Unless you stay at the same church your entire life, you will leave one ministry or church and go to another, perhaps several times. In fact, the average pastor in the U.S. stays at one place about four years.

I’ve served at five different churches in my 33 years in ministry and have always sought to leave well. I’ve learned that leaving is more of an art and is often difficult. Here are 7 insights I’ve learned that have helped me make a graceful exit.

• Deal with your baggage.Leave with a clear conscience that relationships have been made right, as much as is possible.
  • Acts 24:16   So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.
  • Rom. 12:18   If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone
• Don’t leave angry. Process your pain. If you struggle with anger after you leave, get coaching or counseling to avoid bitterness.
  • Hebr. 12:15   See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
• Leave on top.That is, leave your ministry as healthy and as strong as possible.
  • Col. 3:23   Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men….
• Speak well of the former leaders, both lay and paid. Don't leave a trail of gossip. Don’t undermine the leaders or anyone else who may have hurt you. Don’t burn bridges. Leave in such a way that your and Christ’s reputation remain intact.
  • Prov. 22:1 A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.
• Let go of ownership. You are no longer in charge. You may be tempted to still influence it from afar. Guard against that.
• Pray that God would bless the ministryeven more with the new leader who replaces you.
  • 1Kings 1:37 "May the Lord be with Solomon as he has been with you, and may God make Solomon’s reign even greater than yours!”
• Grieve well.Change brings loss. You will lose familiarity, relationships, and influence even as you gain those in your new ministry. Don’t be surprised if you grieve. The Apostle Paul grieved when he left the church at Ephesus for the last time.
  • Acts 20: 35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: `It is more blessed to give than to receive.'"   36 When he had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed.   37 They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.   38 What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.

Years ago I heard a talk by Ellen Goodman about leaving well. This quote captures the spirit of a leader who makes a graceful exit.

There is a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over-and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on, rather than out.

What insights would you add to this list?

"I just learned some good insight about how to gracefully leave a ministry." (tweet this quote).

Related Posts:

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• When Ministry Knocks You Down, How to Get Back Up 

I believe every pastor should help his church grow in generosity. One tool I’ve used for many years is called a “Tithe Demonstration Day.” It’s essentially setting aside one Sunday each year, usually in a stewardship sermon series, when we challenge every person in the church to tithe, give 10% of one week’s income. It’s always the highest giving Sunday of the year. And weekly giving usually increases after that Sunday as well.

I’ve included below the text of a bulletin insert we’ve used that simply explains it. We called this one the “7-30-90” plan because we encouraged not only tithing for one week, but continued tithing/increased giving for 30 or 90 days. Most people who build a habit over 90 days make it permanent.

If you schedule a Tithe Demo day, consider these pointers first.

• Promote it well through all your promotion channels. Start a month prior.
• Use a tithing testimony the week prior.
• Mail a reminder the week prior in addition to sending an email reminder.
• Create a special envelope for that Sunday.
• Have your church tithe 10% of the offering given on Tithe Demo day to some ministry outside the church. Be sure to promote this well. This models for the people that your church will also tithe.
• If you are the senior pastor, share your commitment about giving.
• Report the results the week after. Make it a big celebration.
• Include some sort of continued giving commitment that you are comfortable with, as the insert does.
• Ideally, teach a four-week series on generosity and schedule Tithe Demo day on the fourth week. If you don’t do a full series, preach on giving two weeks prior.

Here’s the text of the insert we used. Use it any way that helps.

The 7-30-90 Generosity Plan

If you consider (church name) your church home, would you prayerfully consider accepting the “7-30-90 and beyond” challenge?

Recently Pastor Charles challenged those who don’t yet tithe to trust God to enable them to begin tithing in a step-wise fashion. He also challenged those who do tithe not to view tithing as a ceiling, but a foundation upon which to become a “beyond” giver.

God's Word teaches that Christ followers should generously give back to Jesus their time, talents, and treasures. A tithe serves as a monetary 'benchmark' for systematic, proportionate giving. The word “tithe” is a mathematical term that means "a tenth or 1/10." It means giving 10% of your income back to the Lord (Malachi 3:10).

The “7-30-90 and beyond” challenge is a three-step faith venture.

