in Charge--Now What by Thomas Neff and James Citrin. The book targets leaders moving into new positions. Whether or not you find yourself in a new ministry role, read this book. It's a great read.

The last chapter is worth the price. The authors give ten traps for new leaders by playing off the book Why Smart Executives Fail by Sydney Finkelstein where those authors list seven destructive behaviors leaders in failing companies show.

Below, I've tweaked those 10 to make them applicable for ministry leaders.

A pastor can fail if he...

1. sets expectations too high (by never meeting them) or too low (and thus disappointing high performing leaders in the church)
2. makes rash decisions or suffers from analysis paralysis
3. appears to have all the answers
4. ties his or her identity too closely to ministry success
5. fails to see reality (remember the fable 'The Emperor's New Clothes")
6. squashes dissenting opinions
7. doesn't keep his role in context (remember, we are not the savior, Jesus is)
8. misses who really holds the power (just because power roles are written down somewhere does not mean they reflect who really holds the power)
9. tries to win every battle
10. bad-mouths the previous pastor or ministry leader

What would you add to this list?

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Related posts:

• The four steps to moral failure
• 5 bad ways pastors react when compared to those more successful

I'm beginning my second week in becoming a certified coach with the Professional Christian Coaching Institute. In the weeks ahead, I'll share some of the best insights I learn through short mini-blogs.

Gary Collins, one of Christian coaching's gurus gives these 8 reasons why anyone would want a coach. I see great applicability for anyone in ministry. Here's what he writes when he answers the question, "why would anybody want a coach?"

1. get unstuck
2. build your confidence
3. expand your vision
4. fulfill your dreams
5. unlock your potential
6. increase your skills
7. move through transitions
8. take practical steps toward your goals
9. ???

----

related posts: Do pastors need a personal coach

I just began a 30 hour training program to become a certified coach through the Professional Christian Coaching Institute as I hope to be a resource to pastors serving them as a coach.

I was coached a few years ago and didn't feel it helped much. However, I didn't give up on the concept and pulled the trigger recently to get this training.

Today my instructor clarified the distinction between several people helping practices when she used this bicycle riding metaphor.

If someone asks, "I want to learn to ride a bike?" these four people helpers would answer in these distinctive ways.

• A therapist would ask, "Why do you want to ride a bike?"
• A mentor would say, "Watch how I ride a bike and do what I do."
• A consultant would say, "Here is what you are doing wrong and what you can do differently to ride better."
• A coach would ask, "Where do you want to go?"

I loved the forward direction this coaching definition clarified for me.

Have you ever been coached? What did you learn from the experience?

This is an excerpt from my book 5 Ministry Killers that appeared in the spring, 2010, edition of Leadership Journal.

___

Pastor John was just finishing a long Sunday morning. With a weary "pastor's grin" on his face, he chatted with those who lingered. He was tired, hungry, and ready to go home, when two women approached—one he knew was never happy. Her friend said, "Pastor, Ann here wants to tell you something that happened this past week."

He thought, Wonderful, just what I need, another disgruntled member. But with a practiced caring tone he asked, "What happened?"

The veins in Ann's neck swelled as she blurted, "I want you to know that I left three voice mails with the youth minister to talk to him about a problem I'm having with my son. And he never called me back. That so-called youth minister of yours is not doing his job. My son needed help, and he didn't even care enough to call me back."

John's face flushed, and he slowly responded: "Ann, I'm sure Pastor Jimmy tried to call you back and wasn't able to reach you. I will check with him and have him call you again tomorrow. I'm very sorry the two of you didn't connect."

She retorted, "Well, I've decided I'm going to another church where the pastors care about people." She crossed her arms and stood with a what-do-you-think-about-that stare.

Stifling the urge to give her a karate chop, he cleared his throat and answered, "Okay, Ann, I understand your concern, and you must do what you feel is best for your family. But I will get to the bottom of this."

She spun around and stormed off. Her friend grimaced and followed sheepishly.

For several days John mulled over this encounter and kept his pain to himself, even after discovering that the youth pastor had indeed attempted to contact Ann.

The worst was yet to come. Later that week he received a call from a woman with whom he'd often faced conflict. She was a bit of a drama queen, and her family was the church's biggest giver. She requested a meeting to "discuss an issue."

She and her husband arrived at John's office, and after a few pleasantries she explained that Ann had called her about the recent conversation. Ann was "very upset" because John "hadn't been responsive to her need." John tried to explain what happened from his perspective, but her mind was made up. With dramatic flair, she swept her arms outward, and her voice quivered as she said, "Why didn't you just reach out your arms and give her a big hug?"

John's puke level rose to Orange. He didn't know what to say except "I'm sorry she felt the way she did." This ended the conversation.

As John sat in his office chair that night, his emotions roiled. After he breathed a short prayer he went home. His wife asked how his day went, and he replied with a less-than-forthright "Okay. Nothing much out of the ordinary." He didn't want to burden her—she too had often endured the ire of the drama queen. He wished he knew someone with whom he could process his pain.

For the next two weeks, he spent the bulk of his quiet time praying about this disappointment.

John's story illustrates what recent research has discovered to be one of the two most common ways pastors handle these issues—by ourselves and in prayer.

We all unconsciously turn to our default responses when we face ministry tensions. Often those instincts are one-sided. Harboring pain privately can be a ministry killer.

Common responses of pastors

The Barna Group research probed what we pastors do in response to our frustrations and disappointments. They asked: "Think back to the last time you felt disappointed or frustrated with people in your congregation. What did you do—if anything—to address the challenges you faced?" The pastors could mention anything that came to mind.Here are the top ten responses:

• Prayed about the issue (37%)

• Confronted the issue immediately (34%)

• Had someone on ministry team/board/staff deal with the issue (15%)

• Looked for Scripture to address, solve the problem (14%)

• Sought counsel from someone I trusted (10%)

• Talked with the person (9%)

• Confronted the issue eventually (9%)

• Addressed it from the pulpit/in a sermon (4%)

• Had a council meeting/board meeting (2%)

• Self-examination (2%)

Survey research in general shows how people want to be perceived and may not always reflect an objective reality. Nevertheless, this provides a snapshot of how pastors perceive themselves responding to issues.

These and the other responses I've observed can be combined into several helpful categories. Let me use some animal characteristics to highlight the implications of these responses (but please don't press the metaphors too far).

The Sloth: stay detached

Several years ago I took our family to Georgia's Callaway Gardens to visit the Day Butterfly Center. Inside a large, temperature-controlled glass building, visitors walk along paths to enjoy butterflies that fly around freely and even land on people. I enjoyed our excursion, but what interested me most was the challenge given by one of the guides: "Look up in the trees and see if you can find the sloth." After half an hour, I finally spotted him clinging to a branch about twenty feet above my head.

A placard explained that sloths rarely move and only come down to poop. "Passive, detached, and unaware" best describes them.

Some pastors respond similarly to ministry frustration. In the survey, when added together, the categories "did nothing," "no problems/disappointments," and "not sure" equaled 13 percent. Among pastors, more than one in ten defaults to an unhealthy disregard for—or detachment from—a potential ministry killer. If you're in this group, I hope you'll own up to your responses to frustrations, even if you deny you have any.

The Skunk: leave the mess to others

One weekday morning as I arrived at church, I parked my truck about 50 feet from the door and began walking. About ten feet from the building, I noticed something. At first thought it was a cat. Then I saw it actually was a full-grown skunk that noticed me too.

I froze in my tracks, but he slowly lifted his tail as our eyes locked. As I edged away I claimed the promise of Psalm 91:10—"There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling."

I didn't exactly quote that, but I sure was namin', claimin', and prayin'. After the skunk saw I was giving him his space, he sauntered off without incident.

Had God not answered my prayer (or had I not moved back), the skunk scent would have made me a very unpopular pastor for a few days. Again, don't press the image too far, but some pastors respond to their frustrations by handing off their stinky issues to somebody else (see the third-largest category at 15 percent). Certainly in some cases we should delegate problems to others. But other times we delegate to avoid uncomfortable conflict we rightfully should face ourselves. When we do, we truly are missing opportunities God is giving us to grow.

The Hawk: look through a window, not in a mirror

On my way to the gym each day, I drive by a large open field. Often I see a hawk perched on a telephone pole, staring out into that field. I'm no ornithologist, but I know hawks have keen eyesight and love to eat mice. They constantly look for unsuspecting prey.

In the research, one tiny statistic revealed a most disconcerting discovery. Down the list of responses to ministry frustrations, number ten was "self-examination."

Only two out of a hundred pastors responded to their frustrations by looking at themselves as contributing to the problem.

Like the hawk, many of us keenly look outward but don't peer inward to see how we may be complicit in our struggles.

David Kinnaman, writing about the research, said: "Leaders exhibit very limited capacity or willingness to self-examine. This is not entirely unexpected; it's human nature. Yet pastors rarely suggested that they look inward as part of their solution to challenges.

"Virtually none of the 615 leaders we interviewed said that their frustration or disappointment is that they can't lead their people better—or considered that the commitment vacuum displayed by their congregants might somehow be a reflection of inadequate leadership."

