Daniel and his three friends are some of my favorite Biblical characters. They modeled what it means to live a life of integrity, which is taking a beating today.

Several years ago James Patterson and Peter Kim authored the book, The Day America told the Truth. They conducted a survey by asking Americans what they would be willing to do for 10 million dollars. Here’s what they learned.

• Would abandon their entire family (25%)
• Would abandon their church (25%)
• Would become prostitutes for a week or more (23%)
• Would give up their American citizenship (16%)
• Would leave their spouses (16%)
• Would withhold testimony and let a murderer go free (10%)
• Would kill a stranger (7%)
• Would put their children up for adoption (3%)

When I read this my heart sunk. I can only imagine that since that survey over 20 years ago, the same survey would yield even more discouraging results.

However, Daniel and his friends show us these 5 ways we can deepen our integrity in a world that seems to discourage it.

1. Be willing to make tough choices. On several occasions Daniel made tough choices like refusing to eat the royal food and refusing to worship the image of the king. Each carried a potentially deadly penalty.
2. Treat your adversaries with respect. When King Nebuchadnezzar issued the edict for all the wise men to be killed because no one could interpret his dream, Daniel appealed with great tact and wisdom. His actions averted certain death for he and many others.
3. Build your moral compass around Jesus. The story of Daniel consistently reinforces how Daniel kept his deep commitment to God even though he lived in a pagan world and was force-fed that culture’s beliefs.
4. Stay consistent in the small things. At one point the king demanded that the king and no other god be worshipped for 30 days. Anyone refusing to do so would be killed. Daniel’s practice was to pray three times daily to the one and true God. He could have easily cut corners for 30 days. Yet he stayed true even in what could be perceived as an inconsequential issue.
5. Realize that people will either become bitter or better when you live with integrity. Key government officials all ended up supporting and respecting Daniel when they saw how he responded to them with integrity. Yet at the same time others were jealous and were offended at his integrity.

What choices have helped you deepen your integrity?

“I just learned 5 ways to deepen my integrity.” (tweet this quote by clicking here) 

Related posts:

• The Placebo Pastor: are you one?
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Several passages in Scripture pose challenges to preaching. Even so, we shouldn’t skip the tough ones. However, when we must deal with tough passages such as this one below, we must take care how we teach them.

Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you. (Heb 13.17, NIV)   

That first part, “Obey your leaders,” poses the preaching challenge. How should we approach the “followership” concept this verse speaks to?

I’ve excerpted a section from my book 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them below that captures the essence of this verse.  

“Obey your leaders” sounds quite strong. Certainly this does not condone dictatorial leadership, as Peter makes this clear in saying, “Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your good example.” (1 Pet 5.3, NLT) After all, God calls us shepherds, and shepherds don’t push—they lead. Unfortunately, in our world, where self is king and where those in spiritual authority have abused their power, many in our churches would struggle with a sermon titled “Obey Your Leaders.”

But that’s not the part upon which I believe we should focus. It’s the last part: “that their work will be a joy, not a burden for that would be of no advantage to you.” Often it seems ministry brings more burdens than joy. After a tough meeting I sometimes wish I could get away with giving an elder a swirly. Other times, in response to a critic, I’m tempted to use King David’s words as a club: “Do not touch my anointed ones; do my prophets no harm.” (Ps 105.15)

Other translations render “that their work will be a joy” in these ways:

• So don’t make them sad as they do their work. Make them happy. (CEV)
• Let them do this with joy and not with grief…. (NASB)
• Give them reason to do this joyfully and not with sorrow. (NLT)
• Let them do all this with joy and not with groaning. (ESV)

A similar verse mirrors this one. Paul writes, We ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. (1 Thes 5.12, NIV)

Other translators render “respect” (Greek: oida) as “appreciate” (NASB), “be thoughtful of” (CEV), “honor” (The Message, NLT), and “pay proper respect to” (TEV). On the other hand, just as “obey your leaders” can sound dictatorial, these statements can sound like they promote the self-serving, egotistical, and narcissistic.

Don’t make us sad…Honor us…Respect us…Make us happy…Appreciate us…Give us reasons to be joyful.

These thoughts likewise might seem oxymoronic when contrasted to our ministerial call to selflessly give ourselves away. But no matter how they’re translated, these verses raise some important questions. Is it wrong to want our ministries to bring us joy? Would we be sinning or at best self-serving to expect from our congregations certain things that would make serving them more joyful, less burdensome?

Should we dare even broach these matters? Did one pastor correctly assess church folk when he said, “Most truly aren’t concerned with my joy”? Conversely, should we affirm the answer of several others that “My joy is from the Lord, not from people”?

I don’t suggest a simplistic solution to pastoral joy. However, God’s Word leaves no room for misunderstanding. He expects believers to respond to healthy pastoral leadership by taking concrete steps to help make ministry more fulfilling for His servants.

Perhaps the key to making this truth become reality in the church lies in this: the church must see us as servants first and foremost. When we model Christ-like servanthood, I believe we create an atmosphere conducive for those in the church to become good followers, without our having to demand it.

What do you think? What do you believe is key to making this verse a reality in the church?

“I just learned insight about how to encourage followership in the church.” (tweet this quote by clicking here) 

Related posts:

• 3 Probing Questions Every Pastor Should Ask Himself
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I recently delivered a message on how Jesus modeled masculinity. As I reflected on that talk, I realized similar parallels apply to leadership. Jesus lived within these tensions during the three years He established our Faith. Although fully God in every way, He lived as a human in every way as well, yet was without sin. He perfectly balanced each of these qualities below that appear as opposites.

As you read these five tensions, ask yourself which ones reflect your strengths and which ones need strengthening.

Power and Compassion

• Jesus showed great power and guts when he turned over the tables of the moneychangers in the Temple (Matt 21). He also showed his commanding power when He called the religious leaders whitewashed tombs. (Matt 23.37)
• Yet he touched the lepers, showed tenderness to the woman with an issue of blood, and showed compassion to the rich young ruler who wouldn’t give up his riches.

Head (intellect) and Heart (emotion)

• He amazed the people with his grasp of the Scriptures at age 12 while in the Temple. His arguments and logic silenced even the most brilliant of his day. He even tongue-tied the Roman procurator, Pontius Pilate. He created ingenious intellectual dilemmas for his adversaries. He masterfully used Scripture in the context of life with allusions and questions that made others think.
• Yet Jesus deeply loved people at levels that they emotionally felt. The shortest verse in the Bible even says that, “Jesus wept.” (John 11.35)

Present and Future

• Jesus approached people where they were. He didn’t ask broken people questions like, “How in the world did you let yourself get into such a jam?” He was a realist about human frailty.
• Yet, he didn’t want people to stay where they were. He told Zacchaeus the tax collector to make restitution. He accepted him where he was, but He urged him to move forward into the future in a God honoring way. Jesus lived with a perfect blend of experiencing the present with an eye toward His future and toward helping others move into their future in the best way.

Purpose and Freedom

• Jesus knew why he had come, to do His father’s will. “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. (John 4.34) He was bothered when the disciples didn't take his mission seriously. He was passionate about his work. He knew what needed to be done and did it. He worked hard.
• Yet he lived with an amazing sense of balance. He was never in a hurry, compulsive, and never forced people to do what He wanted them to do. He gave them freedom to choose. He said followership was voluntary, no arm-twisting or guilt motivation. He didn't force his agenda on others. He knew his purpose and knew if others would embrace His purpose for them it would be best for them. Yet he released them to make their own choices.

Strength and Sensitivity (especially toward women)

• On the sensitivity side, Jesus elevated the status of woman so high that he even praised a woman for what was a purely a masculine role, sitting at the feet of a Rabbi (when Mary sat at his feet). Jesus accepted financial support from woman. He even defended a woman caught in adultery not to approve her adultery, but to expose the injustice of her accusers.
• Yet he was forceful. He was blunt with his mother when she was out of line to ask Him to do some things not a part of His messianic plan. He affirmed Mary's role when he indirectly confronted Martha’s compulsiveness. In John 4 He candidly pointed out to the woman at the well that she had 5 husbands. Jesus knew when to be sensitive with women and when He needed to be strong and not back down.

I believe pastors and leaders, too, must live within these tensions.

• Which of these is your greatest strength?
• Which is your greatest weakness?
• What would you add to this list?

“I just learned 5 leadership tensions in Jesus’ life that apply to spiritual leadership.”(click here to tweet this quote) 

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I love dogs. We’ve owned as many as four. Two currently make their home with us. Lulu (on the left) is a combination of a cat, a rat, and a dog. She’s as quick as a cat and looks like a hybrid rat-dog. She was a stray when we took her in “for just a few days until we find her owner.” We became the owners.

On the other hand, P-nut is our registered Chihuahua. He’s the oldest. He’s missing most of his teeth. And sometimes his lip gets stuck on his remaining molars so that he sports an Elvis look (no kidding).

When I reflect about our relationship with our dogs, I’m learning these five lessons from them that apply to me as a pastor or to any leader.

• Consistent: They are pretty much the same day in and day out. They don’t get moody. They’re not angry one minute and kind the next. They “show up” the same way every time I come home: they are glad to see me.
  • Leaders should be consistent with their followers. Your followers and/or staff shouldn’t have to wonder who’s going to show up each day. They shouldn’t have to wonder if you’ll be in a good mood or a bad mood.

• Grateful: When I give them a treat, they are always glad to get it. Their tails wag, their body shakes with glee, and they truly appreciate that chicken sliver or doggie biscuit I toss them.
  • Leaders should be the most grateful people in every church, ministry, or organization. After all, we get the privilege of leading and influencing others toward a cause greater than ourselves. God puts leaders in places of leadership and when He does, gratefulness to Him should fill our hearts.

• Baggage laden: This one may seem odd, but it’s true. When we picked up Lulu off the streets while we lived in California, we had no idea when or where she was born. All we knew was that she was skittish and skinny. We loved her, yet I can still simply raise my hand and she cowers. Apparently her prior owners beat her.
  • Every leader carries his or her own baggage. We don’t emerge from childhood without some broken places. Healthy leaders aren’t afraid to discover their broken places. When they do become self-aware of them, they seek help to repair them and realize that God can redeem them for good.

• Content: Both P-nut and Lulu model contentment. I don’t believe they have a worry in the world. I believe they know that all their needs will be met. So, they don’t fret about where their next meal or comfy blanket will come from (they have several).
  • Leaders trust the Lord that He will provide, care for, and guide them in any circumstance. Hebrews 13.5 reminds us that … “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

• Restful: Both dogs know how to rest. In fact, they take multiple naps every day. When they get tired, they sleep.
  • Good leaders know and practice Sabbath rhythms. While they certainly work hard, they also get enough sleep, they take days off, they take vacations, and they quiet their souls before the Lord daily. As one friend often said we must, “Divert daily. Withdraw weekly. Abandon annually.”

If you have a dog, what lessons have you learned from it?

“I just learned 5 leadership lessons that a dog can teach us.” (tweet this quote by clicking here) 

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• What do toilet repairs and leadership composure have in common? 

Next February InterVarsity Press will release my third book, People-Pleasing Pastors: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Approval Motivated Leadership.

As a scripturally based book, it also incorporates fascinating insight about how our brain influences our leadership and our tendencies to appease and please others in unhealthy ways.

To discover how pervasive people-pleasing is in the ministry I gathered research from two sources. I contracted Lifeway Research to survey over 1,000 pastors about people pleasing and I added to this research the results of a similar on-line survey of 1200 pastors I did for a total of over 2200 pastoral responses.

Surprisingly, 70% of pastors agreed that people-pleasing affects their lives and ministries at some level. In the on-line survey I included an option for pastors to anonymously tell their people pleasing stories. I got 100 pages of heart wrenching stories, single-spaced!

Here’s one pastor’s sad story.

In a church that I pastored, there was a major power struggle with several members who remained very close friends with the previous pastor who actively worked to wield control through these members. I often felt unable to measure up, always trying to ‘minister’ to these folks in hopes that I could win them over, and yet being angry that I couldn't. After two years I left the church and left the ministry. And I felt like a failure as a pastor and as a husband/father. 

Is people-pleasing affecting your ministry?

Take this short assessment to see if it is. Mentally check which statements are true of you.

1. In my church’s board or leadership meetings, sometimes I don’t speak up on an issue for fear of creating tension.
2. Too easily I say yes to someone’s request for me to do something. Later I regret having put that on my plate.
3. I will go out of my way to attempt to change someone’s mind who wants to leave my church or ministry.
4. Sometimes I get angry at myself for not having stood up or spoken up for what I believe.
5. I have kept on a non-performing staff person or volunteer leader too long before making a change.
6. When I need to be firm with someone else, I inordinately delay the conversation and/or after I do have the conversation, I realize I didn’t say everything I should have said.
7. Sometimes I try too hard to be nice.
8. It bothers me when I upset someone. I tend to blame myself for his or her distress.
9. I tread lightly around some people in the church because of their moodiness.
10. When those around me are angry, I become the peacemaker by trying to get them “un-angry.”

How many did you check? If you checked…

• 1-3: People-pleasing could become a growing issue in your leadership unless you do something soon.
• Keep this issue in prayer and stay vigilant of your tendency in the area(s) you checked.

• 4-6: People pleasing is most likely hindering your leadership and may get worse.
• Find a safe, wise leader in your church or a local pastor with whom you can confidentially share your struggle. Become accountable to him so you can stop unhealthy people-pleasing before it gets out of hand. See my blog here on what to look for in a safe person. 

• 7-10: You’re probably angry, anxious, and fearful most of the time and people-pleasing is clearly hurting your leadership.
  • Consider seeing a good counselor who can help you ferret out the cause and help you lead less from an approval motivation.

As you deal with your pleaser tendencies, consider this verse.

The fear of human opinion disables . . . (Prov 29.25, The Message)

How have you seen people-pleasing tendencies affect your or other’s ministries?

“People-pleasing in the ministry: I just took an interesting assessment on people-pleasing.” (tweet this quote by clicking here)  

Related posts:

• The Placebo Pastor: are you one? 
• 10 Ways to Handle the Church Critic  

Unless you stay at the same church your entire life, you will leave one ministry or church and go to another, perhaps several times. In fact, the average pastor in the U.S. stays at one place about four years.

I’ve served at five different churches in my 33 years in ministry and have always sought to leave well. I’ve learned that leaving is more of an art and is often difficult. Here are 7 insights I’ve learned that have helped me make a graceful exit.

• Deal with your baggage.Leave with a clear conscience that relationships have been made right, as much as is possible.
  • Acts 24:16   So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.
  • Rom. 12:18   If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone
• Don’t leave angry. Process your pain. If you struggle with anger after you leave, get coaching or counseling to avoid bitterness.
  • Hebr. 12:15   See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
• Leave on top.That is, leave your ministry as healthy and as strong as possible.
  • Col. 3:23   Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men….
• Speak well of the former leaders, both lay and paid. Don't leave a trail of gossip. Don’t undermine the leaders or anyone else who may have hurt you. Don’t burn bridges. Leave in such a way that your and Christ’s reputation remain intact.
  • Prov. 22:1 A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.
• Let go of ownership. You are no longer in charge. You may be tempted to still influence it from afar. Guard against that.
• Pray that God would bless the ministryeven more with the new leader who replaces you.
  • 1Kings 1:37 "May the Lord be with Solomon as he has been with you, and may God make Solomon’s reign even greater than yours!”
• Grieve well.Change brings loss. You will lose familiarity, relationships, and influence even as you gain those in your new ministry. Don’t be surprised if you grieve. The Apostle Paul grieved when he left the church at Ephesus for the last time.
  • Acts 20: 35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: `It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"   36 When he had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed.   37 They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.   38 What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.

Years ago I heard a talk by Ellen Goodman about leaving well. This quote captures the spirit of a leader who makes a graceful exit.

There is a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over-and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on, rather than out.

What insights would you add to this list?

"I just learned some good insight about how to gracefully leave a ministry." (tweet this quote).

Related Posts:

• Rejection: How it Affects Leaders. 
• When Ministry Knocks You Down, How to Get Back Up 

Here’s a quick list of the top 5 posts my blog readers read during the last 30 days.

• 4 Spiritual Disciplines Pastors Miss the Most
• 5 Brain Friendly Tips to Enhance Your Presentations
• 6 Soul Care Essentials for Pastors
• Top 10 Issues Facing the Church Today
• Are you a Transactional or a Transformational Leader: Take this Quiz and Find Out

What bloggers are you reading that I should know about?

I’m half-way through an incredible book called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Dr. Brene Brown. I highly recommend it. Her TED talk on this subject has garnered almost 10,000,000 views. She strikes a chord for leaders about risking vulnerability. 

As a pastor vulnerability is scary, carries risks, and we must practice care with whom we get deeply vulnerable. Check out my post here on what to look for in safe people. 

As risky as it is, Dr. Brown says it’s a key to what she calls wholehearted living, what I’d called a Spirit-filled life. She says we live in a culture of scarcity and poses 14 questions in her book (p. 27) in three categories that caused me to reflect deeply about my family, my ministry, and my world.

 I’ve quoted and paraphrased them here.

As you read them, what is God saying to you about your family, your life, and your ministry?

SHAME

• Do I use the threat of belittling or ridicule to keep people in line?
• Is my self worth tied to achievement, productivity, or compliance?
• Are blaming and finger pointing norms?
• Are put-downs and name-calling rampant?
• Am I guilty of favoritism?
• Am I a perfectionist?

COMPARISON

• Do I constantly compare and rank myself or others?
• Has my creativity been suffocated?
• Are people in my family or church held to one narrow standard rather than acknowledged for their unique gifts and contributions?
• Is there an ideal way of being or one form of talent that is used to measure everyone else’s worth?

DISENGAGEMENT

• Are people afraid to take risks or try new things?
• Is it easier to stay quiet than share stories, experiences, and ideas?
• Does it feel as if no one is really paying attention or listening?
• Is everyone struggling to be seen and heard?

As you read these, what question really resonated with you? What question would you add to this list?

___

“I just read 14 penetrating questions that made me evaluate my life and ministry.”  (click to tweet this quote)

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Brainstorming sessions have become standard fare for ministry teams that seek solution to problems. The two key components are to generate as many ideas as possible and don’t criticize the ideas. These concepts came from Alex Osborne’s book Your Creative Power published in 1948. Since then it’s been common practice to avoid criticizing the ideas in brainstorming sessions. The underlying assumption was that people won’t speak up if they fear criticism.

There’s only problem with this kind of brainstorming is this: it simply doesn’t work. 

Multiple studies have shown that groups who use standard brainstorming rules generate less ideas than do individuals (Lehrer, 2012). In other words, when posed with the same problem, individuals consistently generate more possible solutions to a problem than do groups. When I learned this I was shocked because I’ve always applied these two basic rules of brainstorming.

So based on the latest research, I’ve listed  below 5 creativity busters and the antidote to each

• Discourage dissent.Don’t all anyone to debate or criticize an idea in a brainstorming session.
  • Antidote: encourage friendly debate and healthy criticism. Set up rules beforehand, though, such as don’t personally attack people, clarify before criticizing, use phrases like “I have a different view.”
• Make the group an all boys club.
  • Antidote: include women because they, in general, have greater empathy skills and emotional intelligence and can offer unique perspectives.
• Only includes your BFF's (best friends forever).
  • Antidote: include in your brainstorming team both people with longstanding relationships and newbies. One study found that the creative teams behind the most successful Broadway musicals included people who had known each other a long time and newbies (Ellenberg, 2012).
• If you are the leader, telegraph your views from the get go.
  • Antidote: if you are the leader of the session, be as neutral as possible or you may hinder some people from sharing a good idea because it may conflict with yours. And people don’t like to disagree with their leader.
• Make the brainstorming session a serious, linear, logical experience.
  • Antidote: make the session fun, out of the box, and as rule free as possible. Encourage individual idea generation, counter intuitive ideas, and mind wandering. Mind wandering often produces some of our greatest insights (Christoff et al., 2009).

What have you discovered that encourages creativity in your team?

 “I just learned 5 creativity busters and 5 antidotes to those busters.” (Click here to tweet this quote).

Related posts:

• 5 brain friendly tips that improve brainstorming 
• 6 ways to add interest to your meetings 

Sources:

Christoff, K., Gordon, A.M., Smallwood, J., Smith, R. & Schooler, J.W. (2009) Experience sampling during fMRI reveals default network and executive system contributions to mind wandering. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 106 (21), pp.8719–8724.

Ellenberg, J. (2012) Six Degrees of Innovation. Slate. Available from: [Accessed 9 May 2013].

Lehrer, J. (2012) Groupthink. The New Yorker. Available from: [Accessed 25 February 2013].

The board meetings have begun to sour. Increasingly the pastor and his board have heated conversations about the church’s direction. The conflict has bled into every meeting for months. Emotions are running high. Conflict reaches a flash point. There is no written plan on how to deal with it. 

What happens? The board either sends the pastor packing or he quits out of frustration.

A rarity? No. Over 1500 pastors are forced from the ministry each month and many more pastors simply quit because they’re broken. Many are pondering leaving right now.

When emotions run rampant among pastors and boards, thoughtfulness seldom prevails. Our emotional brain hijacks our thinking brain.

So what is the solution to this problem? A written, clear, agreed-upon conflict resolution process. Here are 5 reasons your church needs one.

1. Simply quoting Matthew 18:15-17 on dealing with conflict often doesn’t cut it. Although it’s the basis for conflict resolution, it’s seldom practiced without specific written guidelines.
2. When we’re emotional, we don’t think clearly. When that happens we need something objective that is not open to interpretation, something that specifically explains the process whereby board-staff or staff-staff conflict can be resolved.
3. Such a policy can often result in a more redemptive resolution to conflict than knee-jerk reactions, instead of firing or quitting.
4. We are called to model to the world love for each other (John 13.34-35). How we respond to conflict often conveys just the opposite.
5. When we solve conflict in a God honoring way we embody unity, what the Scriptures often command us to seek. Eph. 4.3 (NIV) Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

I highly recommend the organization called Peacemakers to help you craft such a policy. Ken Sande, author of The Peacemaker, founded and leads this organization. Every pastor should read his book.   

They also offer training and have produced some excellent materials you can use to teach your church and leaders. Check out this link for their resources. 

Does your church have a conflict resolution policy? I’d love to see it if you do.

I just learned 5 reasons why churches should have a conflict resolution policy. http://ow.ly/kVX5W (click to tweet this).

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Discouragement comes with the territory for ministry leaders. Unmet goals, putting out fires, staff issues, displeasing people, and general tiredness all contribute to discouragement. When it weighs us down, how can we dig out?

The life of the prophet Elijah gives us hope.

I Kings 18-19 tells the story of his amazing confrontation with the prophets of Baal. The people of Israel had gathered on Mount Carmel along with 450 prophets of Asherah. They set up a sacrifice and the 450 pagan prophets summoned their gods to provide rain. Nothing happened. Then Elijah summoned the one, true God who showed His power by not only consuming the sacrifice but also ending the drought.

You’d think that after God showed up in such a powerful way, twice, that Elijah would be on a spiritual and emotional high. Not so. After these great victories, he ran for his life, thinking he was the only true prophet left.  He literally wanted to die. But God did not leave him alone. I Kings 19 explains how he cared for him.

Three lessons stand out about how we can defeat leadership discouragement.