Step 1:  tithe (give 10% of a week’s income) on Sunday, (date) on our all church Tithe Demonstration Day* (details below)

Step 2:  after taking that first step continue to trust God and tithe your income through the entire month of March

Step 3:  continue your faith journey and trust Him to enable you to continue tithing for three months (March-May)

Tithing example: If you make $52,000 per year and divide that by 52 weeks, your weekly income is $1,000/week. $1,000 weekly income x 10% = $100. A weekly tithe would be $100.

Note: Because of your financial situation, you may need to modify Steps 2 and 3 by increasing your giving over a longer time period so that by year’s end you can tithe regularly.

After three months of faithfulness, tithing will become a regular part of your financial plan.

If you now tithe, consider the ‘beyond’ part of the challenge an opportunity to review your giving and consider giving beyond a tithe.

(the back side of the bulletin insert is below)

TITHE DEMONSTRATION SUNDAY - SUNDAY, (date)

WHAT IS TITHE DEMONSTRATION SUNDAY?

It is an invitation for everyone who calls (church name) their church home to give one week's tithe on this Sunday (10% of gross household weekly income). The purpose is to demonstrate what our potential could be if every household in our church family tithed. 

WHAT IF I WON'T BE IN CHURCH on (date)?

If you can’t attend church on (date), please use one of these three options: (a) Mail in your tithe so it will arrive prior to Sunday, (date); (b) Drop your tithe off at the church office; (c) Send it with a friend; (d) use our online electronic funds transfer option (go to…your website… for instructions).

WHAT IF I'M ALREADY TITHING?

Thank you for your faithfulness. If you give on a monthly or biweekly basis, please adjust your giving schedule to participate in this church offering for this one Sunday.

WHAT IF I FEEL ABSOLUTELY UNABLE TO TITHE?

We ask that you give consistently as God leads you.  If you feel absolutely unable to tithe, check your heart and God’s Word and make sure it is consistent with His leading.

On that day our church will tithe that day’s offering. We will be giving 10% to (ministry).

"I just learned a simple way to encourage tithing in my church." (Tweet this quote).

How have you helped increase your church’s generosity?

Related Posts:

• The 4 Reasons People Give to Their Church
• 3 Essentials Pastors Must Get Right to Teach on Money
• Titherosity: Motivating Others to Give Generously

Here’s a quick list of the top 5 posts my blog readers read during the last 30 days.

• 4 Spiritual Disciplines Pastors Miss the Most
• 5 Brain Friendly Tips to Enhance Your Presentations
• 6 Soul Care Essentials for Pastors
• Top 10 Issues Facing the Church Today
• Are you a Transactional or a Transformational Leader: Take this Quiz and Find Out

What bloggers are you reading that I should know about?

I’m half-way through an incredible book called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Dr. Brene Brown. I highly recommend it. Her TED talk on this subject has garnered almost 10,000,000 views. She strikes a chord for leaders about risking vulnerability. 

As a pastor vulnerability is scary, carries risks, and we must practice care with whom we get deeply vulnerable. Check out my post here on what to look for in safe people. 

As risky as it is, Dr. Brown says it’s a key to what she calls wholehearted living, what I’d called a Spirit-filled life. She says we live in a culture of scarcity and poses 14 questions in her book (p. 27) in three categories that caused me to reflect deeply about my family, my ministry, and my world.

 I’ve quoted and paraphrased them here.

As you read them, what is God saying to you about your family, your life, and your ministry?

SHAME

• Do I use the threat of belittling or ridicule to keep people in line?
• Is my self worth tied to achievement, productivity, or compliance?
• Are blaming and finger pointing norms?
• Are put-downs and name-calling rampant?
• Am I guilty of favoritism?
• Am I a perfectionist?

COMPARISON

• Do I constantly compare and rank myself or others?
• Has my creativity been suffocated?
• Are people in my family or church held to one narrow standard rather than acknowledged for their unique gifts and contributions?
• Is there an ideal way of being or one form of talent that is used to measure everyone else’s worth?

DISENGAGEMENT

• Are people afraid to take risks or try new things?
• Is it easier to stay quiet than share stories, experiences, and ideas?
• Does it feel as if no one is really paying attention or listening?
• Is everyone struggling to be seen and heard?

As you read these, what question really resonated with you? What question would you add to this list?

___

“I just read 14 penetrating questions that made me evaluate my life and ministry.”  (click to tweet this quote)

Related posts:

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