This reminded me of an insight taught by Jim Collins, who uses a mirror and a window as metaphors to teach a quality of great leaders.

Superb leaders don't look out the window to blame others. They look in a mirror to take ownership when things don't go well. They look out a window to praise others when things do go well.

Ignoring this could easily become a ministry killer as others begin to see us either as blamers or as shirkers.

The Turtle: hide behind spirituality

I love turtles, especially box turtles. I've probably saved half a dozen from getting pancaked when I've pulled over and jumped out of my car to rescue one ambling across a road. I even kept a pet box turtle in my backyard when I was 40 years old. I used the excuse that it was my son's.

Any kid who's ever had a box turtle knows what it does when you pick it up: It instantly pulls its head and legs into its shell to hide. In similar fashion, sometimes we pastors duck our frustration by retreating into our spiritual shells. At first blush, the 37 percent who prayed about their frustrations look quite spiritual. But at times prayer can become an excuse to avoid dealing with issues at hand. When "pray about the issue" is combined with "look for Scripture to address/solve the problem," the percentage jumps to over 50 percent who choose private spiritual means as their default response.

I laud pastors who do this. However, a deeper look reveals something else. The Barna Group's written analysis noted: "The clear picture that emerges from this is that pastors generally solve problems with one extreme or another—either through 'human' effort to confront the problem, or through 'super-spiritualizing' the issue—but rarely through both. Many pastors 'hide' behind prayer …."

The Lion: comfortable in my own skin

We give lions an honored position: "King of the Jungle." I understand why; I've had a lot of experience with the behavior of lions. (Well, I watch The Discovery Channel, and I saw Lion King twice.) Although I've never personally encountered one, I know lions roar a lot, exude self-confidence, lie around a bunch, and usually get their way. As a leader I hope I exude appropriate self-confidence. And I do like getting my way.

Over a third of the pastors indicated that when faced with frustration, they immediately confront the issue. Although some issues do warrant a quick, self-confident response, many should lead to a more thoughtful and deliberate approach. Unfortunately, we may over-lean on our strength, as the researcher's analysis noted. "Many pastors … are a little too comfortable in their skin, without relying on prayer and self-examination to give spiritual context to their confrontations."

Although I tend to be a turtle by handling my hurt in private and in prayer, I've also roared too quickly at someone who ticked me off. I've verbally fired back in defensiveness at someone who criticized me, or shot back an instant email only to regret it later. Moses, reacting in anger, murdered an Egyptian, and then looked over his shoulder for the next 40 years.

Healthy hybrid of lion and turtle?

Since the research indicates most of us respond to frustration with one of two extremes, can we achieve a healthier balance? Granted, it's tough to respond appropriately in the moment. Sometimes we should just pull away, pray, and believe that love will cover a multitude of sins. If we're too quick to respond, we may miss the gentle voice of God's Spirit tempering our response. But prayer should never become an excuse to shirk conflict, and sometimes we must quickly confront an issue before it gets out of control.

The Barna Group's analysis also observed: "A surprisingly small percentage said they both prayed and confronted the problem right away—a dual-pronged approach that was identified by just 11 percent of pastors. Even if we are generous in our definition and include any pastor who confronted the problem eventually or 'talked with the person,' only 14 percent of all pastors said they did this type of face-to-face interaction along with prayer."

Kinnaman summarized well this tension between the lion and turtle responses: "Prayer is great, but is it a means to hear from the Holy Spirit or a way to delay a decision or a confrontation? I think it's interesting that many pastors are likely to suggest passive or even passive-aggressive methods of dealing with interpersonal problems. And many of those who say they confront something immediately do so without prayer, Scripture guidance, or input from advisors. In other words, few pastors follow a biblical process of dealing with conflict."

I don't want to unduly criticize pastors. I am one! Probably no other vocation places a greater expectation on a leader to balance confrontation and self-confidence with spiritual restraint and humility.

We're under constant scrutiny. Intentionally or unintentionally, people develop higher standards for us than they do for themselves. Often they expect us to be faultless, yet we know we can never perfectly handle our frustrations.

Ministry tension comes with the territory and will never go away this side of heaven. What bothers us and how we respond should clue us in to what saps our joy and energy. If we want to stay healthy and productive for the long haul, we must pay close attention to how we respond, take full responsibility when we err, and seek to always honor Christ.

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Relates post: 9 Signs your Hormones may be Hijacking your Leadership

Every January millions make new year's resolutions. The top ones include losing weight, quit smoking, use money more wisely, and spend more time with friends. Unfortunately, 50% never keep their resolution for more than 6 months and only 10% make it through the year.

So, should we avoid setting resolutions (goals) for the new year because we might fail? I don't think so. As the new year begins, it is a great time to evaluate your life and look ahead.

Consider these 6 tips to help you keep your resolutions.

1. Specifically state what you want to do (ie, read through the bible in a year).
2. Really want it. Is it in your gut? Have you decided that you just can’t continue down the same path any longer? Are you really serious?
3. Believe God wants it for you. He wants you to move forward in your faith and in your life. He is one your side. He is on your team. 2 Peter 1.3 tells us, By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. (NLT)
4. Put real effort into keeping your resolution/goal. God wants you to partner with him and put your heart into God prompted resolutions. New birth does not rule out human activity. 2 Peter 1.5 says, ... make every effort to respond to God’s promises. (NLT)
5. Break down your goal into small, bite-sized pieces.
6. Enlist help. Ask a  trusted friend to periodically check on your progress.

If you apply these simple steps, keeping a new year's resolution won't seem so daunting.

Related posts:

• Making the Most of the Next 10 Years: a simple self evaluation
• Strategic Planning for Dummies
• Strategic Planning for Dummies, part 2

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 Phil. 2.12  Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed — not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence — continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,  13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

After two seminary degrees and 30 years in ministry, I've gleaned a few insights I wish I'd learned long ago. Although my seminary profs never directly taught me to question the assumptions I've listed below, even if they had I wonder if in my youthful enthusiasm I would have  listened. Unfortunately it often takes the hard knocks in ministry to teach us what we must know.

As you read each assumption below, ask yourself if you agree. I'll comment on each of them after the list.

• What worked before should work again.

• Church people will always respect a pastor's position.

• When leaders stay silent, they are agreeing with you.

• Reason always prevails.

• Everybody perceives the same reality.

It's taken a few years, but each of these has proved grossly false.

What worked before should work again. It just doesn't. Culture changes. Technology changes. Expectations from church people changes. If we as leaders and churches don't change how we do ministry, this proverbial definition of insanity proves true: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Church people will always respect a pastor's position. I do recall one seminary prof quoting Psalm 105.15 (KJV)...  Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm. He used it to elevate the pastor's role to an esteemed position. It's nice when people do that, but many in your church simply won't respect your role. Sometimes the contrary proves true. Your role actually may elicit disrespect from some.

When leaders stay silent, they are agreeing with you. I've tripped on this one a lot. Too often when I'm jazzed about an idea and share it with key leaders or staff, I've gotten blank stares or simple nods when I first shared it. I've interpreted those nods and stares as resounding support from them. After all, if they objected, they should have said so, right then. In retrospect, however, they were just being polite. Although I had spent sufficient time to process my idea, they hadn't. By not asking questions or providing them more soak time before implementing the idea, I've often found later they never really liked the idea. The result? At best reluctant acquiescence and at worst, active resistance. But, when I've provided sufficient soak time, the idea often evolved into an even better one that the leaders embraced.

Reason always prevails. Unfortunately, emotion often trumps reason, even among mature leaders. I'm learning more about how neuroscience affects church leadership, especially when hormones hijack clear thinking. Check out my blog on how your hormones may be hijacking your leadership here.

Everybody perceives the same reality. In court, lawyers often use conflicting testimony to their advantage. The same holds true in churches. People simply perceive reality differently. Some may see the church as going great. Others may see the opposite. It can become frustrating at times for every leader. When those conflicts arise, seek wise counsel from someone outside of the conflict who can provide objectivity.

What assumptions have you found to be false in your ministry?

Recently our church held a service to celebrate what God had done over the past year. It was a great time of celebration, with a twist. On that day I brought a message that included something I've never done before. I publicly repented.

Up to this point in my 30 years in full-time ministry, when I've heard that some pastor publicly repented it meant he'd confessed an affair or some egregious sin. My repentance, however, did not involve outright sin, but very subtle attitudes and behaviors that had sneaked into my leadership.

So, in keeping with the Apostle Paul's thoughts on repentance in 2 Cor. 7.10, where he writes that Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret....I felt God prompt me to share 10 "I repents" with the church that day. Here they are.

I repent that...

1. I’ve allowed myself to get too comfortable in my Christianity
2. By doing so I’ve encouraged you (the church) to stay comfortable in yours
3. I’ve subtly fostered a consumer mentality (striving to make each week bigger and better and hipper than the previous week so that people will want to consume our spiritual goods rather than go to the other hip churches in our area to consume theirs)
4. I’ve unintentionally prioritized bringing people to the church rather than sending the church to the people
5. I’ve allowed the people pleaser monster to rear its ugly head (Prov. 29.25, the MESSAGE, The fear of human opinion disables…)
6. I’ve sought too often to minimize risk and maximize safety (J Oswald Chambers: The frontiers of the kingdom of God were never advanced by men and women of caution.)
7. I’ve allowed organization, process, and systems to trump heart, passion, and people too much
8. I’ve allowed the barrenness of busyness to slither into the church and into my life as well (Bill Hybels: ”Doing the work of Christ is killing the work of Christ in me.” )
9. I’ve not given discipleship the attention it needs
10. I’ve created too great a dependency upon the ‘professional’ clergy

Dave Berry, one of the funniest guys on the planet once wrote, “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: meetings.”