• First, prepare for an emotional dip after spiritual success. I’ve found that discouragement often follows a spiritual high. Among other reasons, it’s the body’s response to stress. Mondays are often the most discouraging days for pastors after an intense Sunday. Prepare for this inevitability.
• Second, physically rejuvenate. After Elijah wanted to die, God provided food for him through an angel and had him take two long naps. After a spiritual high, take care of your body to give it time to re-energize. Extra sleep, healthy food, exercise, and doing something fun can help you recover.
• Third, still your soul to hear God’s gentle voice. After Elijah fled, God spoke to him in a “whisper.” Often Satan will attack us most after spiritual victories with condemning and tempting thoughts. When he does, turn your heart to the Lord and listen to His quiet, yet encouraging voice.

What has helped you defeat discouragement?

Related posts:

• 6 Ways to Encourage Your Pastor 
• When Ministry Knocks You Down, How to Get Back Up 

Patrick Lencioni brought the concept of silos into the leadership conversation with this great book, Silos, Politics, and Turf Wars. Silos occur in organizations and churches when leaders act like their ministry or team is the only one that matters. A silo attitude results in that leader or team only supporting, giving, or attending functions that pertain to them. It can be kill a ministry and result in these problems.

• Unhealthy competition
• Jealousy
• Hurt feelings
• Pride
• Lack of trust
• Fighting over limited resources
• Foot dragging
• Politics

So how can a leader minimize ministry silos? Below I suggest a key foundation and then 5 pillars to build on that foundation to rid your ministry of silos.

If you want to change your culture to minimize and remove silos, build from the bottom up. Build a solid foundation on the Biblical concept of unity. Teach and train your leaders often about unity remembering that unity does not mean uniformity. God gives each of us unique gifts and abilities which creates a healthy church. Keep these and other Scriptures in front of your leaders.

• Psa. 133.1 (NIV) How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
• Rom. 15.5 (NIV) May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus,
• Eph. 4.3 (NIV) Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
• 1Cor. 1.10 (NLT) I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.

Next, place these five pillars on that unity foundation.

1. Make sure you have a clear, shared vision. Keep your church’s mission/vision/values before your leaders. If you’re fuzzy on mission/vision/values, I recommend Will Mancini’s book, Church Unique. 
2. Build trust between all your leaders. When leaders trust each other it increases the trust neurotransmitter, oxytocin, which builds camaraderie. The more people trust each other, studies show that they will co-operate more. (De Dreu, 2012).
3. Encourage your leaders to talk to each other. Schedule consistent leadership meetings so that leaders can hear each other’s stories and needs. Start a leadership e-letter and send it to every leader. The more in common leaders share with other leaders, the more productive and motivated they’ll be.
4. Remind leaders that it’s not all about them. Remind them that they are part of a larger purpose and that great teams look out for each other. Foster this attitude among your leaders. “How can I help my fellow leaders, even though it’s not my ministry?”
5. Teach leaders to step inside each other’s shoes. When we see life from another’s perspective, we are more giving and more likely to help. It’s a concept mentalizing (Waytz et al., 2012).

Are silos an issue in your ministry? How do you deal with them?

Related posts:

• Strategic Planning for Dummies 
• Get a free strategic planning tool here

References:

De Dreu, C.K.W. (2012) Oxytocin modulates cooperation within and competition between groups: An integrative review and research agenda. Hormones and Behavior, 61 (3), pp.419–428.

Waytz, A., Zaki, J. & Mitchell, J.P. (2012) Response of Dorsomedial Prefrontal Cortex Predicts Altruistic Behavior. Journal of Neuroscience, 32 (22), pp.7646–7650.

After 32 years working in a church, I stepped down last year after a fulfilling 7½ year run as a senior pastor in Aurora, IL. This past year I’ve accomplished several things.

• Completed a book for Inter-Varsity Press called People-Pleasing Pastors: Avoiding the Pitfalls of Approval Motivate Leadership. It releases in February of 2014.
• Almost completed another book on the subject of neuroleadership for Christian leaders (intersects brain-based insights with the Bible).
• Created the foundation for my consulting/coaching ministry for pastors.
• Formed an animation company called BullsEye Animations.  
• Traveled to Canada, Haiti, and Mexico to train pastor-leaders.
• Preached in several churches.
• Almost completed an Executive Masters in the Science of Neuroleadership.

I’ve been busy accomplishing many things, but I’m at a transition point in my life. I want to go back into church ministry as a lead pastor. To help me in this transition, I’ve hired a wonderful Christian coach, Kim Avery, to guide me through the process. I’ve scheduled several phone coaching sessions with her. Here are the five reasons I'm getting a coach this year.

1. Perspective. Although I’m an intelligent guy, sometimes I lose perspective. Someone totally objective can often see things I can’t and I need that in my life right now.
2. Questions. I learn well when others ask me good questions. It puts the thinking into my court. Good coaches know how to ask good questions.
3. Push-back. Sometimes my thinking can get so one-tracked that I don’t consider other possibilities. A coach can help me think “outside-the-box” by pushing back on my assumptions.
4. Blind spots. This relates to #1 and #3 above. We all have blind spots. As I enter into this transition, I don’t want to make decisions that might be prompted by blind spots. A coach can help reveal blind spots that can skew decision-making.
5. Affirmation. As I move into my next phase of life, whatever that looks like, I appreciate affirmation from those I respect. A respected coach can affirm good decision-making and through affirmation can prompt me take that final step necessary to make the right decisions.

If you have been coached, what benefits have you seen from your coaching experience?

Related posts:

• Do Pastors Need a Personal Coach? 
• I provide pastoral coaching. If you’d like to learn more, click here. 

Ministry demands never seem to end. There’s always one more person to serve and reach.

If you’re a pastor or work in a church in any capacity, our days often don’t end at 5 pm. Meetings and emergencies can take us into the late hours. Even if nothing specific demands our attention, in our off hours our minds often ruminate about the church.

Unfortunately, this causes many pastors to be sleep deprived. In fact 1/3 of all Americans are sleep deprived. I imagine pastors exceed that percentage.

Take this quiz and discover if you’re sleep deprived. Mentally check below the statements that apply to you.

• After I get up I feel tired most of the day.
• I often hit the snooze button in the morning.
• I wake up a lot at night.
• I often feel mentally sluggish during the day.
• On weekends and vacations I sleep a lot longer than I normally do to “catch up.”
• I tend to load up on caffeine through coffee, energy drinks, or sodas to "keep me going."
• Within a couple of hours before I go to bed I exercise or spend a lot of time in front of my computer monitor or my iPad.

If you checked at least three, there’s a good chance you’re not getting enough sleep.

And when you don’t, your brain doesn’t work at its peak...you increase the stress hormone cortisol in your body which damages it...and you’re more likely to react and be less self controlled when under stress.

Sleep deprivation does NOT help us become more productive pastors, even though we may think that extra hour of work that we get each day from sleeping an hour less helps. This Harvard Business Review article paints a compelling tie between decreased job performance and sleep deprivation.

So why is it such a problem for pastors? I have a few hunches.

• Perhaps we’ve over emphasized productivity. What pastor hasn’t read or memorized Proverbs 6.10. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest —  11 and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man. (NIV)
• Perhaps we’ve too often compared ourselves with uber-successful pastors or famous leaders and have heard how they got by on little sleep.
• Perhaps we’ve gotten used to being sleep deprived and don’t know what it’s like to get adequate sleep.

What can we do about it?

1. If you are sleep deprived, admit it. Admitting a problem is the first step toward victory.
2. Realize that sleep and rest is biblical. We see this in the creation account and God’s establishing Sabbath rest as a principle. We see this in Jesus telling His disciples to pull away from ministry and rest (Matt. 6.31). And we see Jesus sleeping, even in a storm (Matt 4.38).
3. Re-adjust your schedule to get more sleep. Get an accountability partner to hold you accountable. It may not be easy.
4. Go to bed earlier. This is a very effective way to regain that sleep.
5. Ask your leadership to limit evening meetings.
6. Give yourself some grace if you are in a season with a new baby. Most babies don’t respect your need for sleep. Give it time and this will pass.

What has helped you get adequate sleep?

Related posts:

• Are energy drinks good for the busy pastor? 
• Pastor, slow thyself down. 

I must confess upfront that I don’t play golf. I’ve only played it once, unless you count dinosaur carpet golf our family often played while on vacation. However, several years ago my father-in-law tried to interest me in the sport. He gave me a set of nice used clubs. But, I never used them. Three years later he asked me how my game was going. Chagrined, I had to admit that I never played with them. He asked me to give them back to him (he really did).

Although I don’t play the game, I know a few key terms such as birdie, bogey, and par. A golfer scores a birdie when he sinks the ball in one less stroke than par. He scores a bogie when he sinks it one stroke over par.

So what do birdies and bogies have to do with leadership?

They provide a compelling visual metaphor for how some leaders miss great opportunities (birdies) because they act like bogey leaders. Researchers at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania analyzed over 2.5 million putts from the top 20 golfers on the PGA tour in 2007 and made a surprising discovery.[1] Prompted by fear of a ‘bogey,’ these golfers often played it safe in tournaments. Their fear resulted in an average one-stroke loss per 72-hole tournament with a combined annual loss of $1.2 million in potential prize money. “The agony of a bogey seem(ed) to outweigh the thrill of a birdie.”[2]

This dynamic, called loss or risk aversion, occurs when fear of loss stifles our attempts at gain. As a result, that fear can cause us to miss opportunities because we lead (or golf) too conservatively. In fact, our brains seem to be wired this way. Two thirds of the cells in the fight-flight structures of our brain (the amygdala) are wired to look for potential bad news. Personal experience tells us that we tend to more easily remember bad things than good. And we more quickly form bad impressions of others than good ones. Unfortunately, some leaders give in to this tendency too easily and make leadership decisions to avoid loss instead of achieving gain.

So what can a leader do to minimize risk aversion?

I suggest what I call the 3-C approach to minimize it: counsel, certainty, and confidence.

• Counsel: seek it. When you feel you’re about to play it safe when faced with an important decision, seek counsel from wise people. You might choose your staff, your board, a close friend, or a coach. Often input from an objective person can give us what we need to pull the trigger, or not. The writer of Proverbs encourages us to do this. Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success. (Prov 15.22, NLT)

• Certainty: get it. Our brains love certainty.[3] We want to know what lies just around the corner. But often we have no control over the future. Every decision brings with it some uncertainty because we can’t guarantee most outcomes. In response to uncertainty, the flight-fight part of our brain secretes chemicals that prompt the fear emotion, a big de-motivator. That’s where faith must come in. Faith is essentially confidence in the One who is most certain, God Himself. To overcome this fear prompted by the uncertainty of decision-making, we must place our confidence in the one thing we can be sure of, God’s faithfulness. He’ll give us that extra boost of certainty we need to make the decision.

• Courage: live it. Courage counters fear. It doesn’t remove it. When fear rises before a decision, perhaps it’s a sign that we’re on the right track. Mark Twain said it well when he wrote, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. John Wayne, the venerable cowboy of cowboys offers great advice when fear prompts us to avoid a reasonable risk, “Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.”

So the next time you face a leadership decision and fear attempts to derail you, consider what you could lose if you don’t move forward and saddle up anyway. Don’t bogey your decision. Birdie it instead.

How would you describe most of the leaders you know, bogie or birdie leaders?

Related Posts:

• What do Toilet Repairs and Leadership Have in Common 
• Three Probing Questions Every Leader should Ask Every Year 

You’ve been wrestling with a ministry challenge and you believe you’ve found the right answer. At the next elder meeting you share your idea and one elder begins to voice opposition. Because you feel so strongly that you’re right you begin to raise your voice, talk faster, and talk over others who want to engage in the conversation. Tension escalates. Anger rises. You think, “How dare they think I’m wrong. I know I’m right.”

What happened?

And what should a leader do?

If this has ever happened to you, a small almond shaped structure called the amygdala has hijacked your brain. Located deep inside our brains, it (there are actually two of them) causes our fight-fight-freeze-appease response to danger.

So when you felt threatened from the elder’s pushback, your emotional side took over. And when that happened, the part of our brain that helps you think clearly, respond wisely, and listen carefully, the prefrontal cortex right behind your forehead, got shut down. You reacted emotionally rather than thoughtfully. And when you got too pushy, you probably put the other elder’s brains in the same fight-fight-freeze-appease mode which increased their resistance to your idea.

Unfortunately, many pastors and leaders get stuck in this unhealthy mode. They are driven to be right, to avoid appearing wrong, or to appease others. As a result, too much of the stress hormone, cortisol, courses through their bodies and brains and puts them in a state of chronic stress. Too much cortisol over long periods of time harms our hearts, decreases our creativity and memory, and actually kills brain cells.

When that happens, what can we do?

• Evaluate whether or not you are under chronic stress. If you often feel anxious, react easily, people-please too much, or have difficulty concentrating, your amygdala may be controlling you instead of the Holy Spirit. Your body may be telling you that you need a cortisol break. Ask a close friend or a counselor to help you determine if you’re under chronic stress. Even better, ask him if he feels like always need to be right. Of course, you may not even need anyone to tell you that. You may already know it. A good dose of self-honesty will go a long way toward healing. If you are under chronic stress, create a plan to lessen your stress.

• Remind yourself that God is in control. When the brain experiences uncertainty, (i.e., Will the elders approve my idea?) it feels threatened. When we feel threatened, our emotional side driven by the amygdala tends to take over. Yet, God is the most certain reality in the universe and He tells us to have faith in Him. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Heb. 11.1, NIV) Even with the uncertainty that comes with leadership, we can rely on God’s steadfastness certainty and His Spirit can override our human tendency to become fearful when things seem uncertain.

• Learn to listen more empathetically (i.e., when you present your idea to your board). Empathy, being able to step inside another’s shoes, is a key competency for successful pastors and leaders. One study even showed that empathetic doctors got sued less than non-empathetic ones (Ambady, 2002). It doesn’t mean that you don’t hold to your convictions. It does mean, however, that you try to listen with your heart. Empathy, kindness, and caring can actually help activate the trust hormone, oxytocin. When that happens, when others feel that you care and that you really listen, they will endear themselves more to you and to your leadership.

So, if you have to get hooked on something, don’t get hooked on being right about your ideas, but about being right with others and with the Lord.

What do you think? Am I on target with my thoughts?

Here's another great blog posting on the subject by Judith Glasser.

Related Posts:

• Motivate your Teams with These 4 Neuroscience Keys 
• 7 Rules of Conversations that Make for Great Meetings  

References:

Ambady, N. (2002) Surgeons’ tone of voice: A clue to malpractice history. Available from: [Accessed 27 March 2013].

I’m in a 5-part blog series that gives a brain-friendly tip that you can use to make your organizational changes brain-friendly so that they stick. Today’s is Sticky Tip 5: Seed your culture with a change mentality

Seed your culture with a change mentality

Change evokes fear in our emotional centers because it implies threat and the brain is wired to avoid threat and danger. However, the more familiar something becomes to us, the less threatened it will appear to us. So the more you familiarize you team with change, especially before you initiate a major one, the more likely they will receive it. How can you do that?

• First, begin with your leadership. Incorporate a change mentality into your leadership culture so that your core team or influencers don’t see it as a threat. Regularly include conversations about change into staff meetings, retreats, and leadership training. Encourage your leaders to think about it. Make change management a core competency you expect from your staff. Hire staff and recruit key volunteers who aren’t averse to change. Seek to make the concept less foreign.
• Second, include some aspect of change into your annual plans. Make it a core component in every planning cycle, not just when you face significant changes. Keep the conversation about change on the front burner. Help leaders think about ways to stay ahead of change rather than reacting to it when it becomes necessary.
• Finally, if you lead a church or ministry, regularly teach about the Biblical basis of change. Share stories of great heroes of the faith who embraced change and furthered the Kingdom as a result. Abraham obeyed God and moved to a foreign land. God blessed him with a new nation. Ruth left her home, family, and nation to follow Naomi into a strange land. As a result, she became part of the lineage of Jesus. And the disciples gave up their livelihoods to follow Jesus into uncharted waters as the Apostles. They were responsible for spreading the Gospel after Jesus ascended to heaven. Stories move and motivate others to embrace change.

To summarize my last 5 posts, I’ve included the 5 brain-friendly sticky change tips below.

1. Step into their shoes
2. Envision the benefits
3. Manage expectations
4. Invite input
5. Seed your culture with a change mentality

What would you add to this list?

What are you currently doing or what can you do to seed a change mentality into your organization’s culture?

Related Posts:

• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 1
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 2
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 3
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 4

I’m in a 5-part blog series that gives a brain-friendly tip you can use to make your organizational changes brain-friendly so that they stick. Today’s is Sticky Tip 4: Invite input

Invite input

Creating a change buy-in plan infers that you want to help people own the change. Why should they own it? Because people don’t like being told what to do (i.e. “you need to change”). They would rather come up with their own ideas. 

Within reason, provide your team significant opportunities to give input into how the change will look. Give away small components of change to those lower on the leadership org chart. Although upper management and leadership must decide the what of change, providing options and opportunity for your team to fashion the how because the brain loves freedom and autonomy. Allowing others to create components of that change helps create a feeling of autonomy.

Also, give your team real, tangible, and easy channels through which they can give you feedback about the change. Simply knowing that you are serious about listening will decrease your team’s threat response and fear about the change.

What mechanism can you set up to solicit input from your team?

Related Posts:

• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 1
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 2
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 3

I’m in a 5-part blog series that gives a brain-friendly tip that you can use to make your organizational changes brain-friendly so that they stick. Today’s is Sticky Tip 3.

Manage expectations

As you create a change buy-in plan, consider the power of expectations. The brain likes to know what to expect so it can prepare for and anticipate what’s coming. If you team feels uncertain about the future, their anxiety will rise because they get into an away state (a feeling of fear). One way to help moderate this anxiety is to plan how you will set expectations.

It’s wise to set realistic ones and to avoid overselling the benefits. Yet, still build in hopeful expectations. When we expect something good, we get boost of dopamine, the neurotransmitter involved in reward and motivation. 

This process is much like the placebo effect when somebody thinks he’s taking a real drug for a health issue, even though it may be a sugar pill. The sugar pill actually helps some people feel better because their positive expectations activate a part of the brain that tempers pain (Fournier et al., 2010). And, positive expectations prime our brains to be even more receptive. 

David Rock, a noted writer on neuroscience insight wrote, “What you expect is what you experience (Rock, 2009, Kindle e-book loc. 140).” So when you implement the change, you want to have met the expectations you communicated. Better yet, exceed them. Our brains love it when we get something unexpected, like exceeded expectations.

When your team experiences the positive benefits of change, their dopamine levels increase which puts them in a better mood. And when our teams are in better moods, it can engender more confidence in your leadership. They then become even more open to new experiences and change. 

One way to engender this confidence is to recognize and celebrate small wins along the way. The Scriptures even tell us to Rejoice with those who rejoice…. (Rom. 12.15, NIV)

How can you manage expections for the change you hope to bring?

Related Posts:

• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 1
• Brain Friendly Sticky Tip 2

References:

Fournier, J.C., DeRubeis, R.J., Hollon, S.D., Dimidjian, S., Amsterdam, J.D., Shelton, R.C. & Fawcett, J. (2010) Antidepressant drug effects and depression severity: a patient-level meta-analysis. JAMA: The Journal of the American Medical Association, 303 (1), pp.47–53.

Rock, D. (2009) Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long. HarperCollins.

In my last post, I suggested 6 brain barriers that limit successful change in churches, ministries, and organizations. Often when leaders plan change for their organization, they simply plan the change itself and neglect planning how to communicate the change. I believe, however, that if you want your change to stick and you want to minimize disruption, you must begin by creating a brain-friendly communication plan.

In my next five blogs, I suggest a brain-friendly tip each day that can help make your change sticky, all grounded in recent neuroscience findings. Here's tip 1.

Step into their shoes

Neuroscientists have learned that often what we say we will do we don’t, and what we say we won’t do, we often do. Of course it doesn't take a brain scientist to figure that out. 

But they’ve discovered that when the part of the brain just behind your eyes lights up, the orbitofrontal cortex (Falk et al., 2010), it can accurately predict future behavior. This part of the brain gives us the ability to see another’s perspective by stepping inside their shoes. It’s called mentalizing. As we think about ourselves or think about others, we engage this part of the brain. And what we do in the future is correlated with it lighting up. So when your team takes your perspective and when you take theirs, you can help move the change forward.

So as you begin to create a buy-in plan, think about how you can step into your team’s shoes. Try to discern their perspective of the pending change by asking yourself questions like these.

• What are their concerns?
• How do they feel about this change?
• What do they fear?
• What do they think is going on inside your head?
• What might be their biggest objections?

Better yet, ask a few key people for their perspective about the change. 

Also, ask yourself how can you create an environment so your team will feel safe to discuss the change. Feeling safe can create a toward response (versus an away or resistant response) which will make your team more open to the change (Whiting et al., 2012).

Related Post:

• 6 Brain Barriers to Healthy Church Change

References:

Falk, E.B., Berkman, E.T., Mann, T., Harrison, B. & Lieberman, M.D. (2010) Predicting Persuasion-Induced Behavior Change from the Brain. The Journal of neuroscience?: the official journal of the Society for Neuroscience, 30 (25), pp.8421–8424.

Whiting, J., Jones, E., Rock, D. & Bendit, X. (2012) Lead change with the brain in mind. Neuroleadership Journal, (4), pp.1–15.

Healthy change is necessary for any church, ministry, or business to thrive. However, leaders often run into these invisible brain barriers when they attempt change. Ignoring them can slow or stonewall a change. Since neuroscientists are now rapidly learning amazing new insights about the brain, it behooves us to learn about how our brains respond to change.

The next time you plan a change initiative for your church or organization, consider how you might lessen the effects of these brain barriers that can stifle it.

1. Brain Barrier 1: Undoing a bad impression is harder than creating a good one. It’s the “you don’t have a second chance to make a good first impression” adage. Neuroscientists have found that to be true. It’s not just an old wives’ tale (Lount et al., 2008). Poorly introduced change will start your change on the wrong footing.
2. Brain Barrier 2: People initially assume the worst. Your brain is wired to pick up the negative more than the positive. In fact, 2/3 of the brain cells in the flight-fight part of your brain, the amygdala, are wired to pick up on what’s wrong rather than on what’s right (Hanson, 2010). Our brains have a built-in negativity bias. People will initially latch onto potential negatives of your change rather than onto the positives.
3. Brain Barrier 3: The brain can only handle so much change at once. Trying to create too much change too quickly increases the brain’s fear response and will hinder that change (Hemp, 2009).
4. Brain Barrier 4: People will fill in knowledge gaps about your change with fear. Change causes uncertainty about the future which in turn breeds fear. And when the brain senses fear, it doesn’t like it. It will act out of that fear which dampens the brain’s ability to think clearly. The less information you provide about your change initiative, the more others will fill in the knowledge gaps with their negative assumptions. As a result, they’ll be more fearful and more resistant to change.
5. Brain Barrier 5: People underestimate their ability to weather difficult future events (Wilson & Gilbert, 2005). Uncertainty causes us to poorly forecast how well we can face the difficulties that changes might bring. The term is called “affective forecasting.” When you present change, others will often initially assume that life will be worse for them because of your change.
6. Brain Barrier 6: Emotions play a significant role in decision-making and influence how well others will embrace change. Just presenting facts about your change without engaging positive and hopeful emotions about the future will seldom move it forward.

In my next post I give some brain-friendly keys to change.