I'm not sure if he's 100% right, but he's close. Meetings, and extended ones like retreats, often don't achieve their intended purpose.

My latest church pastor's retreat, however, was probably the best ever in the 40 plus staff retreats I've either held or in which I've participated in 30 years of ministry.

The church where I've served as lead pastor for 7 years employs about 20 staff, including part-timers. Four, including me, make up the pastoral level and we get away once a year for our planning retreat.

As I reviewed this most recent retreat, in contrast to previous ones, I realize I've made some dumb mistakes in the past. My biggest ones include these.

1. Packing too much into the retreat (which has ranged from 1-3 days). I once handed out about 20 different documents for review and study.
2. Talking too much. At times I've talked/taught so much that I left little time for thorough interaction.
3. Going too long. As the adage goes, "The brain will absorb only what the butt can endure."
4. Not including R&R.
5. Including other leaders too late into the planning process. In one church I asked our elders to join us after we had completed our planning. They ended up not being on the same page and the pastors felt like our retreat was a waste of time.

Change is everywhere. And unless a church creates healthy change in itself, it will soon become obsolete. Numerous empty or almost empty churches in Europe and America's inner cities bear witness to that.

Ronald Heifetz, a Harvard professor and business/leadership author, is most known for a concept called adaptive change/leadership. Essentially adaptive change (and leadership) requires not cosmetic, familiar, or known solutions to existing problems (called technical change). Rather it requires experimentation, change of perspective, developing new values, and deep change from within. This link summarizes the differences between adaptive change and technical change.

In an article in the Harvard Business Review, Dr. Heifetz describes the three key steps British Airways took in the 1990's that transformed it from the airline nicknamed "Bloody Awful" to "The World's Favourite Airline."

The president at the time took the company through these three steps, applicable for churches faced with change.

1. They really listened to people inside and outside the organization.
2. They saw conflict as clues, or symptoms of what needed deep change.
3. The leadership held up the mirror to themselves, recognizing that they embodied the changes that they needed to made in the company.

Every Wednesday night I take an improv class in downtown Chicago to help develop my right-brain skills. I leave mid-day to miss the traffic and then catch up on my task list at a table at Chipolte. Last week, with my ear buds snug in my ears to block out noise, I focused on my "important" projects. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a dark haired sixty-ish women sitting at the table to my left. As she held a courtesy cup I watched her use a spoon to crush a few lemon slices in water.

Something prompted me to ask her if she had anything to eat. In broken English she said that she hadn't eaten all day. After we talked for a few moments I learned that she was Muslim, had immigrated from Turkey 5 years earlier, and had been homeless for 4 years.

As I heard her story God prompted me to say, "I want to buy you dinner." At first she refused, but then with thankful tears she acquiesced. I bought her a chicken salad and a soft drink.

For the next 45 minutes I set aside my "important" tasks and simply listened to her stories, often as she gently cried. I learned her name, Sabria. I learned that a problem had occurred with her immigration papers that had led to her homelessness. Also, her husband had divorced her in Turkey decades prior, her parents were dead, and she never had children yet two sisters and a brother were still living. She told me that she refused to beg on the street and would not become a "dirty girl" which I understood to mean she refused to become a prostitute.

I told her that the meal (and some money I later gave her) was from Jesus and that I was a Christian. She responded with, "I like Jesus too."

As my class time neared I asked if I could pray for her. Wide-eyed she said, "Ok." After I prayed I left her my name and told her I'd be here every Wednesday at 5. I have an inkling that I may see her again.

Here's what this "God encounter" with Sabria taught me.

1. Too often I let tasks trump relationships.
2. God brings opportunities to serve the "least of these" at inconvenient times.
3. I can't ignore the tasks that ministry requires, but when I am in task mode I must keep my spiritual "peripheral vision" active, looking for those "God moments" with the Sabrias of the world.
4. God values everybody and so should I.
5. True love always costs me something, my time, my money, my listening ear, my ....

"Do the Best You Can and Leave the Results to God"

That phrase may seem a bit worn, but it’s well worth heeding. In Christ’s parable of the talents, the master, representing God, gave responsibility to the servants, us, based on individual ability.[1] The story implies us that some pastors have greater competencies than others. Similarly, Paul teaches that the Holy Spirit gives out gifts as He sees fit.[2] It’s obvious that the Spirit gives some pastors extra preaching or leading gifts, evidenced in the size and impact of their ministries.

It’s easy to become discouraged when we do our best yet don’t see our church grow like others to which we may compare ourselves. When we wrap our identities around numerical results and the numbers don’t increase, the discouragement can overwhelm. This is especially true for older pastors who realize they may never achieve the dreams they had for ministry.

David Goetz wrote,

I often sat in the studies of both small-church pastors and mega-church pastors, listening to their stories, their hopes, their plans for significance. I deduced, albeit unscientifically, that often clergymen in midlife had worse crises of limits than did other professionals. Religious professionals went into the ministry for the significance, to make an impact, called by God to make a difference with their lives. But when you’re fifty-three and serving a congregation of 250, you know, finally, you’ll never achieve the large-church immortality symbol, the glory that was promised to you. That can be a dark moment—or a dark couple of years.[3]

However, noted theologian Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers fame recalled an experience he had when attending seminary. He wanted to hear a variety of preachers, so for a time each Sunday he visited different churches. One week he experienced “the most poorly crafted sermon [he] had ever heard.” A friend had accompanied him and when he turned to her, he found her in tears. She said, “It was exactly what I needed to hear.”

Rogers then told his audience, “That's when I realized that the space between someone doing the best he or she can and someone in need is holy ground. The Holy Spirit had transformed that feeble sermon for her—and as it turned out, for me too.”[4] Although the results from our best efforts may look feeble to some, they can touch a heart and change a life when we least expect it. This side of heaven we will never know the people we impacted through our faithful service.

-excerpted from my book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them

Circumstances beyond our control (demographics or a location that hinders growth), an uncooperative board (they say no to an important initiative), or even family issues (a chronically ill child who requires an inordinate amount of energy) can hinder and dilute a pastor's ministry efforts. These experiences can bring painful brokenness to our hearts. We seldom immediately see any benefit from our brokenness.

Brokenness has touched my life in the two places where it hurts the most: my family (one chronically sick child, one who rebelled for five years) and my ministry (many dreams yet unfulfilled). But Jesus said brokenness must precede fruit bearing.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.[1]

The nineteenth-century Danish theologian Søren Kierkegaard captured the essence of this idea with this statement. “God creates everything out of nothing—and everything God is to use he first reduces to nothing.”[2]

Richard Foster, one of today’s most influential voices on spiritual formation, described one of the greatest benefits from brokenness. He calls this the “crucifixion of the will” and says it brings “freedom from the everlasting burden of always having to get our own way.”[3] Having to always get our own way is the antithesis of the other-centered life Jesus modeled for us. Isn't that our ultimate goal in serving the Church, selflessness?

How has God used brokenness in your life and ministry?

Related posts: The Apostle Paul's Thorn: prescriptive or descriptive

If you're a pastor, a missionary, or serve in a church, you can't avoid discouragement, disappointment, and hurt from ministry. The bible even uses the not-so-complimentary metaphor "sheep" to describe those we serve. And sheep get dirty and smelly and often kick and bite. Sometimes those sheep in the church do the same to their shepherds.

So when you  get kicked, forgotten, disrespected, ignored, mistreated, gossiped about, or misunderstood, how do you move forward?

The story recorded in 1 Samuel 30 gives great insight. David had just begun his career to fight the bad guys. Early on he faced a huge defeat. While he and his army were in battle far from home, the bad guys, the Amalekites, attacked the city where his family and the families of his army lived. They burned the city and kidnapped their wives and children. When David's men discovered this, they considered removing him from his position, not by a vote of a board or a congregation, but with big rocks to the head by stoning.

The Scriptures then record one of the most beautiful verses every written. The old King James Version captures it well.

David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.  (1 Sam. 30.6)

It worked because his guys didn't stone him but marshaled their energy and once again pursued the bad guys under his leadership.

As I've faced discouragement in ministry, these simple choices have helped me encourage myself in the Lord.

1. Acknowledge your pain and emotion to the Lord but don't wallow in it.
2. Journal your thoughts. Writing them down helps me stop the tendency to incessantly mull over the hurtful situation.
3. Read God's word, especially those verses that speak of hope and victory.
4. Do something pro-active. Take action to move forward. In David's case he took specific action to resolve the problem. He rallied his troops to chase down the Amalekites.
5. Stop condemning yourself and remind yourself that you are a child of God, loved by Him with great intrinsic value regardless of whether  your church is growing or whether people treat you with respect.
6. Pray for those who have hurt you. I'm amazed how God defuses looming bitterness in my heart when I pray for the sheep that bite me.