What barriers have you seen from others when you’ve introduced change?

Related posts:

• 6 Keys to Mastering Church Change 
• How to Respond When Someone Leaves Your Church 

References:

Hanson, R. (2010) Confronting the Negativity Bias [Internet]. Available from: <http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-wise-brain/201010/confronting-the-negativity-bias> [Accessed 31 January 2013].

Hemp, P. (2009) Death by Information Overload - Harvard Business Review [Internet]. Available from: <http://hbr.org/2009/09/death-by-information-overload/ar/1> [Accessed 20 March 2013].

Lount, R.B., Zhong, C.-B., Sivanathan, N. & Murnighan, J.K. (2008) Getting Off on the Wrong Foot: The Timing of a Breach and the Restoration of Trust. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34 (12), pp.1601–1612.

Wilson, T.D. & Gilbert, D.T. (2005) Affective Forecasting. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 14 (3), pp.131–134.

We’ve all gotten emails that either…

• wasted our time
• took us off task
• or stirred up our emotions because someone just dumped on us.

Email is both a blessing and a curse. One study discovered that we waste over eight hours a week from the distraction caused by emails [1]. Yikes! If you’re a busy pastor, ministry leader, or business professional, we can probably help each other by incorporating these e-mail etiquette pointers.

1. Keep emails brief and to the point. Put the key message you want to convey right up front.
2. Limit emails to one main subject. Try not to mix several subjects into one email.
3. Don’t ‘Cc’ everybody. If you need to copy your email to another, make sure it goes only to the person who needs to get it, not to everybody that may have received the initial email.
4. Don’t email messages that are emotional. If you need to communicate something emotional, criticize someone, or give negative feedback, pick up the phone and speak to the person. Or better yet, talk to them face-to-face. It’s easy to take an emotional email the wrong way.
5. DON’T USE ALL CAPS. IT SOUND LIKE YOU ARE YELLING!
6. Avoid the power play game by copying the email recipient’s boss. Sometimes it’s appropriate to copy the boss for information purposes. But if you’re trying to coerce the recipient by leveraging the boss’s influence, that’s not fair.
7. Include your contact info in your signature.
8. Re-read your email before you press “send.”

Any email tips you’ve discovered that make emails more useful?

Related posts:

• How much time should a pastor spend preparing a sermon 
• Productivity: Multi-Tasking Doesn’t Work 

Diversity in the church is big today. With greater globalization and the desire to melt racial barriers, many pastors want their churches to become ethnically diverse. Many pastors intentionally seek to create such diversity through staffing, who gets on the worship teams, and who becomes the face of the church from the stage or on their web site. 

I laud that desire. I’ve done the same. In the last church I led we included several Latinos on the worship team, and not just for token diversity. They were great worship leaders. And several years ago I hired an African-American to serve as my worship leader. So I believe in diversity. 

However, I many have unintentionally limited my definition of diversity to ethnicity or language and missed one huge area of diversity that already exists in every church: neurodiversity.

What do I mean when I say neurodiversity? Simply this.

Neurodiversity means that people think and process information differently. Not everybody thinks like you or me. I think more linearly, logically, and left brained. As a result, my preaching, leading, staffing, and volunteer selection has tended to reflect my thinking style. I may have unintentionally taught and led without taking into account that God gave us all unique thinking styles. I’m much wiser now and realize that I must take into account neurodiversity when I perform these pastoral functions.

Preaching and teaching: People learn differently and thus process teaching differently depending on their tendency as left-brained or right-brained. Below, I’ve contrasted a few left brained traits on the left with right brained traits on the right (notice how linear I am).

• Process the familiar…process the novel
• Detailed… holistic/big picture
• Sequential…random
• Logical…intuitive

If you want to read a great (and long) book on left brain vs right brain, read The Master and His Emissary by Ian McGilchrist.  Also, here’s a great TED video on the divided brain (over a million views). 

Change management: People respond differently to change. Some people’s brain make-up makes them less fearful of change, and thus able adapt to it more quickly. Others perceive change as a huge threat and they dig their heels in to oppose it. (A great article on the 5 Fears of Change here.) 

Encouraging healthy followership: Some will follow you simply because you present a compelling and logical reason to follow. Others  will follow only when you move them emotionally.

Teams: If everybody on your team thinks like you, you can foster groupthink, when a team gets along so well or agrees so readily that nobody challenges ideas or the status quo. As a result, you can miss opportunities or even make poor choices. Susan Cain, author of one of the best books I’ve read in the past two years, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, talks about groupthink in this great article. 

Every pastor who wants to move his church forward for Kingdom purposes should certainly seek to remove ethnic barriers to allow that church to be as diverse as God intends for it to become. 

However, those in your church are already significantly diverse in one significant domain, neurodiversity. As you lead, teach, and develop others, heed and adapt to their diverse thinking and mental processing styles. You’ll become a more effective Kingdom leader.

Is this a new concept for you? How can you apply it to your church setting? 

Related posts:

• 6 Tips to Help Others Discover Their Spiritual Gifts 
• The Hidden Factor that Hinders Church Change 

BFF: Shorthand for "best friends forever" 

Used mostly by teen girls when texting

You may have never used this texting shorthand, but the concept captures essential human nature. We all want a few best friends. We need them. In fact, the Scriptures speak positively about friends

• A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (Prov 17.17, NIV)
• A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Prov 18.24)
• If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Eccl 4.10)

But considering leadership teams, should we fill our upper level teams such as deacons, elders, or key leadership staff with best friends? I share a true story below from a pastor friend, but I’ve changed the details enough to protect anonymity.

My pastor friend’s church in the south was lead by a deacon board of four men plus himself. He was considered the board’s leader and the four other members were very close. Two of the deacons had been roommates in college and stayed close friends. One of those deacons was the best friend of the third member on the board. And the fourth member of the board met each week with the third deacon in a discipleship relationship. You can see that these four were very tight in one way or another. The pastor was friends with all the deacons, but not close to any of them. 

Over the years at his church conflict began to rise between he and the board. It seemed that he was the odd man out each time they discussed a new initiative or direction for the church. The other four seemed to always be in agreement with each other, usually in opposition to how the pastor viewed things. Ultimately, the tension became so great that he left the church after 10 years and began to teach at a seminary.

Although other issues were certainly at play, groupthink seemed to influence the four members of the board. The BFF’s appeared blind to any other perspective except to the views of their four friends on the board.

So, based on this scenario and your experiences, what have been the pros and cons you’ve seen in boards or key leadership teams when most of those in those groups were BFF’s? Did the friendships help or hinder decision making? Did groupthink result or did the Holy Spirit simply use their kinship (like David and Jonathon in the Bible) to help them make good decisions?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Related posts:

• Motivate Your Teams with These 4 Neuroscience Insights 
• How I Do Staff Evaluations 

In your church you’re probably trying to bring change in some way or are contemplating it. Unfortunately, change in our churches often doesn’t go so well. In fact, we’re not alone. In the business world some have estimating that the majority of organizational change either fails, underperforms, or makes things worse (Cope, 2003). I imagine that church change doesn't fare much better.

However, we don't have to become a statistic. Consider 8 these insights the next time you try to bring change to your church, ministry, or organization.

1. Incorporate a change mentality into your church culture so that people don’t see it as a threat. The more you talk about, the less scary it becomes when it happens.
2. Include change as a component in the church’s current strategy. When you create your annual goals and strategies, include a clearly defined component of change. Do this every year. Don't make it a sporadic communication.
3. Regularly teach on the Biblical basis of personal change so that change is more easily embraced. When training leaders, always include some component that teaches about change. Try to build change management into key staff and volunteers as a core competency.
4. Help key players (staff, key volunteers, and church boards) embrace a philosophy of healthy change (see above). Seek to hire staff and recruit volunteers who aren’t change averse. When you recruit others, be sure to discuss their view about change and your expectations about it.
5. Build forward thinking into the highest levels of your leadership conversations. Help leaders think about ways they can stay ahead of the change curve in culture rather than reacting to it when it inevitably comes.
6. Involve as many people as reasonably possible into change initiatives. Give away small to medium-sized components of change to those lower on the leadership org chart. Get ownership as much as possible.
7. Celebrate wins, both short and long-term ones. You can’t overdo this one.
8. Reduce internal threat levels through building healthy relationships and a brain friendly working environment. Read this article that talks about what a brain friendly environment looks like. It’s based on the latest neuroscience research. The model is called SCARF an incredibly insightful way to build team collaboration and productivity.

What has helped you create change in your ministry or business?

Related posts:

• Is this the hidden factor that hinders change in your church?
• How the Brain Stifles Church Change

References:

Cope, M. (2003) The Seven Cs of Consulting [Internet]. Available from: <http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/355030.The_Seven_Cs_of_Consulting> [Accessed 2 March 2013].

I’m a pastor and I’m intrigued with how God created our brains for effective communication and healthy team dynamics.

Recently I started a small side business called BullsEyeAnimations  to create ‘white board’ animations for companies that want to communicate difficult concepts, train employees, or market their products.

I manage the process, create the script, and do the voiceover for the animation (done by an animator). I recently spent a half-day with four members of a company that had hired us to create a three-minute animation to explain a very complicated proprietary brokerage service they offer.

I used several neuroscience techniques in that meeting that you might try the next time you lead a brainstorming session.

• To help set up the day I created a clear agenda and emailed it several days prior to the meeting. This is called pre-encoding. Encoding is the process of learning when our brain lays down new networks of neuronal connections. Pre-encoding, as the word implies, sets up the brain to receive that learning (the actual encoding). The agenda clearly articulated the meeting’s objectives and set us up for greater productivity. When we met, we knew exactly what we wanted the brainstorming session to accomplish. Here’s what it included.
• Who: Clarify the target audience for the animation and the audience’s felt needs
• What: Clarify the call to action the animation should evoke
• How: Create a rough draft of the script and brainstorm potential visual concepts that could illustrate the message

• I began the session by sharing a bit about my life to create a relational connection (two in the group were total strangers). When people feel they relate to you, they will follow your leadership and more readily learn from you. The early church understood this when they met house to house and built strong relational bonds through Biblical community (Acts 2.42). 

• I gave everybody a chocolate bar and explained that chocolate can aid focus and creativity by causing helpful neurotransmitters in our brains to release (Roizman, n.d.). Not only did I provide brain fuel with the candy, but I also heightened expectations that the session would result in lots of ideas. The brain needs both oxygen and glucose (energy) to function well. While too much sugar can certainly cause a brain lag later on, providing chocolate, coffee, or healthy snacks can help the brain function optimally.

• During the meeting we needed to generate personality traits to describe the target audience (the broker), list potential metaphors to use in the animation, and create a basic script. Instead of using the traditional brainstorming technique where everybody shares their ideas out loud, I asked each person to first privately write down their ideas. Then they shared them out loud and I recorded them on the white board after which we eliminated the ones that didn’t fit. Traditional brainstorming, where everybody verbalizes their ideas at the beginning, has been shown to not generate as many ideas as when people are asked to generate them privately (Lehrer, 2012). So, the simple act of having then jot down their ideas privately encouraged more idea generation.

• During our discussion time I subtly encouraged dissent and disagreement about the ideas, contrary to traditional brainstorming (get all the ideas out without criticizing any of them). Neuroscientists have found that dissent, when done in a “non-threatening to status” way, actually increases creativity (Nemeth et al., 2004).

The next time you lead a staff brainstorming session include a few of these five ingredients in your meeting and see what happens.

1. Healthy dissent to prompt creative thinking.
2. Private idea generation before public discussion.
3. Food such as chocolate or coffee to get the brain focused and alert.
4. Relationship building to engender likeability among the team.
5. A clear agenda to pre-encode what you want to accomplish.

What have you found that has helped make brainstorming more productive?

Related Posts:

• 6 Ways to Add Interest to Your Meetings  
• 7 Conversation Rules that Make for Smoother Staff Meetings

Sources:

Lehrer, J. (2012) Groupthink. The New Yorker. Available from: <http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2012/01/30/120130fa_fact_lehrer> [Accessed 25 February 2013].

Nemeth, C.J., Personnaz, B., Personnaz, M. & Goncalo, J.A. (2004) The liberating role of conflict in group creativity. European Journal of Social Psychology, 34, pp.365–374.

Roizman, T. Chocolate & Dopamine [Internet]. Available from: <http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/chocolate-dopamine-3660.html> [Accessed 23 February 2013].

Almost every year in my 32 years in ministry I’ve spent multiple hours preparing and delivering multiple staff performance reviews. I was shocked to recently learn that I may have been wasting my time.

In a meta-study (a study of the studies) researchers discovered that only 30% of feedback and performance reviews actually helped (Kluger & DeNisi,1996). They discovered that 30% have no impact and 40% actually make things worse, not a very good track record.

I wonder how many of us pastoral leaders would agree with those statistics? 

Does that mean we should drop performance reviews? 

No, not at all. Every leader can improve the performance review process through being more intentional with these these 7 C’s. When a review process includes these factors, neuroscience research indicates that real change can occur.

I’ve divided the 7 C's into these two categories.

1. The person: issues that directly relate to the person who’s receiving the review and the reviewer as well.
2. The process: issues that directly relate to the process itself.

The Person

• Community: Make sure that the person receiving the review feels emotionally connected to you as much as possible. Try to build a sense of community with those you review (Ibarra, 1999).
• Coachability: Before the review, help your staff develop a coaching/learner mentality. Help them see the value of feedback and reviews. The more value they see, the more positively they will receive it (Atwater & Brett, 2005).
• Connected: Help the staff person connect the feedback she receives to how she sees herself in the future (Kluger & DeNisi, 1996) and to her larger goals (Ashford et al., 2003).

The Process

• Credible: Make sure you as the supervisor are unbiased and fully informed about the staff person’s job and performance before doing the review (Waldman et al., 1998).
• Coupled: This is key. You must couple the review to follow up, ideally through a coaching process. Build into the process action steps to address areas that need improvement, all with a developmental rather than a punitive tone. Also, couple the process to a teaching session before the review to help staff understand the review process and how to get the best from it.
• Consistent: Make sure that the process elicits consistent feedback from all sources (Ashford et al., 2003).
• Collaborative: The more collaborative the process, the more effective it will be. If possible include peers, reports, and supervisors in the process. (London & Smither, 1995).

Include some of these ideas the next time you do a staff review and see how it helps. 

If you'd like to get a copy of a self-evaluation tool I’ve used, email me here. I give it to the staff person I'm to review and ask them to fill it out first. After they complete it and I’ve reviewed it, then we meet for the review.

What have you discovered that has helped your reviews actually improve performance?

 Related posts

• Staff Performance Reviews: do they help or hinder?
• 360-Degree Performance Assessments, a valuable tool

Sources:

Ashford, S.J., Blatt, R. & VadeWalle, D. (2003) Reflections on the Looking Glass: A Review of Research on Feedback-Seeking Behavior in Organizations. Journal of Management, 29 (6), pp.773–799.

Atwater, L.E. & Brett, J.F. (2005) Antecedents and consequences of reactions to developmental 360° feedback. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 66 (3), pp.532–548.

Ibarra, H. (1999) Provisional Selves: Experimenting with Image and Identity in Professional Adaptation. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44 (4), pp.764–791.

Kluger, A.N. & DeNisi, A. (1996) The Effects of Feedback Interventions on Performance: A Historical Review, a Meta-Analysis, and a Preliminary Feedback Intervention Theory (Kluger & DeNisi, 1996) [Internet]. Available from: [Accessed 2 February 2013].

London, M. & Smither, J.W. (1995) Can Multi-Source Feedback Change Perceptions of Goal Accomplishment, Self-Evaluations, and Performance-Related Outcomes? Theory-Based Applications and Directions for Research. Personnel Psychology, 48 (4), pp.803–839.

Waldman, D.A., Atwater, L.E. & Antonioni, D. (1998) Has 360 Degree Feedback Gone Amok? The Academy of Managaement Executive, 12 (2).

My friend Dr. Aubrey Malphurs is one of the top church leadership experts in the country today. He's written over 20 books and knows his stuff. This week his newest book, Look before you Lead, hits the bookstores and online retailers. I asked him to write this guest post today. Read it with interest and consider adding his new book to your library.

Why don't churches grow? Consider these 6 reasons Dr. Malphurs has discovered that causes many churches to stagnate.

1) You don’t know yourself

Many pastors assume they are gifted for what they are doing. Do you know what you are best at? Pastors should take the time to listen to those who know them and assess how God has designed them.

2) You don’t know your church

Let’s be honest. Many pastors take positions for less than holy reasons (needed a job, hated previous job, wanted to lead, etc). When this happens what gets overlooked is proper analysis of the church they are moving into. If the pastor doesn’t understand the values, belief, and assumptions of the church he is in, it is likely they will never change and the church will never grow.

My recently released book, “Look Before You Lead: How to Discern and Shape Your Church Culture” addresses the importance of pastors assessing the culture of a potential church (and vice-versa) prior to taking the position. This is an alignment issue that affects churches on many levels (see #4 below) and in many situations not only before a new pastor comes but once a new pastor arrives with hopes of making changes.

3) You church doesn’t know its context

Churches are very skilled at providing events, resources, and ministry opportunities for those ALREADY in the church. But what about the surrounding community? When is the last time you did a demographic study? Exegete your culture if you want your biblical exegesis to have any impact.

4) The pastor’s values don’t align with the church

Many pastors wonder why the church doesn’t respond to their leadership. They aren’t perfect, but it isn’t all their fault either. Write down the church’s top five values (actual, not aspirational) and your values as a pastor. Are the lists the same? What does this information tell you?

5) The church assumes the community likes what they like

Inside of church walls, we do an excellent job convincing ourselves that everyone should want the same things we want--this will never happen. Consider the likes, wants, needs, and values of the community and leverage this without violating biblical norms.

6) Your church isn’t honest about its aspirational values

If a church can’t clearly articulate its aspirational values, its head is likely in the sand, avoiding reality. If you don’t identify an issue, you’ll likely never improve it.

What barriers to growth have you seen in your church?

If you'd like to learn more about Aubrey's ministry, check out his web site and be sure to see the book trailer here.

Artie Davies, one of the most influential Christian leaders today, pastors Cornerstone Church, a growing multi-campus church based in Orangeburg, SC. An avid blogger, he also leads the movement called “The Sticks Network” that empowers and develops pastors from small cities. He’s one of my favorite bloggers and has one of the coolest websites around. 

His first book, Craveable, comes out this week and it’s a winner. Ron Edmondson, another influential pastor, blogger, and leader wrote the foreword. His endorsement speaks loads in itself.

Although I’ve never met Artie, as I read the book I feel like I’m sitting by the fireplace in a winter lodge listening to an old friend share a “fireside chat” with me. Fireside chats were the informal radio talks that President Roosevelt broadcast to help our country weather the Great Depression. They were enormously successful. I expect Artie’s book will be enormously successful as well.

What’s it all about? Essentially he challenges us to live a Christ-like life that captures the hearts of those far from God. Four key concepts form the backbone of the book.

• Listen as He listened
• Look as He looked
• Love as He loved
• Lead as He led

Artie organizes Craveable into 40 easy-to-read chapters. You could actually make this a great devotional by reading a chapter a day. Each chapter begins with a thought provoking target statement that summarizes the chapter. After he unpacks the concept, he closes out the chapter with a suggested action point and a zinger question that really makes you think. My favorite quote is, “There is no Plan ‘B,’ just you and me.”

Here are five reasons I think every Christian and especially every Christian leader should read Craveable.

1. It’s thoroughly Biblical.
2. It’s simple, yet challenging.
3. It’s an actionable paradigm pastors can use in their churches to develop a healthy missional culture.
4. It’s disarming. He gets across a strong message in ways that make you want to listen and heed. It would be a great book to put in the hands of every staff person and volunteer leader.
5. It’s desperately needed for Christian leaders today. Sometimes we get bombarded with multiple church growth techniques that can miss the essence of the Gospel: Jesus is everything and when He is our everything, everything changes.

Put this book on your reading list. You’ll be glad you did.

Related Posts:

• 100-degree Heat. 100 pastors. 4 Leadership Lessons.
• A Sad Heart: What not to Say to a Person in Pain.

Motivating staff and volunteers in your church is often as elusive as nailing Jell-O to a tree. Yet to move our churches from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ we must motivate those around us. Often pastors use the same ‘carrot-and-stick’ approach the marketplace has used for decades. If you do such-and-such you will receive a reward (salary increase, pat on the back, etc). If you don’t, you’ll get something negative: you won’t receive the reward, you will have to step down, etc. We’re now learning that this approach does not work in the long term.

However, neuroscience is discovering effective ways to motivate others based on how our brains work. Consider putting these four brain-based ideas into your motivation toolbox.

1. Build interpersonal likeability among team members.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but neuroscientists have discovered a brain-based reason to help your team like each other more. Performance increases when co-workers like each other (Shteynberg & Galinsky, 2011).

• Leadership application: regularly use team building and social experiences to build common interests and community among your staff, board, and volunteers. 

2. Encourage sharing of mistakes.

We all learn through our mistakes. However, some church environments discourage sharing them. We don’t want to look like failures. However, brain studies have discovered that when we observe how a friend (see point 1 above about likeability) learned from his mistake, we learn from it, just as if we ourselves made the same mistake. At the same time we are more open to receiving feedback about our mistakes from our friends (Kang et al., 2010). So the greater community you build, the more easily your team will learn from each other and receive feedback. Such relationships foster a “your mistakes are my mistakes” attitude. As Prov. 27.6 says, Wounds from a friend can be trusted….

• Leadership application: set an example by sharing your mistakes and what you are learning from them and create an environment that makes it safe for others to share theirs.

3. Repeat the common "why" often and delegate the "how."

Leaders must constantly seek answers to two key questions: “Why are we doing what we are doing?” and “How do we do it?” A common why (a shared goal: being on the same page), helps churches avoid silos and those same shared goals actually increase personal productivity (Shteynberg & Galinsky, 2011). Pastors should prioritize vision clarity as one of their top three roles, along with leadership development and teaching. When you pair a clear and shared why along with allowing your team to create the how, you will foster an atmosphere of personal freedom and autonomy, a key component for high performing teams (Rock, David & Cox, n.d.).

• Leadership implication: Stay focused on keeping the why clear and allow staff and volunteers to develop the how.

4. Communicate using personality specific language.

Our brains process motivation in different ways. One study about motivating people to floss their teeth discovered that different sides of the brain light up in a scanner depending on how the message was communicated (Sherman et al., 2006). If a person is more motivated to avoid certain negative things (i.e., floss to avoid bad breath), avoidance type messages motivated them to floss more often. For those motivated more by an approach personality, (if I do such-and-such I will get something good: floss to get great breath), approach messages motivated them to floss more often.

• Leadership implication: know your team well enough so you can tailor your messages to match personalities either as avoidance ones or as approach ones.

What has worked well to motivate your team?

Related posts

• 5 Ways to Motivate Others you May have Skipped
• What Motivates People’s Brains to be Generous? It Might Surprise You.
• Not Motivated? Try a Simple Pleasure

If you want your church to thrive you can’t avoid church change. Yet it is seldom easy, even though we leaders see the benefits of change before others see them. One hidden reason that makes it so difficult comes from how our brains respond to change. I believe that the more we know how the brain works, the more effective change managers we’ll become.

In a prior blog about the brain’s influence on change I wrote… 

Our brains are wired for us to want certainty in our lives. When something feels ambiguous or uncertain, we subconsciously feel threatened. When we feel threatened, it creates an away response, rather than a toward response. In the case of church change, an away response might be negativity, fear, passive resistance, or complaining from people. On the other hand, a toward response would be excitement, support, and good gossip, how we hope the church would respond. The more uncertain and ambiguous church change appears, the less support we’ll get and the more difficult the change will become.

Ambiguity about changes we propose, plus many other brain factors, influence how well people in your church will respond to your leadership. I know of one church in the south that is preparing for significant change by attempting to raise several million dollars for a building renovation. However, several key players and church members have yet to embrace the plan. The resistance to the change rises from these core issues.

• Fear that this fund raising effort will hinder other fundraisers that several ministries depend on.
• Sparse information given to the church before key milestones in the process.
• Resistance by some about going into debt.
• Older church members who feel uncomfortable with the change.

Based on brain insights, I’ve listed five ways that this church or any church should consider to best manage such change.

1. Leaders should first understand that two fundamental brain systems are at play in the people they seek to lead. One process, called the "X-system," got its name from the ‘x’ from the word reflexive. This system is more emotional, reactive, habitual, impulsive, spontaneous, and fast. It’s the non-thinking, automatic process that most people live by day-to-day. It’s what prompts someone to emotionally react to a change. The other process, called the "C-system," comes from the ‘c’ in reflective.  It’s more intentional, controlled, slower, and causes us to think before we speak or act. This system prompts people to reflectively consider the change. Simply knowing how the brains of your people work can help you manage change better. If you want to learn more about these processes, read, Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.
2. Recognize that change can create an away response in our brains and our emotions (see the quote above). If we feel threatened and fearful (caused by an away response), we’re less likely to embrace change. Older church members may feel especially threatened due both to the effects of age on the brain and to their long term ingrained church habits that aren’t easily changed (Williams et al., 2008). Therefore, leadership should publically acknowledge that they understand that change is difficult and scary and that it's scary for them as leaders as well.
3. Bring key players into the conversation. If key players believe they’ve been excluded from the process they can feel that they are in the “out” group. When they do, resistance to change will be higher because it also creates an away response in the brain (Rock, David & Cox, n.d.).
4. Over communicate using all means possible. The more information church people receive, the less ambiguity and more certainty they will feel. As a result, they will be less tempted to fill in the information gaps with worst case scenarios and will become more open to the reasons you give for the change.
5. Finally, seek to minimize something called cognitive dissidence. This term simply describes the inner tension we feel when our belief conflicts with our behavior (i.e., I want to lose weight but I’m eating a bag of Cheetos). Cognitive dissonance creates anxiety that can make us less open to change. One way to help minimize it is to preach and teach to change people’s beliefs about the change you’re proposing. If you can help them agree that the reason for the change is Biblical (i.e., reach more people), you can help them shift their behavior to align more with the change (i.e., their willingness to sacrifice convenient parking during the renovation). Behavior change follows change in belief.

God has given us this incredible thing called the brain. The more we learn how it works, the better leaders and change agents we will become.

What insights about change have helped you in your ministry or job?

Related posts:

• 6 Keys to Mastering Change in the Church  
• Is this the Hidden Factor Hindering Change in your Church 

Sources:

Rock, David & Cox, C. SCARF in 2012: updating the social neuroscience of collaborating with others. Neuroleadership Journal, (four).

Williams, L.M., Gatt, J.M., Hatch, A., Palmer, D.M., Nagy, M., Rennie, C., Cooper, N.J., Morris, C., Grieve, S., Dobson-Stone, C., Schofield, P., Clark, C.R., Gordon, E., Arns, M. & Paul, R.H. (2008) THE INTEGRATE MODEL OF EMOTION, THINKING AND SELF REGULATION: AN APPLICATION TO THE ‘PARADOX OF AGING’. Journal of Integrative Neuroscience, 07 (03), pp.367–404.

Many businesses, and churches as well, are minimizing overt hierarchy arrangements in favor of more equal staff relationships. Open space offices have also become popular while at the same time org charts seem to have largely disappeared.

I believe I understand one reason why: trust in institutions and leaders has dramatically dropped. As a result, leaders have created open space office arrangements, focused more on teamwork through groupthink, and deemphasized staff pecking order.

I know one mega-church where nobody has a private office and a team collaboratively develops every sermon. I know of another church that changed a senior pastor led leadership model to a model where three pastors co-lead: a teaching pastor, a ‘lead’ pastor, and an executive pastor.

But has creating more open space settings, focusing more on ‘we’ versus ‘I’ in productivity, and downplaying reporting relationships by eliminating tools like org charts actually hindered progress? Recent research may indicate that might be the case.

First, some interesting trends. Susan Cain in her excellent book, Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World that Talks too Much notes these facts.[1]  

• 70% of today’s employees work in an open office plan.
• Office space per employee shrank from 500 square feet in the 1970s to 200 square feet in 2010.
• The amount of student cooperative learning (students learning from each other in small groups) versus traditional teacher directed learning is rapidly growing and is preferred by a majority of teachers.
• The growth of collaboration has been seen in such diverse areas as Linux, the open-source operating system, and Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia created by whomever wants to contribute

What has happened from this move toward more open space and collaboration? It might surprise you. Cain provides several facts that indicate the result has not always been positive. [2]

• Reduced productivity.
• Higher staff turnover.
• Higher stress levels among workers.
• Fewer personal and private conversations among colleagues.

And what about minimizing hierarchical relationships? Recently two Stanford School of Business professors studied whether people favor hierarchical relationships over equal (egalitarian) ones.[3] They performed five separate experiments to gain insight into how prevalent and useful hierarchies are in social relationships. They discovered these insights about hierarchies.

• They are easier to remember than equal ones.
• People actually liked them more because they could remember them.
• Attempting to make relationships equal often resulted in those relationships not making sense at all.
• Outsiders had a more positive view of a company with a more pronounced hierarchy.

So, should we re-introduce rigid chains of command in our churches and ministries? Should we give everybody a private office? Probably not. But the proverbial “don't throw the baby out with the bathwater” would certainly apply here. I’ve made a few suggestions below.

1. If you lead a team with an open space format, be sure to provide alone time and private space. Allowing staff to periodically work outside their offices.
2. If you’ve removed the org chart from employee training and manuals, ask your team if re-introducing it for clarity might be helpful.
3. Make sure roles and relationships are clear. Ask your team if they believe they are. Make changes if not.
4. When you use team brainstorming, start by giving your team members alone time to do their private brainstorming before convening as a group. Group brainstorming is not as effective as we think.[4]

What has your church or ministry done with org charts and open space offices?

Related posts:

• Are you a transformational leader or a transactional leader: take this test and find out. 
• 5 Mistakes Pastors Make on Staff Planning Retreats 

In today’s vernacular, the word placebo refers to sugar pills given to patients for various illnesses. Although the pill has no medicinal value, the patient does not know that. The origin of the word I describe below, however, provides a memorable word picture for people pleasing,[1] the theme of my next book due late this year from Inter-Varsity Press. If you’d like advance notice before the book comes out, go to my web site and sign up to my email list. You’ll get a free e-book as well, Maximizing Ministry with your iPad.

In the 13^th and 14^th century the Catholic Church practiced a ritual called the Vespers of the Office of the Dead. As part of the service the priest would lead the people in prayers for the dead. In the first chant, the congregation would respond back to the priest by chanting the Latin translation of Psalm 116.9, I will please the Lord in the land of the living (the correct translation is actually, I will walk before the Lord in the Land of the Living). The Latin translation is Placebo Domino in regione vivorum. You’ll notice that ‘placebo’ is the first word in the chant. It means ‘to please.’

In France it was a custom for the mourning family to provide food to attenders immediately after such a service. Often people unrelated to the family would attend, claim to be a relative, and fake their grief so they could receive food after it was over. Over time these fakes were collectively labeled ‘placebo singers.’ Because they chanted the word ‘placebo’ they were also called ‘choral placaters,’ using their chant only to deceptively flatter in order to get something. They personified all things useless because they simulated grief. It wasn’t genuine. The word continued to convey a negative meaning and appeared as a character in Chaucer’s tales, Placebo, a flattering yes-man. It began to make its way into medicine and Hooper’s Medical Dictionary of 1811 defined a placebo as, “any medicine adapted more to please than benefit the patient.”

From the word’s history, you can see that ‘placebo’ is an apt metaphor and a good mental hook to remember the essence of people pleasing. Pleaser leaders, like placebos, may please others but they seldom truly benefit them.

From my research of over 2,200 pastors, I discovered that over 80% of pastors deal with unhealthy people pleasing at some level. My book address this pervasive problem.

Perhaps the best antidote to people pleasing comes from the Apostle Paul in Galatians 6.14.

For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. (The Message)

What has helped you avoid people pleasing in your ministry?

Related posts

• Critics: Stay Away or Draw Close  
• 10 Ways to Handle the Church Critic 
• 5 Ways to Turn Criticism into Carnage  

A new year offers us leaders a great opportunity to evaluate the prior one and plan what we hope to accomplish in the new one. Each January I complete three exercises that help me prepare for the coming year.

1. I re-read my journal to look for trends that I want to continue or weaknesses I want to address.
2. I evaluate to what degree I accomplished my goals.
3. I re-set my overall goals and objectives.

These are relatively straightforward tasks that many leaders already do. Yet, I think that to best prepare for a new year we should go deeper. Take an hour this week and honestly ask yourself these three questions. I recall reading them somewhere else, yet I don’t have the source.

• What are my leadership skills that are my strengths? In other words, God has given you a broad set of leadership skills, competencies, and gifts. If you were to rank them, what would rise to the top of your list? Are you leveraging this strength in your leadership role? Do you continue to hone that ability?
• We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. (Rom 12.6, NIV)

• What is my one fatal flaw? That is, what about your personality or current behavior could do you in? Are you one step away from making a decision that could wreck your life, your ministry, or your family? Do you toy with something that beckons you to indulge, yet know that if you did, it would devastate you and many others?
• … But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master. (Gen 4.7, NLT)

• What one area of improvement will make the most difference in my leadership role? In other words, if you spent just 5 minutes a day or an hour of week developing that area, envision to what degree that improvement could help you accomplish your goals.
  • My friends, I don’t feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. (Phil 3.13, CEV)

2013 could be the greatest year of your life. But it won’t happen by itself. It will take proactivity, prayer, and persistence.

What has helped you prepare for the new year?

Related posts:

• 6 Tips to Keeping a New Year’s Resolution 
• 4 Questions Leaders should Ask Themselves to Avoid Burnout

Why does it seem so hard to bring change in a church?

In my 30 plus years in ministry, change management has been one of the most challenging tasks I’ve faced. Most pastors would probably agree. Recently I learned an insight about how people’s brains work that helped me see what I may have unintentionally overlooked when I initiated a change.

Our brains are wired for us to want certainty in our lives. When something feels ambiguous or uncertain, we subconsciously feel threatened. When we feel threatened, it creates an away response, rather than a toward response. In the case of church change, an away response might be negativity, fear, passive resistance, or complaining from people. On the other hand, a toward response could be excitement, support, and good gossip, how we hope the church would respond. The more uncertain and ambiguous church change appears, the less support we’ll get and the more difficult the change will become.

So how we can we make church change less ambiguous and easier to bring about? I’ve listed some pointers below based on some recent findings in neuroscience.

1. Stay close to your key influencers during the entire change process. Remember, the more threatened someone feels, the more they will resist change. Learn their unique personalities because some personalities respond better to change than others. (Brin Jr. & Hoff, 1957).
2. Remain sensitive to characteristics that impact a person’s feeling of threat caused by the uncertainty change brings.
   • The more politically conservative they are, the more they may feel threatened by change (Jost et al., 2008).
   • The more personal anxiety they’re experiencing, the more threatened they may feel from change (Bishop, 2007).
   • The lower a person’s self esteem, the more resistant they can be to change (Ford & Collins, 2010).
3. Keep people informed with timely reports on how the change is progressing (helps minimize uncertainty).
4. Cast a compelling vision on how the new change can make things better (a form of reframing current reality).
5. Teach about characters in the bible who created certainty through faith, believing God was in control despite difficult circumstances and uncertain futures.
6. Teach about how to keep a healthy Christ centered self-esteem.
7. Teach on how to biblically manage anxiety—see blog

What are some tips you’ve learned that have helped bring change?

Related Posts:

• 6 Keys to Managing Church Change
• The Brain and Successful Church Change 

References:

Bishop, S. (2007) Neurocognitive Mechanisms of Anxiety: and Integrative Account. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, xxx (x), pp.1–10.

Brin Jr., O. & Hoff, D. (1957) Individual and Situational Differences in Desire for Certainty. The Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 54(2), pp.225–229.

Ford, M.B. & Collins, N.L. (2010) Self-esteem Moderates Neuroendoctrine and Psychological Responses to Interpersonal Rejection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98 (3), pp.405–419.

Jost, J.T., Nosek, B.A. & Gosling, S.D. (2008) Ideology: Its Resurgence in Social, Personality, and Political Psychology. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3 (2), pp.126–136.

Is it self-awareness or the lack thereof?

Bill George, Harvard Business School Professor and best selling author thinks so. When he did research for his book True North he interviewed 125 authentic leaders. These leaders revealed that self-awareness defined the essence of great leadership. You can read his article here.

Read the follow 10 questions and rate your self-awareness

1. Am I aware of my strengths and gifts?
2. Am I of where satan trips me up the most?
3. Am I aware of my internal mind chatter that drains me?
4. Am I aware of how I come across to others?
5. Am I aware of unhealthy relational patterns I bring from my family of origin?
6. Am I aware of how much God loves me, despite my faults?
7. Am I aware of how much God loves those who give me fits?
8. Am I aware of when circumstances are setting me up for a fall?
9. Am I aware of my deepest longings and dreams?
10. Am I aware of my blind spots?

Honestly answer all 10 questions.

Did any area of gross unawareness jump out at you?

If so, what should be your next step?

Recently I was privileged to hear Dr. James Galvin speak on leadership.  He’s authored many books on the subject and has consulted with such organizations as the Willow Creek Assocation, Zondervan, and Wycliffe. He explained a concept called “The Full Range Leadership Model” which contrasts transactional leadership from transformational leadership. You can find a really cool visual that describes the two here.  

Essentially transactional leadership is “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.” At times we must lead as transactional leaders. For example, we set a ministry or organizational goal and when a staffer helps that goal get met, a reward comes. In contrast, however, we should seek to grow our leadership so that we lead more often as transformational leaders.

Based on the descriptions below, how would others describe your default leadership patterns? The first four represent transactional leaders. The last five characterize transformational leaders.

• I often avoid getting involved. I tend to be passive.
• I loosely monitor what’s happening in the ministry and step in only if things go really bad.
• I set clear goals and standards and closely monitor the staff and step in when things begin to get off track.
• I set clear goals, provide needed support, and praise good performance.

• I listen to others and coach them to bring out their best.
• I ask others for their thoughts and perspectives.
• I’m genuinely positive, enthusiastic, and cast a compelling vision.
• I often talk about shared mission, vision, and values with the team.
• My simple presence can inspire others’ confidence.

Find a few trusted friends and ask them to share with you where they’d place you on this scale.

Related posts:

• 24 Words that Describe a Leader’s Job.
• Unmet Expectations: How to Pull of out of a Leadership Lull

In 1990 the U.S. government declared the next decade as the “Decade of the Brain” to foster more research about the brain. Since that time we’ve learned incredible new insight about how the brain and our minds affect life and leadership.

Pastors and other ministry leader would do their ministries well to incorporate learning about the brain into their leadership development and growth. Research has discovered that subtle processes in our brains impact teamwork, emotional regulation, motivation, and communication.  The new term “neuroleadership” describes this emerging field.

I’m fully convinced that the more we learn about this incredible God created gift called the brain and about how our minds work, the better leaders we’ll become.

I’ve listed eight biblical foundations that support learning about our brain and its function. I’ve also written several blogs on this subject. You can click here to read them.

1. References to the mind/thinking fill the Scriptures (over 120 times).

• Is. 26.3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
• Proverbs 23:7  As a man thinks so he is . . .
• Rom. 8:6… the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;
• Col. 3:2   Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

2. Since the brain is part of the body, we must honor God with our brains.

• 1Cor. 6.19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

3. The bible links the working of the mind with the working of the Holy Spirit and our spirits (I Cor. 2).

4. God commands us to remember (over 175 time). Remembering is an important function of our minds.

5. We are to strive for an undivided heart and mind.

• Psa. 86.11…give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
• James 1.8 …he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

6. The bible commands us to renew our minds so that we can live transformed lives.

• Rom. 12:2   Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

7. The bible instructs us to think a certain way because what we think about profoundly impacts behavior. 

• Phil. 4.8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. 

8. Jesus wants us to love him with our entire being, including our minds.

• Matt. 22.37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’

If you’d like to read a great primer on the brain with many applications to leadership, I recommend a secular one called, Your Brain At Work, by Dr. David Rock. I'm currently writing a book for IVP that will release late 2013 or early 2014 that will incorporate some of these new insights.

What insights about the brain have helped you lead better? 

Wise leaders carefully manage church change. Healthy church management includes not just the bird’s eye view (big picture implications) but also considers the individual view, what’s going on inside the individual church member or leader when you, as the leader, present change. Neuroscience offers helpful insight about unconscious processes that go on inside our brains when people face change. Consider these insights and suggestions the next time you plan change for your church.

People appreciate certainty and autonomy because the brain craves both. David Rock, one of the leader proponents of applying neuroscience to leadership (neuroleadership) suggests an acrostic called SCARF that represents five essential brain processes that influence motivation and change management. See my blog here that explains SCARF. The ‘c’ and the ‘a’ stand for certainty and autonomy. I’ve listed 5 insights below that relate these two components to change management.

1. People naturally assume the worst. Our brain is actually wired to pick up threats and negative possibilities around us more than the positive. 2/3 of our brain cells in the flight-fight part of our brain, the amygdala, are wired to pick up on the negative.
2. People naturally fill in knowledge gaps with fear. Uncertainty about the future (and change) breeds this fear.
3. Ambiguity creates more fear than measured risk. That is, the more people have to fill in the knowledge gaps, the greater the fear about and resistance to change. Measured risk, however, fills in some of those gaps and lessens anxiety.
4. Undoing a wrong impression is harder than creating a good impression. It’s the old adage “you don’t have a second chance to make a good first impression.” That’s not just a quaint saying. Neuroscientists have shown it to be true.
5. People understate their ability to ride out difficult future events. Uncertainty causes us to poorly forecast how well we can face difficulty. The term is “affective forecasting.” When you present change, people will initially assume that the church will come out worse than expected, although the opposite is often true.
6. Emotions play a very important part in decision making. Just presenting the facts is seldom enough to move people forward.

So, in light of these insights, what are some positive steps you can take to most effectively manage church change?

1. Build in small, short-term wins along the way. These wins will give a greater sense of certainty. Remember, people (and their brains) love certainty.
2. Fill in the knowledge gaps with truth. In other words, communicate, communicate, communicate. Keep people in the loop about your progress with the change initiative.
3. Provide a feedback loop. Give people in your church a real, tangible way they can give feedback to you about the process. Simply knowing they have that ability to communicate to you and that you are really listening will decrease their anxiety about the future.
4. Within reason, provide people small ways they can choose about how the change will look. Although the leadership will have decided the big picture change, providing options and opportunity for people to hone what those changes within the big change will look like increases autonomy. Remember, people love autonomy.
5. Fill in knowledge gaps with Faith. Preach and teach on faith. Keep verses like Hebrews 11.1 often before the people.

Heb. 11.1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (NLT)

What have you done that has helped smooth church change?

Related Posts: 

• 6 Keys to Mastering Church Change  
• Etch-a-Sketch Church Planning  

Motivating staff and volunteer leaders in the church or in any organization begs the question: How can we do it better? I believe David Rock, author and speaker, offers fresh insight from neuroscience about how we can best motivate others. He developed a paradigm based on five domains that influence behavior that he coined with the acronym SCARF.

The letters in this acronym stand for these domains that affect brain functioning and thus performance in our jobs and ministries.

• Status: a feeling of importance relative to others around us
• Certainty: a sense of predictability about the future
• Autonomy: a sense of control over events
• Relatedness: a sense of safety with those around you
• Fairness: a perception of being treated fairly

When a staff person, employee, or volunteer experiences SCARF in his or her ministry it actually increases a chemical in their brain called dopamine which has a positive effect on our moods and our thinking. When a leader intentionally tries to meet the SCARF needs of those around him or her the more he will see positive results in these areas. The less these needs are met, the opposite will occur.

• collaboration
• intrinsic motivation
• productivity
• change management
• healthy relationships

So how might a church leader meet some of the SCARF needs in his church or team? Consider these.

Status: Teach that every person has intrinsic worth and value in God’s eyes. Just because a person lacks certain skills does not mean his status in God’s eyes is anything less than someone who seems to be super talented.

Certainty: Keep your people informed about the future. Don’t spring new initiatives on them. Don’t blindside them. Give them sufficient time to process something new. Consistently do this.

Autonomy: Don’t micromanage. Give choices to your staff and volunteers within reasonable parameters. Let them own some decisions.

Relatedness: Provide plenty of time for your teams to do social stuff together. Encourage involvement in a small group. Intentionally build community.

Fairness: Make sure you treat everyone fairly. Don’t ever play favorites.

Motivating others will always test us as leaders. The SCARF model can help us become more intentional and effective in how we motivate them for Kingdom impact.

What have you found that has helped motivate those you work with?

Related posts:

• Not Motivated: Try a Simple Pleasure
• The 4 Reasons People Give to their Church

Rock, D. (2008) SCARF: a brain-based model for collaborating with and influencing others. Neuroleadership Journal, (1), pp.44–52.

Vision casting

  Problem solving

    Giving feedback

      Rewarding staff

        Influencing others

          Recruiting leaders

            Developing people

              Developing systems

                Communicating well

                  Delegating workload

                    Relationship building

                      Establishing priorities

Related post:

• 3 Probing Question Every Pastor Should Ask Himself

Ancient Greek mythology offers an important lesson for anyone in ministry, or in any leadership position for that matter. As one fable goes, Narcissus was a beautiful hunter. As a boy his face looked as if it were chiseled from the purest marble. His beauty attracted others to him but he could never let anyone get close even though they tried to extend their love to him. He resisted because he had found another love.

One day at age 16 as be walked along the mythical river Styx, he stopped to sip water from a calm pool. As he knelt, the image he saw in the pool transfixed him. He immediately discovered his new love, the image of himself. His obsession with his own image kept him from giving or receiving love from others. The story says that because he could not bear to leave his reflection, he lay down by the pool and pined away for himself. Eventually the earth absorbed him and he became the flower narcissus. Thus, the word narcissist came to mean a person who has a fixation with himself.

What are some indicators that a pastor or a leader may be a narcissist? And what are the dangers to his or her ministry and family?

Peter Steinki, a prolific author and church ministry consultant, has working with hundreds of churches and pastors in the last 40 years. He once worked with 65 pastors who had affairs and found that narcissism lay at the root of most of those failures. These pastors’ need for others to value them and their need to feel important led them to sexualize their desires. Their narcissistic tendencies led them to moral failure.