My wife and I have 3 grown kids. One has survived a brain tumor, one was a straight arrow, and one was a challenge. My oldest daughter Heather (our challenge) even co-wrote a book with me about our experience called Daughters Gone Wild-Dads Gone Crazy.

I've excerpted 5 insights from our book about how to keep your family intact in the pressure-cooker of ministry.

1. resist turning words into weapons.

Heather got me so angry that at times I said some things I wish I had never said. I wish I could have taken back some of those angry words. Prov. 12.18 (NIV-G/K) Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. One psychologist suggested that we wait 30 seconds before responding in an angry situation.

2. stoke the relationship fire with your children to keep the relationship alive.

If you’ve ever gone camping, to keep the fire going you must stoke it, stir it. Often when I was hurt so much, I had to make a conscious choice to reach out to her in tangible ways to let her know that I loved her. Just small things like simple grace gifts kept the relationship alive. Although I stumbled often, Heather later wrote us a letter that really touched our hearts. Here’s what she said.

“Thank you for never closing your heart to me. I wouldn’t be what I am now if you had…I always felt the love of God from you…through your unrelenting pursuit of me in my times of darkness, through your never giving up on me, through everything you did for me in spite of how horrible I was..that’s how God loves us.”

3. No matter how much your children may hurt you, never close your heart to them. At times I felt like giving up on her. But by God’s grace, I kept my heart open to her. I’m glad I did because I got to experience the fruit of reconciliation later.

4. Keep a good sense of humor. Sometimes you simply must laugh between the tears. One night Heather showed up at 4 in the morning as we caught her climbing into the window on the biggest day of the year, Easter Sunday…I had to keep a sense of humor to keep from killing her.

5. Choose your battles carefully and lose some on purpose. Some battles with your children are not worth the fight. On biblical/moral/ethical values: stand your ground. On personal preferences: it’s worth losing some of those. Dress, a clean room, and some music choices are personal preferences. I love what one person said, “if you can cut it off, wash it out, or grow it out, don’t sweat it.

What have you learned that has helped you keep your family intact?

Related post: If you knew you'd never see someone again, what would your parting words be?

I'm a pastor. Pastors are supposed to go to church. So I go to church, several times each week. I've done that for decades. I can count on one hand the number of times I've missed church by choice. This past weekend I added to that handful of misses. I skipped church.

My daughter had come to visit us over the Labor Day weekend and I scheduled one of our other pastors to preach at the weekend services. We took a long weekend at a lake house about 50 miles from our home.

The last time we took a long weekend we all went to church, a very boring one. This time however, I simply decided I wouldn't go. To be frank, I felt a tinge of guilt because my wife will tell you I'm always the one pushing us to go to church while on vacation.

But for some odd reason, I didn't push us this time.

So what did I do that Sunday morning? I sat in a swing and read my bible. I cut some dead limbs off a tree. I chatted with a neighbor. I exercised on my treadmill. I practiced the art of 'slowing.' And I really liked it.

Although I'm deeply committed to the local church and won't make skipping a habit, I leaned a few valuable lessons.

1. Skipping Church reminded me that pastors' schedules keep us from normal weekends that most families experience. Sundays (and Saturdays if you hold services) are our biggest work days. But, it's not all about me and I will gladly stay faithful to God's calling.
2. Those not in pastoral leadership roles will never understand this sacrificial part of our profession because when they want to skip church, they easily do with no repercussions. And when they do, most don't even think twice about skipping.
3. An occasional 'break from the Sunday routine' can refresh a soul to avoid pastoral burnout.
4. I now understand how hard it would be for someone who has seldom attended church to give up his Sunday mornings and start attending. I truly enjoyed having Sundays free.
5. Number 3 above reminded me that we pastors must craft compelling, Spirit-led services if we are to entice the unchurched to attend and keep attending. What they experience at church must be worth the price of giving up their relaxing mornings at home, at the lake, or at the ballpark. We may only get one shot.
6. Pastors need  a sabbath too. Since Sunday's aren't ours, we must prioritize another day for rest. I take Monday's off and I was reminded that I must truly rest on that day.

I've served in full-time ministry for 30 years in churches in the south, the southwest, the far west and the mid-west. I've noticed that a church's expectations of a pastor vary depending on the region.

When I served a large church in the central valley in California I could easily meet the church's expectations. I currently serve in the mid-west and I've found that meeting others' expectations is extremely challenging, especially among successful church members. I attribute that to both the business environment here that to succeed you must perform at a high level and to the fact my church sits near four well-known mega-churches with world class leaders and preachers. Comparison comes with the territory.

Every ministry leader faces the 'measure up mentality' to some extent. Although we can't avoid it, we can choose how we respond to it.

Some unwise choices include...

1. thinking we can please everybody
2. morphing into someone we are not to try to get everybody's approval
3. using "I can't please everyone" as an excuse to be lazy, not work hard, or avoid difficult problems or people
4. obsessing over those you can't please

God gave us this magnificent creation called the brain.Weighing less than three pounds, it wields incredible influence over how well leaders lead. Although we usually call the brain a computer, it's more like a pharmacy that constantly dispenses drugs (hormones) into our bodies which affects our emotions, our thinking, and our leadership

Dr. David Rock, recognized as one of the leading spokesmen in a new field called neuroleadership wrote the book Your Brain at Work. In it he winsomely describes how the brain works and how it affects leadership. I hightly recommend this book to all leaders, especially pastors.

Essentially, neuroleadership describes how brain function relates to leadership.

Brain researchers have discovered that sustained high levels of hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline affect our ability to think clearly, creatively, and decisively, thus diminishing our ability to lead most effectively.

And how do sustained high levels of these hormones get into our system?

They get there from chronic anxiety, when we face long-term stress. It's akin to a car accelerator getting stuck and revving at high rpm's for a long period of time. If it continues, the engine will wear out prematurely. In the same way, when leaders and pastors stay stressed 24/7, our anxiety, and thus our hormones, get stuck at a high level which dramatically reduces our ability to lead.

Take this simple assessment to discover how many chronic anxiety markers you currently see in your life.

1. I react and act impulsively when people disagree with me
2. I assume the worst and connect dots where there are none
3. I easily get defensive
4. I don't seem to be as creative as I once was
5. I often find myself in a mental and emotional fog
6. I lose perspective easily
7. I don’t listen well to others, not because I don't want to, but because my mind wanders
8. I find it difficult to concentrate
9. I find that others often mirror my defensiveness and reactiveness

Divert Daily

Withdraw Weekly

Abandon Annually

Recently I've been reading about a leadership concept called 'adaptive leadership.' I've just started an excellent book by Heifetz-Linsky-Grashow called The Practice of Adaptive Leadership. A great read.

One short article by Susan DeGenring on the subject lists 5 decisions great leaders must make. I've summarized them below. You can read the full article here.

• Shift focus and reframe your job from that of problem-solver, to that of developer of problem solvers.

• Give the work back to the people.

• Ask the important, and sometimes, tough questions, and don't give all the answers.

• Know how to help people learn, not by telling, but by understanding the perceptions, beliefs and values that drive their action, and help them plug into alternative, more agile ways of thinking.

• Accept that heartache is inevitable and courage is essential when you lead.

Related post: Leading in Turbulent Times.

Bill Hull, a leader and writer, shared a profound insight that stirred my heart.  “At age 50 I found myself successful but unsatisfied. I was hooked on results, addicted to recognition, and a product of my times. I was a get-it-done leader who was ready to lead people into the rarified air of religious competition. Like so many pastors, I was addicted to what others thought of me.”[1]

Sometimes I find myself struggling with those same unpleasant struggles Bill described.

A counselor friend helped me understand how our hidden areas influence what we think, feel, and do. He drew a diagram on the white board in my office that psychologists use to help people become more self-aware in their relationships. It’s called the Johari Window pictured here. 

You can see that the blocks in the right column picture areas in our lives about which we are not aware. The ‘blind spots’ are known by others yet not by us. The ‘unknown’ is hidden both to us and to others. The lower left hand block represents those areas that we know about ourselves, yet others don’t.  If we honestly and appropriately disclose our struggles (the ‘hidden') and if we humbly seek to become more self-aware (the ‘blind spots’) we will lead and serve more effectively.

Unfortunately, we pastors don’t do so well with self-awareness and awareness of others. As an example, a 2006 Barna research report discovered that pastors believe 70% of adults in their churches “consider their personal faith in God to transcend all other priorities.”[2] A contrasting survey of church people revealed that less than one in four (23%) named their faith in God as their top priority in life,[3] a large awareness miss for pastors. Russ Veenker, an expert in pastoral health, told me in an interview with him that lack of self-awareness tops the list of pastoral problems he has seen in the hundreds of pastors he’s counseled. He said pastors should pay more attention to the truth in Romans 12.3, Be honest in your estimate of yourselves. (New Living Translation) He also stated that those who are more self-aware become much more healthy pastors.