Based on my experience with others and upon the insight of others like Steinki, I believe that if a pastor shows signs of narcissism and doesn’t admit them and seek help, he has doomed himself to failure. The narcissistic pastor lives with an inflated sense of self-importance and an insatiable drive to be liked and to be at the center of attention. Satan will capitalize on these traits and tempt him to compromise his morals and values. A narcissistic pastor will create a false self to cover his fear of humiliation. Exposure to the real person is anathema to him. Steinki says that a narcissistic pastor’s drive to avoid disclosure often results in these kinds of behavior.^[1]

1. Rage if he experiences shame for shame exposes his true self.
2. An inordinate need for praise in order to feel important.
3. The feeling of entitlement to special treatment.
4. The immense need for continual feedback of how important she is.
5. The feeling of superiority and its reinforcement from others.
6. Strong reaction to rejection and disapproval, sometimes with intense rage.
7. The lack of the capacity to mourn, a defense against depression.
8. Calculating and conniving behavior to “maintain” supplies of continuous adulation.
9. An impaired capacity for commitment.
10. No capacity for self-focus or self-examination.

 Unfortunately, ministry can give rise to narcissism. We are often in the limelight and get kudos and compliments from others that feed our egos. In the past two decades it seems that annually some well-known pastor commits adultery or fails in some public moral way, often rooted in narcissistic tendencies. Unfortunately, narcissists often exude qualities we laud: self-confidence, a magnetic personality, strong platform skills, and the ability to motivate others. Narcissism is deadly. Perhaps that’s one reason the bible often speaks against pride and for humility.

I’d like to hear about your experience with a narcissistic leader. Would you add any traits to this list? Have you ever seen a narcissistic pastor change? What helped him change?

Related posts:

• Do Pastors Wield too Much Power?
• Mashed Potatoes, Pride and God's Eyes

As a senior pastor I’ve performed annual staff perormance reviews for years thinking that I was helping those leaders improve their performance. But recent neuroscience has shown that negative feedback (including such feedback given in evaluations) may actually hurt the self-esteem of those we evaluate. If staff evaluations potentially hurt the cause rather than help, should we eliminate the evaluations or make some other changes?

The researchers in this study performed a simple experiment on college students. The students first performed a mock interview. Afterwards as they lay in an MRI, they received evaluation on their performance through 45 separate words given by someone who observed their interview. The words were equally divided into 15 neutral one, 15 positive ones, and 15 negative ones. Even though the positive and neutral words outweighed the negative ones 2 to 1, over 40% experienced lower self esteem. And, the part of the brain that feels rejection from others lit up in the scanner. Negative feedback apparently diminishes our self-esteem.

I understand this insight from personal experience. Years ago a key leader told me numerous times that although I possessed great character, my preaching didn't connect with other people’s hearts nor did I have sufficient leadership skills to bring the church to the next level. After reading about this study, I now understand why I felt so bad after his comments.

In light of this and other similar studies, how should we approach staff reviews to avoid diminishing the esteem or confidence of those we review? I suggest these five ideas can help us maximize reviews while minimizing their potential negative effect.

1. Constantly affirm those who report to you. Catch them doing something good and tell them. Create an environment filled with affirmation.
2. Seek to know the personality of the staff person you are evaluating. The study implied that some personalities ruminate and mull over negative comments more than others. If you know a staffer tends toward introspection, give the feedback with an extra dose of grace. Follow up a few days later to see how they are processing it.
3. Teach your staff to build their self-esteem around their relationship with Christ rather than around their performance. Doing so doesn’t minimizing high performance standards. Rather, it maximizes where we should center our self-esteem and frees us to do our best.
4. Couch your feedback with positive steps the staff person can make. Help him see that positive corrective steps can make him a more fulfilled person and a more effective employee.
5. Discover how well you affirm others. Ask your staff people to tell you how they feel you are affirming them. If you get negative feedback, re-read this article.

What have you discovered that helps moderate negative feelings from staff reviews?

(Source of study: Eisenberger et al, Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, November 2011)

Related Posts:

• 360 Degree Assessments: an invaluable tool for leadership growth
• When Someone Screws Up: reprimand or look for a teachable moment

Brian Dodd is one of my favorite bloggers. He has a real knack to pick up on what's currently happening in the world and extract really cool leadership  insights. He's one of those guys I believe church leader should follow and read regularly. He is a Generosity Architect and leadership consultant for INJOY Stewardship Solutions and he's invested in many of the country's top church leaders.

It's an honor to have him as a guest blogger today. I picked one of my favorite posts he's written. Not only is this a great post, but all the other blogs listed are gems as well. So, enjoy.

Recently I scheduled a plumber to fix minor leaks in some toilets in our home as are preparing to sell our house. My wife was to meet the plumber in my absence and give him the instructions I had given her. At about ten minutes after the appointment time she called and told me that he had come and said the fixes were so simple I could do them. I asked her what he charged us to give us that sage advice. Her response? “$125.” I was not a happy camper.

When she told me that he had left without fixing the toilets and then charged us, my emotions took over. I was ticked off. Livid better describes how I felt. I couldn't even think straight. My wife immediately sensed the anger in my voice and assured me that she’d call him back and have him return to complete the repairs.

After we hung up, I felt bad that I had gotten so angry. I tried to regain my composure because I had scheduled a full day to complete a chapter for my next book. We pastors often want to figure out why bad things happen, so I began to ruminate over the situation, thinking that if I figured it out, I could calm my emotions.

Well, I am anything but a handyman. I can’t drive a nail straight much less fix something as convoluted as a toilet. I imagined myself spending an entire day trying to fix the leaks. I could see myself breaking something worse that would force sewerage back up into the house. And with all the sewerage, we’d never sell the house. And because we couldn’t sell the house, we go into foreclosure and lose the house. And when we lost the house we’d have to live in a van down by the river . . . . Well, maybe I didn’t imagine it that bad. But I did imagine me getting hyper-stressed trying to fix the toilet.

Then I recalled some neuroscience research from Ethan Kross’ on distancing and emotional control. He has discovered a simple technique that helps moderate our anger: take the perspective of a third party observing yourself in the situation that prompted the anger.

When I recalled that research, I now imagined myself physically stepping away from the car, where I got my wife’s call, and watching myself talking to her and getting angry. When I did that, immediately I thought, “How silly to get upset over a leaky toilet.” It was amazing what happened next. That simple mental exercise helped quickly lessen my anger. As a result, I was able to think clearly the rest of the day without any emotional “leaky toilet” intrusions. Kross likens that phenomenon to how a friend can help us calm down by giving us an objective perspective of an emotion causing event.

We pastors often face issues that can make us mad.The next time that happens to you, step back and observe yourself becoming angry. See if the Holy Spirit will give you a fresh perspective and clearer insight to moderate your anger and be a more composed leader.

What has helped moderate your anger in ministry?

Related posts.

• Lessons Learned from Angry Emails
• When Someone Screw up: Reprimand or Look for the Teachable Moment

The leadership lull: every leader faces disappointment about unmet expectations whether in real-time or whether those expectations lie in our minds. We have a down Sunday. A new ministry doesn’t take off. A seasonal program doesn’t bring as many new people as we expected. We can get stuck in a downward spiral.

Our brains actually can contribute to this downward cycle. When we feel disappointed, a brain chemical that helps us feel positive, dopamine, drops which causes us to operate more from an emotional mode rather than from a thoughtful one from the thinking part of our brain (the pre-frontal cortex). This decreases our performance because we enjoy our ministry less which leads to decreased confidence. The spiral continues downward as our decreased confidence dampens our mood which further drops dopamine.

When we face such scenarios, five simple steps can help us move from a downward spiral to an upward spiral. When we apply these steps and appropriately adjust our expectations, God created our brains to give us a dose of dopamine which makes us feel better about our our ministries and life in general. This in turn can improve our performance whcih actually makes us more open to spiritual and leadership insight. As a result we get a confidence boost about the future. Thus, we move more into an upward spiral.

Here are five steps to try the next time you find yourself in a leadership lull.

1. Take a few moments and read a few uplifting portions of Scripture about hope, God’s grace, and joy.
2. Write down the expectation that was unmet. Was it unrealistic given the current circumstances? Can you adjust it down a bit to bring it more in line with current circumstances or with what God is telling you?
3. Think of something unusual or out-side-the box that could apply to this situation. Is there a unique or novel way to frame or modify your expectation? Novelty helps boost those brain chemicals that help us gain perspective and think more clearly.
4. Take a small step to accomplish something related to this goal that was not met or to another goal. Make it anything that you can accomplish easily and quickly. After you do, take another small step. Each successive accomplishment will boost your confidence.
5. Call a friend you trust who can help you think through the situation. Often we need someone else to give us perspective when we lose it.

The next time you face a leadership lull, try one or two of these simple steps.

What have you found that helps pull you out of a leadership lull?

• Related Post:When You Don't Measure Up

Sustaining and growing a healthy church requires systematic leadership training. To lead most effectively, staff, boards, and volunteers need to constantly improve their knowledgebase and skills. I’m enrolled in a two-year program to get a masters degree in neuroleadership (check out the cool animation about neuroleadership here: www.charlesstone.com). In a recent webinar lecture, my teacher used a technique that pastors can use to increase attention and retention in their leadership training meetings. Here’s what she did.

Drowsy from a poor night’s sleep and in a brain fog because of too many carbs for lunch, I forced myself to log in for my class. Had I been given a choice, I would have taken a nap instead. My attention level was low. However, the professor used several simple techniques to rouse my attention. As a result, I learned a lot from the lecture.

On one power point slide she printed a single URL. She cued up the slide in this way. She said we were about to do an exercise that required us to focus for 30 seconds on people in the video who wore white shirts and were throwing a ball to each other. We were to count the number of times they passed the ball. She also commented that most people’s attention span lasts only 12 seconds.

Immediately part of my brain alerted other parts to pay attention because something was about to happen. These internal dynamics helped elevate my attention with a shot of norepinephrine, which is related to adrenalin. And we all know what adrenalin does to us. In this 30 second exercise she used 6 techniques that literally woke me and helped me learn better.

1. Curiosity: the exercise woke up the part of my brain that is drawn to novelty. Novel things get our attention more easily than common things.
2. Challenge: I was drawn into the lecture by the prospect of competition with others and with myself. I now wanted to learn.
3. Motivation: the 12-second rule motivated me. I thought to myself, I know I can pay attention longer than that.
4. Relevance: related to the challenge, not only was I good with numbers but the exercise was relevant to the current topic about attention.
5. Anticipation: in anticipation I sat up in my chair, opened my eyes wider, and felt my heart rate elevate.
6. Satisfaction: After the exercise, I felt good because I had beaten the odds and gotten the right answer. This good feeling was due to the increase of another neurotransmitter, dopamine, which makes us feel good when it enters our brain’s pleasure center (the nucleus accumbens).

The next time you schedule a leadership meeting, try to use several of these simple techniques to increase attention and thus improve learning.

What techniques have you tried that have helped enhance your leadership meetings?

Related posts:

• Discover Your Leadership Vibe in Five Minutes
• Are your Shadow Beliefs Stifling Your Leadership?

Every parent knows a child who has ADHD. My son, Josh, was diagnosed with it when he was in elementary school. He couldn’t pay attention or stay focused. And he couldn’t quit talking in class. Today we joke that he spent more time in the hallway than in the classroom because the teachers kept sending him there to keep him quiet. Neuroscientists believe that an imbalance of brain chemistry in the brain’s pleasure center contributes to the inability to sit still, listen for any length of time, or delay immediate gratification.

Some churches, too, are afflicted with traits similar to someone with ADHD. What does an ADHD church look like? 

I’ve listed 8 qualities that characterize one.

1. Leaders quickly embrace the latest church growth fad they learned at their last church conference.
2. Leaders look for the next church “killer app” they believe will take their church to the next level. A leader once told me he was looking for such a “killer app.”
3. Subtle expectations for each Sunday service to out-shine, out-excite and out-spirit the prior service.
4. A flavor-of-the-month mentality that results in constant change to its vision, focus, and programs; an inability to stay the course for any length of time.
5. People who silently compare their pastor to uber-successful, charismatic pastors in large churches.
6. A church with a history of either short pastorates or a history of pastors terminated for various reasons.
7. The expectation from people is, “what did I get out of today’s service,” versus “what did I add to the service.” In other words, ADHD churches are filled with people who subconsciously believe, “It’s all about me.”
8. Parents who expect a perpetual whiz-bang youth ministry.

I don’t mean to appear cynical, but our consumer-focused society has influenced our church culture. Many expect their churches to immediately entertain and gratify, rather than challenge to holiness and discipleship. Sometimes we leaders have fostered this consumer mentality. Sometimes it’s simply a result of our culture’s influence.

I plan to write a future blog on how we can counter ADHD in our churches. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What have you discovered that has helped your church become less of an ADHD church?

Related posts:

• The 10 Biggest Issues Facing the Church Today
• 10 Ways Not to Grow a Church

One of the greatest strengths a leader can posses is his (or her) ability keep his emotions in check. However, when we feel rejected, hurt, or fearful, we often react, get visibly angry, or becoming defensive. Those responses can hinder God’s work in our lives and hurt our leadership. So what can we do?

Scripture consistently speaks against allowing anger (or any other negative emotion) to control us.

• “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,… (Eph. 4.26)
• Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. (Eph. 4.31)
• But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. (Col. 3.8)
• My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1.19-20)

But, how do we control these feelings that sometimes spring upon us without our even thinking about them? Often when we feel angry or fearful, we believe that suppressing those feelings will reduce their power. On the contrary, it does the opposite. Neuroscientists have discovered that when we try to suppress an emotion it negatively affects us in two ways.

1. It diminishes our memory and the ability to see and remember details of an event.
2. Most importantly, suppressing the emotion actually does the opposite. Rather than helping us control it, it actually diminishes the internal resources available for us to respond to the situation in a biblical way. Scientists are now discovering what the Bible said long ago: So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. (Gal. 5.16)

The next time one of these emotions begins to control your thinking and behavior, consider apply the steps behind the acronym CART, a simple way to control an unhealthy expression of an emotion.

• “C” stands for change the situation. If you can appropriately change or avoid your situation so that you can avoid what could cause the emotion, do so. This is the easiest way to ‘nip it in the bud’ before it becomes full blown. Recently I became very angry about what someone did. I was not able to remove myself from the situation because the act was done at a distance. So, the issue was in my head rather than in physical close proximity. I had to move to the next step.
• “A” stands for attend to a distraction. If some event prompts one of these emotions, distract yourself. Look for something else to think about or focus on. In the above situation my anger was rising to a boiling point. I then tried to distract myself by listening to an mp3 talk on neuroleadership which somewhat moderated the emotion. However, I kept tuning out the talk and tuning into my internal self-talk that kept the emotion active. I then applied the next step.
• “R” stands for reappraise the situation. After I realized that my mp3 distraction could not consistently lessen my emotion, I sat back in my chair, closed my eyes, and for a few moments thought about what I was thinking about. This is called mindfulness. I then intentionally began to look at the situation differently. I reminded myself that my love for this person should trump my anger toward her. I told myself that my anger would not change her, much less facilitate a reasonable conversation with her about her actions. As I began to mentally prioritize my relationship with her over her action, the emotion’s intensity began to complete this process of regulating this emotion.
• “T” stands for temper my visible response. At first I tried to suppress my emotion, which only increased it (as I mentioned above). However, after I admitted my anger and reappraised the situation (R), the Lord helped me avoid a potentially unhealthy and damaging reaction toward this person.

So, the next time an emotion begins to get the best of you, toss it into a CART.

What has worked for you to control your emotions in a healthy way?

Related posts:

• 5 Animals Pastors Sometimes Act Like
• 9 Signs your Hormones May be Hijacking Your Leadership

This morning I'm sitting in a McDonalds writing my next book (free Wi-Fi). I've set my iphone to remind me to pause and be still each day at 10am and 3pm. I don't always stop, but today I did and read this reflection on Jonah's resistace to God's call on him to preach in Ninevah. In Eugene Peterson's inimitable way, he writes these words.

And why Tarshish? For one thing, it is a lot more exciting than Nineveh. Nineveh was an ancient site with layer after layer of ruined and unhappy history. Going to Nineveh to preach was not a coveted assignment for a Hebrew prophet with good references. But Tarshish was something else. Tarshish was exotic. Tarshish was an adventure … Tarshish in the biblical references was a “far off and sometimes idealized port.” It is reported in 1 Kings 10:22 that Solomon’s fleet of Tarshish fetched gold, silver, ivory, monkeys and peacocks … In Tarshish we can have a religious career without having to deal with God.

Did you catch the last line? "In Tarshish we can have a religious career without having to deal with God." As i reflected on my goals and drive in minsitry, I asked myself these questions, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions and ponder your answers.

1. Where do I find my identity, in Christ or in my ministry?
2. Am I driven to bigger and better ministries so I can feel good about myself? Or can I find contentment “that transcends all understanding” even in what appears to be a dead-end ministry?
3. Is my deepest motive to one day hear Jesus say, “Well done, good and faithful servant”? Or, am I driven to hear the people in the church say it?

What did God say to you when you asked yourself these questions?

I recently read a great article by Brad Powell on the 7-C’s of great ministry leaders. I’ve heard of the three C’s, but his 7 captured the essence of great leaders.

Here are his 7-C’s.

1. Calling: we must have a sense of God’s all where we currently serve
2. Character: perhaps the most important, there is no substitute for integrity and a pure heart
3. Competence: we need the right gifts and abilities to match the  needs in our ministry
4. Confidence: our confidence in the Lord gives us what we need to lead without hesitation
5. Courage: we must be willing to take unpopular stands sometimes and remind ourselves that we play to an audience of One
6. Commitment: if we are going to last for the long haul we must be ‘all in’
7. Continuous growth: a good leader must constantly be learning and growing.

What C’s for great leaders would you add (or any other qualities that don't begin with C)?

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• An Attitude of Gratitude
• What if all our Web Searches were Made Public

Disapproval and rejection can sting and wound. We’ve all felt it. What do we do when important people in our lives (or even those that we don’t deem important) reject us? How do we respond as did Jesus when he was rejected and scorned?

1Pet. 2.23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

Years ago I experienced deep disapproval and rejection from some key church leaders. Essentially they told me that I wasn’t a good leader nor could I inspire people when I preached God’s Word. I was devastated and the effects lingered for months. At the time I didn’t process this rejection well. In retrospect, however, I now understand why this hurt so much and what to do about it.

God created our bodies and our mental command and control center, our brains, with two overall systems that profoundly impact how we think and feel. Our refleXive system (think X–system) is the one that acts without thinking. When it controls, our emotions often take over. The other system, our refleCtive system (think C-system) is the one that helps us think clearly and biblically when our emotions want us to do otherwise. When our X-system controls, we become highly emotional and reactive which dampens our C-system’s ability to think clearly and objectively. However, when we submit our C-system to the Holy Spirit, we are able to think more in line with the Apostle Paul’s command in Philippeans 4.8.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.

Because I failed to appropriately filter their disapproval with the mind of Christ (His thoughts and perspective), my response prompted my brain to release neurochemicals, called catecholamines, that revved up my C-system. This in turn further diminished my ability to think and lead effectively in these three ways.

• Mental exhaustion: My brain’s check engine light was always on. One part of our brain (the anterior cingulate cortex) senses inconsistencies we detect in verbal or non-verbal messages we get from others. Because those leaders often gave me mixed messages about my performance (you are a great guy... you don't inspire people), that part of my brain was constantly ‘on.’ I become mentally exhausted which bred even more anxiety about the situation.
• Easily defensive: My brain’s impulse control brake pads wore thin. I’m usually able to control my emotions and avoid defensiveness. However, because the stress had tired my brain and body, the part of my brain that helps control impulses and emotions (the ventral lateral pre-frontal cortex) had little ‘brake pad’ left. As a result, I was not able to carry on objective conversations about their perspective,which would have helped. Instead, I became defensive, didn’t listen well to their viewpoints, and reacted to small irritations at home.
• Inability to concentrate: My brain’s mental etch-a-sketch could not hold a creative thought long without losing it. An important part of the brain (the dorsal lateral pre-frontal cortex) gives us the ability to plan, hold items in memory, and think abstractly. However, I could barely concentrate which impacted my ability to think creatively when preparing a sermon or when planning a new initiative. My brain felt like an etch-a-sketch constantly being shaken causing the picture on it to quickly dissolve. I often defaulted to mindless activities such as reading CNN several times daily rather than focusing on the more important mind-taxing tasks ministry demanded.

When leaders feel rejected, these internal processes will occur unless with the Spirit’s power we proactively take action to counter them. In my next post I discuss how we can counter these tendencies when we feel rejected.

When others have rejected you, what negative consequences have you seen in your leadership?

Related post: 

• Your Brain's Leadership X-Factor
• When Pastors Lead from their Lizard Brains

Whether we lead a church ministry, a para-church organization, or run a business, we Christian leaders want to lead at our best. Books, leadership seminars, coaching, and mentoring can all help us grow our skills. I’ve used all three to develop mine. Recently, though, I’ve realized an emerging and rapidly growing field is filling a gap in spiritual leadership. 

It’s called neuroleadership. Essentially, neuroleadership takes what neuroscience is discovering about the brain and applies it to the art of spiritually leading. You can see a cool animation here by clicking on “What is neuroleadership?” David Rock, author of  a great book, Your Brain at Work, coined the term.

Interestingly, the bible affirms neuroleadership principles. The word 'mind' appears over 120 times in scripture. Solomon writes in Proverbs that as we think so we are. The Gospel writers tell us to love God with all of our hearts and souls and minds and strength. And the Apostle Paul reminds us that we experience true transformation when we renew our minds. Curt Thompson who wrote Anatomy of the Soul writes that neuroscience is much like a magnifying glass to help us see things we may not otherwise have seen. But a magnifying glass is only as good as the light that illuminates the object we are looking at. That light, for a Christian, is God’s Word.

When pastors and Christian leaders learn and apply neuroleadership principles, they will develop into competent leaders who . . .

• stay cool under pressure.
• improve relationships with others.
• consistently make wise ministry decisions.
• strategize and navigate change well.
• learn to inspire others through their teaching.

Over the next several months I plan several blogs on how we can leverage this incredible God-created gift, the brain, for greatest Kingdom impact. To maximize our minds and brains, consider these three essentials.

1. Learn how the brain works. Without trying to become an anatomy expert, take a few minutes to Google “brain” and read a few articles about how the brain works and its anatomy. You’ll also find several good YouTube videos as well. This four-minute video summarizes the techniques scientists are now using to learn more about the brain. This 55-minutes video by David Rock explains how understanding the brain can make a big difference in your leadership.
2. Practice good brain care habits. Adequate sleep, healthy food, and regular exercise all help keep your brain sharp and functioning well. Scientists have also discovered that managing stress also protects the brain.
3. Learn the art of self-awareness. Often our brain focuses on negative thoughts that take up precious brain space we need to think and lead well. When we “think about what we are thinking about” we have begun to win the battle against negative thinking. The Apostle Paul speaks to this issue in Phil. 4.8 when he writes, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.

So, as you grow in your leadership, consider how to use your brain to maximize your life and leadership.

In your education and experience, how have your insights into how the brain works helped your leadership?

Related posts:

1. When Pastors Lead from their Lizard Brains
2. 9 Signs Your Hormones May be Hijacking Your Leadership

Recently my son and I and another pastor enjoyed the privilege of training over 100 Haitian pastors in Port au Prince. We held the training at our host pastor’s church, a tin-roofed block building that could seat about 125. It had no air conditioning so the temperature inside rose to over 100 degrees. Five roof-mounted fans blew, but only moved the hottest air from the ceiling down to the pastors.