Another survey on body care reinforces our apparent lack of self-awareness. The vast majority of us pastors describe our health as good, very good, or excellent. Yet the data from the same body-mass index survey indicate that 78 percent of male pastors and 52 percent of female pastors are either overweight or obese.[4] Finally, in a study by Ellison Research of 870 pastors in 2005, Ron Sellers, president of Ellison Research, noted the difference between how pastors see their own family health and how they see the health of other clergy families. “Ministers apparently have a much more optimistic view of their own family than they do of the families of other ministers,” Sellers stated. “When one out of every twenty ministers feels his or her own family unit is unhealthy, but one out of every seven ministers believes the family units of others in their denomination are unhealthy, there’s a disconnect.”[5]

I'm a leader. I pastor a church of over 1,000, lead a staff of 20, and lead a volunteer base of several hundred. As leaders we help those who follow us to accomplish goals, move forward into a preferred future, and make progress. Thus we often do a lot of telling.

We cast vision by telling

We craft strategies by telling

We set goals by telling

We recruit leaders by telling

We manage staff by telling

Our fast-paced world often tempts us to give quick answers. Followers expect good leaders to act decisive and quick answers can make us appear so.

Unfortunately, we can tell too much and miss one of the most amazing leadership tools: the well placed question.

This morning as I read Mark 2, I noticed a pattern in Jesus' response to those who questioned Him. That chapter records four unique questions posed to him. Three out of four times Jesus responded with at least one question. In those responses He didn't immediately tell them an answer to their question. Rather, He sought to make them think about what they asked by asking them a question.

When we build a culture into our churches and ministries that encourages questions, these benefits result.

1. We see reality more clearly. One more well-placed question may surface an important issue you otherwise might have missed.
2. Innovation. Questions can spur new ideas and solutions to problems.
3. Self-reflection. Simply telling someone an answer may stifle his/her need to think through the answer for himself.
4. Perspective. A good question can open up a fresh perspective to a perplexing dilemma.
5. Focus. Questions can help a group or person focus on the real issue.

However, when we use questions as we lead we must avoid these unhealthy patterns.

1. Defensiveness-using questions as a defense mechanism, a 'tit-for-tat' response.
2. Aloofness-using questions to avoid answering a valid question because you think it is beneath you to answer.
3. Ignorance-not answering a valid question about which you have no knowledge in order to hide your lack of knowledge. In that case it's best to say, "I don't know."
4. Controlling-using questions to put another into a corner to embarrass him or shut him down.
5. Deflecting-using questions to move a valid conversation to another subject.

Asking questions can become a potent tool in our leadership toolbox.

How have you used questions in your leadership?

Related post: 5 Questions to Help You Clarify Your Leadership Strengths

OR

I love Henry Nouwen. When you read his books you realize this man walked with God and oozed wisdom. I ran across this quote that caused me to think about my leadership.

"There is within you a lamb and a lion. Spiritual maturity is the ability to let lamb and lion lie down together. Your lion is your adult, aggressive self. It is your initiative-taking and decision-making self. But there is also your fearful, vulnerable lamb, the part of you that needs affection, support, affirmation, and nurturing. When you heed only your lion, you will find yourself overextended and exhausted. When you take notice of only your lamb, you will easily become a victim of your need for other people's attention.

The art of spiritual living is to fully claim both your lion and your lamb. Then you can act assertively without desiring your own needs. And you can ask for affection and care without betraying your talent to offer leadership. Developing your identity as a child of God in no way means giving up your responsibilities. Likewise, claiming your adult self in no way means that you cannot become increasingly a child of God. In fact, the opposite is true. The more you can feel safe as a child of God, the freer you will be to claim your mission in the world as a responsible human being. And the more you claim you have a unique task to fulfill for God, the more open you will be to letting your deepest need be met.

The Kingdom of peace that Jesus came to establish begins when your lion and your lamb can freely and fearlessly lie down together."

Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Dance of Life: Weaving Sorrows and Blessing into One Joyful Step, ed. Michael Ford (Notre Dame, IN: Ava Maria press, 2005), 156.

When I read this quote, I asked myself which do I neglect, the lion or the lamb. How about you?

Related post: What Pastors should look for in Safe People

Pastors face a common vocational hazard, getting pigeonholed. Labeling is another term to describe this ministry hazard.

It goes something like this. You make a statement in conversation with somebody or in a sermon, you do something as a leader, or you communicate your intentions about an issue. Or you intentionally or unintentionally make known your unique ministry rhythms or daily routine (ie, study in the morning rather than take counseling appointments or take off Mondays and turn off your cell phone so you can take a break from ministry demands).

Inevitably, people in your church or ministry will subconsciously make up a story about you based on their experience with you or based on their met/unmet expectation of you. The stories may be good. The stories may be bad (the usual case). Some stories sound like these.

• He (or she) is never available when you need him.
• He's always available when you need him, 24/7.
• He doesn't listen to feedback.
• He really loves people.
• He's a micro-manager.
• He only does what he wants to do.
• You better not cross him.
• When he preaches, he's all emotion.
• When he preaches, you won't get fed.

This week I'm posting a series of blogs about how pastors respond when people in their church compare their leadership and preaching to others or when they brag about another church by insinuating that we don't measure up

Yesterday I posted 5 ways we should respond when we feel compared to others more 'successful' than us.

Today, we're looking at really bad ways to react when someone in your church compares you to others. I've listed five unhealthy reactions here.

1. Find something about the other 'guy' to criticize, like, "We'll, I've heard he's a real jerk when he's one-on-one with other people."
2. Tell the other person that maybe they need to start attending that church.
3. With a sarcastic tone tell that person, "Thanks, I really needed that!"
4. In your mind, beat yourself up about what a failure you are.
5. Go home and overeat, take your anger out on your spouse and kids, or look at pornography.

Yesterday I began a series of blogs to unpack this issue: what should pastors do when people in our churches compare us to other more "successful" pastors.

In that blog, I shared an email a pastor received from someone in his church who boasted about another super-successful pastor and his church. He was tempted to respond with sarcasm.

I don't recommend sarcasm.

So, how should we respond when we feel compared to others?

Here are my thoughts.

1. Recognize that comparison comes with the territory. As the old adage goes, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
2. Ask yourself when you feel compared, "Is God trying to teach me something?"...about my confidence in where God has me...about what I can learn from this other pastors...about how I receive unpleasant messages.
3. Respond with a gracious spirit to the person who compares.
4. Don't read in ill motives. Perhaps someone in your church simply wanted to share how God used another spiritual leader in his or her life.
5. Thank God for blessing the other pastor.

Many pastors secretly struggle with measuring up to the very successful. One pastor I know who has grappled with comparison received this e-mail from someone in his church. The names are changed to protect the innocent :)

Hi Pastor Jim:

Sharon S. here. How are you? I have been meaning to send you a note for quite some time and tell you about a pastor in California that I thought you might be interested in. Yeah, I know. If I were you I'd be rolling my eyes about now. But I must say, this guy is awesome and has challenged me personally in my life over the last year.

He has pastored [God’s Favorite] Church just outside [Utopia] for about three years and has grown it from 150 people to over 3,500. I have never seen a young guy with such a passion and a heart for God, willing to go against the “appropriate” evangelical grain and just teach the scriptures.

He just started a new series a week and a half ago. I am going to attach the first message because I would love for you to listen to him.  I can't tell you how many people I know listen now. His name is [Gabriel, the archangel]. He has some of the best teaching I have ever heard on leadership in the church, justification, and some other tough subjects. He is a lot like [another famous pastor], who is his friend and a “fan” of his. Anyway, I have felt led to connect you with [Gabriel] for a long time. I'm not really sure why. Take it for whatever it is worth. 

Sharon

“Jim” emailed this response back.

Dear Sharon,

Thanks for reminding me that my preaching stinks. It’s great to know that people in my church are making sure they get podcasts from somebody who will never know their name or answer their encouraging emails.

You’ve really made my day. I was studying for this week’s message when I got your note (I’ve already spent twenty hours on my sermon). I immediately stopped to download his magnificent sermon. It’s also wonderful to know that his church has exploded in growth; as you know, our attendance declined by 3% last year because people like you stayed home to watch guys like him on TV!

Gotta go finish my shallow sermon.

God’s blessings on you,

Pastor Jim

“Jim” didn’t really send this e-mail—he only wished he had. Have you ever felt that way when someone compared you to another?

Although we pastors often struggle when we compare ourselves to others, it really stings when those in our church compare us to others more 'successful.'

This week I'm beginning a blog series on this issue, when church people compare their pastors to mega-successful pastors.

I hope you will join the conversation.

What's your story? Have people in your church ever compared you to others?

Related post: The Curse of Comparison

I posted a blog entry a couple of weeks ago (see it here) about my plan to use my iPad as a virtual whiteboard.

I used an app called Airsketch which allowed me to create a virtual whiteboard. It connects to a local wi-fi network which lets a computer become the whiteboard. Then the signal can be sent to video projectors used during services.

As I taught on spiritual warfare, I was able to underline, draw, and write words just as if I had used a white board. Here's a picture of one of the screen shots. Everything in red I added while I taught. The icons at the bottom don't show up on screen, but are available to you as the presenter.

I used this tool two weeks in a row. The first week I included my prompts on screen. The second week, I pared down what appeared on screen and used printed notes to the side to prompt me.