I learned four leadership lessons from these pastors.

1. When you have little, you appreciate things more. Haiti, the poorest country in the western hemisphere, faced a magnitude 7.0 earthquake on Tuesday, January 12, 2010 which left over 300,000 dead, 300,000 injured, and 1,000,000 homeless. Not one of these pastors were untouched by the tragedy in some way. Our host pastor’s daughter was cocooned for three days in the rubble. His church dug her out, with picks and machetes. Added to their misery is a severe lack of training for pastors. Yet, these men and women deeply appreciated the few hours we poured into them. Their appreciation reminded to be more grateful for the abundance I experience in our country.
2. Small things really do matter. At the conclusion of the two-day training, each pastor received a personalized certificate of completion. As we handed their certificates to them, shook their hands, and congratulated them they beamed with joy. Their joy reminded me that as a pastor I must constantly think of small ways that I can encourage others, whether with a gift, a kind word, or a thoughtful email.
3. Patience does not depend upon circumstances. Not only did the temperature in that small church soar above 100 degrees but most of the pastors wore long sleeve shirts and ties. Some even wore a suit. [Their culture expects pastors to dress up.] Yet even as they sat in the sweltering heat, they conveyed utmost respect to each of us, although I did notice a nod or two. Their patience in these unfavorable circumstances convicted me that sometimes I get impatient waiting in life for more than a minute at the grocery store’s “ten items or less” line.
4. We must invest in emerging leaders. I felt privileged that my 28-year-old son, Josh, joined me last year in Mexico when I trained pastors as well as this year in Haiti. He serves as an intern in New Hampshire and is completing his ThM degree at Gordon Conwell Seminary. The pastors loved him. At the end of the training they asked me to come back and stay for 15 days. They asked Josh to come back and stay for a year. Josh’s presence offered them hope that young, godly leaders do exist.

We planned for and delivered quality teaching on leadership to those 100 pastors. I pray that what we shared will help them further the Kingdom in Haiti. 

However, I may have received the greatest blessing through what I learned from 100 pastors in 100 degrees.

If you’ve traveled internationally for ministry, what insights have you learned from your experience?

Related Post: What I learned from Latino Pastors

Criticism hurts, especially the non-constructive kind. We tend to stay away from such critics. But is that the wisest choice? Should we draw close to them instead of pulling away from them?

Murray Bowen, the father of family systems, coined the phrase "non-anxious presence." He used this term to describe a personal quality that when a leader exhibits it, can keep a family or a group's overall emotional reactivity and anxiety down. He and others suggest that leaders should not cut off from critics, but should actually stay connected to them in a calm way.

What does a non-anxious leader look like?

• can truly listen to another, even if he or she is bearing bad news or criticism

• can hold his emotions in check when in the hot seat

• seldom gets defensive

• can acknowledge the emotions of  his critic

• will calmly and courageously respond instead of reacting

Ernest Shackleton, one of the greatest explorers ever, modeled this non-anxious presence with his Antarctica expedition crew as they were marooned for over a year in 1915-1916 after their ship was crushed by the ice. His calm presence and his drawing to difficult crew members allowed him to lead them all to safety. Not one man perished. Here's what he did.

• His photographer, Frank Hurley would feel slighted if the crew didn’t pay attention to him and would become difficult to work with. Instead of isolating him, Shackleton gave him a place in his tent and often conferred with him.

• His physicist, Reginald Jamer, was an introverted academic. Shackleton feared that his personality might invite ridicule that in turn could escalate into a serious issue. He made him a bunkmate as well.

• When Shackleton selected a crew to take a lifeboat to sail from Elephant Island to South Georgia Island to assemble a rescue party for the entire crew, he selected the carpenter, McNeish. He chose him not only for his skills but also because he was concerned that McNeish could create discontent with the men who were left.

• Finally, Shackleton specifically picked two other crewmen because he felt they might cause trouble in his absence. In total, more than half of the group he chose were potential troublemakers.

So, how can we present a non-anxious presence to those with our critics or to those with whom our personalities rub? I suggest these five ideas.

• When criticized, truly try to understand the critic's perspective. Ask questions. Really listen.

• When someone criticizes, thank them for sharing it.

• Keep a good sense of humor. Don't allow the criticism to suck the life from you.

• Spend some social time with the critic so he can get to know you. Share some of your personal life story.

• Do something thoughtful for your critic, something that he would not expect from you.

As counter-intuitiv as this may seen, staying calmly connected to your critics can actually help you grow as a leader and move your church or organization forward.

At what point should you draw the line with criticism? That is, when should you cut if off before it truly damage you?

Related posts:

• 5 Ways to Turn Criticism into Carnage

• 10 Ways to Handle the Church Critic

Productivity for leaders demands wise time management. But will multi-tasking make us better time managers? This study says no.

A study done at the University of London found that constant emailing and text-messaging reduces mental capability by an average of ten points on an IQ test. It was five points for women, and fifteen points for men. This effect is similar to missing a night’s sleep. For men, it’s around three times more than the effect of smoking cannabis. While this fact might make an interesting dinner party topic, it’s really not that amusing that one of the most common “productivity tools” can make one as dumb as a stoner. (David Rock, Your Brain at Work, p. 36)

Many leaders, including me, have too often convinced themselves that multi-tasking leads to better time management. Actually, it doesn't. Researchers have shown that when we try to do two mental tasks at once, our cognitive capacity can drop from that of a Harvard MBA to that of an eight year old (Rock, p. 34).

Although we technically can do two tasks at once, it dramatically slows our mental processing. So, if you think you are saving time by multi-tasking, you really aren't. Neuroscientists call this dual-task interference. Because the high level thinking part of our brain (the pre-frontal cortex) works in a serial fashion, one item at a time, when we multi-task we clog up its processing speed and actually reduce our effectiveness.

Linda Stone, a former VP at Microsoft captured the essence in the term continuous partial attention. She describes it this way. "To pay continuous partial attention is to keep a top-level item in focus, and constantly scan the periphery in case something more important emerges." As a result, this "always on" mode puts our brains on constant alert, thus flooding them with too much stress hormone which slows processing.

So what can we do to moderate this tendency?

• Imbed repetitive tasks deep into our long term memory so we that we can actually do them without thinking. An example is driving. We don't really think about driving because we've done it long enough to make it a habit. Such habits don't require the executive functions of our brains. Rather, they are stored into the part of our brain that stores routine functions, the basal ganglia.

• Prioritize your tasks for the day. Every day take a few minutes to plan your day so that you do the most mentally taxing things first. This appointment with the executive center of our brains assures we do our best thinking for what demands it.

• Turn off notifications on your computer or mobile device. I thought in my iPad and iPhone all I had to do was to keep an app out of Notifications. I just realized that I have to go into settings and turn off notifications in each app. When I read, I hated getting the reminders at the top of the screen which interrupted my train of thought. I no longer get them.

• Determine when you will attend to those tasks that interrupted you. When I write or study, I turn off email. But every hour or so when I take a break, I will turn it on and quickly look at email and respond to those that I can in the moment. That way I can focus on that which requires my mental energy and check off those less demanding tasks at those scheduled times .

How do you handle the multi-tasking monster?

Related posts:

• Your Brain's Leadership X-factor

• When Pastors Lead from their Lizard Brain

A brief excerpt from my latest book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them.

Thomas Kelly, a twentieth-century Quaker, died the day a company discussed publishing his essays. Fortunately a friend followed through and those essays were compiled into A Testament of Devotion. Kelly succinctly captures why we need to heed Jesus’ offer: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”[1]

We live our lives in “an intolerable scramble of panting feverishness.”[2] This easily can overtake us with the demands ministry brings. With sermons to prepare, plans to develop, people to disciple, and seemingly not enough time, I sometimes have to tell myself out loud, “Slow down.” When I’m caught up in a frenetic pace, ministry frustrations often loom larger than they really are.

Related posts:

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X-Factor: A variable in a situation that could have the most significant impact on the outcome.

X-Factor: a tv show by Simon Cowell that didn't do so well.

The term X-factor usually carries a positive mystique, a quality not readily identified except by its impact. We'll say...

• The singer has the X-factor that makes her great.
• The business leader has the X-factor that makes her successful.
• The pastor has the X-factor that makes him engaging.

But what about the brain's X-factor? Is it a good quality?

Neuroscience has recently discovered important concepts that can enhance a leader's leadership impact. Essentially our brain uses two processing systems through which we lead, interact with people, and control our emotional and behavioral responses.

Daniel Kahneman, a Noble prize winner, explains these systems in his book Thinking, Fast and Slow  as system 1 and system 2. Matthew Lieberman, a professor at UCLA describes the systems as reflexive and reflective. These two words capture the essence of each process.

• reflexive, the X-system (the X-factor): that part of our brain that if overstimulated reacts and acts impulsively. It's spontaneous and acts automatically.
• reflective, the C-system: that part of our brain that acts with intention and thinks before acting. It regulates emotionally reactivity.

In my 30 years in ministry I've been taught and have taught that practicing various spiritual disciplines will yield a controlled, Spirit-filled life. But how many of us leaders, although we practice those disciplines, can react with anger to a staff person, become defensive at a lay leader's comment, or simply act like a jerk in the heat of the moment?

We're all guilty. I know I am. So what's missing?

I believe that Christian leadership teaching has failed to incorporate what neuroscience has discovered about how our brain functions. I'm now on a quest to evangelize Christian leaders to learn how our God-given brain can serve us well.

The two systems I mentioned above, when in balance, work in tandem to help us lead well. However, when the X-system gets overloaded, the X-factor hinders effective leadership.

When we experience stress, the X-factor strengthens as hormones (primarily epinephrine and dopamine) surge into our brains and create these problems.

• The  brain's executive center we need for creativity and planning gets tired and becomes ineffective. It's like a girl drawing a picture with an etch-a-sketch and her brother repeatedly grabbing it and shaking it, thus erasing her uncompleted picture. Similarly, when the X-factor kicks in, we can't keep those critical creative thoughts in our minds long enough to make them stick.
• Emotional accelerators diminish the impulse braking centers in our brain.
• The reactive parts of our brain take over and we can become defensive.
• Objectivity diminishes.
• We don't listen well to others because our brains can't concentrate on other's viewpoints without prematurely framing our own responses.
•  We default to easy, mindless activities such as excessively checking emails rather than focusing on important tasks.

Stay tuned for more blogs on this subject.

--

Related post: When Pastors Lead from their Lizard Brains.

Last week Augusta, Georgia hosted one of the world’s most prestigious golf tournaments, The Masters. Tiger Woods, a four-time winner and arguable today’s most talented golfer made the cut. He entered the tournament hoping for a strong showing. Unfortunately he finished tied for 40^th.

What happened?

Neuroscience gives us clues not only to Tiger’s downward spiral that began when his personal foibles became public in 2009, but to how leaders lose their effectiveness when they don’t lead themselves well.

Leaders need at least three components to self-lead: competency, composure, and concentration. These three brain structures influence these qualities.

• Competency: the basil ganglia, through a reward system, help fashion skill and form habits that develop competency.
• Composure: the limbic system must stay balanced to ensure emotional control and to aid composure.
• Concentration: the pre-frontal cortex (PFC), the brain’s executive center, facilitates good decision-making and promotes concentration.

In Tiger’s case, for years his basil ganglia have helped him hone his superb golfing skills. And as every golfer knows, golf is a mind game and requires intense concentration. His pre-frontal cortex has served him well as his past performance has shown his ability to concentrate during tournaments. Unfortunately this time his limbic system had a meltdown on the 16^th hole when he kicked his clubs and cursed, a golfer’s faux pas. His game went downhill from then.

Without disparaging Tiger, his story provides a living metaphor for leaders who recognize self-leadership is a pre-requisite to leading others. The basal ganglia, the limbic system, and the pre-frontal cortex must all ‘dance’ together for us to self-lead well. When they don’t, basal ganglia developed skills fall short, PFC aided concentration evaporates, and limbic system meltdowns replace composure.

And when that happens, the result is costly. In Tiger’s case, he earned only $32,000. The winner earned $1,441,000.

What has you experience been when a leader around you lost his or her self-leadership composure through a meltdown?

_____

Related posts:

• 9 Signs Hormones may be Hijacking your Leadership
• When Pastors Lead from their Lizard Brains

If you are a pastor or lead people in any way, criticism is a fact of life. We can learn from our critics or we can turn criticism into carnage.

Here are five ways to do that.

1. Cut yourself off from everybody who criticizes you. Stay far, far away from them. They are idiots so avoid them at all costs
2. Believe every criticism. It's all true, every juicy morsel of it. Believe every word of it. Make it personal. Think about it all the time.
3. Disregard every criticism. Since your critics are idiots, what comes out of their mouth is infused with globs of "idiotness."  You are a pastor, God's anointed, a 'called out one' who walks with God and talks with God and knows a lot about the bible and stuff.
4. When someone criticizes you, argue them down, theologize, quote the bible, use lofty logic. Make THEM realize they are idiots.
5. Demand that your leaders, staff, and boards tell you only what you want to hear. If they have a criticism, tell then to STUFF IT.

Do you have any criticism to carnage suggestions?

____

Related posts:

• Top 10 ways to handle the church critic
• How to deal with criticism

One of the greatest skills a pastor or leader can develop is to learn to listen well. Woodrow Wilson's words below should cause every leader to evaluate his or her listening skills.

The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

We pay others a high compliment when we listen.

We affirm other's God-given value when we listen.

We develop our own heart when we listen.

The father of the field of listening, Ralph Nichols, captures the essence of listening in these words.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to be understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.

Through my 15-week coaching I've learned that we listen at several levels. Often we get stuck on the first level, the most elementary one. As you read the four levels below, ask yourself at which level do you usually listen.

1. Level 1-Listening TO...Internal Listening. At this level when we listen to others we mostly listen to our inner dialogue, our thoughts, our feelings, and what we plan to say once the other person has finished speaking. We focus on ourselves, our conclusions, our thoughts about the person/subject of conversation, and what the subject means to me. Unfortunately most listening happens at this level where it's all about me.
2. Level 2-Listening FOR...Focused Listening. At this level we begin to authentically listen as we focus on what the other person is saying. We lock onto their dialogue and suppress our temptation to correct, give our opinion, give advice, or offer another perspective as soon as they finish. We become truly present and give them the gift of being understood.
3. Level 3-Listening WITH... Intuitive Listening. At this level we pay attention to what is not being said through these cues:  inflection, pauses, changes in tone and energy, the eyes, and body language. We listen with our gut and allow intuition to speak to our soul.
4. Level 4-Listening to the Holy Spirit. This is the deepest level where we intersect what the person is saying/not saying with an openness to what the Spirit of God is saying to us. This level requires great discipline and focus, yet provides pastors and ministry leaders a way to become conduits of God's grace to people.

So, at which level do you often listen? What tips have you discovered that help you listen at levels 2-4?

____

Related posts:

• Mr Rogers on Doing Your Best
• Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Has My Leadership Mirror Stalled

If you follow my blog, you know I love to read. As a life-long learner I learn from others' writings and  I believe integrous writers should always give generous attribution to authors whose ideas they embrace or write about. That's why I often reference my ideas. Recently I read Do More Great Work by Michael Stanier. It's a short but good read.

Stanier takes the reader through simple exercises that helps him clarify when he is at his best. In my case, I read the book with an eye to discover when I lead at my best. This is especially important in my life now as I transition from a senior pastor role into a coach/consultant role for pastors and churches.

In one exercise I spent a few minutes choosing words that best describe me when I am at my best. For example, some of those words included poised, reflective, and focused. The next step, however, make this exercise stick. After I picked about 20 words and narrowed them to a dozen or so I then wrote opposite each word another contrasting word that would describe me when I'm not quite myself. I didn't necessarily choose words opposite in meaning but ones more anemic in contrast to the others. Oppose to the three words above I chose diplomatic, distant, and intense.

When I chose the contrasting words it helped clarify my leadership vibe, that state of leadership toward which I should aim.

Here's the list that contrasts when I'm at my best (on the left) and when I'm just ok (to the right).

• Poised---diplomatic
• Non-anxious---self controlled
• Reflective---distant
• Focused---intense
• Clear minded---distracted
• Relaxed---quiet
• Undeterred---pushy
• Unhurried---tolerant
• Animated---talkative
• Present---just there
• Commanding---forceful
• Self-aware—self focused
• Strategic---tactical

I put this list in my iPhone prayer app (My Prayer Lists) and review it almost daily. Those words remind me to seek to live them out as I lead and relate to others.

Take 10 minutes and see if this exercise does for you what it did for me.

___

Related posts:

• Why Pastors are Sometimes Like Turtles
• Shadow Beliefs that may be StiflingYour Leadership

I think extroverts think introverts should be like them.

Introverts wish they were more like extroverts.

Einstein was right.

If we want our churches to make the greatest kingdom impact, we must help facilitate change or else we become "insane" leaders. However, we often don't manage change wisely.

I've listed 10 change blunders leaders make.

1. Force the change no matter who resists.
2. Marginalize those who resist change.
3. Don't tolerate anything less than 100% success.
4. Blame others when the change doesn't go well.
5. Bring about change as fast as you can before the people realize what just happened.
6. Don't listen to others who disagree.
7. Assume that silence in others means they are on board with you.
8. Don't listen to your spouse.
9. Don't admit ANY fear.
10. What would you add as a tenth?

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Related posts:

• 3 Keys to Making Change Stick in your Church
• How to Master Change in Your Church

Or, maybe they do.

• I'm a pastor and an introvert.
• I get energy from being alone.
• Being with people for long periods of time drains me, although I  have strong people skills.
• I love to read.
• I go on silent retreats.
• After church Sunday I want to go home
• Did I say I am an introvert?

Am I automatically disadvantaged as a pastor? Do only the gregarious, back slapping pastors lead big churches?

Some  years ago I learned that my introversion offended a church leader where I once served. We held an overnight leadership retreat at a local retreat center. After the last session ended around nine, we provided snacks and games. At about ten, I went to bed as was my habit. Most of the other leaders stayed up past midnight. Had I stayed up with them, I would have been toast for the sessions to follow the next morning.

I learned months later that my leaving the group to go to bed offended him. He brought it up more than once. He was an extrovert and did not like me yielding to my introversion.

Should I have stayed up to "work the crowd?" Perhaps. But that incident illustrates the challenges introverts often face when they serve in ministry.

I'm pondered this issue more deeply as I'm reading the book Quiet, the Power of Introverts that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, a great read. As an introvert, Susan presents a compelling case for the the power of introverts. If you are an introvert, you will feel affirmed if you read it.

I plan to share more posts on the introverted pastor as I work through the book.

If you are an introvert, what challenges have you experienced in ministry?

___

A good article on introverts here.

I'm a busy pastor. Even though I never can complete my to-do list, I must never let this one to-do slip, my walk with Jesus. Technology supports my spiritual disciplines as  I use my Mac, iPad, and iPhone in tandem. I just purchased a great app that helps me journal more consistently.

Journaling, a classic spiritual discipline, keeps me spiritually sharp in these ways.

1. I can record what God is doing in my life.
2. I can cut and past key scriptures from my bible app, Olivetree.
3. I can process my frustrations and get them off my mind.
4. I can look back over the past to see good or bad trends in my life.
5. I am leaving a record of my life should my kids and their kids and their kids's kids want to read about me when I'm gone.

The new app I use is DayOne. I've used several journaling apps before and this one tops the list for these reasons.

1. It's available on my Mac, iPad, and iPhone and it syncs via DropBox (or iCloud).
2. Because it's on all three, I can add to that day's journal at any time (I'm never without either my iPhone or iPad).
3. It's simple and intuitive.
4. It provides a calendar so I can see what days I journaled (and the days I skipped).
5. It allows me star an entry that I want to stand out.

Check out the tool and see if it helps you.

Also, do you recommend any apps that have helped your walk with Christ?

______

related posts

• the iphone app that improved my ability to concentrate
• How an iPad Improved my Devotional Life

I just finished reading You're in Charge--Now What by Thomas Neff and James Citrin. The book targets leaders moving into new positions. Whether or not you find yourself in a new ministry role, read this book. It's a great read.

The last chapter is worth the price. The authors give ten traps for new leaders by playing off the book Why Smart Executives Fail by Sydney Finkelstein where those authors list seven destructive behaviors leaders in failing companies show.

Below, I've tweaked those 10 to make them applicable for ministry leaders.

A pastor can fail if he...

1. sets expectations too high (by never meeting them) or too low (and thus disappointing high performing leaders in the church)
2. makes rash decisions or suffers from analysis paralysis
3. appears to have all the answers
4. ties his or her identity too closely to ministry success
5. fails to see reality (remember the fable 'The Emperor's New Clothes")
6. squashes dissenting opinions
7. doesn't keep his role in context (remember, we are not the savior, Jesus is)
8. misses who really holds the power (just because power roles are written down somewhere does not mean they reflect who really holds the power)
9. tries to win every battle
10. bad-mouths the previous pastor or ministry leader

What would you add to this list?

___

Related posts:

• The four steps to moral failure
• 5 bad ways pastors react when compared to those more successful

Often ministry leaders give advice rather than seek to bring out personal vision in others. These 6 questions help others think about their personal vision. The next time someone asks you for advice, respond with one or two of these questions before dispensing advice.

1. What's working for you now?
2. What's not?
3. What really excites you about the situation you now face?
4. What scares you?
5. How would you know if you made the right call in this situation?
6. What has NOT worked for you in the past in similar circumstances?

Have you found any other key questions that get others to think for themselves?

___

related post: The well placed question: an often overlooked leadership tool

I'm beginning my second week in becoming a certified coach with the Professional Christian Coaching Institute. In the weeks ahead, I'll share some of the best insights I learn through short mini-blogs.

Gary Collins, one of Christian coaching's gurus gives these 8 reasons why anyone would want a coach. I see great applicability for anyone in ministry. Here's what he writes when he answers the question, "why would anybody want a coach?"

1. get unstuck
2. build your confidence
3. expand your vision
4. fulfill your dreams
5. unlock your potential
6. increase your skills
7. move through transitions
8. take practical steps toward your goals
9. ???

----

related posts: Do pastors need a personal coach

I just began a 30 hour training program to become a certified coach through the Professional Christian Coaching Institute as I hope to be a resource to pastors serving them as a coach.

I was coached a few years ago and didn't feel it helped much. However, I didn't give up on the concept and pulled the trigger recently to get this training.

Today my instructor clarified the distinction between several people helping practices when she used this bicycle riding metaphor.

If someone asks, "I want to learn to ride a bike?" these four people helpers would answer in these distinctive ways.

• A therapist would ask, "Why do you want to ride a bike?"
• A mentor would say, "Watch how I ride a bike and do what I do."
• A consultant would say, "Here is what you are doing wrong and what you can do differently to ride better."
• A coach would ask, "Where do you want to go?"

I loved the forward direction this coaching definition clarified for me.

Have you ever been coached? What did you learn from the experience?

This is an excerpt from my book 5 Ministry Killers that appeared in the spring, 2010, edition of Leadership Journal.

___

Pastor John was just finishing a long Sunday morning. With a weary "pastor's grin" on his face, he chatted with those who lingered. He was tired, hungry, and ready to go home, when two women approached—one he knew was never happy. Her friend said, "Pastor, Ann here wants to tell you something that happened this past week."