Overall, I got lots of positive comments, with one negative one. Here's what I learned.

1. This tool definitely kept the listeners' attention better.
2. It added a 'cool' factor.
3. It helped me visually emphasize words or phrases in the text which in turn left a stronger impression in the listener.
4. I was able to face the congregation at all times. Using an actual whiteboard prohibits that.
5. I was easily able to switch back and forth to different screens to review and further emphasize points.
6. Less text on the screen is better. Too much becomes too busy.
7. Using a stylus is better than using your finger.
8. I had to experiment to get the text size large enough for the screen projection.

I've been a pastor 30 years and only in the last few have I discovered the value of studying outside my church and home office. I'll go either  to McDonalds (cheap food) or Panera (good atmosphere and the place I prefer). Both provide free Wi-Fi. I don't recommend spending all your time away from the office, but I've found that doing so at least once a week benefits me and the ministry in these ways.

1. Productivity: Less interruptions from others.
2. Creativity: A different environment spurs it.
3. Focus: Less distractions help me concentrate better (like cleaning up our office or playing with something on our desks that can distract us in our offices).
4. Energy: A different ambiance/atmosphere gives me more.
5. Stress management: I feel less of it in a neutral environment.

One other suggestion. To block out noise, I use ear buds plugged into my iPhone and listen to nature sounds on the Ambiance app.

Have you discovered any other advantages of studying outside the office?

Related posts: The iPhone App that Improved my Concentration

Every pastor faces it.

Most hate it.

You can't avoid it. ... people leaving your church

In my over 20 years as a senior pastor (and a another 10 as an associate), for various reasons I've probably seen hundreds of people leave the churches where I served. In one year over 100 people left the church I planted after I gave my infamous "Willow Creek" talk. I had just attended one of Willow's early conference and within two weeks I delivered a message about all the changes we planned to make. It didn't work. In my immaturity I had failed to wisely manage change.

Except for those blessed subtractions (those who leave who have hurt your church), unless you are an emotionless robot, when someone leaves it hurts.

Here's how I've tried to process my painful emotions when people leave.

1. I don't disparage them to others after they leave.
2. I reach out to those who had significant roles in the church. Often I will meet with them.
3. I NEVER burn bridges. I wish them well and pray for them in person if possible.
4. I don't try to hide their leaving from other leaders, and neither do I broadcast it.
5. Recently we've attempted informal exit interviews to discover why leavers left and if there's anything we can learn.
6. When I see them again, I reach out and show genuine interest in how they're doing.
7. I don't let myself become bitter. God has graciously given me short memories about hurtful church experiences. It's all His grace.
8. I remind myself that Jesus also faced those who left Him. From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. (John 6.66)

How do you process church leavers?

Related posts: When Pastors become Defensive...5 Things NOT to Do.

I've posted a few blogs about my journey using the iPad to preach (see related posts below).

Thus far I've loved using it. I own the original iPad and I'm waiting to upgrade until next year's version releases.

Here's my current sermon prep and delivery process.

1. Write sermons on a Word doc on my Airbook.
2. Convert doc to a PDF.
3. Drop PDF into Dropbox on my Mac.
4. Open Dropbox on my iPad.
5. Open the PDF in Noterize.
6. Mark up my PDF.
7. Enthrall millions with my eloquent preaching (oops, Freudian slip there...I meant preach to a few hundred) :)

Here's a snapshot of what one page looked look from last week's talk on spiritual gifts.

This week I'm trying something new.

I'm using an app called AirSketch which allows me to actually create a virtual whiteboard. By linking my iPad to a computer in our sound booth through our local network, I can project each page of my PDF on our video screens without dragging around a cable. It works amazingly well (at least in practice).

I can then scroll through each page as I preach and use either my finger or my stylus to annotate and draw. MacWorld reviews 12 styluses [or is it styli] here.

Here's a snapshot of the first page of this week's sermon on  spiritual warfare. When it projects onscreen, you don't see the stuff at the bottom however. The red shows where I've practiced annotating.

Next week I'll blog on how things went.

If you want to get that blog and future ones as well, you can sign up  to automatically to receive them by clicking the RSS feed button in the right-hand column on this page.

Related Posts:

1. How an iPad improved my Devotional Life.
2. How Pastors can Benefit from an iPad
3. How and iPad improved my Preaching.

One well-worn adage reads, "The two things you can't avoid in life are death and taxes."

I'd like to suggest one more, for those in ministry.

The two things pastors can't avoid are...

people late to the service and...

critics.

Having served in full-time ministry for 30 years, I've experienced my share of critics. I've responded well to some and not-so-well to others. When I've sensed a good heart from the critic, I tend to respond with more grace.

As Abe Lincoln said, “He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.”

Here are 10 ways I've learned to respond to my critics (actually 9, I'd love to hear your 10th).

• Give them your ear, but within reason. Don't allow someone to destroy you with caustic criticism.

• Let your body language communicate that you are truly trying to understand.

• Avoid an immediate retort such as "Yea but," or "You're wrong," or some other defensive response.

• Breath this silent prayer, "Lord, give me grace to respond and not react."

• Before responding take a few moments to check what you're about to say. Abe used to suggest counting to 100 when you get angry. That may a bit of overkill, but he is on to something.

• Look for the proverbial 'grain of truth' in the criticism.

• If you see more than a grain of truth and you can't process it alone, seek feedback from the safe person in your life. (see my blog post on What to Look for in a Safe Person).

• Ask God to keep you approachable to your critics (within reason). You probably don't want to vacation with them. :)

• Learn from your critics on how best to deliver criticism to others. When someone delivers criticism that you received well, ask yourself what about how they did it made it easer to receive. For those who botched it, remember to avoid their tactics.

• ...... tell me how you've responded to your critics. I'd love for you to give me a 10th.

Related posts.: How to Deal with Criticism. In this article I suggest a simple acrostic in responding to critics...LEARN

Kevin Cashman wrote a great book every leader should read, Leadership from the Inside Out: Becoming a Leader for Life. Essentially he challenges leaders to lead from character (the inside). If you've not read it, I highly recommend it.

In an early chapter he lists several questions that can help clarify where our leadership strengths lie. I've adapted his questions into five below. Read these questions slowly and reflectively.

1. What would your dearest friend say in moment of deep admiration of you?
2. When you feel energized and fully alive, what strengths and traits do you exercise?
3. What circumstances bring out your strongest character traits?
4. What experiences in your life have caused you to feel most completely yourself?
5. If you witnessed your funeral, what do you hope people would say about your life?

When we discover, develop, and deploy our strengths and gifts, we maximize our Kingdom impact and experience the greatest joy.

Are you leading from the inside out?

Related post: Guilt Producing Questions Pastors Secretly Ask Themselves

Never say NO.

Please everybody.

Don't take a vacation.

Strategize first, pray later.

Act like you have it all together.

Try to figure out what others are saying about you.

Secretly criticize churches that are growing faster than yours.

Try to make each service bigger and better than the previous week's service.

Immediately implement the techniques you just learned from a church growth conference.

Disregard, marginalize, or forget the 9 ways above.

Related posts: The Litmus Test for Success? Always up and the the Right?

We're teaching a series on spiritual gifts at our church. You can listen to the podcasts here if you'd like. As a pastor, the more people discover, develop, and deploy their gifts, the healthier the church becomes.  Here are 6 tips I suggest to others to help them discover their gifts.

1. Ask yourself, "What do I enjoy doing/what do I do well?"

A good indicator of where a person's giftedness lies may be found in activities that give us joy and satisfaction and interests us. Encourage others to get in touch with spheres of service that produce a flow of inner joy, excitement and energy. Helping others find what God made them for produces great joy.

2. As yourself, "If I could I would…"

If I could do ______ and time and money were no issue, what would I do?  If i knew I couldn't fail what would I do to make a difference?  If I could I would address what concerns, area of peoples' lives, or areas in the church to make things better or improve things?

3. Pray.

What do you sense in your heart is your gift? Where do you get a sense of peace?

4. Take a test drive.

Help others jump in and commit for 6 months in a potential ministry to discover if it is a fit.

5. Look for results.

When you exercise your gifts and you are fitted in the right place in your ministry, you will see effectiveness. God will bring about spiritual results in the lives of people because when when we use our gifts, we become a channel through which God’s Spirit flows.

6. Seek the advice of wise people.

Seek out gifted people in the area where you think your gifts may lie. Place yourself under their tutelage. The affirmation of others often can indicate giftedness.

How have you helped others discover their gifts?

Related posts: 5 Reasons Churches should Celebrate More Often

I'm reading David Platt's book, Radical, along with the guys in my two men's groups.

I just returned from a vacation to the beach.

And, I'm feeling conflicted about the effects of my vacation on my spiritual and ministry life.

A pastor I served under at two churches captured the biblical concept of rest in this phrase: Divert daily, Withdraw weekly, Abandon Annually. I believe God wants us to periodically rest. That means He endorses vacations.

But after being in a 'beach' environment for a week, I realize how self-indulging a vacation can become. For many, a vacation becomes a time to eat too much, drink too much, spend too much, and generally indulge too much.

Don't get me wrong. I do love the beach, the sun (I'm from Chicago), the great seafood, and the break from pastoral leadership demands. But I'm wondering if I need to re-frame my future vacations, especially as I'm reading Platt's book.

This quote in chapter 1 struck me.

I could not help but think that somewhere along the way we had missed what is radical about our faith and replaced it with what is comfortable. We were settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves.

So, as I contrast a vacation to spiritual commitment, I'm wrestling with how to make the two biblical concepts compatible so that my vacations lead me to greater commitment to Christ and to more effective ministry.

I'd love to hear what you think.

Related post: 8 Point Checklist for Pastoral Body Care

I just finished the audio book The Millionaire Messenger by Brendon Burchard. He's authored two New York Times Bestsellers, speaks to thousands, and offers a plethora of training materials. He became a multi-millionaire before he turned 30.

His inspiring book (even for pastors) challengers its readers to become experts in their field and become millionaires in the process. Unlike other self-promoting gurus, Burchard comes across with a servant's heart. I truly believe he is not in it for the money. I thoroughly enjoyed his book yet it raised this question in my mind. Should pastors aspire for great material wealth?

One of Burchard's theses is, the more money you make, the more you can help people, which raises these questions.

• Is it true that the more money a pastor makes, the more he or she could help people?
• Should there be a limit on how much a pastor makes?
• Would it be wrong for a pastor to become a millionaire?
• Is the phrase "millionaire pastor" an oxymoron, an apparent contradiction in terms?

Contrasting answers to these questions abound.

Rick Warren made millions from the sale of The Purpose Driven Life yet gave away 90% of the profits, lives in a modest home, and drives a used suv. On the other hand, a few years ago I watched a TV preacher deliver a sermon justifying his ownership of a Bentley, a $200,000 car.

Lifechurch.tv, pastored by Craig Groeschel, gives away all his stuff for free on their website. On the other hand, when I wrote my first book Daughters Gone Wild-Dads Gone Crazy, I asked  a mega-church pastor for permission to use a quote from one of his books. He charged me...to use five words.

I can't offer clear answers to the above questions. However, the bible seems to provide some guidelines with these ideas.

1. Scripture clearly endorses paying pastors when it uses phrases such as don't muzzle the ox, a laborer is worthy of his hire, and its use of the phrase 'double-honor' which implies providing pastors with a salary.
2. Pastors are not exempt from these biblical teachings: spend frugally, save wisely, give generously.
3. The bible never condemns money per se nor does it condemn the rich. It only cautions us about money's potential harmful influence.

So when Burchard contends that mastering your message is a ticket to wealth (in our case the message is biblical truth) should pastors exempt themselves?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

___

related posts:

• 3 Essentials Pastors Must Get Right to Teach on Money
• The 4 Reasons People Give to Their Church

Although I’m not a physician, as a pastor I’ve learned a lot about the brain through my youngest daughter’s five brain surgeries. Imagine a tootsie roll pop with two centers. Pretend the inner center is a sweet tart surrounded by the gooey tootsie roll that in turn is surrounded by the hard outer candy. Our brains include three parts, like our imaginary tootsie roll pop.

The inner core, called the reptilian brain regulates such functions as circulation and respiration. It’s on automatic pilot. Let’s say you’re sensitive to criticism about your preaching and in a conversation one of your leaders makes this comment. “I sure wish you’d go deeper with your Bible teaching. I’ve talked to a lot of people who are thinking about leaving because they aren’t getting fed.” I don’t think I’ve ever met a pastor or any leader who hasn’t heard a comment like that. If you’ve allowed chronic anxiety to build up inside, you might immediately react without thinking by sarcastically blurting, “I’m doing my best and if they want to leave, I’d be happy for them and me.” Such a comment threatens you and you adapt to this threat from the automatic process of the reptilian part of your brain.

The second part of our brains (the gooey tootsie roll part), the mammalian brain, regulates other functions such as bonding, playing, nurturing and expressions like shock, sorrow, and rejoicing. It also plays a role between pleasure and pain, flight and fight, and tension and relaxation. It serves as the seat of emotion. However, sometimes instead of maintaining balance between our reptilian brain and the third layer (the seat of rational thought), this part of the brain goes haywire. A pastor who enjoys preaching and has seen fruit from it, after enough critical comments, might face a depressive funk that his ministry is fruitless and that he should quit.

Both the reptilian and the mammalian parts of our brain compose about 15%, operate on automatic pilot, and have many connecting neurons. However, our cerebral cortex, the outer brain, encompasses 85% of our brain. At this level God has given us the ability to think, process, gain insight, and choose. It is the seat of intentionality whereas the other two parts are the seats of instinct.

In summary, three brain parts compose our Brain:

Lizard brain (reptilian): on automatic pilot that acts without thinking. Lizards eat their young. Some churches eat their pastors

'Puppy' brain (mammilian): the seat of emotions, also somewhat on automatic pilot

Main brain (neocortex): the place where we think, analyze, choose, create, symbolize, and observe.

God gave us the two lower brain levels. They aren’t inferior, but limited. The neocortex can’t ignore them or else life would be rather dull. However, the neocortex allows us to “reflect on what is happening (insight) and plan for what might happen (foresight).”[1]

When anxiety overwhelms us, we react and these processes take over.

• Impulse overwhelms intention
• Instinct sweeps aside imagination
• Reflexive behavior closes off reflective thought
• Defensive postures block out defined positions
• Emotional reactivity limits clearly determined direction.[2]

Several years ago in an elder’s meeting in our conference room, one of the elders made a statement that implied I lacked a certain competency in my role indicated by something I did. I don’t even remember the specific issue, but I clearly remember my reaction. When he made that statement, I impulsively blurted, “I do not do  that (whatever it was)!” He retorted, “You do it all the time.” I immediately jumped out of my chair, stomped over to the sink area behind me, and in anger said, “I never can please you. Everything I do is just not enough for you, is it?”

For the next ten minutes we went back and forth and it took the finesse of another elder to cool us down.

What happened? I had experienced chronic anxiety toward this elder for some time. And, our elder meetings had gone that well. When I felt attacked, my reptile brain took over. My emotional reactivity came out as impulsive defensiveness. It happened without me even thinking.

In retrospect, I should have paused and allowed the thinking side of my brain rule instead of my emotional side.  My emotions acted faster than my thinking. I didn’t handle my feelings responsibly. I lost objectivity and civility. My unhealthy drivenness to please this leader caused an unnecessary conflict. In reality, his comment probably carried at least a grain of truth in it. Had I been more thoughtful, self-aware, and less anxiety filled anxiety that I had disappointed this leader, the conversation could have turned in a constructive direction. Fortunately, we both cooled down and I apologized for my reacting.

From which brain do you lead when under stress?

Related posts:

• 8 indicators your ministry may be drowning you
• Neuroleadership Clues to Tiger Wood's Meltdown
• 9 Signs Hormones May be Hijacking your Leadership

[1] Peter I. Steinke, How Your Church Family Works: Understanding Congregations as Emotional Systems (Herndon, VA: The Alban Institute), Kindle e-book, locations 313-325.

[2] Ibid, locations 325-334.

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/22391630[/vimeo]

Each year we teach a 4-5 week series on giving and generosity in Feb/March. This year we titled our series The Treasure Principle, based on Randy Alcorn's book by the same name. We also sent a copy of the book to every giver on record the previous year and encouraged the church to read a chapter each week that matched the upcoming sermon theme.

If you've not read the book, it's a quick read and probably one of the best on the subject. I highly recommend it.

If you're a pastor, you probably feel the same angst I feel when I address the subject. Even though my heart is in the right place, I can't help but think some people feel I'm being self-serving when I teach the subject.

Here's what I do to help mitigate those thoughts in people's minds.

First, I make sure my heart is right.

• Do I faithfully  give?

• Do I tithe and give beyond?

• Do I teach from a desire that others experience the joy of generosity or because we are not making the church budget?

Second, in my talk I acknowledge at the beginning what some people feel. I actually say something like, "I recognize that when a pastor talks on money it can appear self serving. I know that some of you may be thinking, "I really don't want to hear some preacher talk about money.' I would just ask that you lower you guard a bit, listen to what I have to say, and then decide how you want to respond. It's between you and God."

Third, I tell my giving story. In my message this past week I explained that my wife and I had faithfully tithed and beyond since we were married. I also shared that my parents taught me to give at an early age and that a comment from my 5th grade Sunday School teacher left an indelible imprint in my life that put me on the path to generosity. When people hear our honest stories, it can help lower their guard and resistance to the message.

When I began in ministry 30 years ago, I'd often shy away from the money subject. However, I now realize that giving is as much a part of discipleship as is Bible reading and prayer. I can't shy away from it, but must approach the subject with tact and grace.

If you'd like a great guide to help you develop a stewardship system, I highly recommend Maximize: How to Develop Extravagant Givers in Your Church by Nelson Searcy.

So, what has helped you get the money message across?

If you are not a pastor, what advice would you give to us about how to effectively encourage people to give?