He thought, Wonderful, just what I need, another disgruntled member. But with a practiced caring tone he asked, "What happened?"

The veins in Ann's neck swelled as she blurted, "I want you to know that I left three voice mails with the youth minister to talk to him about a problem I'm having with my son. And he never called me back. That so-called youth minister of yours is not doing his job. My son needed help, and he didn't even care enough to call me back."

John's face flushed, and he slowly responded: "Ann, I'm sure Pastor Jimmy tried to call you back and wasn't able to reach you. I will check with him and have him call you again tomorrow. I'm very sorry the two of you didn't connect."

She retorted, "Well, I've decided I'm going to another church where the pastors care about people." She crossed her arms and stood with a what-do-you-think-about-that stare.

Stifling the urge to give her a karate chop, he cleared his throat and answered, "Okay, Ann, I understand your concern, and you must do what you feel is best for your family. But I will get to the bottom of this."

She spun around and stormed off. Her friend grimaced and followed sheepishly.

For several days John mulled over this encounter and kept his pain to himself, even after discovering that the youth pastor had indeed attempted to contact Ann.

The worst was yet to come. Later that week he received a call from a woman with whom he'd often faced conflict. She was a bit of a drama queen, and her family was the church's biggest giver. She requested a meeting to "discuss an issue."

She and her husband arrived at John's office, and after a few pleasantries she explained that Ann had called her about the recent conversation. Ann was "very upset" because John "hadn't been responsive to her need." John tried to explain what happened from his perspective, but her mind was made up. With dramatic flair, she swept her arms outward, and her voice quivered as she said, "Why didn't you just reach out your arms and give her a big hug?"

John's puke level rose to Orange. He didn't know what to say except "I'm sorry she felt the way she did." This ended the conversation.

As John sat in his office chair that night, his emotions roiled. After he breathed a short prayer he went home. His wife asked how his day went, and he replied with a less-than-forthright "Okay. Nothing much out of the ordinary." He didn't want to burden her—she too had often endured the ire of the drama queen. He wished he knew someone with whom he could process his pain.

For the next two weeks, he spent the bulk of his quiet time praying about this disappointment.

John's story illustrates what recent research has discovered to be one of the two most common ways pastors handle these issues—by ourselves and in prayer.

We all unconsciously turn to our default responses when we face ministry tensions. Often those instincts are one-sided. Harboring pain privately can be a ministry killer.

Common responses of pastors

The Barna Group research probed what we pastors do in response to our frustrations and disappointments. They asked: "Think back to the last time you felt disappointed or frustrated with people in your congregation. What did you do—if anything—to address the challenges you faced?" The pastors could mention anything that came to mind.Here are the top ten responses:

• Prayed about the issue (37%)

• Confronted the issue immediately (34%)

• Had someone on ministry team/board/staff deal with the issue (15%)

• Looked for Scripture to address, solve the problem (14%)

• Sought counsel from someone I trusted (10%)

• Talked with the person (9%)

• Confronted the issue eventually (9%)

• Addressed it from the pulpit/in a sermon (4%)

• Had a council meeting/board meeting (2%)

• Self-examination (2%)

Survey research in general shows how people want to be perceived and may not always reflect an objective reality. Nevertheless, this provides a snapshot of how pastors perceive themselves responding to issues.

These and the other responses I've observed can be combined into several helpful categories. Let me use some animal characteristics to highlight the implications of these responses (but please don't press the metaphors too far).

The Sloth: stay detached

Several years ago I took our family to Georgia's Callaway Gardens to visit the Day Butterfly Center. Inside a large, temperature-controlled glass building, visitors walk along paths to enjoy butterflies that fly around freely and even land on people. I enjoyed our excursion, but what interested me most was the challenge given by one of the guides: "Look up in the trees and see if you can find the sloth." After half an hour, I finally spotted him clinging to a branch about twenty feet above my head.

A placard explained that sloths rarely move and only come down to poop. "Passive, detached, and unaware" best describes them.

Some pastors respond similarly to ministry frustration. In the survey, when added together, the categories "did nothing," "no problems/disappointments," and "not sure" equaled 13 percent. Among pastors, more than one in ten defaults to an unhealthy disregard for—or detachment from—a potential ministry killer. If you're in this group, I hope you'll own up to your responses to frustrations, even if you deny you have any.

The Skunk: leave the mess to others

One weekday morning as I arrived at church, I parked my truck about 50 feet from the door and began walking. About ten feet from the building, I noticed something. At first thought it was a cat. Then I saw it actually was a full-grown skunk that noticed me too.

I froze in my tracks, but he slowly lifted his tail as our eyes locked. As I edged away I claimed the promise of Psalm 91:10—"There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling."

I didn't exactly quote that, but I sure was namin', claimin', and prayin'. After the skunk saw I was giving him his space, he sauntered off without incident.

Had God not answered my prayer (or had I not moved back), the skunk scent would have made me a very unpopular pastor for a few days. Again, don't press the image too far, but some pastors respond to their frustrations by handing off their stinky issues to somebody else (see the third-largest category at 15 percent). Certainly in some cases we should delegate problems to others. But other times we delegate to avoid uncomfortable conflict we rightfully should face ourselves. When we do, we truly are missing opportunities God is giving us to grow.

The Hawk: look through a window, not in a mirror

On my way to the gym each day, I drive by a large open field. Often I see a hawk perched on a telephone pole, staring out into that field. I'm no ornithologist, but I know hawks have keen eyesight and love to eat mice. They constantly look for unsuspecting prey.

In the research, one tiny statistic revealed a most disconcerting discovery. Down the list of responses to ministry frustrations, number ten was "self-examination."

Only two out of a hundred pastors responded to their frustrations by looking at themselves as contributing to the problem.

Like the hawk, many of us keenly look outward but don't peer inward to see how we may be complicit in our struggles.

David Kinnaman, writing about the research, said: "Leaders exhibit very limited capacity or willingness to self-examine. This is not entirely unexpected; it's human nature. Yet pastors rarely suggested that they look inward as part of their solution to challenges.

"Virtually none of the 615 leaders we interviewed said that their frustration or disappointment is that they can't lead their people better—or considered that the commitment vacuum displayed by their congregants might somehow be a reflection of inadequate leadership."

This reminded me of an insight taught by Jim Collins, who uses a mirror and a window as metaphors to teach a quality of great leaders.

Superb leaders don't look out the window to blame others. They look in a mirror to take ownership when things don't go well. They look out a window to praise others when things do go well.

Ignoring this could easily become a ministry killer as others begin to see us either as blamers or as shirkers.

The Turtle: hide behind spirituality

I love turtles, especially box turtles. I've probably saved half a dozen from getting pancaked when I've pulled over and jumped out of my car to rescue one ambling across a road. I even kept a pet box turtle in my backyard when I was 40 years old. I used the excuse that it was my son's.

Any kid who's ever had a box turtle knows what it does when you pick it up: It instantly pulls its head and legs into its shell to hide. In similar fashion, sometimes we pastors duck our frustration by retreating into our spiritual shells. At first blush, the 37 percent who prayed about their frustrations look quite spiritual. But at times prayer can become an excuse to avoid dealing with issues at hand. When "pray about the issue" is combined with "look for Scripture to address/solve the problem," the percentage jumps to over 50 percent who choose private spiritual means as their default response.

I laud pastors who do this. However, a deeper look reveals something else. The Barna Group's written analysis noted: "The clear picture that emerges from this is that pastors generally solve problems with one extreme or another—either through 'human' effort to confront the problem, or through 'super-spiritualizing' the issue—but rarely through both. Many pastors 'hide' behind prayer …."

The Lion: comfortable in my own skin

We give lions an honored position: "King of the Jungle." I understand why; I've had a lot of experience with the behavior of lions. (Well, I watch The Discovery Channel, and I saw Lion King twice.) Although I've never personally encountered one, I know lions roar a lot, exude self-confidence, lie around a bunch, and usually get their way. As a leader I hope I exude appropriate self-confidence. And I do like getting my way.

Over a third of the pastors indicated that when faced with frustration, they immediately confront the issue. Although some issues do warrant a quick, self-confident response, many should lead to a more thoughtful and deliberate approach. Unfortunately, we may over-lean on our strength, as the researcher's analysis noted. "Many pastors … are a little too comfortable in their skin, without relying on prayer and self-examination to give spiritual context to their confrontations."

Although I tend to be a turtle by handling my hurt in private and in prayer, I've also roared too quickly at someone who ticked me off. I've verbally fired back in defensiveness at someone who criticized me, or shot back an instant email only to regret it later. Moses, reacting in anger, murdered an Egyptian, and then looked over his shoulder for the next 40 years.

Healthy hybrid of lion and turtle?

Since the research indicates most of us respond to frustration with one of two extremes, can we achieve a healthier balance? Granted, it's tough to respond appropriately in the moment. Sometimes we should just pull away, pray, and believe that love will cover a multitude of sins. If we're too quick to respond, we may miss the gentle voice of God's Spirit tempering our response. But prayer should never become an excuse to shirk conflict, and sometimes we must quickly confront an issue before it gets out of control.

The Barna Group's analysis also observed: "A surprisingly small percentage said they both prayed and confronted the problem right away—a dual-pronged approach that was identified by just 11 percent of pastors. Even if we are generous in our definition and include any pastor who confronted the problem eventually or 'talked with the person,' only 14 percent of all pastors said they did this type of face-to-face interaction along with prayer."

Kinnaman summarized well this tension between the lion and turtle responses: "Prayer is great, but is it a means to hear from the Holy Spirit or a way to delay a decision or a confrontation? I think it's interesting that many pastors are likely to suggest passive or even passive-aggressive methods of dealing with interpersonal problems. And many of those who say they confront something immediately do so without prayer, Scripture guidance, or input from advisors. In other words, few pastors follow a biblical process of dealing with conflict."

I don't want to unduly criticize pastors. I am one! Probably no other vocation places a greater expectation on a leader to balance confrontation and self-confidence with spiritual restraint and humility.

We're under constant scrutiny. Intentionally or unintentionally, people develop higher standards for us than they do for themselves. Often they expect us to be faultless, yet we know we can never perfectly handle our frustrations.

Ministry tension comes with the territory and will never go away this side of heaven. What bothers us and how we respond should clue us in to what saps our joy and energy. If we want to stay healthy and productive for the long haul, we must pay close attention to how we respond, take full responsibility when we err, and seek to always honor Christ.

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Relates post: 9 Signs your Hormones may be Hijacking your Leadership

Every January millions make new year's resolutions. The top ones include losing weight, quit smoking, use money more wisely, and spend more time with friends. Unfortunately, 50% never keep their resolution for more than 6 months and only 10% make it through the year.

So, should we avoid setting resolutions (goals) for the new year because we might fail? I don't think so. As the new year begins, it is a great time to evaluate your life and look ahead.

Consider these 6 tips to help you keep your resolutions.

1. Specifically state what you want to do (ie, read through the bible in a year).
2. Really want it. Is it in your gut? Have you decided that you just can’t continue down the same path any longer? Are you really serious?
3. Believe God wants it for you. He wants you to move forward in your faith and in your life. He is one your side. He is on your team. 2 Peter 1.3 tells us, By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. (NLT)
4. Put real effort into keeping your resolution/goal. God wants you to partner with him and put your heart into God prompted resolutions. New birth does not rule out human activity. 2 Peter 1.5 says, ... make every effort to respond to God’s promises. (NLT)
5. Break down your goal into small, bite-sized pieces.
6. Enlist help. Ask a  trusted friend to periodically check on your progress.

If you apply these simple steps, keeping a new year's resolution won't seem so daunting.

Related posts:

• Making the Most of the Next 10 Years: a simple self evaluation
• Strategic Planning for Dummies
• Strategic Planning for Dummies, part 2

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 Phil. 2.12  Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed — not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence — continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,  13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

After two seminary degrees and 30 years in ministry, I've gleaned a few insights I wish I'd learned long ago. Although my seminary profs never directly taught me to question the assumptions I've listed below, even if they had I wonder if in my youthful enthusiasm I would have  listened. Unfortunately it often takes the hard knocks in ministry to teach us what we must know.

As you read each assumption below, ask yourself if you agree. I'll comment on each of them after the list.

• What worked before should work again.

• Church people will always respect a pastor's position.

• When leaders stay silent, they are agreeing with you.

• Reason always prevails.

• Everybody perceives the same reality.

It's taken a few years, but each of these has proved grossly false.

What worked before should work again. It just doesn't. Culture changes. Technology changes. Expectations from church people changes. If we as leaders and churches don't change how we do ministry, this proverbial definition of insanity proves true: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Church people will always respect a pastor's position. I do recall one seminary prof quoting Psalm 105.15 (KJV)...  Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm. He used it to elevate the pastor's role to an esteemed position. It's nice when people do that, but many in your church simply won't respect your role. Sometimes the contrary proves true. Your role actually may elicit disrespect from some.

When leaders stay silent, they are agreeing with you. I've tripped on this one a lot. Too often when I'm jazzed about an idea and share it with key leaders or staff, I've gotten blank stares or simple nods when I first shared it. I've interpreted those nods and stares as resounding support from them. After all, if they objected, they should have said so, right then. In retrospect, however, they were just being polite. Although I had spent sufficient time to process my idea, they hadn't. By not asking questions or providing them more soak time before implementing the idea, I've often found later they never really liked the idea. The result? At best reluctant acquiescence and at worst, active resistance. But, when I've provided sufficient soak time, the idea often evolved into an even better one that the leaders embraced.

Reason always prevails. Unfortunately, emotion often trumps reason, even among mature leaders. I'm learning more about how neuroscience affects church leadership, especially when hormones hijack clear thinking. Check out my blog on how your hormones may be hijacking your leadership here.

Everybody perceives the same reality. In court, lawyers often use conflicting testimony to their advantage. The same holds true in churches. People simply perceive reality differently. Some may see the church as going great. Others may see the opposite. It can become frustrating at times for every leader. When those conflicts arise, seek wise counsel from someone outside of the conflict who can provide objectivity.

What assumptions have you found to be false in your ministry?

Recently our church held a service to celebrate what God had done over the past year. It was a great time of celebration, with a twist. On that day I brought a message that included something I've never done before. I publicly repented.

Up to this point in my 30 years in full-time ministry, when I've heard that some pastor publicly repented it meant he'd confessed an affair or some egregious sin. My repentance, however, did not involve outright sin, but very subtle attitudes and behaviors that had sneaked into my leadership.

So, in keeping with the Apostle Paul's thoughts on repentance in 2 Cor. 7.10, where he writes that Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret....I felt God prompt me to share 10 "I repents" with the church that day. Here they are.

I repent that...

1. I’ve allowed myself to get too comfortable in my Christianity
2. By doing so I’ve encouraged you (the church) to stay comfortable in yours
3. I’ve subtly fostered a consumer mentality (striving to make each week bigger and better and hipper than the previous week so that people will want to consume our spiritual goods rather than go to the other hip churches in our area to consume theirs)
4. I’ve unintentionally prioritized bringing people to the church rather than sending the church to the people
5. I’ve allowed the people pleaser monster to rear its ugly head (Prov. 29.25, the MESSAGE, The fear of human opinion disables…)
6. I’ve sought too often to minimize risk and maximize safety (J Oswald Chambers: The frontiers of the kingdom of God were never advanced by men and women of caution.)
7. I’ve allowed organization, process, and systems to trump heart, passion, and people too much
8. I’ve allowed the barrenness of busyness to slither into the church and into my life as well (Bill Hybels: ”Doing the work of Christ is killing the work of Christ in me.” )
9. I’ve not given discipleship the attention it needs
10. I’ve created too great a dependency upon the ‘professional’ clergy

Dave Berry, one of the funniest guys on the planet once wrote, “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: meetings.”

I'm not sure if he's 100% right, but he's close. Meetings, and extended ones like retreats, often don't achieve their intended purpose.

My latest church pastor's retreat, however, was probably the best ever in the 40 plus staff retreats I've either held or in which I've participated in 30 years of ministry.

The church where I've served as lead pastor for 7 years employs about 20 staff, including part-timers. Four, including me, make up the pastoral level and we get away once a year for our planning retreat.

As I reviewed this most recent retreat, in contrast to previous ones, I realize I've made some dumb mistakes in the past. My biggest ones include these.

1. Packing too much into the retreat (which has ranged from 1-3 days). I once handed out about 20 different documents for review and study.
2. Talking too much. At times I've talked/taught so much that I left little time for thorough interaction.
3. Going too long. As the adage goes, "The brain will absorb only what the butt can endure."
4. Not including R&R.
5. Including other leaders too late into the planning process. In one church I asked our elders to join us after we had completed our planning. They ended up not being on the same page and the pastors felt like our retreat was a waste of time.

Change is everywhere. And unless a church creates healthy change in itself, it will soon become obsolete. Numerous empty or almost empty churches in Europe and America's inner cities bear witness to that.

Ronald Heifetz, a Harvard professor and business/leadership author, is most known for a concept called adaptive change/leadership. Essentially adaptive change (and leadership) requires not cosmetic, familiar, or known solutions to existing problems (called technical change). Rather it requires experimentation, change of perspective, developing new values, and deep change from within. This link summarizes the differences between adaptive change and technical change.

In an article in the Harvard Business Review, Dr. Heifetz describes the three key steps British Airways took in the 1990's that transformed it from the airline nicknamed "Bloody Awful" to "The World's Favourite Airline."

The president at the time took the company through these three steps, applicable for churches faced with change.

1. They really listened to people inside and outside the organization.
2. They saw conflict as clues, or symptoms of what needed deep change.
3. The leadership held up the mirror to themselves, recognizing that they embodied the changes that they needed to made in the company.

I've served in a senior pastor role over 20 years and each year I've preached an annual vision sermon.

As I look back, though, I wonder how much Kingdom difference those sermons really made.

Pastors from large mega-churches that I've followed from afar encourage us to bring an annual  message. As a result, I've prioritized it as a necessary leadership tour do force upon which I thought the health, vitality, and future of my church depended. I had engrained into my leadership DNA that a vision message must include content (the what), the motivation (the why), and the inspiration (the impetus for everybody in the church to be moved to take on hell with a water pistol after listening to me for 30 minutes).

The kinds of vision messages I've brought have included these general themes.

• the I just got back from this great pastors' conference and this is what we will do next year
• the I just read a great book on church growth and this is what we will do next year
• the I have no clue about what next year holds but I have to bring a vision message or else I'm not a good pastor
• the I have to fire up the church with this message because, well, we need firing up
• the I've come from a Mt. Sinai planning retreat and here is what God told me we're to do next year
• and as I've gotten more mature the I humbly bring this before you as a word from God

The responses to my annual vision sermon have included...

• 100 people leaving the church the following year (after I attended Willow for the first time and decided we would be the Willow Creek of Atlanta; I'm not dissing Willow, I was simply too filled with myself when I brought that vision sermon)
• a phone call from a leader saying he was not motivated at all
• usually lower attendance on those days
• nice, smiling faces in the audience that telegraphed, "You go get 'em Charles. We'll be praying for you."
• yawns
• kind people telling me afterwards, "that was a very cool acronym you used."
• a few (I can count them on my hands and toes) who said, "Pastor, that motivated me to embrace the vision with you."

Vision dripping is more important than vision casting: Great churches produce visionary teams, and visionary people that share (drip) the vision in the course of daily leadership and life. Vision ought to be a team sport and engage an army of everyday story-tellers in the community. Vision should never be relegated to special gifting of a the point leader only.

"Do the Best You Can and Leave the Results to God"

That phrase may seem a bit worn, but it’s well worth heeding. In Christ’s parable of the talents, the master, representing God, gave responsibility to the servants, us, based on individual ability.[1] The story implies us that some pastors have greater competencies than others. Similarly, Paul teaches that the Holy Spirit gives out gifts as He sees fit.[2] It’s obvious that the Spirit gives some pastors extra preaching or leading gifts, evidenced in the size and impact of their ministries.

It’s easy to become discouraged when we do our best yet don’t see our church grow like others to which we may compare ourselves. When we wrap our identities around numerical results and the numbers don’t increase, the discouragement can overwhelm. This is especially true for older pastors who realize they may never achieve the dreams they had for ministry.

David Goetz wrote,

I often sat in the studies of both small-church pastors and mega-church pastors, listening to their stories, their hopes, their plans for significance. I deduced, albeit unscientifically, that often clergymen in midlife had worse crises of limits than did other professionals. Religious professionals went into the ministry for the significance, to make an impact, called by God to make a difference with their lives. But when you’re fifty-three and serving a congregation of 250, you know, finally, you’ll never achieve the large-church immortality symbol, the glory that was promised to you. That can be a dark moment—or a dark couple of years.[3]

However, noted theologian Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers fame recalled an experience he had when attending seminary. He wanted to hear a variety of preachers, so for a time each Sunday he visited different churches. One week he experienced “the most poorly crafted sermon [he] had ever heard.” A friend had accompanied him and when he turned to her, he found her in tears. She said, “It was exactly what I needed to hear.”

Rogers then told his audience, “That's when I realized that the space between someone doing the best he or she can and someone in need is holy ground. The Holy Spirit had transformed that feeble sermon for her—and as it turned out, for me too.”[4] Although the results from our best efforts may look feeble to some, they can touch a heart and change a life when we least expect it. This side of heaven we will never know the people we impacted through our faithful service.

-excerpted from my book, 5 Ministry Killers and How to Defeat Them

If you're a pastor, a missionary, or serve in a church, you can't avoid discouragement, disappointment, and hurt from ministry. The bible even uses the not-so-complimentary metaphor "sheep" to describe those we serve. And sheep get dirty and smelly and often kick and bite. Sometimes those sheep in the church do the same to their shepherds.

So when you  get kicked, forgotten, disrespected, ignored, mistreated, gossiped about, or misunderstood, how do you move forward?

The story recorded in 1 Samuel 30 gives great insight. David had just begun his career to fight the bad guys. Early on he faced a huge defeat. While he and his army were in battle far from home, the bad guys, the Amalekites, attacked the city where his family and the families of his army lived. They burned the city and kidnapped their wives and children. When David's men discovered this, they considered removing him from his position, not by a vote of a board or a congregation, but with big rocks to the head by stoning.

The Scriptures then record one of the most beautiful verses every written. The old King James Version captures it well.

David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.  (1 Sam. 30.6)

It worked because his guys didn't stone him but marshaled their energy and once again pursued the bad guys under his leadership.

As I've faced discouragement in ministry, these simple choices have helped me encourage myself in the Lord.

1. Acknowledge your pain and emotion to the Lord but don't wallow in it.
2. Journal your thoughts. Writing them down helps me stop the tendency to incessantly mull over the hurtful situation.
3. Read God's word, especially those verses that speak of hope and victory.
4. Do something pro-active. Take action to move forward. In David's case he took specific action to resolve the problem. He rallied his troops to chase down the Amalekites.
5. Stop condemning yourself and remind yourself that you are a child of God, loved by Him with great intrinsic value regardless of whether  your church is growing or whether people treat you with respect.
6. Pray for those who have hurt you. I'm amazed how God defuses looming bitterness in my heart when I pray for the sheep that bite me.

I've served in full-time ministry for 30 years in churches in the south, the southwest, the far west and the mid-west. I've noticed that a church's expectations of a pastor vary depending on the region.

When I served a large church in the central valley in California I could easily meet the church's expectations. I currently serve in the mid-west and I've found that meeting others' expectations is extremely challenging, especially among successful church members. I attribute that to both the business environment here that to succeed you must perform at a high level and to the fact my church sits near four well-known mega-churches with world class leaders and preachers. Comparison comes with the territory.

Every ministry leader faces the 'measure up mentality' to some extent. Although we can't avoid it, we can choose how we respond to it.

Some unwise choices include...

1. thinking we can please everybody
2. morphing into someone we are not to try to get everybody's approval
3. using "I can't please everyone" as an excuse to be lazy, not work hard, or avoid difficult problems or people
4. obsessing over those you can't please

Looming over six feet tall with a scraggly beard, wire-rimmed glasses, a 12 inch ponytail tied with a rubber band, and a vest dotted with military patches, George would be at home riding a Harley with a motorcycle gang.

Instead, he holds a clear plastic jug plastered with yellow smiley-face stickers and filled with dollar bills. And he enthusiastically says, "Welcome to Wal-Mart. Have fun! Want a sticker?"

George is my favorite Wal-Mart greeter.

My second favorite is Jimmy. Unlike George who stands, Jimmy sits...in his motorized wheel-chair. His physical disability keeps him from standing or even holding one of those charity jugs. Yet, with the same exuberance, he makes you feel good with his, "Welcome to Wal-Mart. Thanks for coming."

I don't know how well the following statement would hold up under a scientific study, but I believe it to be true. Shoppers who meet George and Jimmy as they arrive buy more stuff at Wal-Mart than those who meet other greeters who, for the sake of not being too harsh, come across with much less enthusiasm.

Both George and Jimmy use their leadership mirror well.

What is a leadership mirror? It's a concept rooted in science and in the bible.

In 1995 an Italian neuroscientist  discovered what are called 'mirror neurons' in our brain. Essentially, a part of our brain lights up when we sense intention behind another's action. When that part of our brain turns on, we feel a connection to that person. Their actions activate our mirror neurons. For example, when someone smiles at us, it drives the same motor response on my face. We smile. That experience then sends signals to our emotional center so that we share a positive emotion with the person. The strongest emotions we portray ripple out to others, whether those emotions are good or bad.

Before scientists discovered these mirror neurons, the bible already had. Remember what the writer of Proverbs wrote?

Prov. 15.1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 

That explains that if when I go to Wal-Mart and either George or Jimmy is on duty that day, I have a better experience shopping. They have used their leadership mirror well, even though they probably don't even know it. Their body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice have become a mirror to me that I subconsciously reflect back to them which in turn affects my behavior and emotions.

This concept profoundly impacts our ability to lead as well. When we use our leadership mirror effectively, team attitudes and performance improves. When we don't, the opposite occurs. Just think about how you feel the next time you go to Wal-Mart and encounter a dumpy, negative, sleepy-faced greeter versus a George or a Jimmy greeter.

Consider these questions and ask yourself if you need to polish your leadership mirror.

1. Am I keenly aware of how I come across to those I lead with my body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice?
2. Do I consistently portray a positive upbeat tone to others?
3. What is my default facial expression... a scowl or a smile?
4. Do I consistently show up the same way each day at the office or do I leave people asking, "I wonder which boss is showing up today, the mad, sad, or happy one?"
5. Do I attempt to truly be present with others in the moment or do yesterday's events, today's task list, and tomorrow's problems distract me from fully engaged interactions?

If we as leaders pay a bit more attention to our leadership mirror and use it well, we not only can increase team performance, but can actually bless those on our team as we help them activate their mirror neurons for the good.

Lately, how have you used your leadership mirror?

Related post: How's your Leadership Character? 8 Indispensable Qualities.

God gave us this magnificent creation called the brain.Weighing less than three pounds, it wields incredible influence over how well leaders lead. Although we usually call the brain a computer, it's more like a pharmacy that constantly dispenses drugs (hormones) into our bodies which affects our emotions, our thinking, and our leadership

Dr. David Rock, recognized as one of the leading spokesmen in a new field called neuroleadership wrote the book Your Brain at Work. In it he winsomely describes how the brain works and how it affects leadership. I hightly recommend this book to all leaders, especially pastors.

Essentially, neuroleadership describes how brain function relates to leadership.

Brain researchers have discovered that sustained high levels of hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline affect our ability to think clearly, creatively, and decisively, thus diminishing our ability to lead most effectively.

And how do sustained high levels of these hormones get into our system?

They get there from chronic anxiety, when we face long-term stress. It's akin to a car accelerator getting stuck and revving at high rpm's for a long period of time. If it continues, the engine will wear out prematurely. In the same way, when leaders and pastors stay stressed 24/7, our anxiety, and thus our hormones, get stuck at a high level which dramatically reduces our ability to lead.

Take this simple assessment to discover how many chronic anxiety markers you currently see in your life.

1. I react and act impulsively when people disagree with me
2. I assume the worst and connect dots where there are none
3. I easily get defensive
4. I don't seem to be as creative as I once was
5. I often find myself in a mental and emotional fog
6. I lose perspective easily
7. I don’t listen well to others, not because I don't want to, but because my mind wanders
8. I find it difficult to concentrate
9. I find that others often mirror my defensiveness and reactiveness

Divert Daily

Withdraw Weekly

Abandon Annually

Recently I've been reading about a leadership concept called 'adaptive leadership.' I've just started an excellent book by Heifetz-Linsky-Grashow called The Practice of Adaptive Leadership. A great read.

One short article by Susan DeGenring on the subject lists 5 decisions great leaders must make. I've summarized them below. You can read the full article here.

• Shift focus and reframe your job from that of problem-solver, to that of developer of problem solvers.

• Give the work back to the people.

• Ask the important, and sometimes, tough questions, and don't give all the answers.

• Know how to help people learn, not by telling, but by understanding the perceptions, beliefs and values that drive their action, and help them plug into alternative, more agile ways of thinking.

• Accept that heartache is inevitable and courage is essential when you lead.

Related post: Leading in Turbulent Times.

Bill Hull, a leader and writer, shared a profound insight that stirred my heart.  “At age 50 I found myself successful but unsatisfied. I was hooked on results, addicted to recognition, and a product of my times. I was a get-it-done leader who was ready to lead people into the rarified air of religious competition. Like so many pastors, I was addicted to what others thought of me.”[1]

Sometimes I find myself struggling with those same unpleasant struggles Bill described.

A counselor friend helped me understand how our hidden areas influence what we think, feel, and do. He drew a diagram on the white board in my office that psychologists use to help people become more self-aware in their relationships. It’s called the Johari Window pictured here. 

You can see that the blocks in the right column picture areas in our lives about which we are not aware. The ‘blind spots’ are known by others yet not by us. The ‘unknown’ is hidden both to us and to others. The lower left hand block represents those areas that we know about ourselves, yet others don’t.  If we honestly and appropriately disclose our struggles (the ‘hidden') and if we humbly seek to become more self-aware (the ‘blind spots’) we will lead and serve more effectively.

Unfortunately, we pastors don’t do so well with self-awareness and awareness of others. As an example, a 2006 Barna research report discovered that pastors believe 70% of adults in their churches “consider their personal faith in God to transcend all other priorities.”[2] A contrasting survey of church people revealed that less than one in four (23%) named their faith in God as their top priority in life,[3] a large awareness miss for pastors. Russ Veenker, an expert in pastoral health, told me in an interview with him that lack of self-awareness tops the list of pastoral problems he has seen in the hundreds of pastors he’s counseled. He said pastors should pay more attention to the truth in Romans 12.3, Be honest in your estimate of yourselves. (New Living Translation) He also stated that those who are more self-aware become much more healthy pastors.

Another survey on body care reinforces our apparent lack of self-awareness. The vast majority of us pastors describe our health as good, very good, or excellent. Yet the data from the same body-mass index survey indicate that 78 percent of male pastors and 52 percent of female pastors are either overweight or obese.[4] Finally, in a study by Ellison Research of 870 pastors in 2005, Ron Sellers, president of Ellison Research, noted the difference between how pastors see their own family health and how they see the health of other clergy families. “Ministers apparently have a much more optimistic view of their own family than they do of the families of other ministers,” Sellers stated. “When one out of every twenty ministers feels his or her own family unit is unhealthy, but one out of every seven ministers believes the family units of others in their denomination are unhealthy, there’s a disconnect.”[5]

I'm a leader. I pastor a church of over 1,000, lead a staff of 20, and lead a volunteer base of several hundred. As leaders we help those who follow us to accomplish goals, move forward into a preferred future, and make progress. Thus we often do a lot of telling.

We cast vision by telling

We craft strategies by telling

We set goals by telling

We recruit leaders by telling

We manage staff by telling

Our fast-paced world often tempts us to give quick answers. Followers expect good leaders to act decisive and quick answers can make us appear so.

Unfortunately, we can tell too much and miss one of the most amazing leadership tools: the well placed question.

This morning as I read Mark 2, I noticed a pattern in Jesus' response to those who questioned Him. That chapter records four unique questions posed to him. Three out of four times Jesus responded with at least one question. In those responses He didn't immediately tell them an answer to their question. Rather, He sought to make them think about what they asked by asking them a question.

When we build a culture into our churches and ministries that encourages questions, these benefits result.

1. We see reality more clearly. One more well-placed question may surface an important issue you otherwise might have missed.
2. Innovation. Questions can spur new ideas and solutions to problems.
3. Self-reflection. Simply telling someone an answer may stifle his/her need to think through the answer for himself.
4. Perspective. A good question can open up a fresh perspective to a perplexing dilemma.
5. Focus. Questions can help a group or person focus on the real issue.

However, when we use questions as we lead we must avoid these unhealthy patterns.

1. Defensiveness-using questions as a defense mechanism, a 'tit-for-tat' response.
2. Aloofness-using questions to avoid answering a valid question because you think it is beneath you to answer.
3. Ignorance-not answering a valid question about which you have no knowledge in order to hide your lack of knowledge. In that case it's best to say, "I don't know."
4. Controlling-using questions to put another into a corner to embarrass him or shut him down.
5. Deflecting-using questions to move a valid conversation to another subject.

Asking questions can become a potent tool in our leadership toolbox.

How have you used questions in your leadership?

Related post: 5 Questions to Help You Clarify Your Leadership Strengths

OR

I love Henry Nouwen. When you read his books you realize this man walked with God and oozed wisdom. I ran across this quote that caused me to think about my leadership.

"There is within you a lamb and a lion. Spiritual maturity is the ability to let lamb and lion lie down together. Your lion is your adult, aggressive self. It is your initiative-taking and decision-making self. But there is also your fearful, vulnerable lamb, the part of you that needs affection, support, affirmation, and nurturing. When you heed only your lion, you will find yourself overextended and exhausted. When you take notice of only your lamb, you will easily become a victim of your need for other people's attention.

The art of spiritual living is to fully claim both your lion and your lamb. Then you can act assertively without desiring your own needs. And you can ask for affection and care without betraying your talent to offer leadership. Developing your identity as a child of God in no way means giving up your responsibilities. Likewise, claiming your adult self in no way means that you cannot become increasingly a child of God. In fact, the opposite is true. The more you can feel safe as a child of God, the freer you will be to claim your mission in the world as a responsible human being. And the more you claim you have a unique task to fulfill for God, the more open you will be to letting your deepest need be met.

The Kingdom of peace that Jesus came to establish begins when your lion and your lamb can freely and fearlessly lie down together."

Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Dance of Life: Weaving Sorrows and Blessing into One Joyful Step, ed. Michael Ford (Notre Dame, IN: Ava Maria press, 2005), 156.

When I read this quote, I asked myself which do I neglect, the lion or the lamb. How about you?

Related post: What Pastors should look for in Safe People

Pastors face a common vocational hazard, getting pigeonholed. Labeling is another term to describe this ministry hazard.

It goes something like this. You make a statement in conversation with somebody or in a sermon, you do something as a leader, or you communicate your intentions about an issue. Or you intentionally or unintentionally make known your unique ministry rhythms or daily routine (ie, study in the morning rather than take counseling appointments or take off Mondays and turn off your cell phone so you can take a break from ministry demands).

Inevitably, people in your church or ministry will subconsciously make up a story about you based on their experience with you or based on their met/unmet expectation of you. The stories may be good. The stories may be bad (the usual case). Some stories sound like these.

• He (or she) is never available when you need him.
• He's always available when you need him, 24/7.
• He doesn't listen to feedback.
• He really loves people.
• He's a micro-manager.
• He only does what he wants to do.
• You better not cross him.
• When he preaches, he's all emotion.
• When he preaches, you won't get fed.

This week I'm posting a series of blogs about how pastors respond when people in their church compare their leadership and preaching to others or when they brag about another church by insinuating that we don't measure up

Yesterday I posted 5 ways we should respond when we feel compared to others more 'successful' than us.

Today, we're looking at really bad ways to react when someone in your church compares you to others. I've listed five unhealthy reactions here.

1. Find something about the other 'guy' to criticize, like, "We'll, I've heard he's a real jerk when he's one-on-one with other people."
2. Tell the other person that maybe they need to start attending that church.
3. With a sarcastic tone tell that person, "Thanks, I really needed that!"
4. In your mind, beat yourself up about what a failure you are.
5. Go home and overeat, take your anger out on your spouse and kids, or look at pornography.

Yesterday I began a series of blogs to unpack this issue: what should pastors do when people in our churches compare us to other more "successful" pastors.

In that blog, I shared an email a pastor received from someone in his church who boasted about another super-successful pastor and his church. He was tempted to respond with sarcasm.

I don't recommend sarcasm.

So, how should we respond when we feel compared to others?

Here are my thoughts.

1. Recognize that comparison comes with the territory. As the old adage goes, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
2. Ask yourself when you feel compared, "Is God trying to teach me something?"...about my confidence in where God has me...about what I can learn from this other pastors...about how I receive unpleasant messages.
3. Respond with a gracious spirit to the person who compares.
4. Don't read in ill motives. Perhaps someone in your church simply wanted to share how God used another spiritual leader in his or her life.
5. Thank God for blessing the other pastor.

Many pastors secretly struggle with measuring up to the very successful. One pastor I know who has grappled with comparison received this e-mail from someone in his church. The names are changed to protect the innocent :)

Hi Pastor Jim:

Sharon S. here. How are you? I have been meaning to send you a note for quite some time and tell you about a pastor in California that I thought you might be interested in. Yeah, I know. If I were you I'd be rolling my eyes about now. But I must say, this guy is awesome and has challenged me personally in my life over the last year.

He has pastored [God’s Favorite] Church just outside [Utopia] for about three years and has grown it from 150 people to over 3,500. I have never seen a young guy with such a passion and a heart for God, willing to go against the “appropriate” evangelical grain and just teach the scriptures.

He just started a new series a week and a half ago. I am going to attach the first message because I would love for you to listen to him.  I can't tell you how many people I know listen now. His name is [Gabriel, the archangel]. He has some of the best teaching I have ever heard on leadership in the church, justification, and some other tough subjects. He is a lot like [another famous pastor], who is his friend and a “fan” of his. Anyway, I have felt led to connect you with [Gabriel] for a long time. I'm not really sure why. Take it for whatever it is worth. 

Sharon

“Jim” emailed this response back.

Dear Sharon,

Thanks for reminding me that my preaching stinks. It’s great to know that people in my church are making sure they get podcasts from somebody who will never know their name or answer their encouraging emails.

You’ve really made my day. I was studying for this week’s message when I got your note (I’ve already spent twenty hours on my sermon). I immediately stopped to download his magnificent sermon. It’s also wonderful to know that his church has exploded in growth; as you know, our attendance declined by 3% last year because people like you stayed home to watch guys like him on TV!

Gotta go finish my shallow sermon.

God’s blessings on you,

Pastor Jim

“Jim” didn’t really send this e-mail—he only wished he had. Have you ever felt that way when someone compared you to another?

Although we pastors often struggle when we compare ourselves to others, it really stings when those in our church compare us to others more 'successful.'

This week I'm beginning a blog series on this issue, when church people compare their pastors to mega-successful pastors.

I hope you will join the conversation.

What's your story? Have people in your church ever compared you to others?

Related post: The Curse of Comparison

I've hired several pastors and admin staff in my ministry of 30 plus years and I've made some great choices and some not so great ones as well.

These mistakes have contributed to my poor selections.

1. Not pursuing the yellow flags that nagged at the back of my mind.
2. Refusing to REALLY ask other key influencers what they REALLY thought.
3. Thinking I could fix the hire's glaring deficiencies over time.
4. Rushing the process.
5. Letting my emotional attachment to the potential hire overshadow thoughtful reflection.
6. Being too nice in the process (that doesn't mean that I didn't treat the potential hires with respect).
7. Not praying enough.
8. Not listening to my gut.

What hiring mistakes have you made?

Related post: The 360 Degree Assessment-an invaluable tool for leadership development

Every pastor faces it.

Most hate it.

You can't avoid it. ... people leaving your church

In my over 20 years as a senior pastor (and a another 10 as an associate), for various reasons I've probably seen hundreds of people leave the churches where I served. In one year over 100 people left the church I planted after I gave my infamous "Willow Creek" talk. I had just attended one of Willow's early conference and within two weeks I delivered a message about all the changes we planned to make. It didn't work. In my immaturity I had failed to wisely manage change.

Except for those blessed subtractions (those who leave who have hurt your church), unless you are an emotionless robot, when someone leaves it hurts.

Here's how I've tried to process my painful emotions when people leave.

1. I don't disparage them to others after they leave.
2. I reach out to those who had significant roles in the church. Often I will meet with them.
3. I NEVER burn bridges. I wish them well and pray for them in person if possible.
4. I don't try to hide their leaving from other leaders, and neither do I broadcast it.
5. Recently we've attempted informal exit interviews to discover why leavers left and if there's anything we can learn.
6. When I see them again, I reach out and show genuine interest in how they're doing.
7. I don't let myself become bitter. God has graciously given me short memories about hurtful church experiences. It's all His grace.
8. I remind myself that Jesus also faced those who left Him. From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. (John 6.66)

How do you process church leavers?

Related posts: When Pastors become Defensive...5 Things NOT to Do.

One well-worn adage reads, "The two things you can't avoid in life are death and taxes."

I'd like to suggest one more, for those in ministry.

The two things pastors can't avoid are...

people late to the service and...

critics.

Having served in full-time ministry for 30 years, I've experienced my share of critics. I've responded well to some and not-so-well to others. When I've sensed a good heart from the critic, I tend to respond with more grace.

As Abe Lincoln said, “He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.”

Here are 10 ways I've learned to respond to my critics (actually 9, I'd love to hear your 10th).

• Give them your ear, but within reason. Don't allow someone to destroy you with caustic criticism.

• Let your body language communicate that you are truly trying to understand.

• Avoid an immediate retort such as "Yea but," or "You're wrong," or some other defensive response.

• Breath this silent prayer, "Lord, give me grace to respond and not react."

• Before responding take a few moments to check what you're about to say. Abe used to suggest counting to 100 when you get angry. That may a bit of overkill, but he is on to something.

• Look for the proverbial 'grain of truth' in the criticism.

• If you see more than a grain of truth and you can't process it alone, seek feedback from the safe person in your life. (see my blog post on What to Look for in a Safe Person).

• Ask God to keep you approachable to your critics (within reason). You probably don't want to vacation with them. :)

• Learn from your critics on how best to deliver criticism to others. When someone delivers criticism that you received well, ask yourself what about how they did it made it easer to receive. For those who botched it, remember to avoid their tactics.

• ...... tell me how you've responded to your critics. I'd love for you to give me a 10th.

Related posts.: How to Deal with Criticism. In this article I suggest a simple acrostic in responding to critics...LEARN

Kevin Cashman wrote a great book every leader should read, Leadership from the Inside Out: Becoming a Leader for Life. Essentially he challenges leaders to lead from character (the inside). If you've not read it, I highly recommend it.

In an early chapter he lists several questions that can help clarify where our leadership strengths lie. I've adapted his questions into five below. Read these questions slowly and reflectively.

1. What would your dearest friend say in moment of deep admiration of you?
2. When you feel energized and fully alive, what strengths and traits do you exercise?
3. What circumstances bring out your strongest character traits?
4. What experiences in your life have caused you to feel most completely yourself?
5. If you witnessed your funeral, what do you hope people would say about your life?

When we discover, develop, and deploy our strengths and gifts, we maximize our Kingdom impact and experience the greatest joy.

Are you leading from the inside out?

Related post: Guilt Producing Questions Pastors Secretly Ask Themselves

Never say NO.

Please everybody.

Don't take a vacation.

Strategize first, pray later.

Act like you have it all together.

Try to figure out what others are saying about you.

Secretly criticize churches that are growing faster than yours.

Try to make each service bigger and better than the previous week's service.

Immediately implement the techniques you just learned from a church growth conference.

Disregard, marginalize, or forget the 9 ways above.

Related posts: The Litmus Test for Success? Always up and the the Right?

We're teaching a series on spiritual gifts at our church. You can listen to the podcasts here if you'd like. As a pastor, the more people discover, develop, and deploy their gifts, the healthier the church becomes.  Here are 6 tips I suggest to others to help them discover their gifts.

1. Ask yourself, "What do I enjoy doing/what do I do well?"

A good indicator of where a person's giftedness lies may be found in activities that give us joy and satisfaction and interests us. Encourage others to get in touch with spheres of service that produce a flow of inner joy, excitement and energy. Helping others find what God made them for produces great joy.

2. As yourself, "If I could I would…"

If I could do ______ and time and money were no issue, what would I do?  If i knew I couldn't fail what would I do to make a difference?  If I could I would address what concerns, area of peoples' lives, or areas in the church to make things better or improve things?

3. Pray.

What do you sense in your heart is your gift? Where do you get a sense of peace?

4. Take a test drive.

Help others jump in and commit for 6 months in a potential ministry to discover if it is a fit.

5. Look for results.

When you exercise your gifts and you are fitted in the right place in your ministry, you will see effectiveness. God will bring about spiritual results in the lives of people because when when we use our gifts, we become a channel through which God’s Spirit flows.

6. Seek the advice of wise people.

Seek out gifted people in the area where you think your gifts may lie. Place yourself under their tutelage. The affirmation of others often can indicate giftedness.

How have you helped others discover their gifts?

Related posts: 5 Reasons Churches should Celebrate More Often

I'm reading David Platt's book, Radical, along with the guys in my two men's groups.

I just returned from a vacation to the beach.

And, I'm feeling conflicted about the effects of my vacation on my spiritual and ministry life.

A pastor I served under at two churches captured the biblical concept of rest in this phrase: Divert daily, Withdraw weekly, Abandon Annually. I believe God wants us to periodically rest. That means He endorses vacations.

But after being in a 'beach' environment for a week, I realize how self-indulging a vacation can become. For many, a vacation becomes a time to eat too much, drink too much, spend too much, and generally indulge too much.

Don't get me wrong. I do love the beach, the sun (I'm from Chicago), the great seafood, and the break from pastoral leadership demands. But I'm wondering if I need to re-frame my future vacations, especially as I'm reading Platt's book.

This quote in chapter 1 struck me.

I could not help but think that somewhere along the way we had missed what is radical about our faith and replaced it with what is comfortable. We were settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves.

So, as I contrast a vacation to spiritual commitment, I'm wrestling with how to make the two biblical concepts compatible so that my vacations lead me to greater commitment to Christ and to more effective ministry.

I'd love to hear what you think.

Related post: 8 Point Checklist for Pastoral Body Care