Related posts:

The 4 Reasons People Give to Their Church

Titherosity: Motivating others to Become More Generous

Recently I've been reading a lot about how to view problems in ministry and leadership through a different lens. A concept developed in the late 50's and 60's by a psychologist, Murray Bowen, has shed some brilliant light on the subject for me; so brilliant, in fact, that I wish I understood this concept 25 years ago. Had I learned it and applied it then, I could have saved myself a lot of grief as a pastor and as a father. The concept is called family systems. Don't let the title fool you, though. It's not all about your immediate family. This concept has profound implications for leadership in the church. I'm planning to write my next book using family systems as the backbone.

One of the best writers on the subject, Peter Steinke, a Christian psychologist, wrote the book How Your Church Family Works. It's a great primer on family systems that directly applies to churches.

At the core of family systems is understanding emotional process and specifically, how we manage our anxiety, a term used for any negative emotion. In one of Steinke's chapters he writes about those who criticize us. When I read his two paragraphs I paused and said to myself, "Wow. I've never heard it put that way before."

Read it below and tell me how it hits you.

Pursuit behavior is any behavior that overfocuses on another person....

By far the most difficult form of pursuit behavior to recognize is criticism. How can those who act adversarially be said to be in pursuit? We feel alienated, not close. But the criticism is characterized by overfocus. The "stinger" and the "stung" are emotionally connected. Whenever a gnawing critic gets inside our brain cells and we can't expunge him, we are connected, even if negatively. Whenever someone gets under our skin, we are infected with anxiety. If we are reactive to a pursuer, the pursuit behavior achieves its goal: connection. Strange as it sounds, the critic wants to be close. After all, if we can't be close through play, ecstasy, touch, and nurture, our only option to accomplish closeness is through angry outbursts, specious charges, or harsh accusations. People feel close to us when they know we are thinking about them. What we think is not as important as that we are thinking of them. We play into the hands of the criticizer when we react to their invasion rather than define ourselves to it. (p 88 of How your Church Family Works).

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Related posts:

10 Ways to Respond to the Church Critic

How to Deal with Criticism

We have baptism coming up and include spontaneous baptisms as a part of our planned baptisms. To take the fear edge off, we produce a humorous video for those considering.

Here's our latest.

[vimeo]http://vimeo.com/20351065[/vimeo]

What defines ministry success? How do you know if your ministry or church is really successful?

I've served five churches, three in associate leadership positions and two as the senior pastor. In my first senior pastor position I started a church in a suburb of Atlanta. I envisioned myself as the south's Rick Warren, a future mega-church pastor what would soon lead his own church growth conferences. 51 attended our first service. I was so successful that in six months I was able to bring that number down to 17, which included five members of my own family.

I was devastated. I didn't quit though and after 14 years our church grew to about 500, certainly not a candidate for Outreach Magazine's fastest growing churches.

For probably three quarters of my 30 years in ministry, Monday would be the best day of the week or the worst day. It depended on the attendance report. Good attendance and I felt valued. Low attendance (or attendance less than the previous year's) and my day didn't go so well

Now, 24 years after that heart crushing day when only 17 showed up at my church, I believe God is finally freeing me from the "success in numbers" mentality.

But, we still live in a culture that determines success if the numbers are up and to the right.

As I've dialogued with lay leaders in the churches I've served, I've often felt a not-so-subltle message that our church was doing poorly if the attendance and giving were not significantly up and to the right. I've discovered that often businessmen who have experienced success in their vocations (ie, their numbers went up and to the right) bring that same expectation into the church.

Unfortunately, this view often overshadows other very important ministry success measures such as spiritual health and the percentage of people who serve.

• Have you experienced this pressure from your leaders?
• If so, how have you managed it?

I'd love to hear from you.

Related post: 5 Reasons Churches Should often Celebrate Wins

How much time should a pastor spend preparing a sermon?

Recently I watched a video where a rather famous pastor answered that question. His response, "I study and read all the time and it takes me about one to two hours to put a sermon together."

Yikes! When I heard that I felt guilty because there's no way I can prepare a sermon that quickly. I'm sure this pastor's heart was right, but I wish he had qualified himself more. I doubt very many of us are that speedy.

In Haddon Robinson's book, Biblical Sermons, he wrote that experienced preachers he surveyed spent an average of 16 hours preparing. That sounds more like it to me. That's probably my average and I've been preaching for 25 years.

So, how much time should you spend? It depends.

It depends on...

1. how long you've been in ministry. If you been in ministry several years, you have a backlog of study material. If you haven't you will probably need to set aside more study time. I did in my early ministry years.
2. how well you've kept your previous study notes, sermons, and materials upon which to refer back
3. how well you manage your time
4. what's happening around you. Sometimes unexpected family and ministry demands arise that require our time that we other wise would have spent on sermon prep. No need to wallow in guilt when that happens
5. your personality...some pastors have the gift of gab and can 'make up stuff on the fly' :), some of us don't; some personalities require the preacher to process what he wants to say more thoroughly

Here are a few thoughts to consider as you answer this question for yourself.

1. Schedule your study and prep time during your best, most alert hours.
2. Set reasonable expectations. An hour or two is too little time for most just as 35 hours is probably too much
3. Use computer tools readily available. I own a Mac and use both Accordance and Logos. I rarely use paper books. These tools have made my study time more efficient.
4. Trust God to use your faithful preparation. Seldom do ministry demands allow us to study as much as we'd like. We must do our best and trust the Holy Spirit to fill in the gaps.

How much time do you spend preparing your sermon?

Related posts:

• How an Improv Class Improved my Preaching
• Retro Preaching in a hi-tech world: How I used a Flannelgraph

As a Pastor, if you lead, you will face turbulence in your ministry or organization.

One of the most revered men in history, King David, constantly faced turbulence as he led. When King Saul died, Israel faced a leadership future fraught with obstacles.

I Chronicles 12 describes how many groups stepped up to help David make this transition. The Scriptures describe one group, the men of Issachar, in this way.

(they) understood the times and knew what Israel should do — 200 chiefs, with all their relatives under their command.... (v. 32)

All these were fighting men who volunteered to serve in the ranks. They came to Hebron fully determined to make David king over all Israel. (v. 38)

This group modeled what every leader and pastor must live during turbulent times.

As leaders and pastors, the 4 four essentials we must model in turbulent times, as did the men of Issachar, are...

1. Define reality
2. Shape your vision
3. Develop a coherent strategy
4. Implement your strategy with passion and courage

Related post: 8 decisions leaders should make during a crisis

I've served as a pastor for over 30 years in churches as small as 4 1/2 (my wife, two pre-schoolers, and one on the way) to churches that approached 2,000 attenders. The locations have included the far west, the midwest, the south, and the southwest.

A sampling of responses to the question, "How well do you think Charles did?" would include...

• He was great. I'm sad he moved.
• I'm glad he left.
• His preaching really inspired me.
• I just wasn't getting fed.
• He really cared about people.
• He was distant and unavailable.
• He had great leadership skills.
• He's no John Maxwell.

If you've served in ministry for any time, you've probably asked yourself this question, "How well am I really doing?" If you've not asked that exact question, I'm sure you've secretly asked yourself some pretty probing ones that made you feel guilty.

I'm beginning a blog series on Guilt-producing questions pastors secretly ask themselves and I'd like your help. I've listed a few questions below that those in ministry probably ask. What do you think? What would you add to this list?

1. Why do I sometimes want to skip church on Sundays?
2. Am I spending enough time preparing my sermons?
3. Why do people really leave my church?
4. I love my wife deeply. But if I think another woman is attractive, am I crazy? Or worse, am I sinning?
5. Why do I feel like I don't measure up to the expectations of ... the board, my staff, my spouse or ...? Is it their problem or mine?
6. Am I spending enough time with my family?
7. Do I pray enough?
8. Does owning nice things like a nice house or a new car or enjoying things like a fancy vacation diminish my example? Is it wrong to have or experience what others in my church have?
9. Why do I often feel anger inside toward people?
10. ????

What guilt producing questions do you think pastors secretly ask themselves? I'd love to hear from you as I begin this blog series.

I'm convinced God gave me a 'Geek' gene.

From my monopoly on science fair first prizes in high school to my toy tank that fires bb's to my radio-controlled helicopter that shoots plastic missiles, I love any gadget that runs on electricity. I'm also among an elite 50,000 who bought the very first Macintosh in 1984. I sold a life insurance policy and used the cash value to pay for it. Since then I've owned over 20 different Macs and I now sport a brand new MacBook Air. I also use an iPhone 4 and an iPad.

Like I said, God gave me a geek gene.

At the same time Mac blood has flowed through my veins, God infused into my bones a passion to teach God's Word. I've preached over a thousands sermons and I've seen my preaching evolve over the years in this progression.

1. write sermon notes in the margin of a wide column bible (my eyes can't see teeny-tiny print now :) )
2. type out the sermon on one half-page and insert into my bible
3. type up the full text and insert small pages into the bible so that it looks like I'm not using notes
4. print out the full text and place the full sized pages on the lectern
5. Preach from an iPad

I love using the iPad now. It took a few weeks to getting used to it, but I don't think I will ever change. I see three advantages in using an iPad.

1. Easily mark up and highlight on the fly
2. Keep all your sermons in one place
3. You look really cool, especially when the house and stage lights are off...it casts a holy glow on your face :)